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Blog of Shame

Sunday, April 13, 2014

So here it is, the blog of shame. I have tons of excuses, and while I have been using them to forgive myself for gaining back 25 lbs, they are just that.. excuses. I am on a very deadly path of bad habits that have been leading me right back to my old weight. Right now, I'm 14lbs away from that number and I don't want to get any closer.

There are some huge changes required on my part, but right now, I don't have the motivation to change.. which is scaring me. I just don't care.

For whatever reason, I decided to step on the scale today; something I have been avoiding for at least the last 5 months. And there it was... 203. The two hundreds again. A number I never wanted to see.

I knew I was gaining weight.. it's pretty obvious when I try to squeeze myself in clothes because I gave away my bigger sizes, confident I wouldn't ever need them.. but here I am.. needing them.

So, I guess this is my desperate attempt to find a good reason to want change. I see some of my friends on here that supported me in the past, but most of them seem to have disappeared like I did. I don't want to disappear again.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZEMARIE73 4/14/2014 12:04PM

    Welcome back! The good new is 1. You recognize you fell off the wagon and you need help so you came back. 2. You came to this conclusion before you undid ALL of your previous progress.

Rather than focus on how much you gained back, focus on how much you are still down from where you started.

You CAN do it.

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MAPFARMS 4/13/2014 12:28PM

    I have been there myself more than once! You need to find what helps get you motivated. I will tell you what set me back on the right track in January.
1. I ordered the Spark activity tracker for one. This prevented me from lying to myself about my level of activity. I started to challenge myself to get my steps in everyday.
2. I joined the 10 minute challenge. I committed to 10 minutes of workout everyday for 4 weeks. It's easy to tell yourself I just have to do it for 10 minutes. Once I got started I would keep going.
3. I am concentrating on fitness and healthy eating, not the number on the scale. I have never been one to excersize and the number on the scale was all I worried about. That number could bring me up or crash me down. I have put the scale away for a while. And just concentrating on non scale victories NSV. I am losing inches and fitting into the next size down in my jeans.

This is what has worked for me everyone is different. You can do this!!! emoticon
Hope I can help you in some way.
Amy emoticon

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DIGIT00 4/13/2014 12:06PM

  It is hard to see numbers you were so confident you were never going to see again. It's hard to be motivated when you just don't feel it. Sometimes, it just takes getting up. Take a walk down to the corner and back. Drink your 8 glasses water. Use the nutrition tracker to help with food choices. It will happen, might just take awhile. All it takes is that first step. Good luck.

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    there are lots of new friends to be made on here .. DON"T give up .. lifestyle changes are hard to commit to and hard to maintain .. but sooooooooo worth it... and deep down you know that .. it is like when i first was quitting smoking .. oh, the excuses i made up to go back and have a cigarette, even after 3 months, 8 months .. and lots in between there .. and not until i took smoking totally of the table as an option, and stopped the excuses, and stopped feeling sorry for myself because i 'couldn't' smoke (of course i 'could', i had to decide once and for all i wanted health and no amount of cigarettes were worth dying for).. and instead started feeling sorry for all those people who still smoked, i was doomed to a life of smoking .. but now it will have been 6 years in July, (WHOOT WHOOT) .. but it took me several years to get to that 'forever' quit .. and now i am seeing that i need all those same tools/understanding/education/knowl
edge/motivations that i used for quitting for this journey too .. lots of support, friends, encouragement, and no self pity and finding lots of new skills .. you CAN get back 'on the train' as we used to say in our quit group when someone 'slipped/relapsed' .. dig deep inside yourself and find new friends / new motivations .. it is hard, but as i discovered when quitting, i DO have the strength and resolve and you do too .. friend me if you want .. journal about your feelings, put stickers on a calender for good days, join sparkpeople's daily motivation posts, etc etc .. good luck and GET IT DONE!!! emoticon

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Picture update - 38lbs down..!

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Well.. I thought it was about time that I compare some pictures just to post the changes visually instead of just telling you all numbers.

Here we go..!

Picture is of me 2 years ago in just realized that I have been seriously avoiding pictures of myself for a while.. I gained about another 10lbs but don't have a picture of that..

This is today..!

Still have some work to do.. but am happy where I am and how fair I've made it so far.

Thanks for all your support..!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AWOLF24 7/15/2013 11:08AM

    emoticon You look great!!!!!!!!

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WISHICOULDFLY 7/14/2013 6:28PM

    You look AMAZING! I am so happy for you! emoticon emoticon

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JOEYSGIRL71 7/14/2013 6:20PM

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MJ7DM33 7/14/2013 6:11PM

  Lookn' good! WTG! Keep it up!

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Ok.. so I suck..

Monday, July 01, 2013

I am a spark people blogger failure. I have the best intentions and then float out of site for what seems like an eternity.

I do have to say, I am very much still on track(ish) with my goals. Finally have my knee appointment next week and am very much looking forward to the verdict of what I can and can't do physically so that I can hopefully get back into a routine. It has been a long 5 months of doing nothing.. but I'm still chugging away!

No, I'm not at the weight that I originally wanted to be for the summer.

Yes, I am only losing about 5 lbs a month..

No, I haven't eaten perfectly for the last 6 months..

BUT.. I am losing. Slowly and steady wins the race, and I am winning boys and girls!! I officially am half way to my goal weight today and feel fantastic about it! 1 more lb and I am in 170 ville and that means only 10lbs away from 160 ville.. and I can't even remember the last time I weight that.. probably because I was so young and didn't care about scales or weight.
Either way.. I am proud of myself.

This past week I had vacation.. and did a lot of things that felt great.

1 - I went shopping.. because my pants are literally falling right off my butt and I am swimming in my tops. Feels great to be out of plus stores in a way I can't even describe.

2- I went SWIMMING WITH MY DAUGHTER!! - GOAL MET!! Mind you, it was in the privacy of my own cottage, but so what. I still did it and it counts. I was ok if anyone saw me and will be totally fine for my cruise now.. and still have 2 months ahead of me to lose more weight.. should be in the 160s for the cruise.... EEEEEEEEEEKKKK

Anyways.. sorry to all my sparkfriends out there.. I know I suck at keeping up with everything but I'm still plowing along!
Half way through the year+halfway to my goal weight = new me for Xmas!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AWOLF24 7/2/2013 8:12AM

    You are doing AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

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    I am so proud of you! You have done a fabulous job and you are enjoying the fruits of you labors. emoticon How nice to clothes shop for smaller sizes! emoticon

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BLUETIFFANYS 7/1/2013 9:08PM

    Sounds like you are doing AWESOME! Keep it up.

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MEBAZI 7/1/2013 6:31PM

    ......and you "suck" for what reason again???? emoticon

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HOLLYM48 7/1/2013 5:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PRETTYPITHY 7/1/2013 5:41PM

    Okay, everything I read shows you are the furthest possible thing from a "loser" -- unless you mean a person who is losing weight, which you definitely are!

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HEALTHY-SPARK 7/1/2013 5:29PM

    Awesome -- sounds like what you are doing is working, so keep up the good job!

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LINWASH23 7/1/2013 5:23PM

    Sounds like you have a plan that is working. emoticon emoticon

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ANNROW0354 7/1/2013 5:22PM

    You have a lot to proud of....especially going swimming with your daughter. She needs to see her mom active and enjoying herself.
Keep at it!



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Week 2 Day 2

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Wow, ok so I missed quite a few days lol That is just because I am busy doing so many things. I have had a lot of things happen and I'll have to write a juicy, and pretty personal blog about it, because it's nice to get it out there and honestly, I'm really proud of myself and want to share.

This is Week 2 Day 2 on my cleanse and I feel great. Unfortunately I am not having any relief with my sleep or knee/joint issues yet, but there are a lot of positive things happening to my body AND mind that I love. To top it all off, this cleanse has got me off my plateau of weight loss an I am now only 2 pounds away from my pre-pregnant weight! Plus.. that 2lbs will also make me at a total of 30lbs lost! Booya!

Just to clarify, I am not starving myself and do keep track of my calories. I am eating anywhere from 1300-1400 a day (if not more) on this cleanse. I really love that it isn't a liquid detox and is actually setting me up with some pretty healthy cooking alternatives to use as a lifestyle change.

I will aim for my big long blog about my drama for tomorrow, but it is the first day of The Bachelorette.. and that is my guilty pleasure lol

Hope you all are having a happy, healthy weekend (long weekend for those of you south of the border!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AWOLF24 6/5/2013 8:25AM

    So glad it is working for you! You are doing awesome!

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Day 4

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I'm not sure what if it is this cleanse that is making me think straighter, or just my realization that my cruise is in less than 4 months, but I am really feeling like I need to set some weight loss goals again.
My original goal was to lose at least 50lbs by the cruise September 14th. I am halfway there, but more than half way through this attempt as well and I know, the less you weigh, the harder it is to lose. I'm thinking that this goal of mine may not get hit. Especially at the turtles pace I am going at. I need to figure this out.
I'm eating right, but I need to get moving again. I have really let myself get lazy with this whole osteoarthritis thing and I feel like I'm using it as a crutch. I am pretty limited to what I can do right now (until I get the doctors clearance -hopefully in July) but I should still be finding ways to keep myself moving. Even if it is for a small 20 minute walk, or just strength exercises. I need to help this move along because I could be doing so much better.

My Goal

Lose 10lbs by the end of June

How am I going to do that?

- Stick to this cleanse and after it, try to eat clean for at least 2 of my meals.
- Walk at least 3 times a week for at least 20 minutes but no more than an hour.
- Do strength training on my arms and core at least 3 times a week and light duty leg work

I know I can do this, but I will more than likely need your support out there too to help me stick with it.. need to get this lazy girl off the couch and into a bathing suit!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SGRAY478 5/21/2013 9:05PM

    You can do it! It sounds like you are really enjoying your cleanse so far so keep with it!

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DLDROST 5/21/2013 8:20PM


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