Sunday, June 22, 2014
on thursday evening i went to the emergency room with gastronomic symptoms no one wants to hear about. anyway, i was admitted and spent several days not eating. on IV with fluids etc…
while in the hospital, i managed to walk the halls (very very very slowly) for 15 minutes each day. i have a goal to walk 1000 days in a row "outside" - but now, that has to include some inside time since they wouldn't let me out!
slowly they introduced clear liquids, then bland non-fiber food. when i was able to handle that and had less pain and other symptoms, they allowed me to come home (YAY!!! I cried, no sobbed actually, when they told me i could go home.)
once home, and showered, i went for a short walk with my friend Elaine. i couldn't believe how limited my movement became over the last few days. i had to walk SO SO SO SO SLOW. it took 35 minutes to walk .8 of a mile. (trust me, i know how luck i am to even be able to do that! but, it's a HUGE difference to what i was doing last wednesday when i walked 5 miles!) one of the things i was amazed at is that there is a little road that we went down, in the past when i've walked it i haven't noticed it had a slight incline!! well i sure noticed it today. i noticed my stomach muscles really working and it kind of hurt a little bit. i was fine, but we decided it was best to go home. once i was in the house and lay down to rest i was exhausted from all of the stress, and also from being sore. and SO relieved and happy to be home.
so, what did i learn?
~ that my health is most important.
~ that all the "little" things we obsess and worry over really don't matter at all. (Especially when you are told that you CANNOT EAT! for any length of time…)
~ that i want to heal and don't want to do anything that may jeopardize that.
~ that it's okay to back off and not walk as far as i had hoped i would.
~ that it is going to take me a while, perhaps quite a while to be walking 5 miles in one day again and that's okay.
~ that i am really glad i made the effort to walk all 3 days even if i was a little sore. i was able to go slowly, i was careful and i listened to my body when it was time to stop. I consider all of these things to be a Non Scale Victory.
I am sure there are more things i learned but i am really tired and will have to write them at another time.
so, i am finally home, and am now going to go to sleep in my own bed!!!
p.s. today was day #418. the streak lives on. (not to worry, if i really don't feel well enough to walk, i will not).
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
I haven't blogged for a while. Life has been crazy. I have been online less and have been tracking less (i know, i know… it's a slippery slope).
But, things are good.
Rehearsing for a series of 9 plays that are each approximately 10 minutes long. (One i am acting in with DH, and another one i am directing. He is also directing one).
So, like I said, DH and I are in a show together. we've had the script for weeks- (5 and a half weeks…). it's only 8 minutes long— (it's short so it won't be a problem, right?!) and we live together so we'll have plenty of time to rehearse (… right?)
IT'S A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY
We thought that because it was small/short that it wouldn't require THAT much time and attention. We thought that we could fit in rehearsing here and there without scheduling it. We thought that because we are in close proximity things would be fairly easy.
WELL, HERE'S THE THING…
It did. We couldn't. and It wasn't.
Yesterday (yes, i said YESTERDAY) we STILL hadn't rehearsed it together. oh we've spent plenty of time listening to our recordings on our own, but we still and done it together outside of our once a week rehearsal (45 minutes) with our director - and even then we only did it ONCE each time… Last night was our OFF BOOK rehearsal, which means doing it without a script/notes. It was SO STRESSFUL. I was freaking out. I was very agitated. Frustrated. Angry. At him and at myself. At US. for not making it a priority. We muddled through last night, had to call "LINE" a few times. And realized we had dug ourselves into a hole. We rehearsed more today. Alone and together. things were finally coming together a bit before rehearsal tonight. We made it through relatively well. Still more work to be done, but i think we are finally headed in the right direction.
So, as i am going on this big ramble,
i am realizing that this also applies to SPARKING.
How so??? well, let me repeat:
We thought that because it was small/short that it wouldn't require THAT much time and attention
—Gee do we ever say that small things don't matter (oh, just a small bite of this, just a small taste of that……) We UNDERESTIMATE what we eat, how much we eat, that we ate at all, and don't really realize that it adds up until it is too late. We forget that it requires TIME and ATTENTION to take care of ourselves.
We thought that we could fit in rehearsing here and there without scheduling it.
—Again, ever try to fit in a workout, a walk, stretching, a bike ride and just find that a million other things seem to make it impossible to do??? We need to MAKE IT A PRIORITY or we will end up scrambling and winding "how did we get here?"
We thought that because we are in close proximity things would be fairly easy.
—No matter how simple something seems, it is almost NEVER easy. ALMOST never easy. almost never EASY. ALMOST NEVER EASY. We fail to realize the inevitable — which is that something is always going to come along and make things more difficult, or at least different that we had planned.
We lull ourselves into a FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY by not having a back up plan for when things don't go as we originally hoped. We find ourselves scrambling.
So, i am sorry for the ramble……. but, i guess i am just trying to say that i need
consistency, focus, and a plan of action for when things go awry.
I hope this makes some sense to someone.
Goodnight, Dear Sparklers.
Monday, June 02, 2014
very busy day!
1. we had to drop DH's car off for an oil change/service
2. we went to breakfast. NON SCALE VICTORY : I managed to stay wheat free and when I logged when i got home I was still within my ranges!!!!
3. Car's finished- gotta go pick it up. (this car stuff wasn't part of my plan for the day…)
4. Walk 3 miles.
5. Eat lunch.
6. The dreaded dentist appt - root planing! (Ummm, Yeah, OWWW)
7. Go to Mom's to mow the lawn and finish some yard work
8. Home to shower
9. Go to the directors' meeting so we can see the space in which we will be putting on the show.
10. Home for dinner (it had been WAY WAY WAY too long since I had eaten. 7 hours! YIKES!)
11. Walk #2 − 2 miles.
12. and (I ALMOST FORGOT!!!) Go feed (and corral) my friends cats (which is a challenge…)
13. Send emails about FATV snippets.
14. Do my "new" nightly dental routine… add 5 more minutes on….
15. GO TO BED. AHHH.
Sunday, June 01, 2014
haha, when i wrote stream of consciousness in the title i typo-d STREAK of consciousness!
that could be a whole other blog…..
sometimes it's just good for me to write things out without thinking too much because then i get mired down,,, so here goes!
~ finish staining box for Joyce
~ continue with gluten free as long as possible
~ begin hooping again - try learning something new
~ Jeep care - clean it (DH spilled shrimp stock in it — EWWWWW), get the oil changed
~ begin fundraising for the Step Out Walk to Stop Diabetes
~ assemble and paint mom's swing
~ put up mom's new mailbox
~ work on strength training
~ work on flexibility
~ take 1/2 an hour weekly to weed out junk. (start small, right?!)
~ BALANCE CHECKBOOK
OK, so some of these are one time things that have been on my plate for a long time and once they are done, they are done (well, the checkbook will still need to be done regularly) and some are for consistency.
I am hoping that by stating some of these goals in writing to you all, that i will be motivated to actually get some of them done. It would be awesome to go into July with some (or all) of these things finished (or in progress).
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
OK, I am pretty freaked out.
I went to my annual eye dr appt. Standard procedure is to dilate so he can check for diabetes issues- so, in years past i have been told i have the early early early stages of cataracts - but it wasn't a worry for the doc or for me… well, today, i have so much narrowing that he "wasn't willing to take the risk of dilating my eyes because it could result in spontaneous glaucoma" — and now i have to go back - have laser surgery (which is only scheduled once a month) on one eye to release the pressure, go back a week later to have it checked, if i take to it well, then i have to go back a month later to have the laser done on the other eye, and then back a week later to have it checked… and THEN, i can have the dilation test that i was supposed to have today. This will drag on for months.
i am so upset i don't know what to do with myself.
But, i didn't turn to food- i wanted to. i even stopped at the store and had something in my hands. i put it back on the shelf and walked out of the store.
now i have to be even more diligent so my blood sugars don't get out of control. This just really stinks so bad. i feel like i was getting a handle on things a bit and now this happens to throw me off.
i am scared.
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