Friday, October 18, 2013
“We all eat, and it would be a waste of opportunity to eat badly.” –Anna Thomas
I had a bump yesterday. I didn’t eat wisely. I missed the opportunity to nourish myself. The food I ate was not nourishing. I may have been feeding the emotional appetite, but not the appetite of my body.
Start fresh today. Resetting my mind. It’s a clear day out there and I plan on a nice walk. (A gentle walk, just around the block to strengthen my ankle. It feels really good. It was a mild sprain and the chiropractor really helped it heal quickly.)
I have grandchildren coming for an overnighter tonight. I was with them all day yesterday without feeling like it was stressful. But I hadn’t had enough calories and nourishment by the afternoon and chose a convenient snack of my favorite candy bar. Not just the regular size, but the king size. This led to more snacking and a binge.
I am not saying that we need any forgiveness from God for our poor eating, but we canhave new beginnings and we can forgive ourselves and move on. I am reminded in my mind about a song I used to sing at church that hints at this. Don’t remember the name, but it’s from the book of Lamentations in the Bible.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will hope in him.””
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
A year ago I sprained my ankle. It's been not perfectly healed up yet. Today I had a major setback.
You know how it is when you are walking along the sidewalk and you come to a driveway where the car is parked so it's sticking out over the path, right in the way? And there is an area right where the sidewalk connects to the driveway having a triangular area of grass? Don't step in the grass. I learned my lesson. Usually I step over it and stay on the concrete, but this car was too close, so I had to step onto the grass. I found myself having a sudden rolling of my ankle because though the grass was pretty and nicely cut, there was an invisible hole under it.
I had walked 4 miles already and was a mile from home. I had no choice but to hobble home. That was the longest mile ever. So I walked 5 miles today. Big deal.
Now it's RICE for me. I'm okay with the ice and elevation part of the equation. I'm doing that right now. Rest is easy for the moment, but I have a hard time not being on my feet. I have been having a hard time being motivated to exercise, and today I finally felt motivated to get moving and get back on track. I'll need to convert that energy to chair workouts from SP videos. And if you have any suggestions on exercises that don't add stress to an ankle, please add them on the comments below.
I've got the windows open, it's 70 out. The birds are chirping. I've got my friends on SparkPeople, and a nice large bottle of ice water. I'm charging my phone so I don't have to be lonely.
C'est la vie!
Monday, October 14, 2013
This is something I found on Facebook today and it applies directly to how I was feeling harassed and confused in my head this morning.
And the fun thing is, I just found out I can select and add photos super easily from my photos on my iPhone without having to first upload them to my laptop.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
I was lazy and grumpy this morning...too much food yesterday (effects mood) and I'm getting a sore tongue, I'm getting another awful canker sore. I think that's why I overate last night...fear of not getting to eat the things I enjoy while my tongue feels painful for the next week. Wow...pity party...poor me...what a baby that I have to suffer through a week of no crunchy, spicy, and acidic foods. This is what my diet usually consists of. I'm pitying myself that I'll have to live on yogurt, oatmeal, low acid fruits, and soft veggies (cooked, which I'm too lazy to do). I need to get over it and go with the flow.
Because of my laziness, I was still in my nightgown when my hubby peeked his head in from being outside and said," I'm going for a walk" He didn't add "do you want to join me?" I internalized that and after he went out the door, I called him names out loud and felt like hitting something to punish him (the reasoning of a woman with borderline personality disorder, which rarely surfaces in me these days.) I soon calmed down and decided to ask him when he came back if he'd meant that to be an invitation to walk, and I would have liked an invitation. (that decision to voice my thoughts and feelings is a technique I learned from DBT which was a class I took for a whole year to learn coping mechanisms and techniques to deal effectively with the Borderline Personality Disorder, known as BPD.) I had become efficient at using this technique automatically, but this reaction pops up at times when I am having low self-esteem. I see now that this is where I was at since I woke up this morning and yesterday which is when I ate to stuff emotions, which can be part of my BPD.
I can get on top of this and resolve my current issues. A coping mechanism is to write about my feelings. Which I am doing. And to share them, which helps with blogging in place of making a paper journal entry. I will probably also write in my journal today.
My mood did change for the better while typing, during which hubby came back. I pleasantly asked him how long he walked and if his statement of going on a walk was meant as an invitation. I stopped short of telling him how it made me feel, because I had decided that I didn't really think walking with him in my present mood would have made for a very encouraging walk for him. Sometimes when I'm sad or depressed a walk with him helps lighten my mood, but I can tell that this time I would be lashing out and being critical, which would have brought a lecture from him. Maybe. Never can tell. He usually is so insightful and helpful. He knows me so well and knows how to handle my BPD acting out.
His comments about his half hour walk were that it was very humid and misting out. (I'm doubly glad I didn't go... this weather makes me irritable and cranky if I'm out in it.)
I need to make a plan for my day. Be more decisive. I think I'm on the right track, so I need to get off the computer. Deciding to spend a little time Sparking was the perfect move. Thank you all for being my sounding board!
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