Thursday, October 10, 2013
I had a very busy day yesterday, and on my trip to the grocery store I forgot about my resolve that I had just determined to have a couple of days ago. So on the 4th day of my binge free streak, I ate too many sweets. I thought I'd be able to have just a few bites of the dessert. But I sat and downed the whole thing. Then I was "what the heck" and finished off the last 10 blonde Oreos. I now have decided that those two desserts, if not all desserts, for a while, will be off limits.
Today I was in Walmart at lunch time. I hadn't eaten. I had resolved I wouldn't buy food. I had yummy healthy foods at home I planned on having for lunch. I didn't go into the food aisles, but of course they have candy at the register. My resolve paid off. Of course It helped that the whole reason I went into Walmart was that I had found money in my wallet this morning that I'd forgotten about. I used half of it at the craft store and used a 55% off coupon on one item, and came out with a new item to motivate me to get back to my art journaling. The other half of the money I'd decided I wanted to find a new workout DVD. I tried Academy Sports, and would you believe they didn't carry workout videos?! So on to Walmart. I found my DVD. Another Jillian one. I'll let you know how it is soon.
There was a bonus to all my shopping. I got some movement/steps done, in spite of the fact that I feel a little under the weather with a possible cold coming on. (Therefore I can't go spend the afternoon with my MIL; don't want to get her sick in her weakened state.) I could really stretch it a bit and say my shopping at Walmart was beneficial in that I faced a challenge (Food exposure while hungry) and came out with a confidence boosting success. Success builds on success, right?
Last week sometime, my SIL and I were talking and we were talking about how someone had lost 15 pounds without any effort. I said I wish I could lose 15 pounds like that. She ( who always a nice, healthy, trim figure on her) said "are you overweight? I've never heard anyone say you were overweight before." Instead of internalizing her complement, I said that I wasn't in the category of overweight, but that I am a bit higher than is appropriate for my height. I also said I realize my body is muscular and that can account for being heavier than I look. I see myself as a lot bigger than her, and side by side of her I am. I just am surprised she doesn't see me that way. Later in the day I started appreciating that I don't look overweight. Nice feeling.
A few days later, I was in Walmart. (Haha, sounds like my usual hangout. That's a fact of life that we have to eat, so we have to buy food.) I was offered samples of cookies. 4 kinds, and she said I can try all 4. Then I mentioned that the kind I tried is my favorite of the 4 and she picks up the box and said, here, take a few with you to eat while you shop! I said no and patted my stomach and said I am watching it. She looked at me and said "where? I don't see it!" I just looked at her with a wry grin and walked on to shop. As I walked away, I thought,"She doesn't see it because I hide it well the way I dress."
So in my mind, I'm adding the two comments and trying to come to terms with the idea that people don't look at me and say, "She needs to lose weight!" or "She has a big stomach" All the things I tell myself on the days I feel insecure around other women. Including women who are littler than I am. Which really surprises me.
Monday, October 07, 2013
A little sad today that we are not on our way to Hawaii as planned. We will reschedule for the beginning of November. This time without my MIL. Hubby told her that we will try to take her with us in the Spring if she feels up to it by then.
Since my MIL got home on Thursday, she hasn't made any noticeable progress, but her Speech Therapist is seeing her for the first time this afternoon. Over the phone I told the nurse who is also coming, to give suggestions on helping her figure out more foods to eat. Her appetite is so low, and she can't tolerate eating anything with texture. Her swallowing isn't working very well. So she has lost 6 pounds in a week. Her daughter who is staying with her didn't realize this and hasn't been pushing her to eat enough. So while I was with her today for 4 hours I made sure she ate something twice.
Saturday afternoon was rough on me. I'd had a note from my mom, and I reacted negatively emotionally to it and after having just eaten supper, I added three pieces of cold pizza and a third of a family size box of Oreos. I knew I was letting mom get to me. I just went with the feelings and ate. The next morning I woke up feeling irritable. Hubby took me for a walk, and I grumbled while walking. Usually my mood will change from the exercise, but it didn't. When we got home, he offered to drive us to the beach. Kind of a substitute trip to the Atlantic for having to cancel our trip to the Pacific. It was a 4.5 hour drive there, we walked for an hour, and drove back, 4.5 more hours. My mood was much better from the time we got on the road going there. Hubby is so intuitive...he knows me well.
Today has been a positive day.Though I haven't exercised...yet. But I have calories under control. It's date night and hubby will let me pick what I feel is a healthy choice for an eatery. Maybe we'll go walk a couple of miles at the mall after eating.
On Friday, when I bought the new medicine, I read on the pamphlet about side effects. MAY CAUSE WEIGHT GAIN. Ooooh Noooo! This surfaced all my deep-seated fears about gaining back the 75 pounds I lost. The 75 was gained due to a med similar to this one. I had constant hunger and lethargy, which led to, you got it, lack of exercise and increased calories. I researched things on Safari about this medicine. Many people talked about out of control hunger and lethargy. There was even a report about the way this medicine causes alterations to body chemistry resulting in slower metabolism. No wonder I gained those 75 pounds in two years. After looking into this, I called my Dr's office, left a message for him about how I felt and what I'd read. He responded with "That's why I weighed you at your appointment" he had. Also he said, "If we start seeing weight gain, though we probably won't, we will do something different." I'm hoping he's right that it probably won't effect me that way. I think if I get lethargic, like the reports by others mentioned, I will really have a hard time being motivated to exercise. I'm not even motivated right now, though that is probably due to the depression. My next weigh in by him will be in two months. Long enough to be too long, in my book. I will weigh myself. If I see a trend, especially if I'm doing well with eating and exercising, I am not going to wait two months to blow the whistle! Last night I took the first pill, and set my mind that I'd do my best to maintain, and not worry about losing weight at this point. I'm hopeful.
Thanks for all you do and say to encourage me. You all are priceless, in my book!
Get An Email Alert Each Time LORILEEPAGE Posts