Monday, September 30, 2013
I started a blog, but there was an emergency in my family, so by tonight when I got back to it, the computer deleted it. I hadn't started it on Word like I had been, so It was lost. I have to change what I was blogging about anyway.
My mother-in-law had a stroke! We were planning on taking her to Hawaii a week from today. She had noticed some drooling yesterday, never said anything. Then she woke up and saw that her lip was drooping. She still told no one. (she lives alone, a half hour away from me)This morning I tried to call her. Unusual for me to call her two days in a row, but I happened to think of her, I was going to talk to her about my concerns about the skin cancer surgery my dad was going through this morning. She didn't answer, but an hour later returned my call. When she tried to talk, all that came out were garbled words--I immediately recognized it as her having had a stroke. Adrenaline surged and I told her to unlock her door if she could, and I was going to hang up and call 911. I had to give them permission to break in if necessary. I met her at the hospital after calling my hubby and taking several deep breaths so I could drive safely.
Turns out the preliminary CT scan reveals several strokes. But the only one causing any symptoms is the one effecting speech and swallowing center of the brain. No other physical problems. She is in great spirits. She is impatient with herself for not being able to get her words out, but she has a great sense of humor and is laughing at herself. More tests tomorrow.
Hubby says we bought insurance for the trip, so we'll be able to change plans. He is so sure she'll be able to go soon. I'm more pessimistic and think he and I should just go ahead and go so I can meet Bjørn. He wants to believe she'll be fine in a week to go! I don't think he has a hold of reality. His sister came from out of town to be with her. There is another sister who can come help too. So it wouldn't be a problem if we went, and I even think she wouldn't want us to hold off on our plans. But it's hard for her to express herself and i don't want to put words in her mouth
Today when I prepared to leave the house to go to the ER, I grabbed something to drink and two protein bars that I figured would have to do for lunch, since it was 11:30 when I left the house. I didn't get to eat again until 6. Had a Quizno's sandwich with hubby and my pregnant daughter who also showed up to cheer up gramma. Came home and I was still hungry so I made a bowl of oatmeal, raisins and blueberries. And a cookie for good measure.
Keep Mom in your prayers. If you remember my friend George (95) who died recently, he died from complications from having swallowing problems and aspiration pneumonia that originated with strokes. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
As you know I've been having a bit of an "off" week.
After 56 days being binge free, I had a binge day yesterday! I have been so restricted to eating only soft food because of my canker sore, that the restriction brought out old emotions in me (on top of all the junk I've been wrestling with anyway) and I gave in to eating more than I should have. It actually may have not been as bad as I imagine, since I didn't record the food I ate all day, but certainly I was in a binge mindset.
I feel better mentally today. I have decided I will not restrict today and try to eat normally. I won't shy away from everything, like I have been. Of course nuts, chips and spicy, acid foods don't even appeal to me. I don't want the pain! This sore has to heal soon. It's been almost a week. I was offered a medicine to make it resolve quicker, but it cost $50 and I decided time is a good inexpensive healer. OraGel actually gives temporary relief, even though it smarts to apply it! I don't wish a sore on the side of the tongue on anyone! I've even had achiness and the feeling I was fighting an infection!
The 4 and 2 year old grandchildren are here, they stayed overnight. It has been wonderful. They are so special! Nice that no one is having any cold or illness this weekend. That is unusual.
It's nice to have my mind clearer and the depressive type fog is lifted. Maybe with all my SparkFriends' support and having good talks with my MIL and Hubby (also getting advice from the sage 91 year old woman I take care of), who all remind me that my mother has to deal with her own emotions about my leaving, I see it's not up to me to make her secure.
Thanks again for all your support!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
You all were so kind to welcome me back Home after my last blog.
I am struggling with a little bit of doubt and guilt that I didn't push through and be more tolerant of my parents this visit. I am also afraid to mentally make plans that I will return to visit them. I have to be more prepared for the emotional junk that can crop up while there.
You all have encouraged me that I did the right thing by coming home early, and all your words really help me. I read your words again to bolster my confidence.
I have felt out of sorts since returning, though I'm getting right back on track with eating and even got two good walks in this week already. The first one was motivated by hubby who wanted to take a walk on Sunday morning. I was really thankful to him for that. When in Wisconsin, my aunt told me about how she gets out for a walk every day, for at least 30 minutes. She is nice and trim, and eats the foods she likes in moderation. We had fun foods the day I spent with them. They didn't have fear of food. I enjoyed eating while with them. No talk of calories.
An interesting side effect my trip had on me, was that in being around my own people, family and neighbors and seeing people of my home town that were strangers to me, I noticed a sense of belonging. The people were not the magazine slim and trim people, yet they were happy. I felt like I fit in with my imperfect, 15 pounds heavier than I want, body. I feel less self conscious. That "culture" seemed less consumed with body size. I feel more confident and comfortable in my own skin.
Obviously, I'm not giving up my goals, but there is less of an impatience for seeing the changes. I feel kinder toward myself. I pray that I keep this mindset. I am enjoying it.
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