Monday, September 09, 2013
My binge-free streak continues on, in spite of having a day with a little bit of a battle keeping out of the kitchen yesterday. I stayed at the low end of my calorie allowance anyway. But the afternoon was one of a feeling of just not quite feeling content.
I don't imagine it was anything about being content with foods I ate for the day, but with feeling happy with myself. No obvious reason. Just a blah feeling. No motivation to do anything. Hubby even offered to take me canoeing which I've asked him to do with me soon. It never seems to fit in. We haven't gone in years. But I said no! How ridiculous! Here I am, sulking around, and he offers (though he was in the middle of working in the yard landscaping, and I knew he'd really rather keep doing that, but would make a sacrifice for me). Today I look back and see what a big mistake I made in saying no. It would've been a really special time, especially since we will be apart for two weeks starting Thursday. I am kicking myself today! But I have to make the best of the last three days, and not beat myself up for this. LIving in regret will only distract me from making the most of this time we have. I've concluded that on the weekend I was living in the future, not able to live in the moment, thinking only how I couldn't wait for getting on the plane and finally being with my parents. This morning I came to that realization and made up my mind to enjoy each day and each moment leading up to my trip.
I have planned to make him a batch of favorite cookies to put in the freezer for him, like I did last time. He really enjoyed that. He is so good at eating two a day and not eating the whole batch, like I used to do. He can take out a couple at a time and they'll stay fresh. I'm also going to make him a pan of stuffed shells. Something easy to reheat in the microwave for a few nights. He could even have our son over for a meal. Hubby will do fine fending for himself while I'm away. I just want him to know I was thinking about him and wanted to leave him something special. (I never cook, so I know he'll appreciate the effort. My shells are really good, and I'll miss out! Maybe I can make a pan of them for my parents, too!)
We both have Macs, so we can do FaceTime. That helps me not feel so lonely for him. I started packing on Saturday. I had to decide between just using carry on, or my huge monster of a suitcase. Seems my small one will be perfect. Last time I brought a pair of my larger pants, so I'd be comfortable if I gained weight! I am NOT doing that this time. I am planning on sticking with my plan!
Any ideas for things I could do to make my time special with hubby the next three evenings? Tonight is date night anyway. We are going to Cracker Barrel. Maybe a walk at the Mall? If we go straight home after eating, he will just want to go out in the yard. We could watch a movie. We don't have cable, but we do have AppleTV. That is the extent of fun things we do together. We are not very creative with our times together. He is a quiet kind of guy. Now if it were up to me, we'd go dancing! Haha! Now you can see why I wish I'd said yes to canoeing!
On a happy note, I did get busy bustling around the house cleaning. Got the island in the kitchen cleaned off. My end table in the kitchen straightened up. Lists made for the trip and for things to do before going. Tackled a few of those things, too. Felt better after doing those things. Lots planned for today. Here I go!
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Eight days till I take my trip to see my parents in Wisconsin. Iím hoping for some pretty leaves. Iíll be sure to include a photo or two if I can get some good shots.
For once, Iím not stressing about the food Iíll be exposed to there. I am in control of what I put in my mouth. No one is forcing me to eat useless calories. I will be able to stay in my calorie range. Iím really hopeful about that. I will not let myself eat out of stress or boredom. I will allow one day each week Iím there to have some extra calories in my day. Iíve decided that if I want to bake anything, I can make rice krispie bars, or angel food cake. These I know I wonít go crazy with. Nothing gooey and chocolatey, which I have a weakness for!
I know I can get some exercise. Iíll miss my new bike, but Dad has an elliptical, and I will bring my computer so I can do videos if I want.
Today is day 34 of my binge-free streak. Speaking of streaks, Iím having my longest streak in NOT getting ST twice per week! I really want to rectify that! It seems so easy to get it done once I set my timer and get down on the floor and do my 60 push-ups, which leads easily into my minute long plank, which leads to my bicycle crunches, bench dips, bicep curls with squats, and on it goes! I have no problem once I start my timer, but I resist doing this. I do not know what my block is. Sometimes, I use the excuse that I donít want to get all sweaty. That is actually my consistent excuse! Once I do it, I decide I want to do it again tomorrow. The next day I am sore, so I rationalize needing to let my muscles recover. The next day Iím sore still, so I remember hearing that itís ok to wait two days in between workouts (ST). But on the third day, I am no longer motivated. Then a week passes and I decide, I better get this week off to a good start! So Iím getting one good ST workout a week. I do have a long streak doing that, but I donít track once a week streaks of ST.
Some people schedule their workouts as appointments they must keep with themselves. Iíve never tried this; I like to wing it. I know, thatís probably my problem! I just need to get serious about this. My main motivation for ST is to strengthen myself to arm against osteoporosis. What motivates you to keep up with your ST workouts?
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
I had a new experience with eating a meal.
The normal rate of my food intake since I was a child, had been to eat mouthful after mouthful, not taking my time, but taking another bite as soon as I swallow the first bite. Not putting my fork down, or laying the sandwich down between bites. I always finish my food before anyone else at the table. Especially lately when I eat even smaller portions. It doesnít take long to eat at all! But i remain hungry for another half hour after finishing, so I'm mostly tempted to keep eating. I have trained myself to stop because of calorie count, not because of feeling full.
I was, as a child, always rushing to clean my plate before my brothers. Mom and Dad at some point praised me for being the first one done. I continued to strive to be the first finished. I was always a people pleaser. Who doesnít like to hear praise from their parents?
Yesterday, without any pre-planning, I took the first bite and found myself noticing the moment when that first swallow entered my stomach. I didnít take another bite until I felt that actual moment. I thought maybe that is what Iím supposed to have been doing all along, though it never occurred to me. So I continued to eat my whole meal that way. It took much concentration.
My husband asked me if my food was too hot or if I was savoring my food. I said I was savoring it. He finished way before I did, which has never happened in 36 years of marriage. I actually had to stop eating before finishing. I was full!
Iím also a drink guzzler. (Water, milk, etc.) I am interested to see if I can slow myself down with drinking, too. I donít drink alcohol for this reason. I never paced myself and was a binge drinker.
I am interested in continuing to try to eat deliberately again. I forgot about it this morning until it was too late. But I want to try it over and over.
Another thing I want to mention . . . I made it through the long holiday weekend with hubby home and strange eating schedules, with no over-eating or binges!
Monday, September 02, 2013
Yesterday, after I wrote my poem about my being "on my way" and feeling wiser, I went to the mall with my hubby after a good lunch. There is a dessert that I've eyed up every time I go past a cookie shop. It's a red velvet brownie, cream cheese icing and all. I always told myself not to get it because once I tasted it, I'd be more likely to eat one again.
This time, before I even got into the mall, by calculating my calories for the day, I decided it was ok to get one. So I did. It was very delicious and the texture was perfect. I didn't regret it. It didn't make me crave more sugar, which is unusual. But, in three hours it was supper time. I felt exceedingly hungry by the time our meal was ready. I decided exactly how much I was going to eat. (because I knew if I didn't I'd overcompensate for being so hungry.) I stuck to it.
For four hours following dinner, I felt shaky and edgy. I blame it on the sugar overload I had earlier. I did not like the feeling at all. In the past, this feeling would drive me to eat, maybe even binge! I didn't do either. I poured myself iced coffee with cream, and sat and tried to watch tv with hubby. The only thing that seem to help was distracting myself by scanning through Pinterest. I'm sure it was reaction to sugar, since I hardly eat it anymore. If I do, it is in quite limited amounts.
I didn't eat more. That's a good thing. I also feel like I learned my lesson. Do I really want to do that again? Does the four hour sugar reaction pale in comparison to the few minutes I enjoyed the brownie? I think not.
I hope in the future I will recall this event and be wise in my next decision about this or another sugary choice. To top it off, I'm cranky today. So it is probably more than a four hour reaction. I hope I've really learned my lesson. Sure, I stayed in calorie range, but those empty calories could have been more wisely spent!
I'm reseting my brain. Refreshing in my mind the commitments I've made to myself to eat at the low end of my calorie range, and to keep myself free from binges. I can do it!
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