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LORILEEPAGE's Recent Blog Entries

People Don't All Look at Us and See Our Flaws

Friday, August 23, 2013

Iíve done some reflecting on my sonís comment about me looking healthy and attractive, which I mentioned in a recent blog. It strikes me interesting that I donít consider myself attractive because I see my imperfect, still 15 pounds overweight body when I look in the mirror. I sense that what he may be seeing as healthy is the peace and calm, yet energetic person I have recently become. I am finally feeling at peace because Iím not stressing out over the bondage to food and exercise that Iíve felt for SO long. I am at peace with food and Iím not trying to exercise every spare minute, but allowing myself time to do the things I love the most. Iím taking the mental time I would usually spend thinking about what can I eat next, or fussing at myself for having eaten too much or the wrong thing, or fussing at myself for not exercising, and using it for positive things, like focusing on what Iím doing and really enjoy it as I do it. I am also utilizing the time I normally would spend eating, or foraging for food, to connect with friends, write in my journal or blog and visit with SparkFriends. I am surprised at how much time and effort I used to put into all the negative thinking and activities. So, maybe my son could read my face and demeanor as healthy and attractive.

If he can call me healthy and attractive, and I consider him to be very frank and not say what he doesnít mean, I have no excuse to be so hard on myself. A silly thing kind of triggered this thought today. I was outside at my clientís house today and her neighbor, who drives a Jaguar, said he likes my car. It is a gray 2013 Toyota Corolla. It is new, but it was filthy today. I was embarrassed that he was even looking at my car, yet he, the owner of a sharp Jaguar, saw beauty in my dusty Corolla.

People donít always look and see our flaws. They recognize our beauty. We can do better for ourselves than be so critical of ourselves. Just love ourselves for who we are!





My son, so smart he is, suggested I type my blogs in Word, so I can keep from losing them, as I have done a bunch of times by inadvertently typing the wrong key when I've typed right into the blog entry box. Now I copy and paste from Word and have no more problems!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTASP 8/28/2013 4:40PM

    Wonderful blog to read. I wonder just how you made those changes / how they came about?

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 8/27/2013 6:54AM

    Interesting blog. I think you are right about both things......you are more at peace now and also others just plain notice all the aspects that we dwell on.

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_JODI404 8/24/2013 2:58PM

    Your son is very wise!
He definitely may be seeing as you as attractive and healthy -- seeing the new peaceful and calm, yet energetic person you have recently become.

Instead of spending so much of your time and energy struggling you have learned to stop fighting yourself so much. Let go of fighting your weight and thinking about food and instead, embrace your body, your health and your spirit.
I believe that when you feel good, you canít help but look good.

I LOVE this that you wrote, and totally agree with you!
"People donít always look and see our flaws. They recognize our beauty. We can do better for ourselves than be so critical of ourselves. Just love ourselves for who we are!"

Comment edited on: 8/24/2013 2:59:22 PM

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SHERIO5 8/24/2013 1:19PM

    So, true!

Sometime you may hear that positive attracts positive...I think that seems true. I've notice that when I'm feeling good about myself, I get more compliments. Focusing on enjoying each moment, each person, just being really present, can make me feel more peaceful, happy, and content. It sounds like you've found your own fountain of youth!

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LARISSA238 8/24/2013 12:13PM

    Great insight! we do have to know that people see us for who we are, not the little things that we see that drag us down. You have to get up and over them, and it sounds like you are doing a great job! And once again, you have a wonderful son!

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KNYAGENYA 8/24/2013 9:41AM

    That is a great way to see things. You have a very smart son...then again look who he has as a mother.

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POPSY190 8/24/2013 3:27AM

    I do the copy and paste too for the same reason!
We are often very hard on ourselves and our eyesight is often skewed when it's ourselves we are looking at! emoticon

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LINDA! 8/23/2013 10:17PM

    You have a wise son. emoticon

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ANGGEL40 8/23/2013 7:08PM

    So true... we really are so much more then our flaws..love is the key word..thanks for sharing!

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KELLIEBEAN 8/23/2013 4:34PM

    So true. We are more than our weight and looks. When things start feeling good on the inside, they show on the outside!

We are our own worst critic!

Good job using Word first!

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SUEPERWOMAN 8/23/2013 4:06PM

   

Lovely. I so agree with you! We tend to be our own worst critics.
To have your son, who is an honest boy, tell you truthfully how you look to the outside world, that is important information to have. You obviously have come a long way and should be celebrating all that you've done. Can you still tweak your journey? I'm sure you can. Yet do it with much love, because you are all you've got, you know?

Love, Ginger

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CAMAEL100 8/23/2013 4:02PM

    I agree. I think we are the ones that see our flaws the most.

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Day 21 Binge Free!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

I am so encouraged that I seem to have turned some kind of corner in my battle against binges. One of the key things lately is that I retrained my brain to seek activities other than eating to fill the spaces in my day when I usually would be in the kitchen looking for food. It's strange, and I think there must be some other factors involved that clicked in my head, but I don't even get urges to binge. I'm hardly having anything sweet, which may stimulate binges, but I'm deciding I don't want the end result that comes from having a little. Why have a little when I know it will lead to more. I don't want to risk it. My goals are more important than having the candy bar or piece of cake.

Two quotes I've mentioned before, but really mean a lot to me, so they are worth sharing again:



Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.ĖĖby Goethe

and

Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most.



I think the second one really has empowered me to get out of the bondage to binge eating. To anyone else who now struggles with binges and overeating, THERE IS HOPE!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POPSY190 8/24/2013 3:39AM

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SUEPERWOMAN 8/23/2013 1:51PM

   
I congratulate your binge-freedom!
I have also been making such amazing strides this year.
Taking the excess food away has cleared my mind and my intentions for my own life.
It will free me of excess weight, yes, but it is also freeing me of emotional baggage I didn't even know that I had.
I applaud you and I am rooting you on !!

Love, Ginger

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LARISSA238 8/23/2013 12:54PM

    You rock! 21 days is awesome! they say that's how long it takes to develop a new habit. I'm so proud of you!

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/23/2013 9:43AM

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Well done you!

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KANOE10 8/23/2013 9:22AM

    That is a wonderful accomplishment. I love the second quote..what is you want now is not always what you want the most!

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SHERIO5 8/23/2013 9:01AM

    This is so wonderful, Lori!

I've heard it takes three weeks to retrain your brain with a good habit..I think you've made it!

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KNYAGENYA 8/23/2013 8:13AM

    Congrats! I am doing a happy dance for you. That is awesome. I knew you could do it.

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SANDICANE 8/22/2013 9:19PM

    I'm happy for you!!! I think when I get back from my vacation, I'm going to "bow off" desserts b/c one does lead to another, or at least WANTING another!!!

Thanks for the 2 sayings...they are great!

Cheers,
Sandi

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COMPUCATHY 8/22/2013 9:19PM

    So proud of you! Getting binge free is a truly great accomplishment! I'm so glad to see TGIF on the horizon! Hope you have a great weekend planned! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon

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KELLIEBEAN 8/22/2013 8:41PM

    YAY! This makes me happy.

I can feel your smile while reading this. Here's to a great day 22!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 8/22/2013 8:25PM

    That is awesome.

I'm so pleased for you!!!

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_JODI404 8/22/2013 8:23PM

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*CONGRATS*!!!! Lori!! You are doing so well, and I really believe that an important mindset shift has taken place -- and you are really on a good path!!

I LOVE both of these quotes and I'm grateful you shared them again because this time I am going to copy and print them! They are really great! emoticon

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CASTIRONLADY 8/22/2013 8:13PM

    Congratulations, Keep up the good work. emoticon

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OOLALA53 8/22/2013 8:03PM

    Wonderful! I love both quotes and am so glad for your three weeks! It really is a combination of thinking and foods. They work together! emoticon

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WANABHOT2 8/22/2013 7:27PM

  Congrats that's great!

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HAPPYMENOW58 8/22/2013 7:17PM

    Thank you! And hats off to you!

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I Have to Tell You What Wonderful Things My Son Said to Me!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

My 21-year-old son and I have always gotten along. Except of course when we butted heads a few times when he was finding his independence as a teenager. We always made up and hugged. He was the sweet boy who kissed me on the lips nightly before bed, until he was 8 and asked if it was ok if he didnít kiss me like that anymore.

When I was 210 pounds, he was in early elementary school. I used to try to go sit with him for lunch regularly. I was embarrassed because all the other moms were fit and trim (at least those were the ones I focused on), and it was hard to fit at their tables, but I knew how important it was for me to be involved in his school life. I was never able to do this with my older kids, I canít remember why.

One day after school, he and I were talking about his school day. He surprised me by telling me that he was embarrassed to have me with him at school and please donít come any more. So I stopped going to his school except for meetings, and then I was even more self-conscious. If my 6-year-old observed my size was an embarrassment, it gave me more fuel to be ashamed. This was a catalyst of the beginning of my diligence in losing weight.

When I did lose a good bit, my 13-year-old daughter was hugging me, and as she reached around me she exclaimed,Ē my arms can reach all the way around you!Ē That was a revelation to me and really meant a lot. The kids were acting proud of me and my efforts. I was truly making progress!

I continued to lose weight, and I have a few vague recollections of complements from the kids. I knew I had done what I set out to do.

My son, the one I started out talking about, and I have spent hours at coffee shops over the past 4 years. We love to sit and talk. He is a bright insightful young man. (Heís VERY attractive as well! But he doesnít realize it.) He likes to eat healthy and exercise. He is aware of all my current struggles and goals for myself and we discuss the mind games we play with ourselves to help motivate ourselves. Overall, we have very lively discussions. I love him to pieces!

Heís learning to feel confident and have a better self-image. All his life he came across as very confident and cool. But he was insecure. I never realized that until he became an adult! Poor kid! He now has a life-coach who is helping him with all of that. This man is a perfect helper for him; we have seen tremendous growth in him.

Sunday after church, he and I were talking out by my car. He told me something that made me feel really good. Something unexpected. He told me that I look really healthy. That itself was wonderful to hear from him. He added that that really means that I am attractive. Woah! I never thought Iíd hear him say such a thing to ME! He said, ďHealthy is attractive.Ē Iíd rather hear these words instead of, ďYou look like youíve lost weight.Ē I never think of myself as attractive. (Hubby hasnít said it very much through the years.) It doesnít bother me, I donít think Iím ugly, but I almost always think I look like I need to fix my body.

I wish you all could meet my son. He is a gem!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIAINLA 8/22/2013 2:35AM

    What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing. Made my heart feel good. emoticon emoticon

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SHERIO5 8/21/2013 11:47AM

    Wise man! Healthy is very attractive!

What a blessing!

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KANOE10 8/21/2013 9:58AM

    What a sweet son and I love his Healthy is attractive! That is a great compliment. I also spent my years as a mom of young children being overweight and feeling out of place compared to other mothers. Now we at least be healthy and thin for these young adults.

You are a great mom and have a wonderful son.

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CHRISTASP 8/21/2013 3:33AM

    That is very touching. Your son sounds like a wonderful person.

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ANDYLIN90 8/21/2013 1:49AM

    Sounds like a real "Mom Moment." Good for you; you deserve the compliment!

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TRAVELGRRL 8/20/2013 8:11PM

    What a great guy! How wonderful you have such a good relationship with him.

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LARISSA238 8/20/2013 7:53PM

    Sounds like you are a great mother for raising such a wonderful son!

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SUEPERWOMAN 8/20/2013 7:23PM

   

What a lovely compliment! You deserve it.

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/20/2013 6:54PM

    Aw! Your son (actually all your children) sound wonderful and are absolutely a credit to you!

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ANGGEL40 8/20/2013 6:54PM

    So sweet..yopu have a wonderful son..and I am sure he thinks the world of you!

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_JODI404 8/20/2013 5:23PM

    He sounds like a true Gem, and that is a wonderful compliment he gave you!

Healthy is very attractive!! Great affirmation!!!

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JUNIORGOLDEN 8/20/2013 5:10PM

    The whole story is just so sweet to my heart! What a blessing your son is to your life!

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SCOTMAMA 8/20/2013 4:49PM

    That was a sweet thing for your son to say, and it came right from his heart. It just shows that kids do notice, and he is appreciative of the changes you have made in yourself.

Hugs, Eve

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POPSY190 8/20/2013 4:43PM

    What a great relationship to have!

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CAMAEL100 8/20/2013 4:30PM

    I love that story. My son is just 10 and we have a pretty good relationship and I would love to think of him going for coffee with me in 10 years time!

Like your son, he can be very observant and can be very complimentary which I always know is genuine as he is equally quick to give 'constructive criticism'! He is often the only one that notices when I get my hair done or some new clothes!


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KNYAGENYA 8/20/2013 4:18PM

    Oh how wonderful! I am so happy for you. Keep up all that good work.

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KELLIEBEAN 8/20/2013 3:59PM

    You are a great mom! What a wonderful compliment!

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We Are Vessels

Sunday, August 18, 2013

This morning as I was listening to Pandora, Piano Solo Radio, which plays mostly works of a sacred nature. I heard, ďHave Thine Own Way LordĒ You know, the one about God being the potter and I am the clay?

Lots of things about our journey in life can be considered while thinking about the words to this song.

I used to make pottery, the pieces you throw on the wheel and fire and glaze in the kiln. I love the process of doing that. It has been 7 years now since I was taking lessons and practicing this wonderful craft.

I made some not so wonderful pieces and many that were quite decent, I have never thrown a single piece away. I was told I was quick to learn and good at it. The expense kept me from continuing. I gave away a few of my better pieces, and kept even more, though to my eyes and touch, I knew every flaw. I was critical of my work, at least I was when I first made these pieces. As the years have passed, each one has become precious and even perfect in my sight. I have learned that though each one has different thicknesses (something professional potters have to be very careful of) and they have differing imperfections, I really no longer look at those. I donít even see them. I love them just the way they are. I love holding them and looking at them. I appreciate the work that I had put into each one. They are perfect just the way they are. I even love the chunkier ones.

As I was thinking about these things, I was simultaneously making parallels in my mind about loving and accepting my bodyís imperfections. Am I fond of it? Do I look at all the work that has gone into making it what it is today? It is strong, healthy and maybe still a little chunky. Do I treasure it? Why would I worry what others think or say about my size, like I used to worry about othersí opinions about my pottery? I like the pottery, which is what really matters, imperfections and all. My body is something that is becoming more precious to me as time goes on and I see a purpose for it.

Our bodies are a vessel. They are containers made for a purpose: to hold or carry something. I have an art studio. In my studio, on the tables, I have many pots Iíve made in assorted shapes and sizes. Each one contains something different. One has a set of markers, others have other types of markers. A couple of them hold paintbrushes. Yet another has pencils and scissors. Some hold balls of yarn. I like them for their individuality. The hard work and thought I put into each one makes it special. I am no longer embarrassed of them, because I see their value. See the parallels?

Keep working hard and love the process, as I loved the process of making pottery. Admire and value the results you are getting. Be proud of your vessel. And donít forget you probably love the individuality of each person you know, without seeing them as a body, but as another human.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 8/20/2013 5:44PM

    Beautifully written blog Lori! Wonderful analogy, and great progress in loving and accepting yourself just as you are! Individual and unique, all with our "flaws" that maybe without such a microscope are not really flaws at all but points of interest and character.

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LAURA747681 8/19/2013 5:20PM

    I love the images of pottery too. What I think about is that clay pots are where God chooses to reside! "We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2nd Corinthians 4:7.

God could have chosen anywhere and anything to display his power and majesty, and for some reason, He chose US! Imperfect, flawed, easily chipped and broken, to carry His purposes into the world, His healing into the world, His compassion into the world.

Lovely! emoticon

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SHERIO5 8/19/2013 10:19AM

    I have always enjoyed the parallels in pottery making to the spiritual life. One of my favorites is that we are vessels made by God, and he chooses to dwell in US, and shines brightest through our cracks!




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POPSY190 8/19/2013 12:58AM

    You are right to be proud of this blog. It expresses ideas and sentiments in a pertinent and telling way.

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/18/2013 6:42PM

    emoticon
Beautifully expressed! I feel blessed that you shared it with us!

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KLMEIRING 8/18/2013 6:41PM

    Thank for sharing!

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TRAVELGRRL 8/18/2013 5:29PM

    What a great analogy! Love it and thank you for sharing it. We really should appreciate our "vessel", since it is the only one we get.

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GOULDSGRANITE 8/18/2013 4:57PM

    Beautiful words! Just to be in the moment, appreciating the words and meaning of the song and to BE present in that minute to translate God's purpose into our own journey !!! Powerful, Strong message. I have thought for years about how I love my friends and family, unconditionally. I do not critisize their size and imperfections. Why on earth do we do that to ourselves? Let us really GET IT now. I can understand it, Can I really believe it and be content, a Potter's perfected vessel? God Bless you for sharing.

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ANGGEL40 8/18/2013 4:41PM

    So true..Well put..thanks for sharing such an Awesome blog!

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KNYAGENYA 8/18/2013 3:23PM

    That is so true!

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JUNIORGOLDEN 8/18/2013 2:13PM

    How nicely written it is! "Keep working hard and love the process..." That is what life is about, and that is what this journey of losing weight, keeping healthy is about Thank you for such beautiful writing and the thoughts in it! emoticon

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ANNEMAC5 8/18/2013 1:59PM

    Nice, very thoughtful. Does us good to reflect on these things

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A Nice Breakthrough

Friday, August 16, 2013

You all know about how difficult it is for me to keep things under control with my eating, while having guests in my house. Well, I think I'm over and done with my difficulties with that!

We had the 9- and 10-year-old grands here for 3 days. Day by day I began to see that my stress eating while having company wasnít happening! Either I am no longer stressed by them being here, or have begun to really practice good coping skills for any stress Iím feeling. No matter what it is, and itís probably a combination of the two, I am so relieved!

In general I have found a peace around food that I havenít ever had. And Iím choosing over and over, day by day, to make myself slow down and not think I always wish I could have something to eat. I am being picky and eating only what will satisfy me. I am busying myself as soon as I eat so I wonít linger in the kitchen and find something more when I should have already had enough.

I used to have a hard time transitioning between activities, and would eat if I were thinking of what to do next. It was like every time I had a pause in my day, I felt compelled to reach for food. Iím finally seeing that itís not food I need, itís just time to decide on my next activity. Just move on.

Though I may have eaten something recently, I often get a buzzing feeling in my body which I always used to read as something signaling that I needed to fill myself with food. Now Iím more relaxed and look at it objectively and recognize that this feeling doesnít mean I have to eat. Just get busy and the feeling will pass. And it does!

This is a major breakthrough!

Another exciting thing is that I have not binged since August 1st, which is two weeks! That is so cool because I made it through the wedding party, traveling and babysitting for three days! Iíd had a .5 pound loss from last Thursday to Monday, then from this Monday to Thursday, another .5 gone! Hubby thinks itís due to the decrease in medicine, but I want to take all the credit. Though maybe he has something there, that my mind is thinking more clearly, enabling me to not be so desperate for food. I clearly haven't had to fight as hard these two weeks to not binge. (That medicine isnít supposed to cause weight gain. But maybe it makes it difficult to lose while on it. Who knows?!)

I didnít worry about getting exercise while the kids were her, but we did go to a pool for 2 hours, in the water the whole time and swimming or being active the whole time. I taught the 10-yr-old how to do handstands in the water. That was fun, he is so proud of himself!

Iím looking forward to each day now, not feeling such a bondage to foodÖsomething Iíve been praying for!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 8/20/2013 7:30PM

    This is AMAZING!! What a wonderful breakthrough for you!!!

I know you have been praying for this, and working so hard. I am SO happy that you are really pushing past obstacles and feeling free & healthy with your good choices!!

Managing with the kids and company in the house, leaving the kitchen and just getting busy and recognizing when what you feel is really not hunger or a need for food. These are such awesome accomplishments!

Whether it is the med or not -- it's still a loss during what could have previously been very trying times. You are doing so well. I really sense the difference in your writing too. Your perspective has changed & I'm so happy for you!!!


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ANGGEL40 8/16/2013 6:35PM

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LARISSA238 8/16/2013 5:02PM

    Amazing job! You rock! Just take it one day at a time and those days add up. Don't be afraid of setbacks... they might happen, but get up and start over. You can do it!

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/16/2013 11:01AM

    You deserve all the credit and I want you to take it!

You worked hard for it, proactively working on coping mechanisms and strategies and figuring out ways to deal with stressors.

You're the one that had to put mind over matter and make your body do it.

It is all your doing!

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KNYAGENYA 8/16/2013 11:01AM

    You rock!

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COUTURELADY 8/16/2013 9:59AM

    This ROCKS. I look forward to experiencing these things as I string together more days of abstinence. I'm currently on 5. Have a great weekend!

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LINDA! 8/16/2013 9:09AM

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KANOE10 8/16/2013 8:57AM

    That is a wonderful feeling. You have found a delightful freedom in your life. You are so right..you might get cravings and feel uncomfortable, but you know that they will pass.

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KELLIEBEAN 8/16/2013 8:56AM

    I read this with a big smile on my face. I'm so happy for you. You have made FANTASTIC progress!

And I agree, you deserve the credit. Maybe the medicine cleared the clouds but you made the right decisions.

YAY!

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TRAVELGRRL 8/16/2013 8:38AM

    Congratulations on several levels! The breakthrough most of all, and the weight loss (which of course) inevitably follows such a change in mind and behavior.

You are doing really well. Thank you so much for your insightful comment on my blog yesterday. I am determined to use my SIL's death as my own catalyst for change. I am so grateful to have the opportunity of another day, something she will now never have.

Keep up the good work, LLP, just one decision at a time! emoticon

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_LINDA 8/16/2013 8:29AM

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Wow! That is huge being able to listen to your body and avoid the binges by distracting yourself until it passes. Very well done to lose weight during all those events!!!
Keep up the great work!!

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NUTRON3 8/16/2013 8:17AM

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SHERIO5 8/16/2013 8:12AM

    Lori, this is fantastic! I am so happy for you! emoticon

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 8/16/2013 7:52AM

    Gosh, you have learned a lot about yourself by paying attention to what is going on inside of you. And you are coping so well! You have made a lot of progress.
With grandkids around, I don't have time to exercise either. But just having them around, taking care of their needs, and playing with them is exercise in itself!

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DARJR50 8/16/2013 7:39AM

  way to go

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NOTANINJA 8/16/2013 7:27AM

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