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LORILEEPAGE's Recent Blog Entries

I Have to Tell You What Wonderful Things My Son Said to Me!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

My 21-year-old son and I have always gotten along. Except of course when we butted heads a few times when he was finding his independence as a teenager. We always made up and hugged. He was the sweet boy who kissed me on the lips nightly before bed, until he was 8 and asked if it was ok if he didnít kiss me like that anymore.

When I was 210 pounds, he was in early elementary school. I used to try to go sit with him for lunch regularly. I was embarrassed because all the other moms were fit and trim (at least those were the ones I focused on), and it was hard to fit at their tables, but I knew how important it was for me to be involved in his school life. I was never able to do this with my older kids, I canít remember why.

One day after school, he and I were talking about his school day. He surprised me by telling me that he was embarrassed to have me with him at school and please donít come any more. So I stopped going to his school except for meetings, and then I was even more self-conscious. If my 6-year-old observed my size was an embarrassment, it gave me more fuel to be ashamed. This was a catalyst of the beginning of my diligence in losing weight.

When I did lose a good bit, my 13-year-old daughter was hugging me, and as she reached around me she exclaimed,Ē my arms can reach all the way around you!Ē That was a revelation to me and really meant a lot. The kids were acting proud of me and my efforts. I was truly making progress!

I continued to lose weight, and I have a few vague recollections of complements from the kids. I knew I had done what I set out to do.

My son, the one I started out talking about, and I have spent hours at coffee shops over the past 4 years. We love to sit and talk. He is a bright insightful young man. (Heís VERY attractive as well! But he doesnít realize it.) He likes to eat healthy and exercise. He is aware of all my current struggles and goals for myself and we discuss the mind games we play with ourselves to help motivate ourselves. Overall, we have very lively discussions. I love him to pieces!

Heís learning to feel confident and have a better self-image. All his life he came across as very confident and cool. But he was insecure. I never realized that until he became an adult! Poor kid! He now has a life-coach who is helping him with all of that. This man is a perfect helper for him; we have seen tremendous growth in him.

Sunday after church, he and I were talking out by my car. He told me something that made me feel really good. Something unexpected. He told me that I look really healthy. That itself was wonderful to hear from him. He added that that really means that I am attractive. Woah! I never thought Iíd hear him say such a thing to ME! He said, ďHealthy is attractive.Ē Iíd rather hear these words instead of, ďYou look like youíve lost weight.Ē I never think of myself as attractive. (Hubby hasnít said it very much through the years.) It doesnít bother me, I donít think Iím ugly, but I almost always think I look like I need to fix my body.

I wish you all could meet my son. He is a gem!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIAINLA 8/22/2013 2:35AM

    What a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing. Made my heart feel good. emoticon emoticon

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SHERIO5 8/21/2013 11:47AM

    Wise man! Healthy is very attractive!

What a blessing!

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KANOE10 8/21/2013 9:58AM

    What a sweet son and I love his Healthy is attractive! That is a great compliment. I also spent my years as a mom of young children being overweight and feeling out of place compared to other mothers. Now we at least be healthy and thin for these young adults.

You are a great mom and have a wonderful son.

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CHRISTASP 8/21/2013 3:33AM

    That is very touching. Your son sounds like a wonderful person.

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ANDYLIN90 8/21/2013 1:49AM

    Sounds like a real "Mom Moment." Good for you; you deserve the compliment!

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TRAVELGRRL 8/20/2013 8:11PM

    What a great guy! How wonderful you have such a good relationship with him.

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LARISSA238 8/20/2013 7:53PM

    Sounds like you are a great mother for raising such a wonderful son!

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SUEPERWOMAN 8/20/2013 7:23PM

 

What a lovely compliment! You deserve it.

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/20/2013 6:54PM

    Aw! Your son (actually all your children) sound wonderful and are absolutely a credit to you!

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ANGGEL40 8/20/2013 6:54PM

    So sweet..yopu have a wonderful son..and I am sure he thinks the world of you!

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_JODI404 8/20/2013 5:23PM

    He sounds like a true Gem, and that is a wonderful compliment he gave you!

Healthy is very attractive!! Great affirmation!!!

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JUNIORGOLDEN 8/20/2013 5:10PM

    The whole story is just so sweet to my heart! What a blessing your son is to your life!

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SCOTMAMA 8/20/2013 4:49PM

    That was a sweet thing for your son to say, and it came right from his heart. It just shows that kids do notice, and he is appreciative of the changes you have made in yourself.

Hugs, Eve

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POPSY190 8/20/2013 4:43PM

    What a great relationship to have!

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CAMAEL100 8/20/2013 4:30PM

    I love that story. My son is just 10 and we have a pretty good relationship and I would love to think of him going for coffee with me in 10 years time!

Like your son, he can be very observant and can be very complimentary which I always know is genuine as he is equally quick to give 'constructive criticism'! He is often the only one that notices when I get my hair done or some new clothes!


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KNYAGENYA 8/20/2013 4:18PM

    Oh how wonderful! I am so happy for you. Keep up all that good work.

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KELLIEBEAN 8/20/2013 3:59PM

    You are a great mom! What a wonderful compliment!

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We Are Vessels

Sunday, August 18, 2013

This morning as I was listening to Pandora, Piano Solo Radio, which plays mostly works of a sacred nature. I heard, ďHave Thine Own Way LordĒ You know, the one about God being the potter and I am the clay?

Lots of things about our journey in life can be considered while thinking about the words to this song.

I used to make pottery, the pieces you throw on the wheel and fire and glaze in the kiln. I love the process of doing that. It has been 7 years now since I was taking lessons and practicing this wonderful craft.

I made some not so wonderful pieces and many that were quite decent, I have never thrown a single piece away. I was told I was quick to learn and good at it. The expense kept me from continuing. I gave away a few of my better pieces, and kept even more, though to my eyes and touch, I knew every flaw. I was critical of my work, at least I was when I first made these pieces. As the years have passed, each one has become precious and even perfect in my sight. I have learned that though each one has different thicknesses (something professional potters have to be very careful of) and they have differing imperfections, I really no longer look at those. I donít even see them. I love them just the way they are. I love holding them and looking at them. I appreciate the work that I had put into each one. They are perfect just the way they are. I even love the chunkier ones.

As I was thinking about these things, I was simultaneously making parallels in my mind about loving and accepting my bodyís imperfections. Am I fond of it? Do I look at all the work that has gone into making it what it is today? It is strong, healthy and maybe still a little chunky. Do I treasure it? Why would I worry what others think or say about my size, like I used to worry about othersí opinions about my pottery? I like the pottery, which is what really matters, imperfections and all. My body is something that is becoming more precious to me as time goes on and I see a purpose for it.

Our bodies are a vessel. They are containers made for a purpose: to hold or carry something. I have an art studio. In my studio, on the tables, I have many pots Iíve made in assorted shapes and sizes. Each one contains something different. One has a set of markers, others have other types of markers. A couple of them hold paintbrushes. Yet another has pencils and scissors. Some hold balls of yarn. I like them for their individuality. The hard work and thought I put into each one makes it special. I am no longer embarrassed of them, because I see their value. See the parallels?

Keep working hard and love the process, as I loved the process of making pottery. Admire and value the results you are getting. Be proud of your vessel. And donít forget you probably love the individuality of each person you know, without seeing them as a body, but as another human.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 8/20/2013 5:44PM

    Beautifully written blog Lori! Wonderful analogy, and great progress in loving and accepting yourself just as you are! Individual and unique, all with our "flaws" that maybe without such a microscope are not really flaws at all but points of interest and character.

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LAURA747681 8/19/2013 5:20PM

    I love the images of pottery too. What I think about is that clay pots are where God chooses to reside! "We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2nd Corinthians 4:7.

God could have chosen anywhere and anything to display his power and majesty, and for some reason, He chose US! Imperfect, flawed, easily chipped and broken, to carry His purposes into the world, His healing into the world, His compassion into the world.

Lovely! emoticon

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SHERIO5 8/19/2013 10:19AM

    I have always enjoyed the parallels in pottery making to the spiritual life. One of my favorites is that we are vessels made by God, and he chooses to dwell in US, and shines brightest through our cracks!




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POPSY190 8/19/2013 12:58AM

    You are right to be proud of this blog. It expresses ideas and sentiments in a pertinent and telling way.

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/18/2013 6:42PM

    emoticon
Beautifully expressed! I feel blessed that you shared it with us!

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KLMEIRING 8/18/2013 6:41PM

    Thank for sharing!

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TRAVELGRRL 8/18/2013 5:29PM

    What a great analogy! Love it and thank you for sharing it. We really should appreciate our "vessel", since it is the only one we get.

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GOULDSGRANITE 8/18/2013 4:57PM

    Beautiful words! Just to be in the moment, appreciating the words and meaning of the song and to BE present in that minute to translate God's purpose into our own journey !!! Powerful, Strong message. I have thought for years about how I love my friends and family, unconditionally. I do not critisize their size and imperfections. Why on earth do we do that to ourselves? Let us really GET IT now. I can understand it, Can I really believe it and be content, a Potter's perfected vessel? God Bless you for sharing.

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ANGGEL40 8/18/2013 4:41PM

    So true..Well put..thanks for sharing such an Awesome blog!

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KNYAGENYA 8/18/2013 3:23PM

    That is so true!

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JUNIORGOLDEN 8/18/2013 2:13PM

    How nicely written it is! "Keep working hard and love the process..." That is what life is about, and that is what this journey of losing weight, keeping healthy is about Thank you for such beautiful writing and the thoughts in it! emoticon

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ANNEMAC5 8/18/2013 1:59PM

    Nice, very thoughtful. Does us good to reflect on these things

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A Nice Breakthrough

Friday, August 16, 2013

You all know about how difficult it is for me to keep things under control with my eating, while having guests in my house. Well, I think I'm over and done with my difficulties with that!

We had the 9- and 10-year-old grands here for 3 days. Day by day I began to see that my stress eating while having company wasnít happening! Either I am no longer stressed by them being here, or have begun to really practice good coping skills for any stress Iím feeling. No matter what it is, and itís probably a combination of the two, I am so relieved!

In general I have found a peace around food that I havenít ever had. And Iím choosing over and over, day by day, to make myself slow down and not think I always wish I could have something to eat. I am being picky and eating only what will satisfy me. I am busying myself as soon as I eat so I wonít linger in the kitchen and find something more when I should have already had enough.

I used to have a hard time transitioning between activities, and would eat if I were thinking of what to do next. It was like every time I had a pause in my day, I felt compelled to reach for food. Iím finally seeing that itís not food I need, itís just time to decide on my next activity. Just move on.

Though I may have eaten something recently, I often get a buzzing feeling in my body which I always used to read as something signaling that I needed to fill myself with food. Now Iím more relaxed and look at it objectively and recognize that this feeling doesnít mean I have to eat. Just get busy and the feeling will pass. And it does!

This is a major breakthrough!

Another exciting thing is that I have not binged since August 1st, which is two weeks! That is so cool because I made it through the wedding party, traveling and babysitting for three days! Iíd had a .5 pound loss from last Thursday to Monday, then from this Monday to Thursday, another .5 gone! Hubby thinks itís due to the decrease in medicine, but I want to take all the credit. Though maybe he has something there, that my mind is thinking more clearly, enabling me to not be so desperate for food. I clearly haven't had to fight as hard these two weeks to not binge. (That medicine isnít supposed to cause weight gain. But maybe it makes it difficult to lose while on it. Who knows?!)

I didnít worry about getting exercise while the kids were her, but we did go to a pool for 2 hours, in the water the whole time and swimming or being active the whole time. I taught the 10-yr-old how to do handstands in the water. That was fun, he is so proud of himself!

Iím looking forward to each day now, not feeling such a bondage to foodÖsomething Iíve been praying for!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 8/20/2013 7:30PM

    This is AMAZING!! What a wonderful breakthrough for you!!!

I know you have been praying for this, and working so hard. I am SO happy that you are really pushing past obstacles and feeling free & healthy with your good choices!!

Managing with the kids and company in the house, leaving the kitchen and just getting busy and recognizing when what you feel is really not hunger or a need for food. These are such awesome accomplishments!

Whether it is the med or not -- it's still a loss during what could have previously been very trying times. You are doing so well. I really sense the difference in your writing too. Your perspective has changed & I'm so happy for you!!!


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ANGGEL40 8/16/2013 6:35PM

    emoticon

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LARISSA238 8/16/2013 5:02PM

    Amazing job! You rock! Just take it one day at a time and those days add up. Don't be afraid of setbacks... they might happen, but get up and start over. You can do it!

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/16/2013 11:01AM

    You deserve all the credit and I want you to take it!

You worked hard for it, proactively working on coping mechanisms and strategies and figuring out ways to deal with stressors.

You're the one that had to put mind over matter and make your body do it.

It is all your doing!

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KNYAGENYA 8/16/2013 11:01AM

    You rock!

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COUTURELADY 8/16/2013 9:59AM

    This ROCKS. I look forward to experiencing these things as I string together more days of abstinence. I'm currently on 5. Have a great weekend!

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LINDA! 8/16/2013 9:09AM

    emoticon

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KANOE10 8/16/2013 8:57AM

    That is a wonderful feeling. You have found a delightful freedom in your life. You are so right..you might get cravings and feel uncomfortable, but you know that they will pass.

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KELLIEBEAN 8/16/2013 8:56AM

    I read this with a big smile on my face. I'm so happy for you. You have made FANTASTIC progress!

And I agree, you deserve the credit. Maybe the medicine cleared the clouds but you made the right decisions.

YAY!

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TRAVELGRRL 8/16/2013 8:38AM

    Congratulations on several levels! The breakthrough most of all, and the weight loss (which of course) inevitably follows such a change in mind and behavior.

You are doing really well. Thank you so much for your insightful comment on my blog yesterday. I am determined to use my SIL's death as my own catalyst for change. I am so grateful to have the opportunity of another day, something she will now never have.

Keep up the good work, LLP, just one decision at a time! emoticon

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_LINDA 8/16/2013 8:29AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Wow! That is huge being able to listen to your body and avoid the binges by distracting yourself until it passes. Very well done to lose weight during all those events!!!
Keep up the great work!!

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NUTRON3 8/16/2013 8:17AM

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SHERIO5 8/16/2013 8:12AM

    Lori, this is fantastic! I am so happy for you! emoticon

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 8/16/2013 7:52AM

    Gosh, you have learned a lot about yourself by paying attention to what is going on inside of you. And you are coping so well! You have made a lot of progress.
With grandkids around, I don't have time to exercise either. But just having them around, taking care of their needs, and playing with them is exercise in itself!

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DARJR50 8/16/2013 7:39AM

  way to go

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NOTANINJA 8/16/2013 7:27AM

    emoticon

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Photos of The Reception

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Thought I'd follow up on my last blog and enter a few photos:
There are no actual wedding photos because she got married in a North Carolina courthouse (state of residence) and they wanted to have the reception at Josh's parent's home in WV.

The quilted picnic blanket by Deanna, their gift to us











  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEANUTSMOM96 8/14/2013 8:08PM

    They look so happy, I send them my best! emoticon

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_JODI404 8/14/2013 4:29PM

    Great pictures!! Fun to see, thanks for sharing that wonderful experience!!


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KELLIEBEAN 8/14/2013 4:25PM

    What a beautiful blanket. Very sweet! What a lovely family.

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ANNEMAC5 8/14/2013 1:51PM

    Thanks for sharing your family , love the photo with the sunflower

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KNYAGENYA 8/14/2013 1:30PM

    emoticon

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CHANGE4FIT 8/14/2013 12:02PM

    What a lovely family!

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/14/2013 11:09AM

    Your whole family is just beautiful!

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THOMASINA57 8/14/2013 10:49AM

    Beautiful pics.. thanks so much for sharing!

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SHERIO5 8/14/2013 9:28AM

    Beautiful, Lori!

Your daughter is like a mini me of you, isn't she!?!

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KANOE10 8/14/2013 8:47AM

    I love the photos. The quilt is beautiful. Your daughter's dress is lovely. You all look wonderful and happy.

Thanks for sharing.

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TORTISE110 8/14/2013 8:19AM

    Love that it was outside. So pretty! Beautiful daughter!!

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NUTRON3 8/14/2013 8:17AM

    Awwwww!

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SANDICANE 8/14/2013 8:09AM

    Beautiful pics!!!!

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KELLIEBEAN 8/14/2013 8:04AM

    Beautiful!!!

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CSKIES1 8/14/2013 7:59AM

    Beautiful Picture!! emoticon

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My Daughter's Special Weekend Included Victories for Me

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Ahhh, the wedding reception was perfect.

Aside from feeling a little stressed during meal time and eating two extra brownies after it was dark and I knew no one was looking, the evening was a huge success.

I have a couple of favorite memories from the celebration. My daughter and son-in-law, Deanna and Josh, got up and thanked us and his parents doing such a good job raising them and helping them to be the perfect match for each other. They presented us each with a quilted picnic blanket that Deanna sewed. Ours included triangles cut out of a pair of mod bell bottom pants I sewed in '74. My mother had saved them and gave them to Deanna when she was a teen in the 90s. She actually wore them, too! It gives special meaning to the gift. She designed them herself. She is a fiber arts artist. I'll have to post a picture of it when I can get to it.

Another favorite memory is of the stuff that happened after dark. Of course the whole dinner and entertainment were outdoors, in the beautiful mountains of WV. The sky was clear, the air there is pure, and there was only an early moon. So by the time it got dark, it got extremely dark. We had candles lit on tables. They had a fireworks show that was the best home fireworks display I'd ever seen. Beautiful. After the fireworks, no one wanted to leave. We sat and gazed at the stars which were amazing. So many of them. I've never seen so many. We sat and named constellations and saw the milky way. We saw a satellite cross the sky and to top it off there was a meteor shower that night! Prayers for a night of no rain were answered, to everyone's relief.

Food was great and I had small servings, but two servings of the main items: bar-b-cue, mac and cheese, and cubed sweet potatoes cooked in garlic. Delicious. I also had plenty of veggies and fruit. Chocolate cake, a small piece.



There was one mistake I made that I regretted. My grandson told me he had made sure that his mom bought mountain dew for me. He sees me drink it all the time. But he had her get full sugar, caffeinated, but I drink caffeine free diet m. dew. I didn't want him to think I didn't appreciate him thinking of me. He's 10 and I thought it was so special that he did this. I drank one. It was hot out and I was getting dehydrated. It was thirst quenching, but oh boy did the caffeine and sugar do a number on me! My heart raced and I felt quite a sugar rush. I had to sit down. My 21 year old son came and sat next to me and spoke to me in his calming bass voice. He had me steady my breathing and slow my heart rate by focusing on "breathing from my heart". It worked and I was calm the rest of the evening. Smart boy!

Six hours in the car each way wasn't bad. I exercised in the car doing glute squeezes and hip raises, pelvic tilts with tight abs, (all at once) for 10 minute stretches, two times each way. I also made trips to the bathroom exercise opportunities. I did pulsing squats for a min each time and wall triceps pushups also for a minute. I made it in of out of the gas station potty stops without even considering buying any treats. I am so proud of these things.

Sorry for the long post. I'll write a separate one about the great time it has been having Deanna's kids for three days.

I lost a half pound from Friday till Tuesday. No weight gain over this event! That really excites me! It's a first!




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABY_GIRL69 8/17/2013 9:10PM

    That sounds like such a blessed time well spent meshing two families together. It is quite a feat to do but you did it all with style and grace the way you always. God blessed us with some beautiful kind children.....

God bless & congrats!!

Dee

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_JODI404 8/14/2013 5:43PM

    It sounds like an absolutely incredibly wonderful day!!!! How awesome!!

The picnic blanket was such a thoughtful and meaningful gift!

I love star gazing -- especially when the sky is extra full of them. So relaxing!

"Breathing from you heart" is a great technique, how wonderful of your son to help you relax so you could really enjoy yourself.

Congrats on making really great food decisions, especially at those gas stations, and on no weight gain!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KNYAGENYA 8/14/2013 1:30PM

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KANOE10 8/14/2013 8:46AM

    That was a wonderful celebration. How sweet of them to make that quilt for you.

No gain for the event is great!

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TRAVELGRRL 8/13/2013 10:18PM

    Wow, super!! I can't wait to see the picture of the picnic blanket. I'm glad it was such a great time. See, all of your worrying paid off! emoticon congrats on not gaining anything!

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SANDICANE 8/13/2013 9:07PM

    What wonderful, wonderful memories!!! Good job on the eating and exercising toooooooooo!!!

Lovely, just lovely!

Cheers,
Sandi

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SHERIO5 8/13/2013 8:33PM

    You have so much to celebrate! Go you!

The wedding and reception sound special, the fireworks were a great touch! You have reared some great kids, your daughters gift, your son`s patient way...awesome testimonies.

Great news that you lost weight to boot! Perfect.

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KELLIEBEAN 8/13/2013 8:05PM

    YAY!

I'm so happy for you. Great victories for sure. Your son is a good man calming you down.

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ANGGEL40 8/13/2013 7:27PM

    Sounds wonderful...glad you enjoyed your family...tell your daughter congrats...way to go on doing those exercises in the car and on your weight loss...You Rock! emoticon emoticon emoticon ..Thanks for sharing!

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/13/2013 7:05PM

    So glad you had a wonderful time and look back on your daughter's wedding with happiness!

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GOULDSGRANITE 8/13/2013 5:26PM

    Wow - What a special time for you, your daughter and your family. Special fireworks aside, God put on the best show eh?!? So neat that your daughter made you all a special gift as she did, how precious! A Mountain Dew?!? Excuse me? God gave you some special time with your grandson then ~ Beautiful! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/13/2013 5:27:14 PM

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CASTIRONLADY 8/13/2013 4:43PM

    How wonderful that she had saved the jeans and remembered to include them in your momento. You raised her AND your son to be observant, thoughtful and appreciative or it wouldn't have happened. Your kids are so blessed to have you and visa versa. Great blog. emoticon

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ANNEMAC5 8/13/2013 4:30PM

    Sounds wonderful, and what a thoughtful personal gift. You did well with your self control and exercise. So pleased your son helped steady your breathing and got you back in control.

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JANUT57 8/13/2013 3:58PM

  Sounds like a wonderful time. Congratulations on the marriage of your daughter. You handled everything beautifully. emoticon

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