Sunday, August 04, 2013
I'm hoping to keep my focus once again over the next 24 hours. I'm taking it one moment at a time. My last 24 hours passed with success. I even did an intense 10 minute ST, non-stop, after neglecting ST for a few weeks. I woke up in the middle of the night with soreness in my stomach and rib cage, chest and arms. That's a good sign that I truly made the mini workout intense, but also a sign that I've neglected having a good core workout for too long. Time to rectify that!
Thank you all for being so encouraging yesterday. It really does make a difference to have others sharing in my journey.
My plan these days is to stay at the bottom of my calorie range. What helps me is to keep a tally of my deficit in calories each day. One time when I was in my 30s, I did that and it really helped me remain focused and driven to make a deficit each day, and see that number increasing each day, aiming for 3500 calorie deficit to equal 1 pound lost. I know that there are many factors in personal differences in how a pound is actually lost and I hope I won't be thrown off track by frustration if I don't lose that pound, but I think I've learned the lesson that it isn't all about the scale. It's been so long since I've lost any weight at all, that I am not really expecting any great losses.
Saturday, August 03, 2013
I am happy to say that for the past 36 hours I have found focus. I wrestled with much effort to get my mind set on renewed efforts at staying within my calorie range, and had a very successful day yesterday. My calorie count was on the low end, and I felt less sleepy during the day. I also ate healthier choices. I didn't realize how off track I was, I only felt fuzzy and aimless. I am better than that. I am strong, I am confident, I am successful...I decided to keep those things in mind.
You all, my dear SparkFriends, have had so much to do with getting myself turned around. I feel like I have my own personal cheering section in life and don't know what I'd do without you!
The funeral lunch went well, my help was much appreciated and I didn't worry about my outfit. I was calm and confident.
I'm really getting excited about the wedding celebration next Saturday...it is going to be a blast. I just found out my brother and his wife will make the drive from Wisconsin to West Virginia to be at the party. WooHoo! I love them so much and don't get to see them often at all. My parents can't make the trip, so it means a lot to my daughter to have someone from my family coming.
A small victory last night and this morning: two of our younger grandkids came to spend the night last night. I didn't fall into the stress eating cycle that usually plagues me when we have company!
Another small victory today: we went out to lunch and I didn't eat potato chips that hubby and I usually share, and I left a quarter of my sandwich.
It feels so good to be able to make healthy decisions!
Thursday, August 01, 2013
I've had a few things happen recently that have effected my focus.
Most recently, 95 year old friend passed away last Monday night. It was a relief to see him no longer in pain. He'd been quite well up to two weeks before his death. Never been on any meds, no heart or cholesterol problems. He had Parkinson's for 40 years and it never was severe. He had macular degeneration, so his sight was almost gone by the end. But up till the end he would play little concerts on his violin. He could play all the oldies, of course. Many of them I knew because my parents played them on the stereo, and most of them I know the words to because of this. He was even singing to us in the hospital a week before he died. "I could've danced all night" was the last song he was singing. And his wife was singing with him.
I have fond memories of him. Tomorrow is the day for final good-byes. I wouldn't be involved except I need to go to the house and have lunch set up for the family for after the funeral. (I'm a sort-of housekeeper/companion) I am invited to stay and eat with them. I don't really want to, but I suppose it would be good to go and be supportive to Shirley, though she is surrounded by family.
I have been off schedule, because I'm not working regular days with her, since she has family around. So I have more idle time. This hasn't helped me stay on track, though the last three days, I got good workouts in. I even got 3 workouts in the past week. So it hasn't totally been a washout.
I went shopping for clothes, looking for something to wear to the wedding reception. My daughter said it is an outdoor picnic, games and food and fireworks affair. We'll be sitting on blankets the ground and probably getting squirted by squirt guns! I am invited to wear "whatever I'm comfortable wearing" I guess I'll go in capris and a bohemian style top. Suits my personality and will be comfy. The top is gauzy and pretty. Sure, I'm the mother of the bride, but it's a party and not a church service! It's taking place in the mountainous countryside in West Virginia. I've met Josh's parents and I am sure his mother will not be dressing up. I am a bit insecure, if you haven't noticed! I thought about wearing a dress, but I can't be getting up and down from the ground chasing after grandkids with a dress. That's just not very practical. I never wear dresses...don't even own one!
My medicine issue (costing me bukus of money for a month's supply) has been resolved. My doctor is getting me off of that medicine. I will be off of it in a month and he has supplied me with samples to get me through the month. If I have any problems with mood swings, he has a backup medicine he can put me on. So far I am doing very well. He did put me on one mg of a medicine that has helped me in the past (it's really cheap) and I think that is making me drowsy in the early afternoons.
As soon as I have lunch, I get super sleepy. I can't do anything but sit in the recliner and nod off for 30 minutes. It has been happening for about a week now, as long as I've been taking this extra pill. I thought at first it had something to do with what I was eating...that maybe that's what caused the sleepiness. I also thought I should make myself go out for a walk (too Hot out). The nap isn't interfering with my sleep at night, I've been sleeping 9 hours. (my usual amount) So maybe I just need a little extra sleep right now.
The napping and binge eating I've been struggling with is reminiscent of the years preceding my all time high weight. I'm fearful that I am getting set up for a repeat of that escalation of weight.
It's a new month, I've binged already. I've got to get my act together. Right now I'm not feeling too kind to myself. It's easy to say that I should just bear with this period of trials, and once things settle down I'll be fine, but do things ever really settle down? There's a trip planned each of the next three months, then comes Thanksgiving, then Christmas, etc. I need to figure how to live life as it's happening. A healthy life!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
A great article to read here on SP is on motivation. I have found it to be profound and helpful. I anticipate that what I learned from it will help me immensely.
"Mastering the Mysteries of Motivation Pt 2" by Dean Anderson, Behavioral Psychology Expert, is the article I'm recommending.
I learned that it's not helpful to try to figure out what's "wrong with me" that "makes" me do what I don't want to do. ( Binge, or not exercise, etc.) It's important to accept the choice I made as a valid decision made by me. It doesn't matter. No need to label it as a "right or wrong" choice. Just a valid decision made under less than ideal circumstances.
The article says a lot more than this, but that part really grabbed my attention. The rest of it made a lot of sense, and I am ready to "rewrite the stories I tell myself that are unproductive" as Dean Anderson suggests, "to begin seeing myself as active, effective, powerful and normal." I especially was impacted when Anderson included the issue that I need to consider myself normal. I think for so long I've thought of myself as defective or abnormal. It is freeing to say "I am normal!"
Read this article, especially if you can relate at all to what I've mentioned. I think it is a profound article.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Something I read today, which was a reminder of something I learned when I first started reading articles on SP, was an article about setting goals. The point that struck me was how we often set goals that are negative, like I will stop eating sugar, or I will not eat fattening foods. All kinds of I WILL NOT statements. It is more motivating to set positive goal, like I will drink eight glasses of water a day. Or eat 5 freggies. My NOT statement lately is that I will not binge for a week. Or I will not let my emotions drive me to eating. Rather than "I will be within calorie range this week." And "I will do something constructive with my time if I feel stressed." I suppose there is a subtle difference between the things I'd be telling myself, but just having the positive goal sets me up to win. Just like the old "don't think about zebras" idea. Of course all you'll think about is zebras.
But even before reading this and thinking about this today, last night I had written to many of you that I was desperate to find the old me. The me that was able to lose 70 pounds in a year and stay within a 1300 calorie range month after month for years and kept the weight off. I worked out pretty consistently, and when I had a period that I wasn't too into working out, I maintained my calorie intake and still kept my weight in check and didn't freak out about the ebb and flow of having a drive to work out. Writing this dream to people several times made it begin to feel like a possibility and I set a few new goals. These goals are similar to the ones I set back in 2000, and were sustainable. I feel good about my new goals and attitude. I feel hope that I will find the old me!
Writing blogs and messages to SparkFriends sure does help. Putting it out there and being encouraged by others really makes a difference, don't you think?
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