LORILEEPAGE   56,752
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A New Thought About My Binge Eating

Monday, July 22, 2013

A new thought hit me this morning, after yet another binge last night.

I was keeping the house free of binge foods, which means sugary foods. I realize carbs have sugar in them, but I don't keep the house free of good carbs. I'd had 200 calories under my calorie range after supper. Then hubby suggested we have popcorn. I said yes, mainly because it was something he suggested we have together. I felt inclined to take him up on his offer, since we eat different things for our meal, even though we eat at the same time. I just thought of this as a bonding time. Silly me. I thought, I'll only have one cup. I ate half the bag. Then he left the living room and kitchen. I didn't leave the kitchen. I scrounged around for anything to eat. I ate a couple bowls of cereal, that didn't even taste good to me. I ate some crackers. I made myself stop at that.

My revelation came this morning. I've always said sweets are my binge food. Now I see that anything can be my binge food. Maybe the popcorn triggered it. The thing that seemed to trigger it was when I went to record the amount of calories I had in the popcorn, it was way higher than I predicted--it was the movie style butter popcorn. Why do I even have that in the house instead of the kind that is light, or no butter? I got this on sale, that's why. It wasn't worth it. For years we didn't even keep popcorn on hand.

I learned that anything can be my binge food. It's the act of binge eating that I have to come to terms with.

I have read in the Bible that we should not love the world or anything of the world. Paul said he had a thorn in his flesh; this feels to me like a thorn in my flesh. The Bible, specifically Jesus, says we are to live by the bread of life alone, referring to the Word of God, the Bible. I have been picking up and reading my Bible more and keeping in mind these thoughts. It has helped me to have peace, knowing that God knows I need to eat, but not have a love affair with food. And that he understands my weaknesses of my mind, binge mentality. I have the best help around, in His word and love and compassion. And also the support I get from SparkPeople friends.

I am still in the process of dealing with binges. But I am not so stressed out about it. I see the stress I've been under. It is a major factor in my binges, to eat out of emotion. I have gradually been letting my hobbies slide. I haven't knitted in many weeks, I haven't worked on my art journal for a couple weeks, and I have slacked off on working out for almost a week now. I don't even feel motivated today. Getting back into these things may help, but I think contemplating my emotions behind binges is key. The art journaling can help me sort out feelings. I think I should start there.

Thank you all for listening! Your kindness means so much to me!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KLMEIRING 7/24/2013 8:11PM

    emoticon Hang in there, Lori.

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_JODI404 7/23/2013 11:05PM

    Lori,

I think you are really growing and learning and getting stronger with this great introspection and analysis that you are doing.

I have really been trying to limit my sugar. It is such a vicious cycle that it starts up once you have some, it seems (at least to me) physically difficult to resist having more. Makes moderation challenging! Add in stress and it is really difficult to resist.

It is interesting that any food could trigger you, although I'm sure some are more likely to do so. If you are trying to fill a need or a void or to avoid a feeling -- I guess if you turn to food for comfort/relief/escape... whatever -- then any food would do. I still think you are smart to not keep those most tempting foods in the house.

Staying involved in activities you enjoy is definitely a healthy way to keep your mind off of food. Reading your Bible, art journaling, knitting, walking, swimming are all great things to keep you busy and happy.

You are dealing with some pretty heavy stress right now. I am happy to hear that you are being gentle and kind with yourself at this time. It is a learning experience, and you are learning! This kind of thing will take time to conquer, but you will get there.

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POPSY190 7/23/2013 1:40AM

    I tend to eat my emotions too and I'm reading up about emotional intelligence on line so that I can get to the bottom of it all. Like you, it's not the foods that are really the problem for me, it's what lies behind my impulse to eat, eat, eat that I need to get to grips with. Good luck.

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NOWORNEVER1982 7/22/2013 6:58PM

    It's taken my years to realize that binging is a symptom of something bigger. Seems like you've come to that conclusion as well which I think it brilliant and important! Keep blogging your thoughts, keep logging your calories and keep yourself accountable and the work will pay off. You are amazing and strong and so much bigger than your binging. Keep on working! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRAVELGRRL 7/22/2013 2:17PM

    As soon as I read "popcorn" my heart started to beat faster! That's a trigger food for me because I LOVE salty, starchy foods (rather than sweets). Easier for me to give them up than try to control.

I am an after-dinner binger. Lately I've had luck eating frozen grapes. They take a long time to eat and are sweet. AND, who EVER binges on fruit?

I think you are making progress figuring this out. Each of us has to find his/her own way, and I thank you for sharing your journey and "aha" moments.

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KNYAGENYA 7/22/2013 1:52PM

    I was going to suggest using hobbies to help defeat the binge cycle and then I read that you have them. Use them like there is no tomorrow. I knit when I feel emotional eating coming on. This way my hands are busy and I get something out of it. Good luck!

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SHERIO5 7/22/2013 12:07PM

    I think you are on target with using your hobbies and art journal today. What a healthy way to sort out emotions and thoughts! Walking alone is helpful to me...

The bible talks about letting our minds dwell on what is pure and lovely...sounds right, doesn't it?

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PENNYSAVER2 7/22/2013 11:23AM

    emoticon Great personal insight. emoticon the compulsion to binge will weaken if you use your tools. Best wishes to you.

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KELLIEBEAN 7/22/2013 10:34AM

    That is great that you are mindful and examining your emotions after a binge. You are learning important lessons about ourself to help you in the future because we learn more from our failures than our mistakes.

Getting back into your hobbies is a great step in the right direction!

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SANDICANE 7/22/2013 9:33AM

    Yep, under stress, and tired, and sick...all triggers for a binge. And as my 9 year old grandson told me yesterday "Nana, too much of even good food is no good for us!" He has learned his lesson much earlier than most.

Hold on tight, and NEVER EVER give up. We will win eventually if we NEVER EVER give up!

Cheers,
Sandi

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KANOE10 7/22/2013 9:24AM

    When you are under stress, you often lack the energy to focus on yourself. It is easy to let things slide. You are right..any food can serve as a trigger for a binge. I do find if I stay away from high sugar foods that helps.

Ne compassionate to yourself. You are dealing with very stressful issues. I think posting here and journaling are great steps. You will find your motivation again!

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LIFEISPURRFECT 7/22/2013 9:20AM

    May today you find the peace from the Word of the Lord as you continue your journey to a healthier version of you! God Bless! emoticon

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Sunshine and Sadness

Sunday, July 21, 2013

The sun has come out! Outside, and in my heart. I have felt the sun shine on me through all your kind and supportive comments on my blogs. I feel the SparkLove through all of you. It really brightens my life.

We have had a dreary summer. At least it hasn't been as hot as normal, but it has been humid with all the rain. Usually cloudy rainy weather depresses me after a few days, but I've been in such good spirits from feeling heathy, that it hasn't gotten me down.

Though this is a sad time for me. My 95 year old friend is dying. He has lost his ability to swallow and chokes when he eats and drinks. I am a companion (hired) to his wife. I've known them and worked for them for 6 years. It's hard not to feel close. I am sad for her especially, and I don't know how I will do trying to comfort her when she loses him. He has been in assisted living for 3 years now, so she is used to him not being at home, though it is still going to be a major loss. To think they have been married 70 years. That's unfathomable, to me.

Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers. She has two daughters and their families living in the area as well.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KLMEIRING 7/24/2013 8:12PM

    Thoughts and prayers are headed your direction today.

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_JODI404 7/21/2013 9:52PM

    Holding you and your dear friends in my prayers. 70 years -- wow! I'm sure it will be very hard for her to lose him, even if he hasn't been a daily presence in recent years.

Glad that despite this sadness, life is feeling brighter for you! That is really great to hear! emoticon


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FIT4MEIN2013 7/21/2013 8:19PM

    Praying for all of you in this difficult time. As a former nurse, I know how close you can get to your patients. Many become friends... emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 7/21/2013 6:19PM

    That is a truly wonderful job you are doing - you wouldn't be as good at what you do if you did NOT become close to them. I will pray for your friend and her hubby - it is hard to lose someone you love but even harder to watch them start to fade away. (HUGS)

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BABY_GIRL69 7/21/2013 5:48PM

    May our God of comfort give you all peace in this time of uncertainty. He will give you strength to continue in love and help with healing process. In Jesus name. Amen.

God bless,

Dee

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POPSY190 7/21/2013 5:44PM

    Good you are feeling ok. Although it is very sad about your friends try not to take too much of their grief and loss on yourself. You need to look after yourself first, then you can be a better support to others. emoticon

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HDHAWK 7/21/2013 5:44PM

    It sounds similar to how I feel about my students after working with them and their families for 6 years. I'm sure they are glad to have your friendship. Sounds like you are doing well otherwise.

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LARISSA238 7/21/2013 5:31PM

    *hugs* I can't imagine losing someone after 70 years of marriage. I can't think about losing Geo, and it's only been 8 years for us. My heart goes out to her, and I will keep all of you in my thoughts!

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ANGGEL40 7/21/2013 4:56PM

    Keeping you all in my Prayers..married for 70 years what a Blessing..God Bless you emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/21/2013 4:57:14 PM

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KNYAGENYA 7/21/2013 3:11PM

    emoticon

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CHERYL_ANNE 7/21/2013 3:08PM

    I'll be keeping all of you in my prayers and thoughts and sending good vibes your way.

Is your friend in hospice care in Assisted Living? I ask not from a nosy perspective but as someone who has benefited greatly by the experiences I had first with my Grandma, and then with my stepdad. My Mom also volunteers with a hospice in the bereavement department.

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SHERIO5 7/21/2013 3:02PM

    Hard to fathom is right!

I'm glad they have you as a friend! You'll know what to say and do when the time comes.

I hope you can enjoy the sun while it lasts! emoticon

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ARNETTELEE 7/21/2013 2:53PM

  Thanks for sharing! 70 years is a long time. We celebrate our 40th in November. Will keep thoughts and prayers for your friends.

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Update on Medicine Issues

Saturday, July 20, 2013

I've let several of you know this today, but I want you all to be aware of what has transpired this week.

I contacted my doctor and got the go ahead to decrease my medicine by 2/3, saving quite a bit of money of the medicine. I may even be able to decrease it more once I see him on the 30th. He seemed confident that I should do fine with the decrease. My medicine is for mood stabilization relating to my bipolar disorder. I would ask you all to keep an eye on me. If I start getting depressed and it shows consistently in my writing, or if I get manic, and start writing a lot of stuff that no longer makes sense, please point it out to me. Sometimes I am unaware of these signs and may not go for help very quickly. But I trust your friendship and I will appreciate your feedback. Fortunately I have a good support system in my family and friends. My hubby is very tuned into my moods and actions and can tell very quickly when something is not right. He directs me to my doctor, but sometimes it would help me be serious about getting help if I am hearing it from other people as well that things don't seem quite right with me.

I had to go through 4 days of withdrawal symptoms while I decreased my dose, but that is over now and I feel back to normal. During this week, with all the turmoil about my medicine, I ended up not getting to workout... due to not feeling good, and I didn't control my eating very well. Time to get back on track, and today is going well in that regard!

Thank you all for continued prayers and encouragement!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KLMEIRING 7/24/2013 8:13PM

    emoticon

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KANOE10 7/21/2013 9:03AM

    I am glad you are feeling better and that you feel like yourself again..but with a lower dose. We are all here to support you. I am so glad you have a wonderful family. I know you will get back on track with healthy eating..

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KELLIEBEAN 7/21/2013 8:11AM

    We got your back babe! I'm hoping this is a wonderful new chapter in your life!

Keep on writing!

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POPSY190 7/21/2013 3:10AM

    Will do. All the best.

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_JODI404 7/20/2013 9:39PM

    You know I will be here for you! I hope that the decrease continues to go successfully for you.

Very glad you are feeling better and ready to get back on track!

Prayers & best wishes for continued health & well being... body, mind, & spirit.

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SHERIO5 7/20/2013 8:22PM

    You sound very positive about your decision to reduce your meds! I'm glad the physical symptoms from withdrawal are subsiding now.

Great work on getting back to workouts and eating well today!

Absolutely will keep an eye on you, and praying you continue to do well!

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HDHAWK 7/20/2013 7:01PM

    Good luck with the med change. We'll be keeping an eye on you! emoticon

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CHERYL_ANNE 7/20/2013 6:33PM

    You got it.

I'm so happy to hear you're feeling more "yourself." Also proud to see that you're continuing on your way!

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TRAVELGRRL 7/20/2013 4:35PM

    Good luck with cutting down on your meds! My daughter has bipolar as well and it's quite a wild ride. emoticon I really wish you well.

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I'd Call Myself Successful

Sunday, July 14, 2013

I'm happy to say that for the first time having guests in the house, I did very little emotional eating. I can't say I didn't have any binges, but there were only two in two weeks. This is astounding news. It has boosted my self-esteem to be successful in this way. And, I was diligent and able to get many workouts in while taking care of two little people and working part-time as well.

I am not worn out from company. I feel peaceful and happy. Hubby and I are getting back to our normal routine. It's nice to have each other all to ourselves again. Empty nest agrees with us.

I am so relaxed that I didn't even panic when I went to pick up a medicine at the pharmacy and had to start using my hubby's new insurance plan. I didn't realize the plan no longer had co-pays for meds. I got sticker shock. My main medicine (one of 5) costs $426 for 30 days, and this is the generic price! Deductible of $5000 means it will take most of a year of paying for it outright to get past it. We've always had coverage for meds, and I realize many people are in my shoes. It's just that we try to get to Hawaii to see our son, and my folks live in the midwest and I have to fly to see them. I'd like to see them twice a year, as they are aging.

As I said, I didn't panic. My hubby is reassuring me that we'll work it out. I'm going to see my doctor and see what we can do about finding an alternative med. I'd like to wean off of this very costly medicine. There are many potential side effects in going off of it, but I'm hopeful that it will work out. I'm a lot healthier now and I could potentially get along without it.

Prayers would be much appreciated!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 7/16/2013 8:23AM

    I am keeping you in my prayers. That is awful about your medicine costing 425 a month and not being covered by insurance, I hope you find a better alternative that is cheaper. I have the same thing..my children live far away and it is expensive to see them..but so worth it.

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BABY_GIRL69 7/15/2013 8:52PM

    I know exactly what you mean about enjoying time alone together. In a few years I am looking forward to it but then again, we will be on the road together. We might possible give up our house/home to get a condo & just travel. Company is good to have but I am overjoyed when they are gone. Sorry about your medicine. I did have a medicine that was $50 a month and that was with insurance. I spoke with my doctor who gave me something that even without insurance they are cost effective like $20 and under. I will be praying for you and that something changes and pray God changes your health situation.

God bless & walk in your healing....

Dee

Comment edited on: 7/15/2013 8:53:21 PM

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SHERIO5 7/14/2013 9:24PM

    You absolutely are successful!

I hope you can find an alternative to your costly med, or like others have said, maybe discounts from the manufacturer.

You are a winner!



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LARISSA238 7/14/2013 9:09PM

    *hugs* when I didn't have insurance, I would tell my doctor to get me the older meds that still work because if he gave me something expensive I wouldn't be able to take it. See if you can get help, like someone else said. Many insurance companies have cost sharing programs to help people out. *hugs* I will keep you in my thoughts!

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JULIAINLA 7/14/2013 4:45PM

    Sending prayers for everything to work out as it should.... emoticon

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_JODI404 7/14/2013 3:02PM

    emoticon Lori!! I would absolutely call that an impressive success!!!

You did an emoticon job of making the best of the entire situation!!


Oh my goodness, that is beyond sticker shock at the Pharmacy!!!

Did Hubby change jobs, or did the same employer change their plans?
I know every year the burden on the employee becomes higher and higher. It can be very costly, especially if it does take a long time to meet the ever-increasing deductible amounts.

Definitely work with your Doctor on this one! I hope you can find a solution that is both affordable and keeps you in good health.

Very proud of you for doing so well during a difficult and challenging time!!

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CHERYL_ANNE 7/14/2013 2:55PM

    I wonder if the pharmaceutical company that manufactures your prescription has a patient assistance program in place to help you continue receiving the medicine. If they offer it you will find a link off of their website. For example, I received my asthma medication through a similar program while my husband was unemployed for 2 years.

Comment edited on: 7/14/2013 2:56:15 PM

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DEBADEAU 7/14/2013 2:54PM

    Have you thought about opening a health savings account? The month is tax free so you are automatically saving money. With a deductible of 5000, you'd qualify to get one. Depending on the medication, look into half tab programs or mail order.

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HEALTHYFOREVER4 7/14/2013 2:22PM

    emoticon on your success! And you're absolutely right, it is definitely a success! It's all our little successes that add up to our overall success! You're doing a phenomenal job! I am sorry about the insurance thing though, but your hubby is right, you guys will work it out somehow.

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DAWNDMOORE40 7/14/2013 2:20PM

    emoticon Prayers for you Spark Friend! I know how much of a shock it can be when your insurance plans turns your life upside down! Ours didn't happen with medicine, but it happened when our doctor visits and other tests went from a copay to coinsurance, but only after we reach a yearly deductible of 1400 dollars. The only reason it's 1400 instead of 2400 is because we are able to do steps in the plan to lower the deductible, then we can take the money we save and use it on medical costs. However, process is a pain in the rumpus! Hang in there! I can definitely relate and I hope they work something out with your medicine! Don't worry and be happy! God loves you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Weight Lifting in the Water

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I hadn't been in a pool for months. Today I met my son and his girlfriend, my daughter and her two preschoolers, and I had my older grandchildren with me. We swam and played in the pool for the whole 2 hours we were there!

I did some actual swimming in the beginning when it was just my son and my two older grandkids who can swim and are tall enough to stand in the 3.5 foot deep water.

When the other two little ones arrived, it was a whole different ballgame. They take constant supervision. They had swimmies on their arms, but they are 2 and 4 and don't know how to really swim. They are very bold and you have to watch them. The two year old girl jumped in once when I hadn't gotten a chance to get right in front of her to catch her. No real problem, I was close enough to get her face out of the water quickly. She was a bit surprised at a full face of water, but it didn't cause her to shy away from jumping off the side into my arms. I repeatedly lifted her back up to stand on the side. The next turn was my grandsons, 4 years old and solid. I don't know how much he weighs, about 40 pounds. So lifting him up basically as far as my arms can reach above my head, over and over...well all I can say is that my arms feel like rubber. I am struggling to type! HaHa!

Now that's what I call getting exercise while playing with kids!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AALLEY2 7/13/2013 1:03PM

    That sounds like fun for your family. I have tried weight training at the pool, but not with little kids in tow! That sounds even better! emoticon

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SINGINGLADY3 7/11/2013 9:34AM

    Hi, my name is Judi. I am new to maintenance. Just reached my goal on Monday. I love your blog. Aren't little ones a joy? And to enjoy yourself so much and be "lifting weights" at the same time. Priceless. Have a day full of blessings. emoticon emoticon

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KANOE10 7/11/2013 6:15AM

    How fun. What a great way to get exercise!

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THOMASINA57 7/10/2013 8:34PM

    You'll sleep good tonight, that is if your aching arms don't keep you awake! Sounds like you had a ton of fun!

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CHERYL_ANNE 7/10/2013 7:31PM

    That sounds like a lovely afternoon to me!

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KELLIEBEAN 7/10/2013 7:22PM

    Exercising the fun way!

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_JODI404 7/10/2013 5:47PM

    emoticon That is an awesome way to get your workout and have family fun!!

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SHERIO5 7/10/2013 4:55PM

    Now that's what I call a fun way to get some strength training!

How much longer do you have the grandkids?

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LARISSA238 7/10/2013 4:30PM

    Talk about a fun workout! Sounds like you had a great time :)

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KNYAGENYA 7/10/2013 4:02PM

    Wow! You were busy.

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