Friday, June 21, 2013
We are now starting to harvest blueberries! We've had the bushes for 3 years, this is the 4th. Every year so far the birds ate all the berries, but this year my hubby made a mesh cage around them. He calls it a bird cage, since a couple of times a bird has found it's way inside.
Yesterday I picked the first berries. I had a nice handful, off of the five bushes. It's only the beginning, the bushes are full of berries this year.
I ate them all while standing outside, savoring their yumminess. I can't wait to be able to put some on my oatmeal in the morning.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Well, yesterday I was successful and finished my day 25 strong.
Then I woke up this morning with a mood change. Seems my hormones are jumping...I'm working toward the goal of menopause and having a few bumps. Before I went to work I called my husband crying, not wanting to face my workday. I wanted to open the shades to see the sun, but it was so hot already in the morning, I didn't want to heat up the house by letting the sun shine in. I cried about that, too. I haven't cried for "no reason" for quite some time now, and my hormones haven't really been jumping much. I just seemed out of sorts this morning. My heartburn was bothering me after breakfast of yogurt a plum. No coffee. I miss my coffee. Anyway this is all to say that I got off to a rocky start this morning.
I packed a nice lunch. Went to work and work wasn't so bad after all. I got home at 2:30 and sat to relax a minute. My hubby called and asked me to go to the store for something. I had to pick up something at the pharmacy there, so that worked out perfectly. Until I got in the store and was drawn to a day-old bakery cart. I have no idea what possessed me to take it, other than it was cake and only $1.50. Sucker! I started seeing other treats on sale and started to put three more items in my cart. NO! I put the three things back, but I hung on to the cake! WHY?! As I proceeded through the store I had a passing thought that "I am buying a binge food" Then, "I'll just have one piece and throw the rest away" "It will be worth 1.50."
Bought it. I usually try to go to the store with my hubby, which keeps me honest with myself. But I have to learn to go to the store on my own. It's not fair to make him go out to the store with me after work when he is tired. He has other things he wants to get done.
Including some of the cake and some potato chips, I ended up going over my calorie range by 800. I was in denial that I was binging until after a light supper I counted the calories I'd eaten. I decided to be a big girl and face facts that it was a binge. I may feel like saying it's a "small" binge, since I usually eat three times that in binge food. I didn't make myself sick feeling, or stuffed feeling, but I stopped. And a binge is a binge. You just know deep down that you are binge eating.
I think it's important for me to not overreact and punish myself for the binge. I want to be gentle and kind to myself. I wrote in my journal about my feelings and worked on a page in my Visual (art) Journal. I decided I'd fess up and blog about this, pick myself up and move on. I went upstairs and biked for 40 minutes. Nothing crazy. I don't plan to purge by exercising like a madwoman.
While I journaled I figured out how many days it is until my daughter's wedding. It's on Aug. 10. That's 57 days. What I want to do is surpass the 25 binge free days, but wouldn't it be awesome if I can stay binge-free till the wedding? (and beyond!)
So I call this a hiccup. Not a catastrophe.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Today is day 25 of my binge-free streak! I'm going to crush this!
I did have two days of temptation that I struggled to control, but those little whispers in God's ear for assistance strengthened me.
I had baked, with the intention of giving all except 4 bars away, so that hubby and I could each have two. When cutting them I allowed myself one. I was able to stop there after consulting my daddy in heaven. Of course, he's pulling for me and gladly helped me get my mind off of sweets. I know it was a dangerous thing to bake, but, I will be exposed to sweets in reality, and I need to know how to have the control over them and not let their draw overwhelm what I have firmly decided to accomplish: a healthy attitude toward food.
The other draw this past day or two was those red velvet truffles I had hid in the back of the fridge. I still managed to ration them to myself. Fortunately they are gone now. I am happy to say I have stayed within range of calories the past two days in spite of the temptations.
I've been working out later and later in the day lately. In the afternoon and evening it is so hot in my bonus room where our equipment is. We have central air, but upstairs the heat collects...there is no door. We have a new fangled floor model of an AC unit, with a hose out the window. It blows right at me on the elliptical and there's a ceiling fan, so not so bad. When Dr Oz is on at 4 I like to work out. Yesterday, I waited till after supper to work out, and opted for a walk in the 84 degree heat. I lasted an hour. (The sweat poured off of me, so I drank water, but probably not enough since I didn't have to get up and pee in the night like I usually do! I liked that! What a good night sleep I had!)
After that hot walk, I was sapped of energy and fell asleep sitting up with a book on my chest, at 7:30! Went to bed at 8:30 and woke up at 4:30. Counting the nap, I had 10 hours of sleep by then. So I've been up for quite a while. By 7:30, which is when I usually get up, I was upstairs working out for 40 minutes. Boring TV at that time...we don't have cable anymore, but I could read on my bike, and watch boring commercials while on the elliptical. It feels good to be done working out already.
I'm ready for a binge-free day!
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