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A Hiccup!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Well, yesterday I was successful and finished my day 25 strong.

Then I woke up this morning with a mood change. Seems my hormones are jumping...I'm working toward the goal of menopause and having a few bumps. Before I went to work I called my husband crying, not wanting to face my workday. I wanted to open the shades to see the sun, but it was so hot already in the morning, I didn't want to heat up the house by letting the sun shine in. I cried about that, too. I haven't cried for "no reason" for quite some time now, and my hormones haven't really been jumping much. I just seemed out of sorts this morning. My heartburn was bothering me after breakfast of yogurt a plum. No coffee. I miss my coffee. Anyway this is all to say that I got off to a rocky start this morning.

I packed a nice lunch. Went to work and work wasn't so bad after all. I got home at 2:30 and sat to relax a minute. My hubby called and asked me to go to the store for something. I had to pick up something at the pharmacy there, so that worked out perfectly. Until I got in the store and was drawn to a day-old bakery cart. I have no idea what possessed me to take it, other than it was cake and only $1.50. Sucker! I started seeing other treats on sale and started to put three more items in my cart. NO! I put the three things back, but I hung on to the cake! WHY?! As I proceeded through the store I had a passing thought that "I am buying a binge food" Then, "I'll just have one piece and throw the rest away" "It will be worth 1.50."

Bought it. I usually try to go to the store with my hubby, which keeps me honest with myself. But I have to learn to go to the store on my own. It's not fair to make him go out to the store with me after work when he is tired. He has other things he wants to get done.

Including some of the cake and some potato chips, I ended up going over my calorie range by 800. I was in denial that I was binging until after a light supper I counted the calories I'd eaten. I decided to be a big girl and face facts that it was a binge. I may feel like saying it's a "small" binge, since I usually eat three times that in binge food. I didn't make myself sick feeling, or stuffed feeling, but I stopped. And a binge is a binge. You just know deep down that you are binge eating.

I think it's important for me to not overreact and punish myself for the binge. I want to be gentle and kind to myself. I wrote in my journal about my feelings and worked on a page in my Visual (art) Journal. I decided I'd fess up and blog about this, pick myself up and move on. I went upstairs and biked for 40 minutes. Nothing crazy. I don't plan to purge by exercising like a madwoman.

While I journaled I figured out how many days it is until my daughter's wedding. It's on Aug. 10. That's 57 days. What I want to do is surpass the 25 binge free days, but wouldn't it be awesome if I can stay binge-free till the wedding? (and beyond!)

So I call this a hiccup. Not a catastrophe.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERYL_ANNE 6/14/2013 7:51AM

    Thank you for sharing with us. I know it was hard for you. You did good, honey!

It is exactly a hiccup in the day of a recovering Emotional Eater. You're trying to do the best job you can - however we EE's do need to re-fuel our bodies - and face fuel (food) at every meal, it is not a trigger we can avoid. It is a struggle and one that we must work at every day and also be okay with the fact that we will have to work at it every day!

What about the next time you have to go to the store you go with list-in-hand, and only purchase what is on the list - with the intent to re-train your brain (re-parent yourself? i.e., We would no more let our children start piling goodies in a cart to emotionally eat - yet we think nothing of doing that to ourselves - so we must be vigilant against allowing ourselves to do that very thing).

I sympathize with you because the day-old cart used to be a magnet for me too. Until my wheat (and other grain) allergies got the best of me. Funny how there is never any GF goodie day-old cart anywhere or I would seriously be dithering nearby!

Comment edited on: 6/14/2013 7:52:56 AM

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NUTRON3 6/14/2013 7:37AM

    Never give up, you will do it

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POPSY190 6/14/2013 3:17AM

    Good way to look at it. You are doing fine nearly the whole time and one trip up isn't a big deal.

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_JODI404 6/13/2013 9:59PM

    emoticon on making it 25 days -- that was fantastic.

emoticon on moving on and not beating yourself up! I like your term - hiccup. Definitely not a catastrophe!

You will continue to learn and get stronger and keep seeking His help as you need it.

emoticon You are learning new skills, new thinking and this will take time... but I KNOW you can make these changes successfully. Stay strong!



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KELLIEBEAN 6/13/2013 9:49PM

    Good for you not beating yourself up. You are right, it's a hiccup. It could have been worse and you handled it beautifully!

Keep looking forward! One day at a time!

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THOMASINA57 6/13/2013 8:55PM

    So sorry to hear you were having a bad day, but you have a great attitude and tomorrow is another day to get back on the binge free wagon.

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SHERIO5 6/13/2013 8:48PM

    Boy oh boy do I know about hormonal blips!!

I am glad you are having a good attitude about the binge. It is over. You know what to do now, and I am sure you will do it!

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Streak Continues!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Today is day 25 of my binge-free streak! I'm going to crush this! emoticon

I did have two days of temptation that I struggled to control, but those little whispers in God's ear for assistance strengthened me.

I had baked, with the intention of giving all except 4 bars away, so that hubby and I could each have two. When cutting them I allowed myself one. I was able to stop there after consulting my daddy in heaven. Of course, he's pulling for me and gladly helped me get my mind off of sweets. I know it was a dangerous thing to bake, but, I will be exposed to sweets in reality, and I need to know how to have the control over them and not let their draw overwhelm what I have firmly decided to accomplish: a healthy attitude toward food.

The other draw this past day or two was those red velvet truffles I had hid in the back of the fridge. I still managed to ration them to myself. Fortunately they are gone now. I am happy to say I have stayed within range of calories the past two days in spite of the temptations.

I've been working out later and later in the day lately. In the afternoon and evening it is so hot in my bonus room where our equipment is. We have central air, but upstairs the heat collects...there is no door. We have a new fangled floor model of an AC unit, with a hose out the window. It blows right at me on the elliptical and there's a ceiling fan, so not so bad. When Dr Oz is on at 4 I like to work out. Yesterday, I waited till after supper to work out, and opted for a walk in the 84 degree heat. I lasted an hour. emoticon (The sweat poured off of me, so I drank water, but probably not enough since I didn't have to get up and pee in the night like I usually do! I liked that! What a good night sleep I had!)

After that hot walk, I was sapped of energy and fell asleep sitting up with a book on my chest, at 7:30! Went to bed at 8:30 and woke up at 4:30. Counting the nap, I had 10 hours of sleep by then. So I've been up for quite a while. By 7:30, which is when I usually get up, I was upstairs working out for 40 minutes. Boring TV at that time...we don't have cable anymore, but I could read on my bike, and watch boring commercials while on the elliptical. It feels good to be done working out already.

I'm ready for a binge-free day! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEFIT014 6/12/2013 10:42PM

    I end up getting up a couple times during the night. I hate that!

Sounds like you're doing great! emoticon

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CHERYL_ANNE 6/12/2013 6:41PM

    You got this!

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SHERIO5 6/12/2013 6:11PM

    Way to go , Lori!

I have been doing better with binges...talking to God is helping,..lots of small victories. Thanks for being a motivator for me!

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KNYAGENYA 6/12/2013 2:37PM

    Good for you. I am so proud of you.

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_JODI404 6/12/2013 11:59AM

    You really are totally crushing it!!! Especially being able to successfully bake -- WoW -- I don't think I could do that.

Great job on getting your workouts done already! Hope you have a fabulous day!!

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KANOE10 6/12/2013 11:17AM

    Great job on 25 days. Woo Hoo. You are doing it.
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Comment edited on: 6/12/2013 11:17:52 AM

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KELLIEBEAN 6/12/2013 10:59AM

    25 days! YAHOO!!!! I think I heard it takes 22 days to develop a new habit, something like that so yes, you are crushing this!!

Very smart to learn to ration treats. You have to live realistically.

I'm SO happy for you.

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PEZMOM1 6/12/2013 10:57AM

    emoticon

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THOMASINA57 6/12/2013 10:49AM

    Wow, you are doing so well.. emoticon You are proving to yourself that you have the inner strength to succeed and writing about your adventures and turning to you sparkfriends and of course the ones closest to you in your life are all steps in the right direction.

It's not easy and you are acing it!!!!!!!!!

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Tummy Troubles

Monday, June 10, 2013

Warning! this is about a health issue so you don't have to read it. But I'd love input!

I found myself only working out on 3 out of 7 days in the past week. I am having acid reflux problems and lots of the workouts I do add to the pressure on my belly, which increases the problem.

After each meal I find I have to stand around/walk around/stand at my high kitchen counter working on my laptop, etc, for an hour or more. That's the only time I don't feel the heartburn. But as I speak, it's been an hour since lunch and I've been on my feet all this time, with heartburn. I eat bland food all day. I'm not drinking acidic drinks, or eating acidic fruit, or fatty foods. I can't find a liquid antacid that doesn't give me bowel trouble. I'm taking the Zantac 150, and have the head of my bed elevated. All night I get heartburn even when my stomach is full. Ah me, I guess it's time to see a doctor.

25 years ago I was told I have GERD and a hiatal hernia. Much of the time since then I've used some sort of over the counter remedy, with pretty good success. I carry most of my excess weight in my lower belly and I think that presses on my stomach and pushes it up. It's not like I haven't been trying to get rid of it. I work hard at it. I try to always loosen my pants at the waist to keep the pressure off. But that isn't always possible. The conundrum I have is that in order to lose lose weight I need to work out, and many of the exercises I do add pressure to my tummy. After all, I need to hold in my abs to have good form and to firm up those muscles. So I get heartburn from working out.

Truth is I have heartburn all the time, so I might as well work out! What's the difference?

I'm mostly afraid of causing further inflammation and scarring of my lower esophagus like I had 25 years ago and had to have strictures there dilated on two occasions, which is a very uncomfortable and nauseating thing to have done.

As I said, any input is very welcome!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNEMAC5 6/11/2013 12:46AM

    You need to get checked by Dr, either an increase or change of meds sorry you are having a rough time

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SHERIO5 6/10/2013 10:40PM

    Yikes! I hope you can see a doctor soon. My husband also has some of your issues. He has gotten great relief with medication, prescription.

Sorry you aren't doing well... emoticon

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BEFIT014 6/10/2013 8:32PM

    I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I have no ideas, either. I hope someone here can help you!

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KANOE10 6/10/2013 5:20PM

    I wish I could help you. I don't know anything about that. But I am sorry you are uncomfortable. Do you have any doctors that seem to be able to help you? Does yogurt help? Papaya is supposed to be easy to digest. When I had a bad reaction in Mexico..papaya and yogurt helped me out. What about pro-biotics?

Hope you feel better.

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Tummy Troubles

Monday, June 10, 2013

Warning! this is about a health issue so you don't have to read it. But I'd love input!

I found myself only working out on 3 out of 7 days in the past week. I am having acid reflux problems and lots of the workouts I do add to the pressure on my belly, which increases the problem.

After each meal I find I have to stand around/walk around/stand at my high kitchen counter working on my laptop, etc, for an hour or more. That's the only time I don't feel the heartburn. But as I speak, it's been an hour since lunch and I've been on my feet all this time, with heartburn. I eat bland food all day. I'm not drinking acidic drinks, or eating acidic fruit, or fatty foods. I can't find a liquid antacid that doesn't give me bowel trouble. I'm taking the Zantac 150, and have the head of my bed elevated. All night I get heartburn even when my stomach is full. Ah me, I guess it's time to see a doctor.

25 years ago I was told I have GERD and a hiatal hernia. Much of the time since then I've used some sort of over the counter remedy, with pretty good success. I carry most of my excess weight in my lower belly and I think that presses on my stomach and pushes it up. It's not like I haven't been trying to get rid of it. I work hard at it. I try to always loosen my pants at the waist to keep the pressure off. But that isn't always possible. The conundrum I have is that in order to lose lose weight I need to work out, and many of the exercises I do add pressure to my tummy. After all, I need to hold in my abs to have good form and to firm up those muscles. So I get heartburn from working out.

Truth is I have heartburn all the time, so I might as well work out! What's the difference?

I'm mostly afraid of causing further inflammation and scarring of my lower esophagus like I had 25 years ago and had to have strictures there dilated on two occasions, which is a very uncomfortable and nauseating thing to have done.

As I said, any input is very welcome!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 6/10/2013 11:16PM

    Lori,

I'm sorry I don't have any input. I don't have any familiarity with these issues.

However, I agree, since you have tried all you know, it may be best to make an appointment with a Doctor.


Wishing you well & hope you find relief soon!

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Intense For Me

Sunday, June 09, 2013

I start this out on a negative note, but don't worry! In the end I get my attitude in line!

Yesterday:

I was expecting my daughter and her 9 and 8 year olds to come for an overnighter yesterday. I was mentally prepared, or so I thought. The 9 year old boy was a joy this time, but his sister was drama queen last night and this morning. Wow. Emotional. Deanna said that either one or the other has a period of this, alternating with each other. So I'm not looking forward to their 2 different stays with us this summer, a week each time. Fortunately my husband does most of the work. My mental health is often jeopardized by extended visits. But I must say as I have gotten older, I've adjusted better to this. Mostly I succumb to eating to distract from my stress.

Yesterday got complicated by my other daughter's family showing up. Her pregnant self with her hubby and two kids in tow.

They never show up unannounced and they got here at dinner time. I had nothing to feed them since they eat vegan and I hadn't been to the grocery store. No veggies on hand except the sweet potato that I had baked fries out of just when they arrived. She is VERY temperamental when she gets hungry when she is pregnant (didn't we all?) and never can decide what she is hungry for.

I was so relieved when they decided to get themselves food, and didn't want us to worry about that. They were smart, knowing that they unfairly showed up at a meal time. These vegan folks bend their own rules especially during her pregnancy since she craves pizza and wheat this pregnancy (they also try to stay away from gluten)

Their kids are 3 and 2, so you can imagine the added commotion! Their dad and the 3 year old hearing aids, yet everyone has to speak loudly and enunciate for them. Which adds to the commotion.

To top it off, the 8 year old girl doesn't have patience for the little ones. She spent most of the time in the bedroom overcoming her attitudes.

I just busied myself at the sink. Only ate my sweet potato fries and some nuts. Talked with whichever child was playing nicely and pulled out a new toy for the kids. We all played with it, it is a set of sewing cards made out of wood, which they all liked. It occupied the most rambunctious 3 year old boy. I think he gets crazy because he is bored. He's a very intelligent kid. Almost 4.

My daughters pulled out my ice cream freezer and made lemon Strawberry sorbet. It was so very sweet. They put the whole 2 cups of sugar in it! And they usually don't let their kids eat sugar! Very strange. But it was fun, all except for the motor running for almost an hour. That I think was the most stressful part for me, the noise of the motor.

The good in all this is that I got to see 4 of my grands, and got to love up on them. And my daughters had a nice time together.

Best of all, I did not binge! In spite of all the stress. I kept in mind that it was my 21st day of my binge free streak. Three whole weeks! And I certainly didn't want to blow it.

Today I am being watchful and prayerful that I don't have decompression of stress by eating, now that they have all left. (only one of my daughters' family stayed with us overnight) I set in my mind a plan before i got out of bed. I was going to talk to my hubby and write in my prayer journal about all my feelings about the surprise visit and the stressful parts. I see now that it helped just now to also jot down the things I'm thankful for about the visit. The good points.

I'm sure you all would like to share with me how thankful I should be that I have a family in the first place, and that they love each other an they love me. I am thankful but needed to decompress a little. Thank you for any of you who were patient with me and willing to read my complaints. Complaining is of no value. I don't think it is one of my attractive characteristics. I want to grow into a kind, loving person, no matter what stress comes my way!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 6/9/2013 10:54PM

    Lori,

I know that these visits create a large amount of stress for you. Especially adding in the extra unplanned visit.

I applaud you for maintaining your streak throughout a stressful time. I know you love your kids, and grandkids. Feeling stress from extra chaos does not lessen your love. I didn't read this blog as you complaining. I read it as recounting the events of the weekend, how they made you feel, and how you handled it. And you handled it WELL!!!! I am very proud of you... every day you keep this streak -you are getting stronger!!

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LARISSA238 6/9/2013 9:54PM

    Major congrats on your binge-free streak! I'm on day 2, with a trip to the buffet tomorrow looming in sight. Geo wants to go there for dinner since it's right next to PT. I want to go there, too, but I have to be really careful not to binge again.

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 6/9/2013 6:14PM

    emoticon

emoticon
Kat

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OTTERMOMMY 6/9/2013 4:56PM

    You did great! I think, had I been in your position, the story would have had a much different outcome!

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SHERIO5 6/9/2013 3:03PM

    Give yourself a big emoticon

I think you are doing very well with your streak! Even our blessings can produce stress! You handled yours great!

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KANOE10 6/9/2013 1:11PM

    It is good to vent about your stress here. That is a positive thing. Much as we love our families, they can be stressful. Good for you not bingeing and staying on track. Have a great day of relaxing and decompressing.

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CHERYL_ANNE 6/9/2013 12:52PM

    You provided your children with a study foundation that they build on - and what they choose to put on top of that sturdy foundation reflects only on them and not you.

I see you sharing above and a teachable moment that we can use to model our behavior on should something similar happen to us.

I see no complaining because you didn't let it just pour over you and pull out the victim card - you muddled through your day and kept the promise you made to yourself.

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