LORILEEPAGE   56,751
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Intense For Me

Sunday, June 09, 2013

I start this out on a negative note, but don't worry! In the end I get my attitude in line!

Yesterday:

I was expecting my daughter and her 9 and 8 year olds to come for an overnighter yesterday. I was mentally prepared, or so I thought. The 9 year old boy was a joy this time, but his sister was drama queen last night and this morning. Wow. Emotional. Deanna said that either one or the other has a period of this, alternating with each other. So I'm not looking forward to their 2 different stays with us this summer, a week each time. Fortunately my husband does most of the work. My mental health is often jeopardized by extended visits. But I must say as I have gotten older, I've adjusted better to this. Mostly I succumb to eating to distract from my stress.

Yesterday got complicated by my other daughter's family showing up. Her pregnant self with her hubby and two kids in tow.

They never show up unannounced and they got here at dinner time. I had nothing to feed them since they eat vegan and I hadn't been to the grocery store. No veggies on hand except the sweet potato that I had baked fries out of just when they arrived. She is VERY temperamental when she gets hungry when she is pregnant (didn't we all?) and never can decide what she is hungry for.

I was so relieved when they decided to get themselves food, and didn't want us to worry about that. They were smart, knowing that they unfairly showed up at a meal time. These vegan folks bend their own rules especially during her pregnancy since she craves pizza and wheat this pregnancy (they also try to stay away from gluten)

Their kids are 3 and 2, so you can imagine the added commotion! Their dad and the 3 year old hearing aids, yet everyone has to speak loudly and enunciate for them. Which adds to the commotion.

To top it off, the 8 year old girl doesn't have patience for the little ones. She spent most of the time in the bedroom overcoming her attitudes.

I just busied myself at the sink. Only ate my sweet potato fries and some nuts. Talked with whichever child was playing nicely and pulled out a new toy for the kids. We all played with it, it is a set of sewing cards made out of wood, which they all liked. It occupied the most rambunctious 3 year old boy. I think he gets crazy because he is bored. He's a very intelligent kid. Almost 4.

My daughters pulled out my ice cream freezer and made lemon Strawberry sorbet. It was so very sweet. They put the whole 2 cups of sugar in it! And they usually don't let their kids eat sugar! Very strange. But it was fun, all except for the motor running for almost an hour. That I think was the most stressful part for me, the noise of the motor.

The good in all this is that I got to see 4 of my grands, and got to love up on them. And my daughters had a nice time together.

Best of all, I did not binge! In spite of all the stress. I kept in mind that it was my 21st day of my binge free streak. Three whole weeks! And I certainly didn't want to blow it.

Today I am being watchful and prayerful that I don't have decompression of stress by eating, now that they have all left. (only one of my daughters' family stayed with us overnight) I set in my mind a plan before i got out of bed. I was going to talk to my hubby and write in my prayer journal about all my feelings about the surprise visit and the stressful parts. I see now that it helped just now to also jot down the things I'm thankful for about the visit. The good points.

I'm sure you all would like to share with me how thankful I should be that I have a family in the first place, and that they love each other an they love me. I am thankful but needed to decompress a little. Thank you for any of you who were patient with me and willing to read my complaints. Complaining is of no value. I don't think it is one of my attractive characteristics. I want to grow into a kind, loving person, no matter what stress comes my way!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 6/9/2013 10:54PM

    Lori,

I know that these visits create a large amount of stress for you. Especially adding in the extra unplanned visit.

I applaud you for maintaining your streak throughout a stressful time. I know you love your kids, and grandkids. Feeling stress from extra chaos does not lessen your love. I didn't read this blog as you complaining. I read it as recounting the events of the weekend, how they made you feel, and how you handled it. And you handled it WELL!!!! I am very proud of you... every day you keep this streak -you are getting stronger!!

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LARISSA238 6/9/2013 9:54PM

    Major congrats on your binge-free streak! I'm on day 2, with a trip to the buffet tomorrow looming in sight. Geo wants to go there for dinner since it's right next to PT. I want to go there, too, but I have to be really careful not to binge again.

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 6/9/2013 6:14PM

    emoticon

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Kat

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OTTERMOMMY 6/9/2013 4:56PM

    You did great! I think, had I been in your position, the story would have had a much different outcome!

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SHERIO5 6/9/2013 3:03PM

    Give yourself a big emoticon

I think you are doing very well with your streak! Even our blessings can produce stress! You handled yours great!

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KANOE10 6/9/2013 1:11PM

    It is good to vent about your stress here. That is a positive thing. Much as we love our families, they can be stressful. Good for you not bingeing and staying on track. Have a great day of relaxing and decompressing.

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CHERYL_ANNE 6/9/2013 12:52PM

    You provided your children with a study foundation that they build on - and what they choose to put on top of that sturdy foundation reflects only on them and not you.

I see you sharing above and a teachable moment that we can use to model our behavior on should something similar happen to us.

I see no complaining because you didn't let it just pour over you and pull out the victim card - you muddled through your day and kept the promise you made to yourself.

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Reflections on Binge Eating

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

18 DAYS!

I have been binge free for 18 days as of tonight! I know I won't binge tonight, because I never binge at night. That's just not my time of day. I always stop eating after supper. I am done for the day. My longest streak last February was 18 days, so I have made it to that point. Ever since then I've barely made 5 days in a row at any one point.

Until now!

I did expose myself to sweets today. One of my favorites. I even bought some. But I had two small pieces (while in the parking lot) I knew it was day 18 and I wasn't about to let this sweet get in the way of success, so I tied a knot in the handles of the plastic bag from the store. There was no way I would get into that while I was driving. I had a few swallows of water to get the sweet taste out of my mouth and drove the 45 minutes home.

When I got home I put those cake truffles in the fridge way in the back. I'll forget about them. Or at least I'll ration them to myself.

An amazing thing is happening. I am finally accepting the help that God offers (that he will strengthen us to do what is right if we only ask for help.) I discovered in the past I'd ask for help without REALLY wanting help. I'd ask, knowing it was a good thing to ask for (strength to say no to overeating), but deep down I liked my binges and looked forward to eating whatever I wanted to in a short period of time. The binges tend to be comfortable. A familiar old friend; one that I had no intention of saying a real good-bye to. So I would ask for help, but only with the thought in the back of my head that I could still binge if I wanted to.

Something happened to finally get me to the point of truly wanting that help. I got sick of not having a sane relationship with food. I longed to have a healthy way of eating that didn't include regular feeding frenzies.

I went to God for help. I have had his help in a big way for a couple of personality disorders which I now no longer struggle with. So I know he is willing and able to help. I just had to realize that I could win this battle with his help.

As far as I'm concerned my battle isn't about weight, but about having a sane approach to eating. I think I'm finally on my way!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LARISSA238 6/7/2013 7:54PM

    You can do it! I binged today, so I'm back at day 1, but *big* congrats to your 18 day streak!

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_JODI404 6/6/2013 6:09PM

    Lori,

It sounds like you have made a pivotal realization! Congratulations on recognizing that this time you truly do want God's help to eat for good health not temporary comfort or other reasons.

Here's to having a sane approach to eating!! I do believe that you are truly on your way!

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SHERIO5 6/6/2013 9:11AM

    I am so happy for you, Lori!!!

I am encouraged by your words today. I am still seeking food sanity, I have glimmers of it, but not yet. I think I may not want it bad enough yet, maybe I'll change my prayer to wanting to want it bad enough.

Keep on shining !

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KANOE10 6/6/2013 8:48AM

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Way to go on the 18 days. You can do it.

I also got sick of my battles with food. It is so nice to wake up and feel happy with your choices from yesterday.

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BLUE42DOWN 6/6/2013 12:04AM

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KELLIEBEAN 6/5/2013 8:52PM

    I'm so happy for you. It sounds like you are finally ready. I hope tomorrow is another good day!

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OOLALA53 6/5/2013 8:30PM

    Food sanity is a lovely goal! Pray to God, but row to shore. Good job tying those handles. I've even put food in the trunk. Just cooperating with the universe.

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CHERYL_ANNE 6/5/2013 7:47PM

    Hurray for you finally being on your way!

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Stepping Up My Step Counts

Saturday, June 01, 2013

After a more sedentary type day yesterday (walking only 4000 steps throughout the day and not having a workout), I am off to a great start today.

I have a new Amy Grant album downloaded and I love the things she's singing about, it's quite upbeat and a great one to walk to. This morning it was a warm 75 degrees, a touch humid, but it's supposed to be 90 today and I decided to get my walk in early. 8:00 I took off. Funny how I start out thinking I'll only walk around the short loop (45 min.), then when I feel how stuffy the air is and how it seems to make my steps drag, I think maybe I'll just go around the block, 15 minutes.

I got into my music and took off at a very brisk pace and once I got going I decided I'm going to go for 70 minutes. I thought about it a little more and I pictured what route I would take.

It's a route that I've done parts of before but never combined them all. So I had fun. I tried not to look at my stopwatch on my iPhone very often. I kinda wanted to be surprised in the end how long I walked. But near the end I looked at my pedometer and saw that I had reached 4 miles. I made a decision that I would go for that last mile.

Walking a mile takes me 20 minutes, and those last 20 minutes my pace had slowed. I had sweat a lot, and I hate carrying water while I walk, so naturally I ran out of umpf.

I DID IT! I haven't walked that far since I was 41 years old, I'm now 54, and have developed arthritis in my big toe, and have a weakness in my left ankle from nerve damage I got when I had a ruptured disc a few years back. So I think I did pretty darn well!

This week I walked a lot. Some days a good deal of the steps were from walks, but they also include activity all day; I wear the pedometer all day. I made 10,600 one day, 15,000 the next, 13,700 and 13,200 the following days.

I hope you all have a wonderful, active weekend with sane eating! That's what I'm striving for!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 6/3/2013 10:27PM

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KLMEIRING 6/3/2013 5:47PM

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LARISSA238 6/2/2013 5:46PM

    Way to go! You are awesome!

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SHERIO5 6/2/2013 4:49PM

    Great job! I'm glad your body cooperated!

You are in quite the the streak!!! emoticon

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AM_MORRIS87 6/2/2013 1:36PM

    Whoo congratulations! You should be proud! :) I'm the same way, I'll start out thinking I'm going to run ___ minutes or miles, and then I'll say, "Okay, it's okay. I'll just run 30 minutes." But then I'll push for 45 or 50. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend and have a great week!

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I Threw It Out

Friday, May 31, 2013

My neighbor, Bob, likes to bake and deliver goodies to us. Last weekend he brought over a strawberry jello/cool whip pie. I didn't want it. Oh I would eat it if I started a binge with something else. Or I suppose if I tasted it to be able to tell him it was good, I would start binging on it.

After 6 days, I decided I didn't want it in the house anymore. My hubby had eaten a slice when it was fresh, but it sat there and the juices from the strawberries started seeping and it just didn't look appealing at all. So in the end it wasn't hard to throw it out this morning. Down the disposal it went. I felt good about that. Really good. I hadn't even tasted it. What tastes good is the victory!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERIO5 6/1/2013 10:08AM

    Awesome!

I can't say I would always be able to do that! But, I try to remind myself that if I'm going to indulge, I am worth the very freshest and my favorite...not some sad, tired leftover!

You are doing so well!

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KANOE10 6/1/2013 9:12AM

    Well done. I throw trigger foods out also. That is a very nice victory for you.
emoticon emoticon At Xmas I put the rest of a pecan pie down the disposal and threw out goodies.

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ANNEMAC5 6/1/2013 1:00AM

    emoticon so hard to throw stuff out

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_JODI404 5/31/2013 9:32PM

    Victory does taste better!! emoticon

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BABY_GIRL69 5/31/2013 9:25PM

    You were so good......I would've probably taken it to work or shared it with someone else just to get it out of my house....

God bless,

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BARCLE 5/31/2013 7:28PM

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LADYGSC 5/31/2013 7:05PM

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BJPENNY70 5/31/2013 5:58PM

    You had a victory!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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KEEP_GOING247 5/31/2013 5:02PM

    Good for you! It is such a hard thing to but you have just proved (especially to yourself) how far you have come on this journey. emoticon

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DELLMEL 5/31/2013 5:00PM

  What away to go. But you could just tell him that your are dieting now and if he could hold off on the sweet.

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Description of My Day Eleven Being Binge-Free

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Yesterday I was faced with situations that were dangerous for me. I was exposed to foods that would probably trigger a binge.

First, I went for an oil change. The good thing is that I wasn't even going there thinking of the Krispy Kreme donuts they keep for people who are waiting. FREE. I usually have one or two (I go in the morning while they still have some.) Then I have the mentality of "well I've blown it on calories today, so who cares if I go for everything I desire." Once I was there I saw a man taking a bite out of a donut and was reminded that they were available. I told myself a firm no and forgot about it. That wasn't as hard as it would have been earlier in this binge-free streak.

While I was waiting for the car, I walked over to the nearby Starbucks. I decided on my treat to be a skinny vanilla latte (iced). While I was waiting to be waited on, I saw their sweets display and eyed up the rice krispy bars. That is a rather low calorie choice, I told myself, but shook my head and told myself no. Made my order for my latte and moved on.

After the oil change, I talked a while with the salesman. Got some numbers on a car purchase war were thinking of making later that day. No food problems there, except it got to be 11:30 and I was getting hungry. I had to go to the grocery store and thought i should go home and eat something first.

But I decided I would wait so my lunch wouldn't be so early. I went in the store and the walk from the door to the produce department takes my right through the bakery. I scanned the ad for their sales when coming in and saw that they had a special on pound cakes, so when I was going through the bakery I came right past the table with the cakes on it. I stopped, and spotted the sour cream pound cake and gazed at it, debating with myself if I was going to get it. Thought about how moist it might be. Then I glanced up and took in the sight of all the other goodies and caught myself in the act and asked myself "what are you doing?!!!! WALK AWAY!" I went and got my baby carrots and thanked God for helping me see what I was doing. I made it out of the store with my groceries which included a planned treat. I had seen a few days ago a kind of vanilla biscuit made in Israel, that are 35 calories for two. Just a perfect treat for after a meal. Not heavy on sugar so it doesn't trigger binges for me.

I went home, had a healthy lunch and two biscuits.

Again I had to expose myself to food. After lunch I went to Trader Joes to get my wild blueberries for my oats in the morning. I picked up a few things and the cookies caught my eye, but not for long. I was satisfied from my biscuits. I was full from my lunch.

I managed to get a 45 minute walk before my son asked me to meet him for coffee. I wasn't even tempted by treats.

One more issue came up that day. We were buying a car after we'd eaten at Firehouse Subs. At Firehouse I bought the sandwich as a combo so I could get a bag of chips to take home for some evening with supper. I put them in our truck, which we proceeded to trade in for a car. (YAY! I finally have another corolla...I'd given mine to my son a few years ago, and boy did I miss that car.) When we cleaned out the truck my hubby gave me my chips. I walked around carrying them while we waited for the new car to be prepared for us to take home. I worked hard to not eat them. I was really tempted. I told my hubby that I was struggling to not eat them. That diffused it and I realized that I really didn't want them.

I'm surprised that I'm finding it easier to say no. I am not out of the woods, I know. But I feel if I continue in the prayerful mindset, I will do well. One thing I read recently is to not make such a big deal if you have a hiccup and mess up one day. Feeling like it's so terrible and that it's the end of the world if you blow it only sets you up to perpetuate the cycle of binges/restriction.

So that was DAY ELEVEN. SUCCESS!

Right now I'm happy with my calorie level and exercise routine, and I don't feel so stressed with "OH NO when is it going to happen next?!!" I"m a lot more chill.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERIO5 5/31/2013 7:52AM

    I hope you are feeling really proud! Keep up the great work!

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KANOE10 5/31/2013 7:33AM

    You are doing great resisting your trigger foods and finding healthy substitutes. Good work.! emoticon

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_JODI404 5/30/2013 11:15PM

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Great job Lori ~ avoiding ALL of those various temptations!!

I had a similar day full of temptations recently and I felt so empowered by my ability to stay strong and resist.

You are doing so great!

Happy, less stressed, and more chill = *A*W*E*S*O*M*E*N*E*S*S* !!!!!!!!

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LARISSA238 5/30/2013 10:08PM

    Great job! The longer you go without it, the easier it gets!

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