Sunday, March 10, 2013
"it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon me and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light." -Jesus in the book of Matthew.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1:10
I am a people pleaser. Especially when it comes to worrying what other people think about my body. I get so consumed by trying to eat and exercise for the purpose of bettering the look of my body that I no longer strive to serve God.
I need to focus on servitude.
I need to live by the Spirit; work on allowing the Spirit's fruit to be expressed in my life. These fruits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, FAITHFULNESS and SELF-CONTROL.
Faithful to God being my god and not letting my stomach be my god. Including allowing the Spirit be expressed in my self-control in my eating habits. With the Spirit in me I do have the capacity to have self-control.
I have an obsession about my weight. I'm having thoughts pertaining to what God may feel about weight. (one time I read a scripture, Isaiah 53:2 that left me with the impression that physical beauty is not something God would care about, though I do know our health matters. This verse states "He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground, He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." If you read it in context you can see it is a prophesy about Jesus.)
Mark 11:23 records Jesus saying,"Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." God is happy to help us with our attitudes of the heart that trip us up and take our eyes off of him. The thing I am now planning to cast into the sea is my frame of mind that is my obsession with my body.
What would it mean to be done with my obsession?
No more constant weigh-ins.
No more focus on calories, but on portion size and healthy eating, no more binges.
Enjoy what I eat but eat for hunger not cravings.
No more talking about, and boring others in my family about calories and workouts.
I'd still exercise regularly, without being obsessed with counting every calorie I'm burning.
I'd still take care of my body.
I'd have more mental time for giving to others and be less self focused.
I wouldn't have body image problems, I'd set aside self-consciousness.
I know this is the right thing to do. My faith dictates it.
But it is hard.
What makes it hard? my selfishness gets in the way of my faith.
It is right, it is good, it is godly. I have the Spirit's power and the Spirit is nudging me to consider this. The Spirit is reassuring me. It's a big change after 30 years of counting calories and obsession.
"Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." -Philippians 3:8
These things are what I want to focus on and God by serving people. I will not be devoted to SparkPeople over devotion to my God. I get too wrapped up in focusing on what people think and say to me; not negative comments by other SparkPeople, because I never have had those, but all the yearning for praise that I do.
Saturday, March 02, 2013
I started the day discouraged that I haven't lost any weight that I gained this past few weeks with company here. I gained 4 pounds and though I'm still within range of my maintenance numbers, I want to get back down to 144. I was sulking about it this morning and my hubby, who was in pain from his shoulder injury, told me to stop thinking about myself and think about others. He made a lot of sense. It was silly of me to be obsessing about my weight when he was in pain. He did offer to go to the mall to walk a 1 mile lap. He said it would take his mind off of his pain.
So we walked at the mall, before the stores were open, so we could go along at a really good pace. He couldn't stand to do any more than that, but I was grateful he helped me get out.
Then in the afternoon I told him I planned to do my ST, but wasn't motivated. He asked me if I listen to music when I do ST. I said no, I don't have a good way to do it. He found an old pair of speakers and found a cord that would connect my iPhone up to them so I could listen to my favorite tunes. I listen when I walk, because I can carry my phone in my pocket. But I don't have an arm band for my phone, and when I lay down to do exercises on my back, my headphones fall off. Anyway, his solution was perfect and I was very motivated, not just by the music, but by his kindness and efforts to help me with my goals.
I love my hubby!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
This month is about over and it was a good one for our family. Lots of great family gatherings. I faltered quite a bit with binges happening quite a bit, with all the stress the good times brought, but I'm only a few pounds up and will be able to concentrate on getting rid of them in March.
I had a potentially emotional day with my son and his family and my 21 year old son taking off to fly to Hawaii tonight. They have to spend 13 hours in the air plus a 12 hour layover overnight tonight. I am not too worried about them. I didn't get emotional when they left. My hubby drove them to the airport and there was no room for me in the car. So I went in the house and cleaned. Bathroom, laundered towels and sheets from three rooms, dishes, cleaned up all the little messes that come with having a 2 year old playing with toys and making messes at the table. It was a very effective way to avoid binging. I had told myself earlier today "I will NOT have a binge today!" I'm finishing up day 5 being on a binge free streak.
As soon as I was finished cleaning, my hubby came back from the airport and we had supper. I haven't had a 7pm snack the past several nights, as I'm only eating when hungry, and so far my suppers have held me till bedtime.
The house is nice and quiet now. Our month long visit with our oldest son (31 years old) and his wife and daughter was really special. I took lots of pictures and a few videos of little Ingrid. We will do iChat with them every couple of weeks, and then we will finally meet their new baby in August. He is due in late May so he'll be around 2 months old when we go meet him.
It's so quiet at nights now. We cancelled cable and my hubby has an iPad mini that he watches Netflix on. He uses headphones, so I sit next to him in the silence and read. Tonight I spent some time writing in two of my journals, and catching up on Spark.
Stressors will be low for a while now if there are no surprises. I suppose my daughter could surprise us and ask for us to babysit her 2 and 3 year olds this weekend sometime, and that can throw me off. But I hoping for the best!
New month starting tomorrow and I'm excited to get off on the right foot. Weekend is coming up and I wish you all a weekend (and month) with sane and healthy eating...good workouts, too!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
My hubby had words of wisdom for me today.
We were eating out for lunch and I was explaining something I had figured out as a trigger for my emotional eating. I told him that last night when we had the grandchildren over, he was very attentive to them and I didn't feel needed to help with them. I felt like I wasn't included. This happens whenever the kids are around. I end up eating. Also on weekends when he goes to the computer room to work, I feel like I'm not included and feel left out. So I often turn to food. I think I remember eating as a child when I felt like my mother was busy with my baby brothers, and I felt left out. Also when I was 13, I had some friends tell me I couldn't hang out with them anymore. and you guessed it...I ate. Whenever I tried to figure out what I did or didn't do or what I lacked that made them exclude me, I couldn't figure it out so I turned to food.
So rejection, or feeling excluded or left out, triggers a turn to food.
But when I told my hubby about my theory, he said,"Stop analyzing your reasons for eating. I think you eat because you like to eat. You love food." Well, I had to laugh at that because it is true. He told me I just need to remember that just because I like to eat does not mean I should do it whenever I feel like it. I have to have moderation. He suggests that I am so much more able to avoid excess eating if I am doing something, keeping busy. He said my best bet is to come up with something that I love to do more than I love to eat. I think he has something here. My reasoning is possible, but plain and simple...I love to eat.
So to follow his advice, I decided what I wanted to spend my birthday money on. Craft supplies. I spent an hour online choosing assorted items I can use in the art journal I am working on and things to sew onto my cloth journal I will make. I figure these supplies will come in handy as I get to work on a project or two to take some of my free time off my hands. I also am going to go to Mary Jo's cloth store and get some fabric for a quilt I want to make and for the cloth journal.
So those things should help keep me busier.
Today when I woke up I decided it was the day I wanted to bake something special for my birthday. I wanted cut-out sugar cookies. My son here from Hawaii really likes them, too, so they are a treat for him, too. I ran short of regular flour, and had to substitute about a cup of the 2 1/2 cups flour with wheat flour. I wasn't sure I'd like that. I love my original recipe. They taste good anyway, but the wheat flour makes them more filling. I don't think I can eat as many of them as usual. Which is a very good thing.
My birthday is tomorrow and I picked IHOP as my restaurant to eat at to celebrate. They are very busy on Sunday's so we're going to go in the late afternoon, I hope it isn't so busy then. I like the egg substitute scrambled eggs with turkey bacon and two pancakes with Sugar Free syrup. I don't know why this is such a big treat for me. I just love hot breakfast and never make it for myself. Especially pancakes.
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