Thursday, January 31, 2013
My mammogram and ultrasound revealed that I only have dense breasts. Quite a relief that there was no sign of any cyst or tumor! The radiologist said that my previous mammos revealed dense tissue, but I was never informed about this, otherwise I could have saved myself the extra concern I had.
Well now I know!
Thank you all for your support and prayers!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Update: One binge in 22 days. I feel good about that.
Tomorrow is my diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. My gyn found a lump on January 8 and I'm finally getting the test done. I was supposed to have it last Friday, but we had an ice storm and I postponed it. My hubby will drive me. It will be a comfort to have him there, though I'm not worried about the appointment. I just appreciate his support.
I've heard many women say that when they find a lump it often leads to a biopsy. I am not looking forward to that, if it has to happen. They won't just decide to do it tomorrow will they? They would have to read the mammogram and have the radiologist read the ultrasound, right? Then my doctor will call me to her office or schedule me another appointment for the biopsy, right? anyone been through this and care to share with me?
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I have a great streak going here!
I have not had a binge in 15 days. I had been having them every 5 days always going 800 or more calories over my top number in my range. This was really getting to me. I had a period before that I did well without them, so I knew I could do it again.
I am doing a reward system to keep me on a streak. I give myself a dollar each day I stay on track and a bonus of $5 for each 10 days. (I'm also doing the dollar per workout, though not trying for a daily streak.) Money has a way of really motivating me.
Settling on what to spend it on is proving to be a challenge in itself. I don't know if I want to enjoy little things, spending it as I go, or save for something bigger like major equipment. Clothes are in the medium price range. Craft magazines and supplies are a strong possibility. I'm not into mani or pedis. My husband is willing to pay for hair appointments anyway so that's no fun. But the craft mags that I love are about $15 each so that's why I keep going back to that...i wouldn't spend my husbands money on those.
Sure, I've had a nice streak going...but last night I faced a major challenge.... and was victorious! For the first time since I started my streak, I had a strong urge to give in to a binge on sweets. I haven't had sweets this whole time, which is a miracle in itself, and last night I had one of my hubby's brownies. It was within my range for the day, but after getting that gooey sweet chocolate in my mouth OOOH I wanted more! I decided not and found myself staring into the pantry...no good could come of that. Decided NOT to give in to a binge.
I pulled away, but quickly lost track of my decision to not binge and moved on to the fridge. I saw the gumdrop white fudge box, which is hidden under the bean dip, but remembered it was there, though I NEVER think about it. OH I can have ONE piece. But I remembered how enticing it is to eat it and how I've never eaten just one piece. So I backed away from the fridge. I recognized that I was needing to replace my sweet craving with doing something I enjoy.
So, in victory, I removed myself from the fridge and sat down with a magazine I enjoy. Read for a while and finished the mag. Picked up my book that I've really gotten into and got distracted by my hubby's tv show. I started talking to him about something I did that day that stressed me out and I didn't handle the best. He didn't encourage me but told me how I should've handled it. The negative is all I heard, but today when I look back at it he was probably in his own way trying to say I know you could have handled it better. meaning he was confident in my ability. I had taken it negatively and got angry inside and felt like running to the kitchen for that fudge or something equally destructive.
But I remembered the 2 pounds I had misplaced when I looked at the scale that morning and decided my anger would have to leave me a different way. He came to the couch with a bag of chips and offered me some. They are yummy and I love them, but I stubbornly said no. Usually I'm able to eat just two or three and I'm satisfied, but I was rejecting him rather than the chips and refused them.
I decided to calm down. The anger passed in 5 minutes, as did the urge to binge. If you wait a couple of minutes any negative mood you have will dissolve if you let it and don't nurse it. After a while, I got up and made two pieces of wheat toast with sugar free jam; I needed a few more carbs and calories for the day, and satisfied the sweet urge. Later I had a sugar free dulce de leche pudding. Still a sweet but all within my calorie range. I had decided I was clearly past the urge to binge before I had these two snacks, and I didn't want to set myself up for a binge today by total denial of food.
I went to bed victorious and knew that a restful sleep would reset my brain and get me off to a fresh start without anger and cravings. I had forgiven my husband and realized he meant no harm.
Today I had a couple of more victories! I was a little hungry by 10:00 this morning when I was out shopping. I drove past Chick-fil-a and thought about how I could have a chicken biscuit. I'm never by a Chick-fil-a in the morning and I love their chicken biscuits. I decided no, I can wait till lunch when I get home and have a healthier choice. Victory #1 for the day. YAY!
When I ended up at Walmart for a few groceries, I walked past pink, red and white m&ms and thought about all the yummy cookies I could bake with them as gifts. I thought about the crunchy shell and the sweet chocolate and realized I was fantasizing over having them as a little snack, but recognizing they would become a binge food. I decided to put it off, Valentines day is a ways off and there's plenty of time left to buy them. I love the holiday colored M&Ms. But for now I turned it into a victory!
When I was walking by the freezers, I suddenly remembered the Special K sausage egg and cheese flatbreads I have at home that I haven't tried yet. What a great replacement for the chicken biscuit I had wanted. I decided to try that for lunch when I got home. I got out of the store without any sweets and stuck to my list. Which is a hard thing to do when you go food shopping with a bit of hungriness.
I got home at 11 and had my flatbread. They are actually quite good and I was satisfied. They have turkey sausage and wheat flatbread. They are 240 calories. Better than mcDonald's sausage egg and cheese biscuit. I thought I'd miss the biscuit, but the flatbread was satisfying. YAY another Victory.
One victory builds on another. I'm looking forward to making this my 16th day of staying within calorie range.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
First I want to apologize to everyone who I didn't thank for the congrats on my one year of maintenance. I was overwhelmed with the marvelous show of support. You are the really friends, in my book. I'll take some time when I feel better to get back to as many of you as possible...once I start feeling better. I'm pushing myself to type out a blog entry in spite of the pain I have in my head. Being sick is no fun!
I'm getting my new year of maintaining off to a slow start. Doesn't help that I've been sick for 9 days. The first 4 it was mild so did some gentle workouts. But then it hit full force with sinus and ear infections plus bronchitis. I guess I go what everyone else has been getting since before Christmas. I'm happy we got through the holidays without anyone getting sick at our house. But the new year brings with it thoughts of setting streaks and planning great workout schedules. Eating on target and eating the healthy stuff all the time.
I have done very well with keeping a streak for 7 days of eating within range. Low end actually. But that's easy because I have no sense of taste nor smell. No appetite. What I am eating is comfort food, and since I have no appetite and get full quickly, I don't have to try hard. In fact the only thing I'm trying to do is keep my freggies up, for the vitamin C. I never drink juice, I'd rather eat my calories usually, but I've had a small bottle of grapefruit juice once a day. I can kind of taste that. The thing I can taste most is sweet. But the flavor of the food is not there, so I say why waste calories on something I can't taste? I've heard that when you get much older, you can lose your sense of smell. Is that why old people eat so little? If food doesn't taste good, I don't enjoy it.
I don't even feel guilty about not working out. It used to be that when I was ill, I would fight for the minute I'd feel better so I could work out, but I feel so crummy that I can't imagine working out. The guilt is not there, and I know I'll do fine getting back on track. I used to think that if I missed more than one day of exercise in a week I'd lose my momentum and never get it back, but One thing I've learned about myself, and really gotten through my thick skull it that I have always exercised for health, since I was a kid, in some form or other. Why would I suddenly be different!
I love you all!
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