LORILEEPAGE   56,750
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LORILEEPAGE's Recent Blog Entries

An Emotional Eating Episode

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I've been happy today. Mostly. Today is beautiful weather and I'm due to get out and walk. I need to get out of the house so I don't keep eating. My 20 year old is visiting these last couple of days and he makes me on edge, feeling like i want to be liked by him. He can be critical and judgmental, but I know he loves me. I just get all nervous and feel like I need to be available every minute to give him my attention and appreciation for being around. I think maybe I'm trying too hard to be liked by him. I try to make up for all the bad times he experienced when I was manic or depressed and didn't give him any attention. I think I feel guilty for that.

Wow. I was struggling with eating all because of those emotions. I used this blog to air my emotions and was able to reveal these things to myself. It kinda all just came together while I was typing. I hope you all don't mind being my sounding board. If anyone experiences anything similar I hope you can tell me that you have overcome this kind of thinking and attraction for eating for emotional reasons like I have done.

You all are right. I do continue to need my spark family. You all are great for listening to me. Thank you for all your kind and helpful words when you respond to my blogs and status posts. You're the best!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMANDASHRINKING 6/15/2012 3:26PM

    emoticon emoticonIts hard to put emotion into a blog and share but you are one of those people that knows we will always be here for you and even if we cant make it better we are here to listen emoticon emoticonluv ya girly it will all be ok!!!

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SHERIO5 6/15/2012 2:43PM

    I'm glad that blogging helped you to learn more about yourself, your reasons for eating...I feel like that is the biggest hurdle for me, and writing about it DOES help.

I think every Mom struggles to some degree with guilt over how she did or didn't parent her kids...we can't do anything about the past, but we can do our best with the present! It sounds like you are trying to do that with your son, maybe you can invite him to join you on one of your walks, or other exercise? I think it can be good to share some of what we learn with our families, if they are open.

I think at some point your son will realize that you love him, and that you did the best you could rearing him, and that's really all anyone can give....we can't give what we don't or didn't have to give!!!

Be kind to yourself, you are making such progress in becoming a healthy person, inside and out!

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LILITHDURHAM 6/14/2012 8:34PM

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AUTUMNBRZ 6/14/2012 7:10PM

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_JODI404 6/14/2012 4:41PM

    Lori,

That is so awesome that writing this blog shed the light on the real roots of your desire to deal with your emotions with food today. emoticon emoticon emoticon

I love it! I'm glad to be a sounding board anytime!

SparkFriends totally ROCK! I am really proud of your breakthrough today!

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BLUE42DOWN 6/14/2012 4:13PM

    emoticon

So glad the blogging, even just the stopping and looking at the emotions, helped you out!

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PAULACLARK2009 6/14/2012 3:32PM

    u said it all DATMAMA4!! i too struggle with emotional eating!! sometimes i control it and sometimes I LET IT control me!! hang in there!!
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DATMAMA4 6/14/2012 3:21PM

    Recognizing where the eating struggle originates is half the battle. Sharing with others -- especially here! -- will help you get the support you need.

Try not to allow yourself to feel guilt for past problems. If you're not treating your son badly NOW, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Past is past, and if you are taking care of yourself by eating healthy and doing what you need to be happy, he will like what he sees. You know he loves you, as you mentioned above.

And for what it's worth: without knowing your son personally, I will say that most 20-year-old people are still "kids" in the big scheme of things, and many of them are critical and judgmental simply because they're discovering the world for themselves and somehow believe we adults never went through the exact same discovery. My dad used to say, "I used to be the smartest person around, then you kids got older and I got dumber and dumber. Then you grew up more and had your own kids, and suddenly I was smart again."

No matter what's going on during your son's visit, I'm glad you were able to blog here and recognize where your eating struggles are stemming from.

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Healthy Habit vs. Addiction

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Well, I decided that if I balance out my day and don't sit around so much, I would feel better about spending some time every day on SP. It is such a part of my life by now, close to every day for 10 months, that I'm attached to it. I will work more on being an encouragement to others instead of doing it all for me and what I want to get out of it. It's important to me to be helpful to others and this is one place that my help is useful and can actually have an impact.

Maybe instead of looking at it as an addiction, I can look at it as a healthy habit. Smoking is a habit (I don't smoke) and also can be an addiction. But it's an unhealthy habit. Eating junk food in front of the tv at night is a habit that is not healthy, but being on SparkPeople every day is a healthy habit, if it isn't excessive. I think what I have to watch out for is those feelings of disappointment that come when I'm hoping for more SP emails or comments on my activity. That's just self-focused and leads to unwarranted feelings of sadness.

Thank you all for encouraging me on my last blog. Each of you had helpful things to say. I hope to help you if you ever need to be pulled along in your daily decisions about your goals and plans for health.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATD13 6/13/2012 4:46PM

    I have often thought I might be spending to much time on SparkPeople. However, I do have a loss of almost 40 pounds to show for it. Finding SP was extremely important, in my weight loss. But it was only one piece of the puzzle. I did need to actually workout to lose weight. Just being on SP was not enough.




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BLUE42DOWN 6/13/2012 3:55PM

    Very nice way of distinguishing the healthy habit versus addiction for you.

Not just SparkPeople, but for me the two key differences are:

1) How do I feel if I'm deprived? Do I simply do something else or do I get frantic?
2) Can I stand up and walk away to do something more important?

With the first, if my emotions are upset, anxiety, if I'm antsy and hitting refresh often just hoping for a new result - I'm too involved. It's not just a habit, it's an addiction or obsession.

With the second, it's a matter of priorites. If I'm consistently losing sleep, skipping on relationship-building with family and friends, missing or slacking on work (*coughs and gets back to work in 6 minutes when her lunch ends*), then it's not as healthy a habit as I want to tell myself.

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NEWLIFEINBAMA 6/13/2012 3:24PM

  Afternoon,

I'm very new to SP and right now I am probably in the selfish mode of needing encouragement. I actually posted to my blog today asking for encouragement. I live alone and don't have much contact with the outside world so it is easy for me to procrastinate and I am going to experience some major changes in my life by the end of the year. I am going to graduate with my MS in Emergency Management and I will be looking for a new job in that field which is going to be a career change for me. That is exciting and scary for me all at the same time. I have wanted to begin an exercise program for a long time and have found many excuses for not doing so. I made the decision last week to end that ruthless cycle. Today is my 3rd day of tracking my process on SP and I can see how it can be consuming. I am also going to have to find a way to monitor my time on SP along with everything else I have going on. Perhaps we can help each other. Good luck to you.

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_JODI404 6/13/2012 3:13PM

    I truly believe that being on SP every day is good for me. It keeps health and fitness at the forefront of my mind and I get such inspiration from my SparkFriends and reading some truly awesome blogs.

Like everything, you have to find a healthy balance that works for you. Hopefully when you weigh out pros/cons of your time spent.. your benefits far outweigh any costs. Some days I can put more into it than others.. it's about doing what you can, and being OK with that! There should be no expectations on you.... you just do what works for you!

If it becomes too much, just spend 5 mins to spin the wheel, track water, fitness and veggies and logoff. Take a short Spark break if you feel burn out.

I would hate to see you leave, and hope that you are finding a way to work it out that works for you! This is about community, but ultimately it is about you ~ your health and healthy lifestyle!

Wishing you the best! I think you already are an awesome, very supportive SparkFriend!!

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Trying to make a Decision

Monday, June 11, 2012

I am thinking about cutting out most of my spark activity. Thinking about it. But I find myself in such a steadfast habit, that I couldn't NOT do things that add up spark points for me. I think I'm addicted! I want to let some of it go. My husband urges me to give it up. He thinks I don't need it. The things I'm doing with my sparking don't really influence the good things that I'm doing for my body. Those things have become a part of me. I am driven to do those things. I don't depend on sparking to motivate me though the encouragement I get from you fellow sparkers is something I enjoy and crave. I'm at a healthy weight and I feel like I've gone into maintenance mode. Please pray for me to come to a healthy conclusion. It just might be that I continue to blog, and I definitely plan to track workouts and food. But I know that one thing leads to another and I'll find myself sitting for a half hour trying to rack up points. What harm is there in it, you ask. I'm not sure, but I think just the addictive nature I have is maybe something I don't need to feed.

Input is welcome. I value all y'alls friendship.

-Lori

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASHAIXIM 6/17/2012 7:04PM

    Take it down to 15. If you keep at goal weight take it down to 10 etc.

On the other hand it may be that 30 minutes that has enabled you to keep the weight off!

Are you regigious? Do you think 30 minutes a day working on your religion is "too much"?

WHY does your husband think it's "wasteful"? What should you (in his oppinion) be doing instead? Watch TV? Yeah, there's a worthy activity!!

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THEFLORIDAFAIRY 6/12/2012 11:59AM

    I'll miss you on SP if you quit. emoticon emoticon

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SHERIO5 6/12/2012 10:38AM

    Lori-
I hear you! Though there is so much that is good in the Sparking, it can really consume my day if I let it! I agree, pray, see what the Lord is saying, maybe there is a way to balance SP and "real" life and that's what your heart is trying to tell you. I understand whatever you decide. Though, I'll miss your encouragement!!

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BJPENNY70 6/11/2012 5:31PM

    Lori-Lee just pray about it and let the LORD lead you. If it is stopping you from doing your normal daily things and taking away from time with your husband, then maybe it is to taxing for you. Although,, 30 minutes doesn't sound like addiction. Even with maintaining your weight you still need some support. Maybe just let the point thing go. Just do the blogs or read helpful blogs. Read helpful articles that will help you maintain. If you aren't feeling comfortable with spending time on Spark just try what you need and then get off the Spark Web. See how you do by trying different things. Discuss it with your husband and see what he thinks. If you are feeling some guilt about not keeping up with everyone. Don't! Just let everyone know you are cutting back or stopping, then do it. We have to do what is best for our health. I am so proud that you have made your goal. Congratulations!!!!! So happy for you. Work on maintaining your weight everyday. If you need encouragement you can always log on when you need encouragement. I will keep you on my prayer list. You can depend on that. Take care of yourself. emoticon

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TRISSIDAAE 6/11/2012 4:40PM

    If it effecting your life then yes maybe cut back and just do a blog and calories and fitness. Anything can be an addiction, just think about it

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AUDISP 6/11/2012 4:39PM

    Congratulations on reaching you goal. Maintaining your goal weight is as important as losing to get there.
Are you worth the half hour you spend on SparkPeople? I think you are. The points are just part of it. For me the biggest part is the accountability the tracking does for me. The encouragement I get from reading other posts helps as well. I understand about being addicted. I guess I wouldn't classify 30 minutes as being addicted.
Good luck on your prayerful journey to the answer. I'm sure He will lead you correctly.

Mary

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Great Workout Day!

Friday, June 01, 2012

I had a great day! I usually take Fridays off, but I still walk. This morning I headed out the door with a plan to walk around the block. And that would be it for the day. My usual day "off". But I started carrying my pedometer for the past week and it is a huge motivator. For a while I quit carrying it and my walking tapered off. I guess I like writing down big numbers at night. I had 17,000 for two nights this week! Today, I got walking and ended up going for 70 minutes. I was home by 10:00. I seriously started considering going to the Y. I'd only gone there once this week and hadn't gone swimming yet and wanted to do that. 1:00 is the best time to go to the Y for machine and lap availability. So, while I waited for the time to come to leave, I started feeling sleepy and considered not going. But I decided to close my eyes for 10 minutes and see if that revived me.

Ten minutes later I got up and put my swim suit on and packed my bag, and a post-workout snack, and my water. Took off for the Y! Swam 20 minutes first, got on the elliptical for 20 min. and biked for 15. I have felt invigorated all day since I got done at 2:30!

I've kept myself well hydrated today, and I hope I'm eating enough with all the calories I've burned.

So much for a day off! I usually take off Fridays and Sundays. I think I'll take off this whole weekend. I may still walk tomorrow. Especially if tomorrow is nice outside. Sometimes on Saturdays my hubby likes to take a walk with me, so I will definitely do that if he asks.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERIO5 6/2/2012 11:19AM

    Look at you!!!

Yep, sometimes the finess just feels so good it leads to more finess!!!

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AUTUMNBRZ 6/2/2012 7:38AM

    NICE!

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_JODI404 6/1/2012 9:43PM

    emoticon

emoticon fitness day!!!!!

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My Day got Twisted

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I have had a good day so far. When I went to bed last night I got it in my head that i would walk an hour and a half today. I also decided I'd go to the Y for the elliptical workout I want to be doing once a week. I thought I might even swim on top of all that.

First thing this morning I got a text from my daughter that her husband's mom was in the ICU after having major emergency surgery last night, that lasted at least 5 hours. They hadn't heard what the outcome was, but to pray.

I took off for my walk, 72 and breezy out. Only the sun was very hot by 10 when I left. I really need to get going earlier for my walks. I almost cut it short, but was coaxed on by feeling a little of that breeze and saying to myself..."you can do it". Cutting it short when I was going to would have put me at 15 minutes total. I changed my music because the mix I was listening to just made me feel hot. Does anyone relate to that? Some noise or music contributes to the heat I perceive. I feel hot when I hear a window AC unit humming. I feel cooler with it off. Weird.. I know! Well I renewed my commitment to walking 1 1/2 hours. I got a stomach ache when I was almost done and again almost cut it short. I know I should bring water with me, but hate carrying it. I think that would've helped. I just eased up my pace and the ache went away. I made it! 90 minutes! YAY

I got home, hydrated and stretched...put my feet up too. Have to take care of those varicose veins. THEN, while I was thinking about what time I would go to the Y, and IF I was even going to go, I got a call from Emily, asking me to babysit so they could go to the hospital to be with Joel's mom. No word yet on her condition. They are keeping her sedated for the pain, huge incision involved.

Em brought Ajax and Daisy. He had just gotten his hearing aids last Friday, and I needed to be taught how to put them in and how to turn them off and on, since he'd be napping and potentially playing in water at our house. He may be here till bed time tonight. He is almost 3 and knows how to take them out, and did so at nap time. He likes wearing them so no fighting about that, thank goodness. I thought there would be a battle of the wills when he got them.

So, my decision about the Y was made for me. But I am grateful that I wasn't anticipating that I would be babysitting today (even though I got that text this am about the surgery), or else I may have cancelled my walk, thinking I needed to stay close to the house in case they were coming. That's totally how my mind works. I am going to take advantage of quiet moments, like I am right now. I can spark since they are both down for a nap, and I can get down and do push-ups and planks every chance I get. On Friday I did 6 sets of 60 push-ups throughout the day.

That's how my day has gone and it's only 2:40! I tend to eat when the children are playing,,,out of stress that I'm not doing a good job or some weird mental thing like that. So, say a prayer that I'll keep within calorie range!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERIO5 5/31/2012 9:55AM

    I can relate to so much of what you wrote!

Your children and grandchildren are so blessed to have you in their lives! You got in some great cardio, and talked yourself into doing more when you didn't feel like it...good work!!!

I can relate to the stress eating, so if you figure that one out, PLEASE let me know!!! Sometimes chewing gum can distract me, I have put sugarless gum in a basket on my counter before, different flavors...sometimes it helps...

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EMILYJEN 5/30/2012 11:05PM

    Sounds like a challenging day. I added you as a friend as it looks like we have a lot in common. I have about 30 lbs to lose so the fact that you have made so much progress is very inspiring to me! My background is deaf education. I'm also a knitter and quilter (although fairly basic with both). And there were some other things that I can't remember now. Anyway, thanks for posting and I look forward to reading more of your blog posts!!! Hope MIL is okay and your daughter is lucky to have you to help with the kids, as I am with my mom who helps a lot with my two kids.

Warmly,
Emily

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KATD13 5/30/2012 9:10PM

    Great job on the 90 min. walk.

You can always get to the Y another day.
How fun to have the grandkids come over. My children have such wonderful memories of going to Gammies house. Wish she could have been able to see them grow up.

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BLUE42DOWN 5/30/2012 4:22PM

    emoticon on sticking it out and getting that walk done!

Enjoy the little ones! Hope the prognosis for your daughter's mother-in-law is good.

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AUTUMNBRZ 5/30/2012 3:22PM

    Sounds like a good day to me :) I will keep your daughters MIL in my thoughts.

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