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LORILEEPAGE's Recent Blog Entries

Blues and feeling lonesome.

Monday, April 30, 2012

This is mostly just a blog I'm writing to try to talk myself out of how I'm feeling.

Sure, last time I wrote I talked about the positive changes in lifestyle. Today i did something I'm not proud of. After not losing any weight this week, I felt empty, and tried to fill the hole with candy. 700 calories worth. Why? what a stupid mindless thing to do! I felt like "WTH" I'm just going to go ahead and eat what I want to right now, since i didn't lose anything this week anyway. Instead, I should have been elated that I didn't gain anything.

I think there's more going on with me than the weight issues that I think I'm having. Truly I am slightly depressed still about missing my children and grandbaby in Hawai'i. I want to be there still and am not accepting my current situation of being back home.

I try to convince myself to be happy that I had the time with them. I try to remind myself that we will go back eventually. I try to be thankful that I can spend time with my other children and grandchildren here. I'm trying to pray about it, too. I have a void and I'm lonely. Today I've texted and called anyone I can think of that might be available to talk. I think talking to people would help me feel less lonely, but it only leaves me hungering to be back in Hawai'i.

Maybe spending a little time on SP will help me get my mind off this funk.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHLOE-D-CALICO 5/10/2012 11:52PM

    Dont beat yourself up about the Candy you cant undo it , just move on and take it one meal at a time. Sending cyber hugs your way

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SKINNYPAT62 5/1/2012 11:05AM

    Hugs for you! I know what sadness and loneliness feels like. I hope you feel better soon! I miss seeing my son and he is in Colorado! emoticon

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AUTUMNBRZ 5/1/2012 7:38AM

    Giving you a big giant mental hug.

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_JODI404 4/30/2012 11:09PM


Sorry you are having a sad day and feeling depressed, missing your family.

You are keenly aware of the problem though... so that is helpful.
"not accepting" or resistance.
"tried to fill a hole."

I hope that you were able to shake off some of those feelings.
I read this blog today, I really liked it.
Don't know if any of it would help or not.

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Be gentle with yourself. Don't beat yourself up over that candy. Fall down seven times... get up eight. Tomorrow is a new day to start again!!

Hang in there. Sending you lots of positive energy, positive thoughts, and a big hug!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HDHAWK 4/30/2012 8:59PM

    I'm sorry you're missing your family. I hope things are better now. emoticon

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SHERIO5 4/30/2012 8:10PM

    Sorry you are missing your loved ones. I know a little about that with my kids several hours away and lives of their own...but it doesn't help you feel any better so just know someone cares, and it's ok to miss them. Keep an eye on your sadness, I know you will. emoticon

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KAUAI-CAROLANN 4/30/2012 4:09PM

    Hey, you - would txt/talk with someone in Hawaii help or just make the funk worse?

I'll be here if you need....and will send a # if you want...sometimes having a not so familiar person listen is more comfortable or easy.


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Lifestyle Changes are something to notice. . .

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I did something I've only done a few times since I started Sparking. I was having my breakfast and was only going to have a banana and chocolate greek yogurt. I wasn't really any hungrier for anything more. Plus, I was trying to have fewer calories in the earlier part of the day, since my hubby will probably want to eat out tonight.(I hope I can get him to go to Subway so I can get satisfaction with fewer calories.)

BUT, in a little while I plan on going for a swim, and for that I need more energy. A carb load so to speak. While there are carbs in a banana, I thought maybe I should eat some whole grain cereal with soy milk. That's what I did different. . . I made a choice to eat an item for the purpose of taking care of my body.

Well, now that I think of it, I do, on a regular basis, make choices that are putting my body's needs ahead of cravings or emotions! I've actually made a change that may now be a permanent part of my life. A lifestyle change like we talk about all the time on SP.

Now, that's something I can feel great about! I bet we all are making lifestyle changes that we don't recognize nor acknowledge. Think about it; in what area have you made a permanent change?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YIWEN39 4/25/2012 8:39PM

    That is great :-) Isn't it fantastic to realise how far you've come? Congrats!

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_JODI404 4/25/2012 8:09PM

    Glad you are making great choices for your body and feeling good about it!!

I've made SO many awesome changes along this journey... and all are very natural so I can maintain them.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 4/25/2012 6:54PM

    That's a great idea - to think about the positive changes that we make and cheer them.

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BABY_GIRL69 4/25/2012 6:07PM

    I love your blog! Isn't it amazing when your body decides to follow your mind on a healthier path of life!

God bless & thanks for sharing!


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SHERIO5 4/25/2012 2:23PM

    Isn't it great to discover you ARE becoming a better you?!!

I'm glad you had that realization today!!! It reminds me to notice my changes for the better!!


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Back on track in more ways than one.

Monday, April 23, 2012

I am on top of the world. . .

for more than one reason...yet foremost on my mind is the way my moods settled down now that a bit of time has passed since our trip. I'm sure the emotionalism I had related a lot to how sensitive my system is to taking my Psych meds on a strict time schedule. The changes I made for a week effected my mood, and now after 11 days, I can say I've officially settled down. Moodiness may not be a big deal to some people, but when you have bipolar disorder, you learn to tune in to all the little things, to be sure you catch a depression or mania before it gets full blown. I believe I'm out of the woods. I can safely say that I wouldn't hesitate to make the trip again. This was a big test and I passed!

Also, I gained weight on the trip. Around 5 pounds, and I have lost all but 1 pound of it again. I'm super happy about that. It's taking discipline and getting back to my regular routine.

My sleep schedule finally righted itself, but it did take until yesterday to feel like I'm back on my regular schedule. It was definitely worse than the Spring Ahead, Fall Back time changes which are hard enough!

I've struggled with motivation to exercise, but I'm getting encouragement from my hubby and all of you. I got so darn much walking done in Hawaii that I'm having to do other things beside walking to keep my interest up.

I hope you all have a great night, and a sparking good Tuesday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRANCIE-N-BELLA 4/29/2012 8:39AM

    You are such a motivator!!!

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SPARKLED146 4/25/2012 6:54AM

    One step back, two steps forward! emoticon

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CHLOE-D-CALICO 4/24/2012 6:19PM

    I am so glad you got the meds back under contol I know how important that is.Great job on losing that weight

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_JODI404 4/23/2012 10:52PM

    Wooo~Hooo Lori!!!! I *KNEW* you would get that weight right back off!
I just knew it.

Congrats on all these wonderful happenings~ feeling emotionally calm and re-settled; weight just one pound to go!; and being back on track with sleeping. Sleep is HUGE in our success. I think far too many people underestimate the power of getting truly awesome sleep.

I'm pretty sure you'll be back in the exercise groove pretty quickly too. I know you like to see that pedometer registering at least 10,000! emoticon

Great update! I hope you have a great week ahead!

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REDHATSHAPELY1 4/23/2012 9:14PM

    It's great to know that you have learned to make your needs a priority and that you
are getting back on track after a big trip. It's so easy to let one little change in our routine lead to getting completely off track and yet thinking it doesn't matter. But it does! Congrats for being such a good example for others!

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BJPENNY70 4/23/2012 8:00PM

    It's great you got a handle on so much. You are a strong person. I still have problems with my sleep. I have had insomnia for many years. I have been doing some better with it, though. I bet your trip was magnificent. Jet Lag will get the best of us. I went to California to visit a friend several years ago. That was the first time I experienced Jet Lag. Not fun! I am so glad you shed that weight right back off. You should be very proud of yourself with all these accomplishments. Keep it up, girl. You are doing great! emoticon emoticon

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More steps last night

Friday, April 20, 2012

Last night after dinner my hubby asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I've been real lazy and not wanting to do much since we walked SO much in Hawaii. But I've been only having an average of 7000 steps this week and decided to push myself. After all, if he is going to OFFER to go on a walk with me, why would I turn him down!! That would be counter productive to my goals. He wanted to walk to a grocery store which is only 30 minutes walk away, but we got to one road and there is no cross walk and the cars travel 50 mph there, and it was a busy time of day. Plus both sides of the road had no sidewalk. This city doesn't make it easy for pedestrians. In Hawaii, everybody walks or uses busses. Each intersection has lighted crossing signs for pedestrians. And cars heed the walkers. I wish it were like that here. I'd have more options on places to walk.

So we didn't cross the street, but had a 50 minute walk. That was a good thing. My steps equalled 11,500. Yay!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLUE42DOWN 4/21/2012 1:29AM


What a great way to spend your evening!

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_JODI404 4/20/2012 3:53PM

    Wooo~Hooo!! Great daily step total! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Roller coaster with emotions the last few days.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Had a good workout yesterday doing a made up circuit/interval routine. Sure gets the heart rate up and is fun because I can do a different routine each time I do it....no boredom. Good aerobic workout and ST all in one. Saves time.

Wednesday, I weighed myself again. I had weighed on Monday. I have a rule to only weigh once a week, but this week I needed to be encouraged, and I felt like I'd possibly lost something. Sure it was just a pound, how could I notice that?! But it was a very important pound for me...shedding my vacation weight is foremost on my mind.

I started having gastritis, which I've had before, and get when I eat too many rich foods. So the trip probably brought it on. I have to eat a bland diet for a few days till it settles down. That will probably help my weight loss, but I may have a hard time consuming enough calories to be in my range. Yogurt, toast, bananas, rice, crackers, things without any acid (coffee is out and so are the more acidic fruits, fats, too) Any one who has any suggestions, if you've had gastritis, let me know. I don't want to go too low on my calories.

Have been kinda depressed. I know I'm missing my son, his wife, and my granddaughter. They are the most gentle, loving and quiet family in our family. I am so relaxed when I'm around them. My husband and I are rather quiet. I used to be more explosive but I've mellowed. We are talking about going back in 4 months, if my husband doesn't get one of the jobs he's applying for at the University my son attends.

Yesterday I printed out some photos I took while visiting them. It helped quite a bit to have photos I could hold onto and look at to remember the good time. Sent some to my mother, too. She and Dad love to have pics of the great-grands and my kids. I know I love receiving pics of my grandchildren. Most of them come via text message. That's ok, I can store them in my iPhone and print directly from there. I wish printer color ink wasn't so expensive. I should go get them developed once I put them on my computer. That's a couple more steps, but it would be cheaper.

Again, if anyone has any suggestions for food while having gastritis, please post for me.

I hope you all don't mind my rambling about my moods; I consider you all friends. And as a friend I will gladly be there to listen to you!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERIO5 4/22/2012 9:35AM

    Hi Lori,
I haven't been on SP much, computer/email issues, bleck!

Sorry to hear your emotions have been roller coastering lately, I can relate! I know your exercise will help with some of that... emoticon

Good job getting back to exercise after your trip, even though it's hard, you are really worth the effort!!


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_JODI404 4/19/2012 6:28PM

    Hi Lori,

Glad that you've gone one pound down! I know you want it all gone... but just keep making good healthy choices and you know it WILL happen! I think your gain was really reasonable considering it was such a fabulous vacation destination. I do hope you get to go again in 4 months... or even better that you should be able to move there! How incredible would that be!?

I know missing your family, especially after a visit is so difficult. I do understand.
I don't think you are rambling at all... I am here for my SparkFriends to cheer and to support -- both!! Blogging it out can really help to process your feelings.

Sorry, I don't have any tips on gastritis. In general I take a probitotic everyday as good measure for my digestive health. Not sure if you do -- or if it would benefit what you are experiencing?

Hope you are feeling better/more your normal self soon!

emoticon emoticon

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CHAOTICMOM4 4/19/2012 5:17PM

    No gastritis here, but sympathizing with your emotions. Treasure your memories and those pictures, hopefully you'll be back for a visit in 4 months. Can you skype with them in the meantime?

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