Sunday, February 09, 2014
Just taking time to think about my Daddy; God. That's what Abba Father really means.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I have a very busy life with many graduations, weddings, births, a bankruptcy, family illnesses, job changes, moves, vacations (that arenít always pleasant), and even an enjoyable participation in getting myself some college education.
I started writing a timeline blog listing all of whatís happened (as in births of 7 grandbabies since I lost my first 70 pounds in 2000!) I weathered two elopements and two weddings since 2000, and have made three trips to my parentsí and three trips to Hawaii in the last 2 years!! But I noticed the blog was getting out of hand, and started over.
I am trying to see a trend of what triggered my regain of 25 pounds, which happened between 2000 and 2011. (Actually I totally maintained my 70-pound loss from 2000 till 2006.) We built and moved into a house at the same time as my daughter had her wedding. That was the beginning of the upswing. Though I donít know why these things were any different than other issues Iíd been through. So if Iím looking for triggers mixed in with stressors, I couldnít nail any one thing down. (I am a stress eater and lived through bankruptcy and the actual building of the house without gaining at all, so what changed?)
While I gained those 25 pounds, I worried I would gain back all my weight. Dreaded it, but didnít feel motivated to do anything about it till I saw a family photo. I got a few apps for my phone to help keep track of calories and exercise. One was Lose It, which I like very much, and the other was the SparkPeople app. At the time I didnít know about the SP site. It only took a week or so before I realized there was a community beyond the app and I looked into it.
I got really serious and lost 25 pounds.
I kept it off for a year and over the next year gained 5 pounds. But something went off track in my headÖand last year, most of it happening from September on, I gained another 15! I have been really fearful of that trend continuingÖIíd be 210 in no time at all!
Since June when I found out my daughter was to have her third baby, I had been suffering inside, with worry over how in the world was I going to be able to help her with her older two while she rested with the baby? I was picturing all sorts of horrors of the 4 year old not listening to me and him screaming at me, while mommy rested and daddy worked in the office in the small apartment. I felt inadequate, my own kids were never like him. I wasnít sure how to handle him. I have a temper and thought I might lose it with this boy! My daughter had me spend time with her daily after the births of the first two. So I pictured having to do the same again.
I have written that I have been so relieved and actually at a loss of what to do with my time since she had the baby and has it totally under control and only wants me to come for a nice visit once a week. Iím loving it now that I realize I was worrying over nothing! I had quit a part-time job recently, but Iíd worried that the woman didnít understand that it was something permanent. I recently found out she does understand, so thatís another relief.
Now that I donít have those troubling worries, I am able to focus, I have my zeal for eating healthy back in place and since the New Year I have lost 2.5 pounds.
As I look ahead, I know my MIL is declining and my dad has cancer, there will be more trips to the island and trips to check on my parents. Life happens. I canít predict if a new thing will come along to sidetrack my vulnerable brain, but I have maintained for 6 years before, and at least I didnít gain back all my weight. I know I can do this. I am going to enjoy my current journey, and honor myself with good food and plenty of movement for this body that serves me so well.
Thank you all for always standing by my side!
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
First want to share a link to a very interesting article addressing eating for pleasure and eating for nutrition.The thing I found interesting is that we don't absorb as many nutrients, meaning the food we eat isn't as nourishing, even if it's healthy foods, if we are stressed about our weight and are not enjoying our food. Mindful eating and eating for pleasure (while eating healthy) is key. I got this link thru MISSRIVERRAT's blog. Read the article, see what you think!
On a different note, I had a wonderful time visiting my daughter today. Seems she'd like to invite me once a week to see the kids and help out for part of the day. It went very well today. Started out with me playing with the kids and her nursing the baby. Then she lay him down so she could get a little break. He started fussing, so I told the kids it was Leon's turn for a little time with gramma. I held him and got a burp out of him, and he settled into a deep sleep on my chest. I held him and helped the kids make things out of pipe cleaners (I can still take care of three at once!) Then they ate as a family while I continued to cuddle. After lunch she put him in a wrap and wore him while she and I walked around the block with the kids. Slow going with little kids, but we all got fresh air and sunshine. Back into the house to feed baby again. I left, confident that I had been a big help and satisfied to have spent special time with each of the kids and even got a chance to have a real conversation with my daughter. The first in weeks. She seems to be feeling more like herself, and getting things well in control with having three kids. I'm so proud of her!
Here's the link psychologyofeating.com/metabolic-pow
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Yesterday, I found out my 22 year old son has ADD. It helps us understand a lot of his difficulties. Glad to have something to work with. It is often a hereditary thing, which says to me I may have an answer to my similar difficulties. My established diagnosis has ben BPD (bipolar disorder) which I've had for decades. But even while the major mood swings are under control from taking meds, I still suffer from issues similar to my son. Which are symptoms that are ones in common with BPD! I never knew this before, and never even considered that my son had it let alone myself!
This is something I will take up with my psychiatrist. It is very tricky taking meds for both. The drugs that help ADD or ADHD are stimulants, and stimulants can trigger mania, which is can be very severe in my case. Depressions are also severe, when I am not medicated. I have consistently taken my meds for the past 7 years, and have had no major episodes. But I have the symptoms of ADD or ADHD. My son took two tests and they found that he had ADD rather than ADHD. The doctor who did the test said he doesn't give out this diagnosis like candy, but my son has a significantly clear test score. He was relieved and looks forward to getting help with it and having a much more productive semester this Spring.
I find this all very interesting. Gives me something to think about.
Friday, January 10, 2014
I am having a pleasant surprise today as I realize how many healthy habits have become natural for me. I have "off" days in these areas; I'm not saying they are consistently used habits, so maybe I can't call them habits, really, but on the good days, I really make healthy choices without planning.
For example, when I work out, I automatically choose a protein, fat and carb snack in proportion to the amount and intensity of my workout. Even the need to have a post workout snack, and need it soon after the workout, is deeply engrained.
My drinking water instead of diet soda has been no problem since I learned the adverse effects it might have, like increasing insulin levels in my blood, (yes, even diet soda) I haven't had a single sip of soda for over 6 weeks. I had been drinking 2 liters of diet mountain dew a day! (at least)
I am reaching for fruit and veggies as snacks and in complement to my meals. Fiber in my diet is a no-brainer.
Sleep is nearly always at least 8 hours, and usually 9 hours. Though this week I had a week of 5 nights that were 10 and one was 11.5! I know excess sleep is a contributor to obesity, so I don't like to let that happen. My hubby and I retire at 9 consistently each night. I read, usually to 10-10:30, so 7-7:30 is my wake-up time. For some odd reason this week I can't read past 9:30. So 9 turns to 10. I feel great when I sleep 9-10. I read recently that the most should be 9. Probably what has an effect on me is my workout that particular day.
My self-compassion tactic is helping me not stress over working out, which has led to me not having such a "have to" attitude which used to cause so much resistance to getting it done.
On my good days, I'm not thinking constantly about how soon I can possible enjoy some food. Instead I've learned to keep busier and wait for hunger. I am being more mindful about enjoying my food; the taste, texture and flavors. I'm working on having some variety in my choices, eating things that satisfy me. I'm not so strict with calories, though I've memorized the calorie amounts of things and I more instinctively know that my calories are going to work out. I still record, I still measure food. But I'm not thinking in numbers all day.
In the self-compassion diet book (which I reviewed in a recent blog) , there are phrases I read that have gotten stuck in my head. One set of phrases is "May I be safe, may I be healthy, may I be happy, may I live with ease." The words "live with ease" have really helped me breathe easier around food and the thoughts about exercise.
I also learned from that book about writing letters to myself from my higher power (which is God/Jesus in my case) which address my life and heart and emotions with compassion as coming from he who understands me and my needs to be loved and have compassion. This I have done on a daily basis, spending 15 minutes or so on it. I really has helped.
I'm being much better about not sitting all day, and when I do sit, I get up and move around after each 1/2 to 1 hour.
I feel good about these things. Though I hadn't realized all these things are happening, it's been a good exercise to think about it all and list things.
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