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here we go again

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


you know, when i was a kid i never quite got the meaning of the words "all around the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel, the monkey tried with all of its might, pop goes the weasel" until................now. It just seems that know matter what that poor monkey does he can never catch that elusive weasel no matter how hard he tries. Okay, I get it now. Some of you dear readers may be wanting to know what is going on with me, was my latest surgery sucessfull, etc?? well I am sorry to say that despite going through six months of pure hell I am no better than when I started. Yes folks I am back to square one. Can someone say "vesico-vaginal fistula??", I know I can. That is what I am dealing with ever since the botched hysterectomy I had back in October 2009 and numerous attempts by experts in their fields to fix it. You know things are really bad when the doctor wakes you up and the first thing he says to you is "I am sooooo sooorry but I am afraid I have bad news for you today....." and that was after this attempt Monday [yesterday] at finally trying to have a "normal" life. It seems that now I will have to undergo completely NEW surgery, probably by a plastic surgeon, to try and fix what seems to be unfixable. I have prayed, I have fasted, and I have done everything the doctors told me and I am still faced with the original annoying problem which seems to not want to heal at all. I am weak and tired but I refuse to give up all hope. I just need some time off of hospitals and doctors now to rest up and hopefully day by day regain my strength and my sanity so that I am up to having even more surgery after the summer. That is the timeline I am choosing because I am just too weak right now to be put under the knife again without the risk of not waking up. I do not know why God is making me face this awful fate and maybe I shall never know but one thing I do know is I shall not give up this fight. I have a family and friends and so much in life to value not to give in to this awful thing. It is, however, disheartening to say the least. I shall try to deal with the situation as best as I can for now and try to gain strength each day to get back to some sort of normal routine while I faithfully wait in hopes for the right doctor to fix the unfixable. I shall treasure the time I have to spend with my family and friends forever until then. I am also seeking an attorney's advice on how to handle the original surgeon who messed me up so completely; no one should ever have to go through this! [it is rarely seen in this country]. Know that through these struggles I shall continue to Spark On! So should you.
emoticon Be well my cyber friends and treat your body the best you can, promise me that.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BBLUNDON 3/20/2010 6:04AM

    oh sweetie .. i'm so sorry for you .. i love though that you still have spirit and hopefully this is all you need to see you through!
CRISPINI 3/18/2010 4:29PM

    Oh wow honey how did I miss this? emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I'm thinking of you -- I am so sorry to hear about your problems. Best wishes. Will continue to think of & pray for you. emoticon
NEVERFORGET911 3/17/2010 12:05AM

    You are in my prayers ...
DNJEN471 3/16/2010 8:32PM

    Wow. Reading your blog makes me wonder what I have to complain about. You are so strong and you will make it through this.
SLBUNTYN 3/16/2010 6:55PM

    emoticon and prayers for you
LADYRINO 3/16/2010 6:05PM

    I am sorry it was unsuccessful. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
JUSTME52 3/16/2010 4:17PM

    I am encouraged by your strength in God, not giving up even though you don't understand. I will be praying for you. I hope you don't mind my asking but do you speak His words of healing over yourself? God 'spoke' therefore I believe we need to do this. I too do not understand why some are healed and some are not but I believe with your tenacity to go after God you will see results. I'm sorry you are hurting....
INGRACE 3/16/2010 4:11PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
*AMBER512 3/16/2010 4:07PM

    I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this! My thoughts and prayers are with you.


will this never end??

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


well bad news. I have just come from the doctor and in another two weeks I have to do one more surgery and hopefully that will be the end of it. If not I think I am just gonna cry for a very very long time. I found out that the pain in my gut I was feeling was actually a "nasty infection" [so says the doctor] and now I am on pills for that. I feel like I am watching my life tick away before my eyes. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. emoticon I am tired of always being the strong one. I am tired of not being able to take care of my family. But mostly, I am tired of being in pain. The only good thing to come out of this is maybe I don't have an allergy to gluton or wheat after all, maybe all the pain was due to the infection. I guess I will not know for sure until I get better, whenever that is. Oh, and despite my lack of exercise and moving around for that matter my daughter is now telling me I look anorexic and that I am wasting away. D.H. on the other hand says I have never looked better. Today I am going to try to keep my food down as yesterday I failed and I am under strict doctors orders not to throw up [lol]. emoticon for now I will just leave you with this message because I have to beleive it myself:

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAURAJAH 3/9/2010 3:41PM

    Not being well is discouraging. Hang in there. Hopefully it will be the last surgery. If not, have your good cry and then get up and start moving again. emoticon emoticon
MRSBLACKCHIEF 3/8/2010 8:16AM

    sending you lots of hugs and prayer. hang in there!
STILLSLIM 3/6/2010 12:44PM

    I hope you are doing better today. I pray that the Lord heals you. Keep us posted.
IMPROVING_ME 3/4/2010 5:19PM

    Hang in there! I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling well. Definitely try to rest as much as possible and get support from your family and Spark friends emoticon
JENNIFERKCM 3/4/2010 12:59AM

    I'm so sorry you are still not feeling well. That is just the worst. I am praying for you and a speedy recovery. emoticon
CARRIEDD 3/3/2010 7:46PM

    Now you know what is causing the pain and you can get it taken care of! That is a good thing! I am sorry you are in so much pain! But keep on fighting! God will not give you more then you can bare. Continue to lean on him in your trials and tribulations and he will comfort you! You are an amazing strong woman and you are going to be ok! Just think once you recover from all this all that you will finally be able to do! You are getting your health back on track inside and out! You GO GIRL! You are in my Prayers!
*AMBER512 3/3/2010 7:40PM

    That is so difficult. =(

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I pray for good health! And no throwing up, =P too funny.

But I do love the message at the end, the joy of the Lord is your strength? DEFINITELY! It's like we sing with the kids in Sunday school "we are weak, but He is strong!"
SPARKENISTA 3/3/2010 7:36PM

    I'm so sorry to hear you're upset. I hope that the diagnosis is correct now and that your infection is being cured. We are all behind you. Hopefully this will be an unfortunate memory very soon.
emoticon emoticon
PROUDMOM0507 3/3/2010 6:10PM

    So sorry to hear! Hope you get to feeling better really soon! emoticon
CRISPINI 3/3/2010 5:24PM

    Oh dear ((( BIG HUG ))). I am lifting you up in my prayers.

Just remember you can only climb a mountain one step at a time and although I know this feels like you will never see the top of it I am sure you will get there!

emoticon


ouchie my tummy hurts

Sunday, February 28, 2010


So.....I have been logging in my feelings to my nutrition log to try and track down what may be causing my abdominal pain and I think I may be making a connection. Time will tell. It is really funny to find out that all this time I could have simply been suffering food allergies causing my intestinal distress rather than just having what we all think are good days and bad days. It is also, refreshing. I will know for sure after tracking for a couple of months or so and making needed adjustments as I can to what I choose to eat or not eat. I cannot believe I have not thought of this sooner. It seems that with weight loss comes clarity of mind as well. Thanks to God for that! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*AMBER512 3/1/2010 11:15PM

    I really hope you figure out what's wrong! I finally figured out that anything I eat that has whey protein as an ingredient gives me horrible gas. Intestinal distress is no fun at all!
DCMAEDEL 3/1/2010 7:02PM

    Owwie - food allergies are frustrating/painful! Good luck figuring it out. And feel better!!!
CRISPINI 3/1/2010 10:13AM

    Good luck and feel better soon! emoticon
EKKING 3/1/2010 8:48AM

    Here's to figuring it out! Very good to log in feelings & food together!
JENNIFERKCM 3/1/2010 12:40AM

    I am also learning what foods make me feel better or worse. I don't know about food allergies, but I have IBS and Rosacia and both are very sensitive to foods. It really is amazing how much better you can feel when eating the foods that work for your system. Best wishes on this journey of self-discovery. BTW, even if you don't have Cealiac's disease...you could still have a gluten sensitivity. If it bothers you then just stay away!
DEBWILLBETHIN 2/28/2010 11:07PM

    It certainly could be a reaction to food.

I had been feeling quite unwell, BUT after inadvertently cutting out gluten (I cut out most carbs because I was having trouble losing weight), I felt sooo much better that I thought a miracle healing had occurred. really.

I went back to carbs and in a week, felt terrible again--which is when someone suggested the problem might be gluten and not carbs, in general.

I had the blood work done (Celiac panel) just this Tuesday and am waiting for the results. I cut out gluten on Thursday after deciding that I didn't want to stay on gluten for the length of time needed to get the biopsy. I am already feeling better.

Hopefully your food issue is a little less pervasive than gluten. Good luck in your detective work!


Deb emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/28/2010 11:39:15 PM
VGIMLET 2/28/2010 10:47PM

    Hope you are feeling better soon.

Allergies are no fun. I suddenly became allergic to carrots (well, it seemed sudden to me) and it was like I'd eaten steel wool. I still miss carrots, but not enough to eat them.

Good luck figuring it out. emoticon
JMACKENJ 2/28/2010 4:15PM

  I think I'll have to do some research on gluton and what to avoid...(See you previous blog) Is that new team allergies helpful for info?
INGRACE 2/28/2010 2:12PM

    I went to the allergist and had them poke my back with a myriad of allergens and all I came out to be allergic to from that test was. . .dust mites. So, off to my dr. I went, shared all of my symptoms and she said no gluten for 6 months to clear out my system and hopefully see improvement. She also said there is a very specific blood test that needed to be done and a scope into the intestines to officially diagnose celiac. So, I opted for just ditching the gluten and at 6 weeks out I am feeling much better. Keep working with your dr. and tracking what you are eating before the tummy aches. That will be very helpful. In the meantime, know you are not alone. I'm in the trenches with you. . .eating carefully. emoticon
NJAHAN01 2/28/2010 1:03PM

    Hey Lori, I hope you feel better. What do you think you have an allergy to?


pants on the ground, pants on the ground

Friday, February 26, 2010


well I am not sure about that "lookin like a fool" lyric but............today I got my pants on for a change and omg, like they are too big!!! and my shirt........waaay too big. I am very pleased with that. I showed d.h. and he kissed my thinner belly. Isn't that sweet?? Then later he came home with..............a pizza. Go figure right?? Well it was my decision to wait until I was hungry and then I actually seasoned up and ate ONE slice. It was all I needed or wanted. Weird thing is I noticed afterward my abdomen was hurting. I am now wondering if maybe I am gluten intolerant or something like that or maybe have some really bad food allergies?? It IS a possibility. I hope I get to the bottom of this soon. I hate feeling crappy. I am going to have to put notes in my food journal to try and track down what the problem is. I told d.h. when I am all better I may just see my regular m.d. and get tested for allergies. We shall see. Anyway, I am happy being the thinner me. Just had to report that. emoticon emoticon. And now for all you american idol fans out there here is the pants on the ground guy:

you can find the lyrics and ai audition tape on this web page:
television.aol.com/american-idol/201
0/01/14/pants-on-the-ground-lyrics-ame
rican-idol/

Intro: This is for people who need [to] pull their pants up
Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground................ emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JMACKENJ 2/28/2010 4:11PM

  Interesting!! The same thing happened to me - the after effects of pizza that is! It was like I ate a tbsp of yeast and it was swelling in my tummy. Then I gained and held it for a few days, than back to the weight I was before I ate it! I've wondered the same thing for awhile and I have really cut back on bread products but I really should be documenting after effects of eating particular foods. emoticon I want my pants on the ground too!
DNJEN471 2/27/2010 10:54PM

    That old guy cracks me up.
MNLEONA 2/27/2010 10:42AM

    emoticon
LAURAJAH 2/27/2010 10:05AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
SPARKENISTA 2/26/2010 10:00PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

You are beyond awesome! This is a real achievement! Congrats! You are inspiring me.

Comment edited on: 2/26/2010 10:00:48 PM
CRISPINI 2/26/2010 6:50PM

    Way to go! Awesome! I can totally see after having a surgery that your tum tum might be giving you some issues, especially with all of that yummy CHEESE on a pizza -- my mom had some issues for a long time after her hip replacement, couldn't eat anything rich at all. Anyway feel better soon and enjoy those falling off pants, hahaha!
CARRIEDD 2/26/2010 6:43PM

    Way to go! You need new pants! I love that silly song! As for the Pizza sometimes when our bodies have stopped eating foods like that our stomachs can tend to get a little upset it is normal! emoticon
CARRIEDD 2/26/2010 6:43PM

    Way to go! You need new pants! I love that silly song! As for the Pizza sometimes when our bodies have stopped eating foods like that our stomachs can tend to get a little upset it is normal! emoticon
CARRIEDD 2/26/2010 6:42PM

    Way to go! You need new pants! I love that silly song! As for the Pizza sometimes when our bodies have stopped eating foods like that our stomachs can tend to get a little upset it is normal! emoticon


oh happy day???

Thursday, February 25, 2010


well here it is day two of absolutely NO pills whatsoever, isnt that amazing?? it is for me anyway. wow! While I was feeling very weak and dizzy I did manage to eat some healthy food today and drink water. I am consciously making better choices and that is good. Half a tuna sandwich on twelve grain bread [yes, I did ask dh to buy it and YES he did!!! go dh!]. I could not manage the whole sandwich but I will finish it for lunch tomorrow. He also asked me what I wanted for dinner so I opted for a little rice and chinese veggies with brown garlic sauce and nothing else. I told him I don't eat much so please do not fill up the plate because then it will go in the garbage so.......he actually listened to me and I got a small plate with a normal amount of food and a little brown sauce on top and not smothered. He is learning, yes! emoticon Okay, so............lately I have been reading a lot of different blogs and information on what is called clean eating and also a few vegan and veggie blogs as well. I am really confused about all this but know in my heart what foods I like and those I do not like. I am trying to prepare for when I am well and am able to go out and do my own shopping. We do not have a whole foods here [bummer] so I shall be going to Stop and Shop and buying some fresh fruits and veggies and almond milk , some hummus, and maybe some organic foods and treats and salsa, cottage cheese, and not sure what else my stomach will be able to handle. Any suggestions out there would be most helpful. My question for everyone is: What types of healthy food do you buy and Why?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TYSAJAYNE 2/26/2010 2:37PM

    I like to stick to the principle, eat what is in it's original form as much as possible, but still love pasta and bread.

Have you tried Sandwich Thins yet? I'm going to try them for the first time tomorrow (they sent me coupons through the HouseParty website). They are small rounds that are just 100 calories for both slices and available in different wheats but all have a good fiber content and protein. I'm looking forward to eating more sandwiches that way!
NJAHAN01 2/26/2010 1:09PM

    Hi Lori,

Personally, some of my favorites are:

- hummus and carrots
- peanute butter and apple
- cheese and egg whites

I have read that you should always try and mix protein into whatever you eat to ensure that you are able to stay satisfied. I've been trying to that, and it's working.

I have also been trying to get organic milk, cheese, meat, etc.

At the end of the day, there are so many different variables. I'd love to hear what others say.
MRSBLACKCHIEF 2/26/2010 8:19AM

    Way to go! I'm so happy for you!
Praying for you and praying God's peace and strength fill you to overflowing!

Lately, I've been buying lots of organic veggies, then chopping them up as soon as I get home - I put them in a big tupperware tub in the 'fridge and have a quick healthy convenient snack anytime
SPARKENISTA 2/25/2010 10:27PM

    So glad to hear that you are on the mend! Actually, I don't care for the Whole Foods store. I think it's overpriced. My main store is Stop & Shop. They do carry a good selection of organic foods although I don't seek them out. I love their frozen blue berries, which my nutritionist says has more nutrients than fresh b/c they're packed at peak freshness. I also buy their green tea. I use their unsweetened organic cranberry juice in my tea instead of lemon juice.

I recently discovered Trader Joe's. The upside of the long lines is that I usually make a friend on the insane line. I love their crunchy peanut butter, their snack-size raw unsalted almonds, their Greek yogurt, chopped walnuts, raw cashews and innumerable other products. You have to see it to believe it. They just came out with their own brand of resveritrol, a nutrient made from grape skins. It is one of the highest antioxidant products in the world.

In any case, follow your taste buds. I look forward to your next blog and to your continued elevation to perfect health.

emoticon emoticon
KALORIE-KILLAH 2/25/2010 10:07PM

    Wholefoods is overrated... and SO EXPENSIVE! Enjoy Stop & Shop!

I always buy lots of veggies (I don't care if it's organic or not - it's all the same to me), fresh fruits, frozen veggies, frozen berries, eggs, granola, almond milk, soy milk, and tofu at my local big-chain supermarket. There are only certain things I can ONLY get at Trader Joe's: hummus, low-fat granola, big tubs of greek yogurt (the supermarkets only sell the little cups of them, which isn't nearly enough for me!), edamame (the supermarkets jack up the price of it), and a few other choice items.

Don't get what I get -- get what you enjoy! There's no shopping list that guarantees the ultimate health and/or weight-loss. What's important is that the groceries you buy are things you enjoy eating!


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