LORETTA24   130,340
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WARNING *** This is a cry for help! (not a joke)

Thursday, July 25, 2013

WARNING *** This is a cry for help! Those of you who have read my blogs in the past will know this is not my normal. I apologize to those of you seeking something else here.
I find myself in a strange place writing in a strange way for me. These contents do NOT contain encouragement, comfort, or a "Sunshine" attitude. It is a venting through tears of just some of the stuff going on in my life.
I liked the person I was and was becoming before my illness back in February. I had been doing well, worked hard and had gone from a size 18 to a 9 over the last couple of years. Then I had a breathing issue that put me in the hospital for a while. I was put on a necessary medication that caused me to put on weight. I am now a size 16. emoticon I've had a change of that particular medication for a couple of months now. However, I can't seem to get back on track. I feel so discouraged!!! Then to add to all of that I've been helping care for my momma with Dementia and she has gotten to the point where she sometimes forgets who I am, controlling her body functions, has had several mini strokes and is having violent & verbally profane outbursts (never has she been this way), I've buried a close family member & and a week later a good friend, lost my job, and our vehicle has died, when I went to pick up my current medication I couldn't because the drug company just upped the price (it was $200 and now is almost $300 / a family member got it for me (Thank God!) on their credit card), we've had several major appliances break down, the wiring in our house almost burned it down & it has had to be redone (still working on that one a piece at a time), ... all in this month. You could say July has definitely had a lot of fireworks going on. Sparkpeople has been my "only" encouragement and support system for my health journey. There are those who wish to help me with my "Spiritual" journey but it seems to end there. My family seems to be going out of their way to make things more difficult in my eating and exercising efforts. (Yes, I tried talking with them.) I am hanging on moment to moment. My heart, mind and body feel broken. I am out of "joy," out of money and feeling overwhelmed! It was suggested by a medical professional that I help myself by writing this. This hopefully will also allow my Sparkpeople friends an opportunity to do what they do best ... encourage, comfort and help others move forward through the rough times. Thank those of you have hung in there during my vacancies and weak replies! It is what has kept me getting out of bed on many occasions. emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANNYINFLORIDA 7/26/2013 9:50PM

    Sorry to hear you are going through this ordeal; I hope you are familiar with the book of Job and you will find hope in his undying faith in the Lord. I have also been on steroids during chemo for lung cancer and gained weight. Take first things first and don't try to tackle on all these problems at once. As for your Mom, contact the Alzheimer Association, they have resources which may help you. Your pastor can also be a good source of support, spiritual and otherwise.

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AMYC0128 7/26/2013 3:50PM

    I can relate to what you are saying on so many things. I am also out of work and have been for a while. I have applied for Adult Medicaid and have been on the waiting list since February. While you are out of work you can apply for Medicaid also. In my state they have a indigent program that I applied for to get medical care at a sliding scale. What I don't understand is if I have no income how can I pay $7 for an office visit??? I hate having to borrow money. I also applied to get my meds at a reduced cost I take one that is $400 a month and with the program I pay $5 for it. I hope they have something similar where you live to help you through this time.

I have also had a lot of losses in my family and I feel for you with your losses.

My washer and my oven don't work and have had to do without them until I get money to replace them.

I know it is hard to do right now some days I just want to cry and scream. but keep your head up and keep positive.

emoticon emoticon

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BAMAJAM 7/26/2013 2:13PM

  Dear Loretta-- These are wonderful comments from your Sparkfriends. We sincerely care about you and about your difficult time now. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you when there are times your mom does not know who you are. I hope that you can find resources for support and for relief-- in your area, Loretta. If church groups are aware of your needs, there may be help from them. Do take care of yourself...You are very important. May God send you His grace and comfort.

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NWLIFESRC 7/26/2013 1:18PM

    Sorry to hear about your situation hope it gets better soon.

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CAPECODDOGFISH 7/26/2013 7:59AM

    I knew you were going through a rough time, but I didn't realize how rough. How can I help? Please keep your faith. Sometimes that is all we have to hold onto.
Bob

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MOTHBALLS 7/25/2013 9:42PM

    I don't have a lot of words of wisdom, but what I can say is look at each and every day to find just a little bright spot and focus on that. Just take one day at a time. emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/25/2013 9:42:54 PM

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NASFKAB 7/25/2013 6:41PM

  /Loretta can see where you are & can only write keep pushing
all the best my dear spark friend

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 7/25/2013 5:49PM

    OH, I wish I had some words of wisdom... and words that could and would ease your pain (mental / physical / emotional).. Being a mere human the best I can do is empathize. As others have given some good suggestions. Just wondering if your 'Church Family' is really aware of how very much you need them. Maybe your pastor can help you find the help you so desperately need.

I will keep you in my prayers. Please remember God does love you. Satan seems to truly love to give God's children as much heartache and trouble as he can. Keep your eyes and heart on God... HE will be with you every step of the way. He never promised you would not have tribulations... HE did promise to never forsake you.

Love and HUGS,
Audra

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SASIKHASI1 7/25/2013 5:43PM

    Take a walk each day and use the time to pray and just praise God for all the beauty around you. That will help you reset your brain from the bad to the beautiful and help you to refocus. Even if you can only snatch 10 minutes to yourself, it will help a lot. You are in my prayers.

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ONBEACHSIDE 7/25/2013 4:00PM

    I know this is very hard. My life has been quite similar. I was caretaker of my parents 'parents until their death. My Mom had to retire when her Mom 's time came because I was burned out. I also fought health issues until I was 45. They started at 13. In 2010 I had more serious issues after getting fit here on SP. I had to resolve an 8 was no longer in my life since I live with intractable pain, can't sit and walk at less than 1mph. I have felt like giving up many times.

the only thing that can keep us going is hope. I had terrible reactions to antidepressants but I got so bad, my doc tried Pristique. It seems to help some and it didn't make me suicidal as all the others I had been given for pain.

Contact social services in your county and find out if they offer any respite care like most hospices do. They would take your mother for a week to give you a break. It isn't much time, but it sounds as if you need the relief desperately.

The only other advice I have is my Dad always told me if I need to runaway for a whle to feel better than you do it and other family embers will just have to pick up the slack. If things get bad enough you may end up in a hospital anyways, so maybe you have a friend you could visit and leave duties to other family members. Call or email them before you go and tell them it s their turn and you will be gone as of whatever time and date. Only make changes to your escape if someone guarantees a close date and time. It is extreme, but you sound as if you are ready to break and you need to do what you need to do. share your writings with your family too, because it is not only your job since it sounds as if there are others in your family.

Take care of yourself!

Kimberly

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BAKER1009 7/25/2013 3:17PM

    Wow, that sure is a lot to deal with. I was just saying to someone the other day that I have always been told we are not dealt more than we can handle, but sometimes I really have to wonder.
I am a firm believer in the "everything happens for a reason" motto. So while it's probably very hard, if not completely impossible, to see right now...I am sure something great is going to come out of all of this for you.
Hang tight, chin up, and prioritize. Do the best you can do, that is all you need!

emoticon
Beth

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MKACILLAS 7/25/2013 3:08PM

    (((Hugs))) So sorry that you are having a rough time loretta. This is not an easy journey for any of us and sometimes it is easy to give up. I take it day by day and if thats too much then minute by minute. That is what has gotten me thru these last 17 months since my son died. If you can find a good support system that helps take some of the load off. Taking one step at a time and not thinking too far ahead has helped. Baby steps. Meditations and yoga is a good way to be gentle to yourself.
Take care and prayers sent for some peace.... emoticon emoticon

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BERTAS_JOURNEY 7/25/2013 3:07PM

    I'm emoticon that you are going through such a rough time right now. I hope things get better for you soon.

I can honestly say been there. Mother in law has dementia too & has been known to walk around with a knife looking for the people who took her money (that she misplaced) to having stuff go on at the house from the dryer breaking to the sewer backing up to having a clog that the plumber had to get on the roof to get loose.

It does get better, hang in there. emoticon to you.

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LOLLOLLY 7/25/2013 2:54PM

    I can certainly understand why you are feeling overwhelmed. Your July could be a grand example of "when it rains, it pours". This is certainly not a time for you to be down on yourself because you've had a set back with your weight. Sometimes the best policy is to just deal with each issue as it arises, breathe deeply and then go on to the next. Don't give up on your commitment to being healthy but recognize that sometimes you just have to "go with the flow". Things won't always be this bad. Through it all remind yourself, "This too shall pass." Things will get better. Instead of worrying about weight that you have regained, try to concentrate -- as much as possible-- on eating what will give you the nourishment you need to face these challenges. Getting the right kinds of foods, instead of eating just anything, could actually be a help to you. But don't be down on yourself. That's the last thing you need at this point in time. You've come through a lot already. You are strong enough to endure. Keep on trucking. emoticon

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JACKSGRAN 7/25/2013 2:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Sharing My Medical Up-date

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I wanted to give you an update on my medical situation for the moment. Today I went in to see one of the specialist I've been seeing since my hospital experience. I have been feeling tired a lot but better. The doctor visit didn't go like I expected. It seems tests taken show I have "serious" liver and kidney damage. I need to go to my primary doctor and have him refer the doctor or doctors I need to see for that. The medication I am currently taking is what is "medically" necessary for me to take (till death). There is a surgery that is sometimes done but I'm not really a candidate for that, with the condition of my organs I would most likely have very serious side affects (one being death). The medication is almost $200 a month (that is the co-pay) which I can not afford. The generic doesn't work (of course it is only $10). Dr. Goldberg says there is another expensive alternative drug that would most likely work and maybe the insurance co-pay would be more affordable. He gave me a few weeks of samples of the $200 medication (he reminded me he couldn't continue to this ... this is our 2nd round of it) and suggested I check out if the other medication is a doable. He also suggested I contact my insurance company and put in an appeal for help with my medication since it is medically necessary for me per my doctor. Hmmm ... lots of prayer needed for this entire scenario.
Sending love with hugs and hugs! Loretta

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSER05 6/27/2013 5:07PM

    emoticon prayers.

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LITTLEWIND53 4/11/2013 2:26AM

    So sorry to hear this. Hope you are able to find a workable solution.

Wishing you all the Best.

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MOMMA48 4/1/2013 10:11AM

    You are in my thoughts and prayers, Loretta! I hope the new meds work well for you and take care, hun!

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CORKYTHEMOM1 3/31/2013 4:13PM

    Loretta, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I am keeping you in my prayers and thoughts that you are able to receive your medication without the added expense.


~ Monika ~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NASFKAB 3/27/2013 6:21AM

  hugs & prayers hope it all works out for you

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WILLOW49 3/26/2013 7:52PM

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you can work out something with your insurance company.
emoticon

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MARLINDA5 3/26/2013 5:48PM

    Will be praying for you and I am hoping that you will be able to get the medication you need without paying the high cost. emoticon

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CAPECODDOGFISH 3/26/2013 5:20PM

    I pray you are able to have the insurance cover your meds

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LOVE2MY3 3/26/2013 5:02PM

    Sending prayers your way! I hope everything works out for you!

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A Love Story With An Alzheimer Spouse

Sunday, February 17, 2013

emoticon February of 2013 has already arrived. Last month I posted on my daily blog to help make me accountable of my New Years Resolutions. This month I'll be posting about love. Love has an enormous influence on ones self mentally, physically and spiritually. It is a vital part of making me the person I desire to be.
emoticon Today people seem to forget what marriage is all about. The phrase ... "for better or for worse" appears to have no meaning as a vow. Ah, but ...
A friend sent this incredible love story to me and I just had to share it with you.
"It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived at the hospital to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. The nurse took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctorfs appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesnft know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."
emoticon Share a loving word with someone today! Hugs and hugs!! emoticon


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OVERACTIVEELBOW 3/26/2013 10:34PM

    A good story.

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STARTINGINLIMBO 3/13/2013 7:27AM

    Sweet. Gotta love the faithfulness.

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LITTLEWIND53 3/7/2013 11:41PM

    Beautiful.

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NWLIFESRC 2/28/2013 1:38PM

    WOW

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OPALMOON 2/18/2013 6:01AM

    Lovely!

emoticon emoticon

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MARLINDA5 2/18/2013 2:08AM

    Lovely story - thank you for sharing. emoticon

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MJ7DM33 2/17/2013 10:24PM

  Simply beautiful! Thx for sharing!

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MARINEMAMA 2/17/2013 7:44PM

    How beautiful!!

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LIVELYGIRL2 2/17/2013 4:45PM

  Now that's true love, and a moving story. emoticon

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4AMAZINGME 2/17/2013 3:33PM

    how beautiful emoticon

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BARCLE 2/17/2013 3:11PM

    emoticon lovely

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EDWARDS1411 2/17/2013 12:24PM

    Beautiful!!!

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CAPECODDOGFISH 2/17/2013 9:53AM

    I loved that one.

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 2/17/2013 6:55AM

    Good Story !

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NASFKAB 2/17/2013 5:25AM

  lovely story thanks for sharing

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AMYISSUCCEEDING 2/17/2013 5:04AM

    That is a great story! Thank you for sharing.
emoticon

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I'm In The Hospital Now I Having A Test While Under In the Am ... Please Pray For Me

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

emoticon February of 2013 has already arrived. Last month I posted on my daily blog to help make me accountable of my New Years Resolutions. This month I'll be posting about love. Love has an enormous influence on ones self mentally, physically and spiritually. It is a vital part of making me the person I desire to be.
emoticonI was unable to blog yesterday due to illness. I am in the hospital after having been in the er Monday evening for difficulty breathing and vomiting. Wednesday I'll be having a proceedure that is a test while being placed under. Hmmm.. they have no idea why I am not breathing correctly, I have my regular doctor and three specialists all working on me. Hopefully this is a good thing. I might not be able to log into Spark people tomorrow or later this week due to health issues so I thought I'd give you a what's up. I had one friend contact several others and have an out pouring of calls and prayers that has warmed my heart. Such love is a wonderful blessing! Thank you all!
emoticon Share a loving word with someone today! Hugs and hugs!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ITSALWAYSABTME 2/12/2013 6:19PM

    oh no. hope you re feeling better and they have it figured out!


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GERIKRAGH 2/11/2013 11:14AM

    Just said a prayer for you. Fast healing!

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OPALMOON 2/10/2013 3:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NWLIFESRC 2/9/2013 6:24AM

    emoticon Hope this find you better

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JUDITH316 2/7/2013 11:31PM

    I'm so sorry to hear you are in hospital and going through so much, I will keep you in much prayer, especially throughout the procedure, here's hoping a solution will be forth-coming, am believing for a good report and complete healing to the Glory of God. Sending you BIG HUGS. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUNNY1432 2/6/2013 9:33PM

    emoticon sending you prayers and a speedy recovery.

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CAPECODDOGFISH 2/6/2013 7:16PM

    emoticon
Hope they find out and correct it soon. Miss you.

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MARLINDA5 2/6/2013 5:27PM

    Will be praying for you and the doctors for them to find out what is going on.

Will look forward to hearing from you when you are better. emoticon emoticon

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BEENHEREB4 2/6/2013 4:25PM

    Praying for you, Spark Friend! Hope you'll be home and feeling better soon. emoticon

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LITTLEWIND53 2/6/2013 1:43PM

    Sorry to hear of your health difficulties and hopfully the team will be able to get it under control. After all, 4 heads are better than 1.

Best wishes and hope you are better soon....

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 2/6/2013 4:46AM

    May you soon be 'Up and about' feeling fit as a fiddle and ready to play. Prayers for you, your family, and your medical personnel.
Audra

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DJ4HEALTH 2/6/2013 12:14AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NASFKAB 2/5/2013 10:06PM

  all the best that they find out what is wrong hugs & prayers

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EDWARDS1411 2/5/2013 10:02PM

    emoticon

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OJ_2_OK 2/5/2013 9:30PM

    I am sending prayers. I hope they find out what's wrong soon! Feel better!

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I Wish You Enough!

Sunday, February 03, 2013

emoticon February of 2013 has already arrived. Last month I posted on my daily blog to help make me accountable of my New Years Resolutions. This month I'll be posting about love. Love has an enormous influence on ones self mentally, physically and spiritually. It is a vital part of making me the person I desire to be.
emoticonA friend shared this with me and now I am sharing with you.

I WISH YOU ENOUGH

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:

"I love you and I wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

Please Share this with your friends. It has the potential to inspire alot of people.

emoticon Share a loving word with someone today! Hugs and hugs!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLY4DHEART 2/6/2013 3:14AM

    I just love that, thank you for sharing! I wish you enough too! emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEWIND53 2/4/2013 3:23PM

    I have heard this story before, and it still breaks me up. Thanks for the revisit and reminder.....

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EDWARDS1411 2/3/2013 11:45PM

    Beautiful!!!

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MJ7DM33 2/3/2013 9:07PM

  emoticon Thx for sharing!

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AMYC0128 2/3/2013 3:57PM

    Brought me to tears, beautiful story thank you for sharing.

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MARLINDA5 2/3/2013 11:57AM

    aww - thank you for this

I wish you enough emoticon

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BRADIA 2/3/2013 11:00AM

    Beautiful story.
I wish you enough!

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NASFKAB 2/3/2013 10:29AM

  thanks for sharing

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PATSYB7 2/3/2013 9:09AM

    Thanks for sharing this--it is one of my favorites! Have a great day! emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 2/3/2013 8:47AM

    You didn't post a warning that you should have a tissue in hand. emoticon for sharing that.

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BILL60 2/3/2013 8:38AM

    Just super!! Thanks for sharing.

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CYND59 2/3/2013 8:24AM

    That brought a tear to my eyes. Thanks for posting. Have a blessed day and I wish you enough!

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FITMOMINNJ 2/3/2013 8:04AM

    Great Blog, thank you for sharing it:) emoticon

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TATTER3 2/3/2013 7:39AM

    Love this....sharing it with my folks..Thank you!

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