LONKEN   15,142
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I'm tired of being held hostage!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Okay... I'm tired of being held hostage.

So many things in our lives hold us hostage. Many of the things that hold us hostage are not under our control... family, stuff at the job, taxes; but other stuff we can control and that is how we handle all that other stuff within ourselves.

Here's the reason for my vent.

Six years ago, my husband and I made the decision to move my maternal grandmother in with our family to keep her out of a nursing home. So almost a year later, we found a house we hoped we could afford and signed the purchase agreement. We put a For Sale sign in the yard of our little 2 br home. We had promises from family and friends that they'd help as much as they could. So nearly five years after moving gran in with us, apparently none of them has been able to help. We still have the little house (so 2 mortgages). We had a bad storm come through and tear up our roof and rip apart our shed. The insurance paid, but we decided to go with a metal roof (less maintenance and hopefully no more leaks... which we dealt with for 3 months because of newly loosened shingles before we could get the roof replaced.) Since then, we have closed our savings account, 2 certificates of deposit, my husband's 401K, and cashed out his whole life policy. We've even borrowed thousands from my sister... who doesn't let us forget it. And do you think that she's offered to watch gran for a few days so my family can take a vacation? Think again. We haven't had a vacation since a year before she moved in with us.

Anyway... when it is directed at me, I can almost deal..... BUT DO NOT INVOLVE MY KIDS!!!!!

She told them two months ago that when the little one turns 8 she will take them to Disney in Florida. Since her birthday is in September, she will be almost 9 when that time comes (in over 2 years). Since then, whenever my girls have done anything she doesn't like (even if it is something she'd let her boys get away with) she says, "I won't take you to Disney if you don't stop that." Over and Over and Over and Over.... enough already. My little one was cracking some pecans at her house tonight after my nephew's birthday party. She let into her about not using the nutcracker and not cracking nuts and not eating them (though she couldn't prove that my daughter was the one who left the cracked nuts in the bowl a few weeks ago... just guilty by association). So, I let into her. I told her that enough is enough. I was tired of her holding Disney over my kids' heads. Then she started yelling that if she is going to be using her money to take my kids to Disney that she has the right to tell my kids what they can and cannot do. I told her my kids were my department and she could keep her money. We left.

I mean, come on! When she and her husband were down and out and both my husband and I were working full time, we loaned her so much money I couldn't keep track. I watched her kids for YEARS expecting nothing in return. I was being a sister. Her, I don't know what she was being but her overbearing, better-than-thou self!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMNAHA 9/5/2011 12:35PM

    Some people feel that thee should be one person to dominate a family. evedentaly your sister feels that she should be in charge. But when it comes to real responsibility your left with the grandma. You and your DH truly have kind hearts and my prayers are for you and your family.

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CRAZYGAGRANNY 7/29/2011 10:08PM

    My Dear Friend,
I understand your frustrations. People never see what hurtful things they do, to their families in time of need.
God tells us to love one another and never to worship money which many do today. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.

"For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."1 Timothy 6:10

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CATREBEL 7/23/2011 11:11PM

    Prayers for your family. I know you are in a very stressful situation.


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GRAMMACATHY 7/23/2011 8:39PM

    So sorry for this conflict. I wonder what her frustration is? ((((hugs)))) Hope you work through this soon.

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VMASSEY2 7/23/2011 3:28PM

    Praying for you. I hope you are doing well today. I know that sisters can get you down. God bless you for what you are doing for your Grandmother. Hang in there. We did that with Danny's mother and his brother and and sister-in-law helped. I don't think either of us could have done it alone. So I am praying a really big pray for you today.
In Christian love,

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    God Bless You. It sounds like your plate is fuller than MINE! Hang in there.

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DEE107 7/23/2011 8:56AM

    oh my see you have it just as bad as I do ..hugs my friend been there and done that routine with them tooo .. leave the kids out of it ..hugs I dont know if you are Catholic but we bury ST JOSEPH upside down facing the street to sell houses .... good luck my friend

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DISPATCHER04 7/23/2011 7:48AM

    (((Great-big, family/economy-sized hugs))) I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that. Families can cause more heartache than anyone we know, and it shouldn't be that way.

Praying for you, my friend. emoticon

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She got the part...

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Well, in my last blog I told you that my girls had tried out for the summer theater workshops. We found out Saturday that my older daughter got the part she wanted in Guys and Dolls. She will play the part of Adelaide. She has 4 songs, three are solos. Her "love interest" is the son of the lady who is directing the play. It will definitely be good. He has lots of experience in the theater, and they are already good friends. So, they will play well off each other. In fact, they read lines together during try-outs.

My little one now knows what her character will be. She will be a maid who is dressed up like a feather duster. I think it will be cute. They made her a feather duster because her sister was Babette in Beauty and the Beast, Jr. Babette was a maid who was turned into a feather duster. They thought it would be cute for them both to have similar parts.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATREBEL 5/9/2011 11:35AM

    That is great! I know they will have an awesome summer!

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CONNIEBUG 5/9/2011 10:53AM

    Congratulations! My youngest is also taking part in the workshop. Which cast are your girls in? Mine is in the Brando cast. This is her first time doing this, and she is really excited. It looks like it will be a lot of fun for all the kids.

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    Congrats! I know you are proud.

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JENNIFFRM 5/8/2011 8:33PM

    Congratulations and way to go Girls! Woo hoo proud mama!

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JMGLEN62 5/8/2011 7:35PM

    Congratulations to your daughters! emoticon

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My girls and their theatrical pursuits.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

I love my girls. They are so talented and love to pursue a lot more than I did at their ages.

My little one was selected as the professor in her school play, Wackadoo Zoo. The teacher rewrote the play and added a second professor just in case either of the girls got sick on performance day. (Educated thinking... lol). She also tried out for the summer theater workshop. Forty-five children tried out (wow). Only 30 tried out last year. My DD got the part of Castle Staffer in The Princess and the Pea. The play is a montague of three plays... also including The Emperor's New Clothes and The Ugly Duckling.

My older one was selected as a Lady in Waiting in her Spring Musical. She tried out today for the summer workshop for her age group... Guys and Dolls. She sang her song and then read parts with four other girls. She was asked to stick around and then was auditioned for both the lead girl parts. I guess we'll see May 7th if she got one of those parts. I know she will be good wherever they place her.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Wow! Definitely encourage this behaviour! I am still uneasy in front of a group of people. They are learning a very useful life skill.

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SOPHIEGM 5/1/2011 12:59AM

    that is super exciting for you I am sure. Your proud is shining! emoticon
you have raised some very talented girl!

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MOMFAN 4/30/2011 11:13PM


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Weight Gain (I'm sticking my tongue out.. raspberry!)

Friday, April 01, 2011

Okay, so some of you have prodded me about the weight gain. Yes, I know and THANK YOU! I'm happy you are concerned. It gives me accountability.!!!

I was doing good for a while and hit a plateau. I was okay with the plateau because I was in the mid-140's which was better than I've been in quite a while... Then... I had the hysterectomy. I don't know what it was about it, but I just put on the weight. I didn't change anything about what I was eating or doing besides getting off the birth control pill that was making me have a normal cycle. Now, I'm back up to 160.

I didn't even realize I was gaining. I've been working so much at school and the girls have had so much to do at church that I didn't even take time to step on the scale. I know a lot of it also has to do with the stress of being a caregiver. Gran has been getting worse and worse. It gets very exhausting listening to the same stories over and over and over... can I say over, again. She's always asking me the same things or fussing about something that my older daughter does. She refuses to eat right while I'm gone to school... and my sister (who promised she'd help out before I went back to work) isn't helping any at all. Gran sleeps most of the day and roams at night. That keeps me from sleeping well, too.

Okay, enough excuses... so what am I going to do about it? Well, I'm going to do better at watching what I eat. I do like having a snack of peanut butter, honey and melted chocolate (milk-free) in the afternoon. I'm an going cut down on that. I am going to up the veggies on the plate and try to get more of them fresh or fresh/frozen instead of out of a can.

As for exercise, the weather is getting warmer; so I plan to get outside more. I also plan to make more use of the Wii playing tennis. I may also take up boxing on the Wii. My 6 yo loves the boxing and says she knows she can beat me. :-)

Thank you again for keeping me accountable.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRLHALFFULL 4/8/2011 1:23PM

    Amen to that!

emoticon & emoticon

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MOMFAN 4/7/2011 6:04PM

    Hugs! I know how hard it is missing sleep with care-taking. Especially when the people you are depending on don't help you! You can do this!

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MZLOVE1974 4/5/2011 3:42PM

    We must have really similar builds because I got down to the mid 140's to and felt stuck... and somehow this last six-eight months I've gone back up to 160ish. How did that happen??? Grrr. I'm right there with you.... we can both do it again!!

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    emoticon Hang in there. Life sure knows how to throw curve balls.

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    emoticon Hang in there. Life sure knows how to throw curve balls.

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JENNIFFRM 4/2/2011 9:00AM

    It takes a lot of courage to take care of the ones who took care of us as kids. Keep up the good work. I'm sure you don't hear that enough or at all. Way to go Girl!

Between the stress of all the responsibilities of a caregiver for both your daughters and grandmother that's enough stress to make you go bald, seriously. Now add into play work and your own medical history. That's the reason for the weight gain. You don't have enough time in the day to take care of you.

Your sister needs to step it up and take in grandma and the girls for a day to give you time for you. I know easier said than done emoticon! Also remember after your hysterectomy your body changes because your hormones change too. So don't be hard on yourself.

With the support of your Sparkfriends you will loose the weight and I'm here when you need to vent!

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VENISEW1 4/2/2011 1:29AM

    I too have been slipping. emoticonto hear about your Gran& that your sister isn't helping. You sound like you need a break. Is there anyone who can help you? Would it help If you locked Gran out of the bedroom during the day, then maybe she'll be able to sleep @ night. You are a great grandaughter for taking care of her & your kids. Best wishes & take care emoticon

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Took my little one to the ER last night

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Okay, How many times do we parents say... "stop that or you will get hurt?" And how many times do they actually listen????

Well, the little one was "spinning" (like break dancing) on the hard wood floor last night when I uttered those infamous words. She promptly lost her balance and hit the floor with her chin. At first I thought she had busted her lip with the way she was crying. But, I pulled her into my lap to find a perfect arch about an inch long busted wide open all the way down the the bone. Yep! Good thing I can take that kind of sight. It didn't bleed much at all. I pinched it together until my DH could get a gauge and some medical tape. I pulled it tight and headed off to the hospital. Thankfully, they could glue it back together instead of using stitches.

This is the second time she's fallen and busted open something that bad. Last time it was her upper lip that she pulled away from the gumline. That took three stitches. Hopefully if it happens again, it will be when the doctor is in his office. The ER visit was a $75 co-pay and who knows how much more when we get the bill.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VMASSEY1 3/9/2011 7:34PM

    Thinking about you. Sounds familiar. I took our daughter to the ER for running around with a wooden spoon in her mouth. Her soft palate started swelling and it scared me. It also bled a little. Not 2 days later I was headed back because she pulled a storm window over on herself and cut her nose. My husband is a nurse and was at work,so I decided to let him look at the cut. We decided she didn't need stitches. So I turned around and brought her home. I was too embarrassed to take to the ER because we had just been there 2 days earlier and I thought they would think that I had abused her or something.

So hang in there. Thinking and praying for you.
Vickie emoticon

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    Good thing stitches weren't needed. emoticon emoticon

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CATREBEL 3/7/2011 4:10PM

    I had a saying with my son when he was little, "No trips to the ER today please!" It didn't always work! I hope she heals soon.

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GIRLHALFFULL 3/7/2011 10:53AM

    My heart races when I hear about such moments... most likely because I know that feeling and have uttered those same words many times!

Hoping she is on the mend and not too sore and for quick healing.

One day you will be telling her this story when she is a Mom! Remember when...


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    Kids never listen. Glad you had your wits about you!

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MOMFAN 3/6/2011 9:22PM


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VENISEW1 3/6/2011 7:41PM

    Lucky you have insurance and that stitches weren't needed. That must have been scary!

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