Friday, November 23, 2012
Posting from my phone! I'll be back on a computer probably Monday, to drop you all some blog comments and spark goodies!!
So, here we are! The day after Thanksgiving. It's officially the start of the Christmas season.
Which my husband reminded me of this morning, during snuggly just-waking-up-time.
Me: "I'm thankful for your faaaaace."
Husby: "That was yesterday! You dont have to be thankful anymore. It's the start of Christmas; time to be greedy."
Me: "Gimme your faaaaace."
Heh. I really am thankful for him. I sometimes forget not everyone is so lucky to find someone they get along with so well, and just be so happy, it almost feels like effortlessly.
I'm thankful for my awesome family. I didn't get to see them this week, but I had a nice chat with everybody over the phone.
And my husband's family. They are awesome and totally embraced me as one of the family, and have for 11 years.
As for the day itself? It was awesome.
I got up around 7 and got dressed for my Turkey Trot. We were only 10 minutes away! Got there early, checked in and got my bib, then waited in the car for a bit because it was chilly. I was really nervous yesterday, I dont know why! I guess because it was my first "real" race.
My hubby came to cheer me on and take pictures. :-) I lined up near the back of the pack (because I'm slow!) And then we were off!
My "practice" 5k time in September was 49:56, and I've been off my training schedule for a few weeks, plus my stupid hip has been bothering me, so I was hoping to finish in under an hour, but trying to be realistic and not set myself up for disappointment.
I have an app on my phone that was supposed to track my run and play my music so I started that up. I made myself a playlist of all my favorite up tempo songs from my Couch to 5k podcasts, and I set the app to give me a notice every 10 minutes so I could time my run/walk intervals. I just focused on my music and pacing myself. It did seem like a long 10 minutes. Then up ahead I saw a race clock. Next to it was a "1 mile" sign, and the clock said ~14:30!! Wow! This was when I realized I wasn't going to get my voice alerts, hahaha. But I had been thinking 10 minute run intervals would be pushing it and then I ran the whole first 14 minutes, a good pace for me, without even realizing it!
My next mile was a little slower, but I reached mile 2 at 30:30.
Last mile was at around 46:40 maybe... then there was just a little bit left (5k=3.1miles).
I finished the race right around 48:30 (I'll have to check the race website for my Official Time)!! Not bad for a fatty with a bum hip, hahahaha! I still can't believe I shaved more than a minute off my time. Amazing!
Even better was, as I was standing with husby, having some water and chatting about how it went, this woman came up to me. "You were amazing! You did so well! I was trying to keep up with you and I couldn't. It's so hard doing a race alone, with no one to keep you motivated, so I thought I'd try to stay with somebody. But I couldnt keep up! And you were running almost the whole time! Great job!"
Obviously we had a whole conversation, and I talked too and we all said happy thanksgiving. Those are just some things I remembered she said. It made me feel great. Thank you, super nice lady!
I had a slightly lower calorie than usual breakfast & headed into the big dinner feeling great.
I stayed away from the appetizers! Had small bites of everything (golf ball/2 Tb size) except my Most Favorite: turkey, sweet potato casserole, and this cheese broccoli thing my MIL makes (CHEEZ ITS ON TOP, OM NOM NOM!). Tracked it all before dessert. For dessert I cut tiny 1cm wide slices of pie (people are impressed when you can do this, by the way) so I could taste all 3 kinds, 2 Tb of rice pudding, and skipped all the cookies and cupcakes. Also tracked!
Mostly I just had a great time hanging out & catching up with family, which is the whole point!
I feel like I pigged out, even though I ate small servings and only teeny seconds of 1 thing (seconds of turkey at dinner, pudding at dessert). But I wasnt stuffed!
I was thinking about eating, and overeating, last night and I decided I have 4 levels of fullness:
1) Done. When you're no longer hungry, or "empty," but you still have space left (not full).
2) Full. No more space left but not stuffed. You're comfortable, but know if you eat more you won't be.
3) Stuffed. You've eaten too much and are uncomfortable, but you can still function - join the conversation, help with the dishes, etc.
4) Sick. You're in pain and/or nauseous and all you want to do is lie down and regret your sins.
Usually on holidays I end up somewhere between stuffed and sick by the time dessert is over! Last night I was just done, still short of full. Like any other day, just different foods.
-and I came in right around the top of my calorie range. Between that and all the calories I burned running I'm pretty optimistic I won't have much of a holiday dent in my weight loss!
Back on track today! I wont be able to weigh until tomorrow, back home with my own scale. But I feel awesome.
Even if I had overeaten, though, it was still a wonderful holiday. I hope whatever you weigh today, you are happy and got to enjoy some people you love.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
So this one is partly about the scale, we all hate to love and love to hate.
It's also kind of about my philosophy.
I know I'm not done yet, so what do I know, but this time on Spark is different for me. Different from everything else I've tried. So I thought I'd share.
Today, for me, is a "Once Upon a Time, the scale moved!" I've been 268 for a couple of weeks. This morning I saw an amazing 266.7!
Oh I also hit a very silly milestone today. I gotta celebrate the little things, because I'm a weirdo. Out of curiosity, after I'd done my morning in undies weigh in, I weighed again, pants, shoes and all. I am now, officially, OUT of the morbidly obese category, INCLUDING SHOES. Dumb I know. hahaha.
Anyway. It's storytime people. This is a little fairy tale for you all. As always the idea is to LEARN A LESSON from the mistakes of your fairy tale characters. Feel me?
Here we go:
Once Upon a Time, there was a girl. She was overweight and very unhappy. She wanted to be smaller "as fast as possible!" she said. So she went to a doctor who peddled a plan (which in the interest of avoiding litigation shall NOT be detailed in full in our storybook).
The girl was to visit the doctor for a sort of "treatment," to be weighed in, and make very expensive payments. In between visits the girl was to eat very small portions of very restricted foods on a very special schedule. Some days the girl was to eat nothing but milk!
So the girl followed this plan. And she visited the doctor, and paid her payments. And ate her strange foods, and she drank her milk, and lots and lots and LOTS of diet soda to compensate for the food she could not eat.
And the girl lost weight! The doctor promised 15 pounds a month, or more, if you followed his spell.
And some months the scale said "Congratulations! 10 pounds gone!".
And some months, it didn't.
The doctor would ask "are you following the spell?" He would accuse the girl of failing. When people followed the spell, he said, the scale would follow. "I will always know when you have not been true," he said.
For the Scale knows all.
The girl began to struggle.
She was eating so little! She was following the spell! How could the scale not obey?
In any case, the girl followed the spell for many months. It was very very hard. But gradually, the girl lost 60 pounds. The girl was pleased. Her family was pleased. The girl said "I shall lose my last 40 pounds, and I shall be happy forever!" "I will use the spell!"
After some time, the girl began to consider what would happen when the spell was done. When the pounds were gone. "If the pounds come back, I can always use the spell again..." she thought uncertainly.
Then the girl got married! It was a happy day. The girl was happy. The girl's husband was happy. The girl's family was happy.
The girl and boy went on a trip! "I cannot follow the spell on this trip," said the girl. "Where will I find my special restricted food? I cannot have my treatments. And my husband will want to eat foods, at restaurants."
The doctor had said "go on your trip. Return to the spell after."
So the girl did.
But the spell worked less and less.
"One half pound," the scale said.
"Are you following the spell??" the doctor would ask. "We know by what the scale says. We need to scale to say ten pounds down, or we know you are not following the spell."
The girl was ashamed. "I must be doing something wrong," the girl thought sadly. "And it is very hard. I cannot follow the spell forever," she thought. "I am weak."
"I wish I were strong, like the others."
The others, the doctor tells of, who have used the spell to transform.
The girl did meet others who had used the spell. "The spell works," they said, "until you stop." "What happens when you stop?" the girl asked. "Most people change back," they said. "There are a few who remain transformed. But most change back."
Gradually, the girl lost faith. The spell only works if you believe.
If you leave room for nothing else.
Without the expensive payments, there were no doctor visits, no treatments, no weigh ins.
Without the treatments, and without the scale to say "10 pounds gone!" month after month, there was no will to continue. To struggle. To set life to the side.
"I have been fighting for the scale," the girl said, "and I have lost."
And so the girl changed back.
After a while, the girl began to try other ways of transforming.
Spells from books.
Spells from friends.
Spells from TV.
Spells she invented herself.
The girl would work at a new spell, and listen to the scale, so to judge the new spell.
"I worked hard these last few weeks," said the girl.
"Half a pound up," said the scale.
"I am weak!" she cried. "Only the strong transform!" And she cried, and cried.
Until one day, a voice inside her answered back.
"How can you say you are weak??" the voice boomed! "Think of the first spell. Remember the days you ate nothing? You ate nothing while others ate feasts! How can you say you are weak?"
"Remember the parties, holidays, special occasions where you held to the spell? You drank milk and ate no cake, no meal, not even a taste! HOW can you say you are weak?"
"But I failed," the girl thought. "The scale said so."
"That spell leaves no room for life," answered the voice, "only for itself."
"And the scale cannot tell you who you are."
And the girl thought on this.
What do we do when the scale stops moving?
We stop; we lose faith in our spells.
And what does the scale say, when we go back to the ways that made us what we were?
The scale says "UP!"
So the girl thought. And thought. And the girl tried again, but listened to the voice inside, more and more.
"Who am I?" asked the girl.
"and who do I want to be?"
"I can work to be the person I want to be," the girl thought, "I can work to transform. Because I am strong."
"And what if the scale says 'No pounds'?" asks the voice.
So the girl decided, "I am working to transform into so much more. I will let the scale can be one sound in the din. When the scale says, 'no,' I will work for ME instead."
Not Quite The End, Yet.
So the moral of the story is, IN CASE YOU COULD NOT GUESS, I really did this. I did the crazy woo woo new age BS starvation diet thing. I would try things, and every time the scale stalled, I would get discouraged.
Or, life would get in the way.
And that's why I'm HERE: to do something that allows for life. Birthdays, holidays, crazy weeks of working late and very little gym time and nothing but takeout. Because there will never be a time in my life when I can dedicate 18 months to diet and exercise with zero interruptions or distractions.
Whatever your plan is, you must still allow for life.
That's lesson #1.
If there is one thing I can absolutely guarantee you, it is this:
NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PLAN IS, no matter how much weight you have to lose, no matter how "good" you are, no matter how much "willpower" you have (hate that concept by the way), there will come a day when the scale says "No pounds."
The scale will say this to you A LOT. Sometimes a bunch of times in a row, other times just here and there.
But it IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
If you are not prepared for this, you are going to live my story up there, in one version or another, over and over, until you get it through your head. I know this because I LIVED IT.
If you NEED to see that scale say "Down!" every single week, or every two weeks, or whatever, by some predictable amount, in order to keep going, you are going to 1) make yourself insane, and 2) make yourself quit. And probably 3) make yourself hate yourself for being "weak" or doing everything "wrong."
What I am saying is, you had better find a voice.
What are you going to say when the scale says "nope!"? Decide. RIGHT NOW. This minute. Decide.
And decide on something else, too: What do you want out of all this?
Something **besides the number on the scale.**
When the scale is not rewarding you with new numbers, what are you going to be fighting for?
Figure it out. And hold onto it tooth and nail, because you are sure as heck going to need it.
Monday, November 19, 2012
This Saturday we had Thanksgiving with my FIL (Thanksgiving with MIL's side of the family will be Thursday!).
It's *always*, holiday or not, an hours-long festival of eating at their house. Usually 4 courses - there are appetizers, hummus and chips, bread and cheese, olives, that kind of stuff, sitting out when we get there. Then there's a first course, pasta and things, then a second (sometimes a roast or steaks, this time TURKEY!), then dessert.
*I*. Tracked every bite. AND. I was within my calorie range for the day.
I AM AMAZING.
I'll never forget the first time I tried to "be careful" at dinner at their house, and then tracked stuff when I got home. Just dinner, with me having what I thought were small portions (well, they were smaller than what I used to eat!) was more than my calorie allotment for the DAY. And I'd eaten earlier in the day, too. AHHHH.
I am super proud of myself for Saturday. I skipped a number of foods entirely, I didn't take a small portion to be polite. I didn't eat anything from the "appetizers" part of the day (cheese puts you in a hole SO FAST. Who else has noticed this???) I didn't clean my plate when I had more than I wanted (course 1 was pizza AND lasagna, plus side dishes). I had one slice of turkey, a bite of stuffing, NO MASHED POTATOES! (I love them but I can make them any time, they are not special). And mostly lots of veggie sides. I didn't even eat my own dish! I brought a vegetarian "pie" because my BIL & SIL are vegetarian. I didn't eat any since I knew they'd send me home with leftovers. BOOYAH!
For dessert I planned to have a slice of pecan pie (I tracked that sucker at 8am, hahaha. WANT!). In the moment I decided to just have half a slice. Then I had a cookie and a single bite of one other thing. Didn't put stuff in my coffee (they always have ice cream and whipped cream on the table and I usually end up putting some in my coffee just because).
An even better victory - in the past we have come home from their house feeling so full we feel kind of sick, plus weighed down with tons of leftovers. This time I felt awesome ("I have leftover stomach space!" -me, to the husby) AND managed to not bring home TOO many leftovers. I have a reasonable portion of a couple things, and vegetables. Okay, and my husband brought cookies. Haha.
The scale is pretty much stuck at 268 for me. I tend to do this - drop a few pounds, and then stick there for a few weeks, so I'm not going to worry unless I'm still stuck in mid-December! Sunday morning I'd lost a half a pound, but this morning it was back. We'll see where I am at the end of this week... Considering I have Thanksgiving #2 to get through, I guess my goal should be to stay the same! 268 here I come... again.
Oh and for those wondering - I DID weigh the bewbs again, got a more accurate ~14 pounds total, ~7 pounds each, this time. That sounds a little more like it! I'm glad you all were amused rather than grossed out, hahaha.
Oh yeah, AND THE PACKERS WON YESTERDAY. My weekend was amazing. Not that the Packers PLAYED amazingly, but they pulled it off in the end. Poor Mason Crosby... I was wearing his number at the bar, too. I must've jinxed him! All the other drunk guy sports fans: "...Can I ask you something? Of all the jerseys, why do you have the KICKER'S number???" UM, because he's amazing??
Usually he eats pressure for breakfast, but he had a rough day yesterday. He's had a rough couple of games, but I AM NOT A FAIR WEATHER FAN. How adorable is this:
HEEEEEEEEEEE. Both of them.
Okay, sorry, I promise to try to keep the *!*!*!*!* PAAAACKERRRRSSSS *!*!*!*! to a minimum...
OH DID I MENTION I WILL SEE THEM LIVE NEXT WEEK??? I'm going to freeze my booty off at Giants stadium (my husband STILL will not let me make him a sign that says "sleeping with the enemy"... what else do you bring to the Giants/Packers game with your Packer fan wife, I says??) and cheer them on in person. *loooooove*
Okay, NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I'm done.
Friday, November 16, 2012
I DID go to the gym with my friend, but the lifeguards called out, so no swimming for us. Sadness!
However, we did have a nice run instead. I took it pretty easy, so my hip is a only little sore today. I think I'll be okay for my TURKEY TROT, just slower than usual.
Sooooo, anyway. On the subject of curiosity. TMI ALERT by the way, I am going to talk about my cans. If you don't like it now is a good time to run away.
I have always been rather, ah, well-endowed up top. My first bra was a C cup, I think I was 12. UGH HOW I HATED THEM. Still do! Currently I am pretty much off the chart as far as cup sizes go... different manufacturers use different letter systems, but they all only go up to about a 12 inch difference between your band measurement and breast measurement. I have at least a 16 inch difference. I just buy the biggest ones I can get locally and deal.
I have wanted breast reduction surgery pretty much since I got breasts, hahahaha. I've always wondered how much of my extra weight is there specifically. You know, "I'm ___ pounds overweight, but most of it is in my jugs."
Out of curiosity, and because I was in a towel, and because my food scale was out on the counter... you can see where this is going. I weighed my breasts today. HEH. Separately, and it's only an estimate since I can't actually detach them and set them on the scale (DON'T I WISH. I'd leave them home most days.), but I thought I did ok. Apparently they weigh about 5 pounds each.
I'm disappointed! I was expecting so much more.
I wonder if I can add a line for this in the "Weight and Other Measurements" tracker... certainly something I'd be interested in keeping an eye on.
A Google search is telling me much bigger numbers for a chest my size. Perhaps I will reweigh. Stay tuned for updates.
Monday, November 12, 2012
My gym is open! I have gas in my car! The roads are open!
But my STUPID HIP is still being stupid. Booo.
I did get in a short run today, and then some walking. Better than nothing! But I wish my hip would just BE better, instead of feeling better right up until I try to run for more than 5 minutes. I just want to RUUUUN!!!
Guess I should stop saying I'm going to call a physical therapist and ACTUALLY call a physical therapist.
On the up side, I did well tracking all last week and the weekend. Turned down a chocolate chip cookie and beer on Friday night! I said "I CAN have them. I could choose to go over my calorie range for the day by 1/2 a cookie and 1/2 a beer if I want. But I don't want to go over my calories." Had a fancy dinner out with family on Sunday night. I was over my calories for the day by a little, but overall the day was pretty well balanced, and I did a good job controlling my portions at dinner and passing up the bread basket, so I feel good about it.
I've seen 268 on the scale a few more times, so I'm counting it as official. I found a piece of paper in my desk where I was scribbling weights and BMI milestones and such, and at the time apparently I'd planned to be down to ~262 by the beginning of December. If I stay focused through November I could actually come close to that, so I'm pretty happy.
Also?? I'm going swimming on Thursday. SO EXCITED. A friend just started a new job at a University, and as part of working there she can use the athletic facilities. And bring a guest. Specifically, ME. I LOVE SWIMMING. And I'll be able to push myself and torch calories without bothering my stupid hip. AWESOME!
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