Monday, November 19, 2012
This Saturday we had Thanksgiving with my FIL (Thanksgiving with MIL's side of the family will be Thursday!).
It's *always*, holiday or not, an hours-long festival of eating at their house. Usually 4 courses - there are appetizers, hummus and chips, bread and cheese, olives, that kind of stuff, sitting out when we get there. Then there's a first course, pasta and things, then a second (sometimes a roast or steaks, this time TURKEY!), then dessert.
*I*. Tracked every bite. AND. I was within my calorie range for the day.
I AM AMAZING.
I'll never forget the first time I tried to "be careful" at dinner at their house, and then tracked stuff when I got home. Just dinner, with me having what I thought were small portions (well, they were smaller than what I used to eat!) was more than my calorie allotment for the DAY. And I'd eaten earlier in the day, too. AHHHH.
I am super proud of myself for Saturday. I skipped a number of foods entirely, I didn't take a small portion to be polite. I didn't eat anything from the "appetizers" part of the day (cheese puts you in a hole SO FAST. Who else has noticed this???) I didn't clean my plate when I had more than I wanted (course 1 was pizza AND lasagna, plus side dishes). I had one slice of turkey, a bite of stuffing, NO MASHED POTATOES! (I love them but I can make them any time, they are not special). And mostly lots of veggie sides. I didn't even eat my own dish! I brought a vegetarian "pie" because my BIL & SIL are vegetarian. I didn't eat any since I knew they'd send me home with leftovers. BOOYAH!
For dessert I planned to have a slice of pecan pie (I tracked that sucker at 8am, hahaha. WANT!). In the moment I decided to just have half a slice. Then I had a cookie and a single bite of one other thing. Didn't put stuff in my coffee (they always have ice cream and whipped cream on the table and I usually end up putting some in my coffee just because).
An even better victory - in the past we have come home from their house feeling so full we feel kind of sick, plus weighed down with tons of leftovers. This time I felt awesome ("I have leftover stomach space!" -me, to the husby) AND managed to not bring home TOO many leftovers. I have a reasonable portion of a couple things, and vegetables. Okay, and my husband brought cookies. Haha.
The scale is pretty much stuck at 268 for me. I tend to do this - drop a few pounds, and then stick there for a few weeks, so I'm not going to worry unless I'm still stuck in mid-December! Sunday morning I'd lost a half a pound, but this morning it was back. We'll see where I am at the end of this week... Considering I have Thanksgiving #2 to get through, I guess my goal should be to stay the same! 268 here I come... again.
Oh and for those wondering - I DID weigh the bewbs again, got a more accurate ~14 pounds total, ~7 pounds each, this time. That sounds a little more like it! I'm glad you all were amused rather than grossed out, hahaha.
Oh yeah, AND THE PACKERS WON YESTERDAY. My weekend was amazing. Not that the Packers PLAYED amazingly, but they pulled it off in the end. Poor Mason Crosby... I was wearing his number at the bar, too. I must've jinxed him! All the other drunk guy sports fans: "...Can I ask you something? Of all the jerseys, why do you have the KICKER'S number???" UM, because he's amazing??
Usually he eats pressure for breakfast, but he had a rough day yesterday. He's had a rough couple of games, but I AM NOT A FAIR WEATHER FAN. How adorable is this:
HEEEEEEEEEEE. Both of them.
Okay, sorry, I promise to try to keep the *!*!*!*!* PAAAACKERRRRSSSS *!*!*!*! to a minimum...
OH DID I MENTION I WILL SEE THEM LIVE NEXT WEEK??? I'm going to freeze my booty off at Giants stadium (my husband STILL will not let me make him a sign that says "sleeping with the enemy"... what else do you bring to the Giants/Packers game with your Packer fan wife, I says??) and cheer them on in person. *loooooove*
Okay, NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I'm done.
Friday, November 16, 2012
I DID go to the gym with my friend, but the lifeguards called out, so no swimming for us. Sadness!
However, we did have a nice run instead. I took it pretty easy, so my hip is a only little sore today. I think I'll be okay for my TURKEY TROT, just slower than usual.
Sooooo, anyway. On the subject of curiosity. TMI ALERT by the way, I am going to talk about my cans. If you don't like it now is a good time to run away.
I have always been rather, ah, well-endowed up top. My first bra was a C cup, I think I was 12. UGH HOW I HATED THEM. Still do! Currently I am pretty much off the chart as far as cup sizes go... different manufacturers use different letter systems, but they all only go up to about a 12 inch difference between your band measurement and breast measurement. I have at least a 16 inch difference. I just buy the biggest ones I can get locally and deal.
I have wanted breast reduction surgery pretty much since I got breasts, hahahaha. I've always wondered how much of my extra weight is there specifically. You know, "I'm ___ pounds overweight, but most of it is in my jugs."
Out of curiosity, and because I was in a towel, and because my food scale was out on the counter... you can see where this is going. I weighed my breasts today. HEH. Separately, and it's only an estimate since I can't actually detach them and set them on the scale (DON'T I WISH. I'd leave them home most days.), but I thought I did ok. Apparently they weigh about 5 pounds each.
I'm disappointed! I was expecting so much more.
I wonder if I can add a line for this in the "Weight and Other Measurements" tracker... certainly something I'd be interested in keeping an eye on.
A Google search is telling me much bigger numbers for a chest my size. Perhaps I will reweigh. Stay tuned for updates.
Monday, November 12, 2012
My gym is open! I have gas in my car! The roads are open!
But my STUPID HIP is still being stupid. Booo.
I did get in a short run today, and then some walking. Better than nothing! But I wish my hip would just BE better, instead of feeling better right up until I try to run for more than 5 minutes. I just want to RUUUUN!!!
Guess I should stop saying I'm going to call a physical therapist and ACTUALLY call a physical therapist.
On the up side, I did well tracking all last week and the weekend. Turned down a chocolate chip cookie and beer on Friday night! I said "I CAN have them. I could choose to go over my calorie range for the day by 1/2 a cookie and 1/2 a beer if I want. But I don't want to go over my calories." Had a fancy dinner out with family on Sunday night. I was over my calories for the day by a little, but overall the day was pretty well balanced, and I did a good job controlling my portions at dinner and passing up the bread basket, so I feel good about it.
I've seen 268 on the scale a few more times, so I'm counting it as official. I found a piece of paper in my desk where I was scribbling weights and BMI milestones and such, and at the time apparently I'd planned to be down to ~262 by the beginning of December. If I stay focused through November I could actually come close to that, so I'm pretty happy.
Also?? I'm going swimming on Thursday. SO EXCITED. A friend just started a new job at a University, and as part of working there she can use the athletic facilities. And bring a guest. Specifically, ME. I LOVE SWIMMING. And I'll be able to push myself and torch calories without bothering my stupid hip. AWESOME!
Friday, November 09, 2012
We are okay. Thank you for asking. Sorry for not checking in sooner. We were very lucky in the storm; our part of NJ did get hit pretty badly; quite a few people are still without power. We were fine - only lost power for a couple days (and we had candles and wine, so really....) no trees fell on my car, our basement didn't even flood all that badly. All that's down there are the water heaters, so we were without hot water for.. um. Less than a day. Then we basically got to have an extended party, because work had no power so I had almost 2 weeks off work, and friends from around the city still without power came over to charge their cell phones and hang out in a place with lights, play games, drink wine, watch movies, and let me play with their little DOG (and YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT LITTLE DOGS).
(Can I just repeat that for posterity? For three glorious days I had a little dog in my apartment. IT WAS AMAZING.)
Little Dog is too amazing to be captured on film!!
Little Dog washes the dishes. Aw.
We're very lucky. Of course my heart goes out to people who sustained serious damage to their homes, and are still without power.
We do have some family who had bad flooding in their home so we're heading out to help them clean up this weekend. But they are all safe and healthy, so really. It's fine.
But MORE IMPORTANTLY, how much does my butt weigh lately??? Is what we really should be talking about OF COURSE.
I totally get an I Told Ya So on the last blog post - I did go back up to 272, and 273, and 271, and on and on and on for the past, what, two weeks? but I've been bouncing around 270/271/269 since late last week, and this morning I was 268.5, which I am also not tracking on account of my I Don't Buy It, Dude relationship with my scale. But I'm headed in the right direction again.
But BEFORE THAT, I did in fact go to my first 5k. I do not say I "ran" my first 5k, because I personally consider much of the course that I did to be Un-Runnable, but it was SO. MUCH. FUN.
So much mud!!!!
I did "Run For Your Lives," which is a 5k race plus obstacle course, where zombies chase you. It was AWESOME. I went with two friends from work, and we had a BLAST.
The course was at a camp in Maryland, and somehow the magical designers managed to design a course that was more uphill than downhill (kudos!), and a lot was trails through the woods, complete with roots, rocks, and ruts gouged by rain over time. It was a prime ankle-breaker, is what I am getting at, so much of it we didn't so much "run" as "hike." One hill must have been close to a 40 degree angle, and it was LONG! It was so steep I could go on all fours without really bending over much. Amazing.
We started out in tunnels. They let one tunnel at a time, staggering the runners a bit (labeled Appetizer, Entree, and Dessert, hahaha), and when we came out it was around a corner, down a hill, and right into a field of zombies.
You wear flag football type flags, three of them, and the zombies try to grab them. Once your flags are gone you are "dead"/eaten by zombies. I never planned to survive the race, haha!
My goals were 1) finish the whole course
2) challenge myself to do some obstacles I really frankly do not have the upper body strength for. ...Yet!
That was it! I succeeded, better than I hoped for. I still had a flag after the first two waves of zombies, which was longer than I expected.
Obstacles included climbing over multiple ~4 & 1/2 foot walls (high enough that you had to jump and THEN hoist yourself over, and I'm pretty tall), crawling through a long tunnel built of boards and covered with plastic, jump in and cross a FREEZING COLD river (I just swam it, haha), crawl through mud under barbed wire, crawl through a tunnel, climb a huge scaffold up to a mud/waterslide, slide down and then climb out of the pool of muddy water, OH, and run and slide through a mud trench under a fence. Which was electrified. I don't have many photos of the obstacles, because for obvious reasons I didn't have my camera on me. But the hubs had it, and he got a few excellent snaps.
This of course, plus all the hills and various ditches and trenches along the way.
It probably took us around 1 & 1/2 hours to do the whole course, but it was incredibly fun. Three or four months ago, before spark and before running, I wouldn't have made it up all those hills. I was tired, and I was hating the steepest ones, but I only had to stop and rest ONCE, on the very steepest one, and I just stood for about one minute to catch my breath. I never felt like I needed to sit down, or like I wouldn't be able to finish the course. And I climbed over every darn one of those walls!! Once in the middle-ish I was exhausted and it took me 3-4 tries to get over. The people behind me waiting their turn, and my buddies, were amazing. They were like "YOU CAN DO IT!!" "I saw you do one earlier, you're amazing, you can totally get over that!" I pushed myself too, because they were cheering me on, and because no way was I coming home from that experience saying "remember that one wall I was too fat to get my big butt over?" NO THANK YOU. The zombies were all awesome and funny. They did chase you, but they made it fun. They were somehow encouraging and scary at the same time, haha.
It was an experience I never would have attempted, prior to about 4 months ago. It's something I would have sat back and said "gee I wish I were athletic, I wish I were the kind of person who could do this." Instead I said screw it, and work at becoming the kind of person who can do that. I won't win any time awards and I lost all my flags, but I did the whole course and all the obstacles, and not one person looked at me like "you're too fat, go home."
There were runners of all shapes and sizes and everybody was having a blast. If you've always wanted to do something like this? GO DO IT. You'll surprise yourself, amaze yourself, and be glad you did.
Huge loves to my buddies who did the race with me. I showed them the website back in June, thinking like I said "gee I wish I could..." Instead of saying can't, my one friend said "hey there's one on my birthday! I'll go with you." And there we all were. I wouldn't have done Couch to 5k without them, or without this race.
Plus now, someday, at goal weight, when somebody I haven't seen in years asks me "wow, what happened to YOU?" I can answer "oh, you know. Zombie apocalypse..."
So that was the race. We drove home to NJ on Sunday, and Sandy/Frankenstorm/Snowpocalypse/etc was supposed to hit Monday so we basically had time to get home, grab a few quick supplies, and hunker down! My work was closed that Monday through mid week this week, so I've been cleaning my apartment, reading books, cooking, then watching movies and sewing when the power came back on. Got a jump on my Christmas ornaments and finished 2 presents I've been working on forever.
I started tracking again, REALLY tracking, all my meals and snacks, on Monday. It's hard to eat right and track when you're cooped up in the house, can't go anywhere or get fresh veggies (there was a driving ban in the city, no non-essential/non-emergency driving, plus stores were w/out power anyway...), and doing things like baking bread and cookies for entertainment - we have a gas stove, so even without power we could still cook!
I just sucked it up this Monday. I just said, you know what? Enough. Time to get back to it.
Most of my bruises from the race have faded, so I'm going to see if my gym has power & normal operating hours, and get back to that too next week. Back to routine, here we go.
Monday, October 22, 2012
SOOOOOOOOooooooooooo, I'm back.
Thank you awesome SparkFriends, for putting up with my super crankiness combined with total disappearance. And for the kind words while I was away having tantrums. haha.
Anyway. Accountability!! I only tracked Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday breakfast last week. Since I didn't track I'm doing my accountability here. It is boring; feel free to skip down to the ********s
I didn't stress eat M or T, but Wed was a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. Mainly because I was at work until after 9pm, STILL didn't finish the task that needed to be done for the next morning, broke my cell phone, and cried all the way home. It was horrible, I don't want to have a day like that EVER AGAIN. UGH. So yeah, dinner was mac and cheese, the horrible nutrient free out of the box kind, and I ate almost the entire pan. But I can't remember if I had lunch that day, so maybe it evens out?? (denial, denial! it's nice to see you here! denial, denial, today! --do you guys know this song?) Thursday was not much better. No time to eat breakfast so I got a breakfast sandwich & coffee on my way in. Skipped lunch, mostly, and crap for dinner again (Chinese food! greasy! But I didn't eat seconds.) Friday... I am trying to remember. I think I had the same takeout breakfast, no lunch, again, and went out for pizza (CHEESE CHEESE GREASE AND CHEESE) with a friend for dinner. Plus I ate chocolates all week. Not like, king size candy bars, but still. I HAD been doing well staying away from the chocolates....
Oh and since I was resting my stupid annoying jerk of a hip, no fitness minutes. Literally ZERO. No exercise after the unsuccessful run on Monday. Unless hysterical crying counts as exercise; I haven't actually checked in the tracker.
Saturday I finally started to get better. Made a big pot of plain oatmeal for me & the husby. I had mine with banana and almond milk. Lunch was random snack food, we were out running errands. Ha. Not my best, but better! Dinner was beans beans BEANS and rice and whatever veggies were in the fridge. However, I also bought candy while I was out so I ate that too. Note to self: don't buy candy. Bad plan. Yesterday was um... leftover chinese food for breakfast (SHH! I got up late! It was really lunch! It's fine!) and takeout sandwiches for dinner. BUT, I made us cake for our anniversary and we never got around to eating it, so that's good right?
So it was a weird weekend, and not the healthiest of foods, but at least I tracked them all. And even with the snacks/candy, since I didn't eat three full meals PLUS that, I actually was not that bad on calories. I don't feel awesome, though. I need more fruits and veggies this week. I would punch you in your kidney for an apple right now, actually.
Here's where I kind of don't know how to feel about this... I got on the scale this morning and saw 270.0.
SO HERE I AM. At my first big milestone. I've lost 30 pounds. 10% of my starting body weight. 1/4 of the way to my first goal of 180 pounds. Also, I am now "obese," no longer "morbidly obese." BMI is 39.9, down from 44.3.
It took me near 4 months - 17 weeks. 30/17 = 1.76 pounds per week on average, which I think is super respectable. I'm aiming for 2lbs/wk, but considering when I was aiming for 2lbs/wk on another different weight loss tracking program/site I was lucky to lose 0.5/wk, I will totally take 1.76.
And I sort of feel like "... oh."
I had such an awful week, but I don't feel like I "earned" it, with my awful week. I think that's a way I might have felt in the past - everything else is terrible, I deserve to feel good about something, so I feel good about losing a few pounds. I was thinking yesterday that I need to get back to the good stuff this week; I'll feel better, I'll be better insulated against stress. Thinking I'll probably have to work to lose some I gained back, plus those pesky 2 pounds that wouldn't leave before, to get down to 270. And then when I did, it would be like "TADAAAA!"
And my body is like OH HAI, WENT ON WIZOUT U, K? Which is fine. I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong. And I'm not endorsing quitting your workout routine and eating chinese food as a plan. And I'm DEFINITELY not bragging "haha, I ate crap and lost weight anyway, while you all work hard! pthbthbthbhtbhtt*!" No. It's also not like, oh now I'm done. I missed the last bit and it's over. HA! No, I have plenty more pounds to struggle at losing. I have plenty more work to do.
I guess it's a manifestation of how deeply I have internalized being obese. Losing weight is officially in my mind something I am not good at, or even not capable of. So I look at the scale and go "yeah, no. that didn't happen." I'm seriously expecting to weigh myself tomorrow, or on Thursday, or this Saturday, and see 273 or 275 or 278, because this has to be a trick or something.
So I'm experiencing this. And I'm standing back to analyze the experience that I'm having. And it's all very strange and I don't know how to feel.
...ta daa? I guess?
*if cartoons have taught us anything, it's that the sound you make when you stick out your tongue and blow a raspberry at someone is spelled "pthbthbthbthbhttt!".
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