Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I'm overweight. Yeah, I know it. No wait, on second thought, that is not correct. I am obese. 3 points over "obese" actually, as my BMI is an embarrassing 33. It's disheartening. Nobody wants to be fat. No one wants to get fat. Especially not me.
Fat is ugly. Fat is unhealthy. Fat can kill you. Being fat is not cool, not sexy, not "in." It's your fat that gives others a reason to shun you, to ignore you, to not employ you because you are overweight. If your fat you know what I'm talking about. The way others eyes glaze over when they first meet you. You know instantly you were judged- not on what type of person you are- but by what size body you arrived in. It's the last tolerated form of discrimination, and some people think they have a right to treat you badly because you allowed yourself to get fat, or to be fat.
They don't understand how hard it is. How hard I work to look like the person who is on the outside, what I am on the inside. They don't know that I can run a mile in my obese body. How I can Zumba right along with the rest of the class and not have to take a break. How I can do the "insanity" workouts- without vomiting. They don't understand how I do all this and I am still overweight.
Being overweight is not fun. It's not pretty.
Take getting dressed this morning. I pulled out a pair of size 18 brown dress pants this morning that I had gotten for Christmas and was ecstatic they fit without pulling in the wrong places. Now came the hard part...finding a shirt(s) that wouldn't hug my fat belly and emphasize what everyone already knows...I'm fat. I tried on a beautiful sweater that a friend gave me. Too tight. I looked in the bathroom mirror hating what I saw and making fun of the image. I made a sound like a wounded elephant, "RRReeeaaaawwhhhhh" at myself, feeling miserable and giddy at the same time. I tried on the next sweater, a large. I should have known better right there. Since Christmas it has been strictly X-L for me. I make the sound again, laughing at my foolishness, my immaturity, and returned to the bedroom for the last sweater. Again, too tight, but promising- when I lose five more pounds, so I make a face in the mirror and return to the bedroom. This time I put on a sleeveless, purple, sweater I had gotten for Christmas, with a white cardigan (Cause nobody needs to see these arms yet!), and this outfit is a winner. I rush to put my make up on, and prepare to leave. Glad that trying part of my day is over.
I'm not stupid. I've read the sparkpeople help articles, the Dr. Phil book...I know self deprecation leads to a healthy lifestyle failure. It's just when I am alone, and hating what I see in the mirror. I just can't stop myself.
So today I resolve to do better. I am better than the people who judge me. I am better than the ridicule I put myself through. I am better, and now it's time to prove that.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I am through one week of Jump start and it's been a bumpy one. I haven't logged my food most days, and when I have, most days, I went over my calorie limit. I haven't worked out and am struggling with motivation-big time! However, today is week two of Jump start and I am determined to get this right this week. I am going to workout. I am going to eat smart and stay under my calorie limits. I am going to workout and work towards the body, the self esteem, and the healthy lifestyle that I dream about. I have been off and on the dieting wagon for years. It's time to get off and just change my life. It's a lifestyle change. It's not a temporary mindset. To lose 82 pounds, it is gonna take a permanent change, perceverence, and a great deal of work. I know I can do it.
I have a few short term goals.
Lose 8 pounds by Valentine's Day 2011.
Run a 3K on March 12, 2011 and beat last years pathetic time of 23 mins. I wanna run every step.
How I will get there...
Logging my food EVERYDAY.
Staying under my calorie goal.
Working out 5 days a week.
Blogging...both here and my weight loss blogs at blogger and 3fc.
Interact with others who understand what I am going through and who will give me support here and in the real world.
Start C25K TODAY!
Attend Zumba 2-3 times a week.
Start insanity workouts on Feb. 1, 2011.
Okay, Day 1...here I go.
Weight today: 230
Monday, January 26, 2009
In my mind I see myself obtaining a money order and mailing in my entry for the race. I am a little excited and nervous for doing so, but tremendously happy that I have now set this goal IN STONE, that I am going to do it.
In my mind I see myself arriving, finding parking, and going to the table to get my race packet.
I see myself on the line with many others waiting to begin. I am nervous, but excited. I hear the gun go off and I run the entire distance without stopping. Afterwards I am pleased that I finally set a goal and obtained it.
I will run 3 days per week. With the weather being colder I will run indoors on the treadmill, run along to walking tapes, and run outdoors whenever the weather is warm enough. No excuses.
March 14, 2009
Each day I will focus on the steps I need to complete that day to make my goal. These I will plan out ahead of time so i know what the plan is and I will make sure that I follow them. It will be my top priority.
This is the first step in a lifelong goal that I have held to run a marathon. The first step is this 3K, then a 5K, then longer races unti lI have lost enough weight, and am strong enough to run a marathon. Also, training will help me lose weight, become healthier, and to live longer.
Lots of Help
I will need to form a support group outside the virtual workd. I already get lots of support from the girls at 3FC, but I need to find others who will be suppportive of me in the real world. I will need someone to take my finishline photo!
I will need to follow a plan and tweak it as I progress. I have new shoes to see me through. I will need warmer clothes to train in as the weather is cold and I will freeze without better clothing. I will need to find my stop watches, ipod, etc to time myself and keep myself entertained as I run. I will need ie packs to ice my knee.
If something goes wrong I need to adapt, change my plan if necessary, and proceed. I will not allow one step back from stopping me from reaching my goal.
Once I was a competitive runner. To be one again I must realize that I donít know everything there is to know about running and I will need to ask for advice. Since I know no runners I will utilize the boards on coolrunners and sparkpeople to find information as I need it.
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