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I Will......

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I dont usually post these for the world to see, but i figured WHY NOT! I like to make I WILL statements, things that i will do to keep myself on track. Im starting slow, so not all of them are in effect yet, but im working on it. Ive been going slow, and doing only a couple at a time, and then adding more the next week. So i dont overwhelm myself with it all, and i know that some of them are low, but i will change then when i work up to better habits. I like writing these and posting them, so i can keep myself on track and work my way back to healthy habits.

I WILL.....

- Drink a MINIMUM of 10 glasses of water a day, more is better.
- Take my PCOS medicine everyday, it is good for my body.
- Take my Vitamin everyday, it is also good for my body.

- Track all of my calories, EVERYDAY! No Exceptions.
- Eat within my calories everyday! (I am allowed a cheat day/ meal on weigh days only)
- Weigh in every Tuesday morning, and take a cheat day or meal that day.
- Not eat my emotions, i will figure out why im having them and deal with that instead.
- Make my lunch to take to work the night before, so i dont forget it and get something unhealthy from the vending machine.
- Not let my Crave Monster win anymore.

- Do Stregnth Training a MINIMUM of 2 times a week. At least one arms and one legs.
- Go to the Gym after work a MINIMUM of 2 times a week.
- Do Cardio a MINIMUM of 2 times a week for a duration of at least 30 minutes each.
- Not let my Laze Monster win anymore.

- Not give up! I can do this!!
- Not be negative if i have a bad week, just gotta get back up and KEEP GOING!


I Hate Water, Its AWESOME

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I'm Back! I havent been around for a while, and it shows. I have gained back pretty much everything i had lost in the past. UGH! I'm tired of being tired, and miserable all the time. I'm tired of my feet hurting, and my back hurting, and my joints and of my clothes not fitting me anymore, and Black Stretch Pants are TOTALLY SEXY! I need to document what it feels like, so i can go back to this one day when i am feeling like giving up and REMEMBER how much it sucks to feel like this. I am 27 years old, i shouldnt be waddling around the store at work. Yes i said Waddle, because when my feet hurt .. about halfway through my shift.. i start to waddle. So i decided it was about time to stop whining about it, and start doing something about it again.

I went back and looked at all my old meal plans and exercise routines. Sh!t, that looks daunting. There is no way that i can go back to what i was doing at my lowest weight. SO why even bother.... Then i realized that i had to b!tchslap that thought down. NO! It might be daunting, it might be hard, it might suck sometimes... but its going to be so worth it! So i decided to wipe the slate clean and start over, and use my old plans as the simple fact that i HAVE done it before, and i CAN do it again. I'm going start slow, this week i am solely concentrating on tracking my food, no matter what it is. And i am going to drink 14 cups of water a day.

Which brings me to my Title. I am currently sitting here, staring at my last 3 cups of water that i need to drink today. I had forgotten how much it sucks to go from not drinking enough water and being dehydrated to being fully hydrated and your body craving that much liquid. I feel like if i move i am going to Slosh! I remember this from before, this alone is a great motivator to not have to start over EVER AGAIN!


I'm down to 2 cups now, have you ever noticed that water just stops tasting good after a while. I'm to that point. And i dont like Mio and juice flavored stuff in my water. I'm seriously beginning to question how i liked water in the past. Did i not have taste buds back then?


1 cup to go... I think i can, I think i can, i think i can!!! I dont WANT to.. but i THINK I CAN!


THANK GOD! Its gone! i got my 14 cups in today... and tomorrow i get to start over again. I need to pace myself better throughout the day. I honestly feel like if you held me up to your ear.. you would hear the Ocean. I am sloshing big time! But i know that water is so good for your body, and your health. So even though I'm hating it right now... Its Awesome! Gotta love those small victory baby steps! Day 1 - Goals Accomplished! WOOHOO!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XPHOENIX 1/17/2013 4:12PM

    HAHAHA Love this! You are kicking butt. BAM on those 14 cups of water. Slow and steady baby steps til you get where you want to be. That's all you can do, right? :) XOXO

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CASEYTALK 1/17/2013 12:32PM

    Maybe you could start with fewer cups of water and work your way up to 14? After all, there's no evidence you need that much in a day, though it does help cut down appetite if you're full of water.

Yes, what you were doing at your lowest weight IS daunting, but I bet you worked up to that. Work up to it again. As you are doing with your food tracking, you can start slowly. You know from the first time that this isn't an overnight thing. This is a lifestyle change, so baby steps are fine because baby steps add up.

Welcome back, by the way! The only failure is giving up and you haven't given up!


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LODESTONE 1/17/2013 8:18AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ICANBESLIM2 1/17/2013 4:42AM

    You can do this. emoticon A good percentage of us are just like you. Been up and down on those scales so often there should be skid marks on them. emoticon
The water does seem daunting. But you are on top of it. You GO GIRL.
Just remember the big plan. Get plenty of sleep, smile and go fo it!!

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SAKS20111 1/16/2013 11:46PM

    welcome back! congrats on your goal! great work!

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Stupid Haters (i need to rant)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

For those of you that dont know, my gaurdianshipped son is MExican and American Indian. I am 2nd Generation Scottish (or in other words, im REALY white. lol) I can THINK about going outside without sunblock and get a sunburn.

Anyways, Me and K (who will be 4 in July) were at the store tonight and there was this Hispanic couple that kept looking at K and then looking around the store, over and over. I was watching them because they seemed to be paying to much attention to my son.

Finally the woman (who didnt speak much english) came over and asked me if K was mine. I told her yes, and she went over and started speaking spanish to him. This scared him and he ran over to me and held my hand. I explained to her that he didnt speak spanish. I didnt go on to explain this but, K only started speaking at all less than a year ago. he was so badly neglected that his speech was extremely delayed, and i have been taking him to speech specialists and he started preschool to help him. He does talk alot now, but not up to typical 3 year old standards.

This woman flipped out, and when and was ranting at the man that she was with in Spanish. Now i am not fluent in spanish, but i know enough to know that she was calling me horrible names "Chancha Puta" (Fat Pig Whore) and that she was obviously not happy that K couldnt speak spanish and that he had a white Mom.

Ok, so its better for him to be with bio mom? Who is a big time druggie alcoholic, who tried to kill him. Who couldnt be bothered to buy formula, even though she got wic and jsut gave him cow milk or water to drink. Who drugged him with baby meds so he would sleep all the time, so she wouldnt have to deal with him. Who would leave him alone in the house at 8 months of age so she could go party. Who would hit him because he cried. Who neglected him so badly that he didnt know his name or even how to SMILE when i got him at 8 months. But she is the right color to raise him RIGHT

With me K is happy and healthy and well taken care of and Loved! He can feel safe in his house, and is just the sweetest most loving child. I love him more than anything, and i make sure that he knows it, and that he is well taken care of. I would do anything for him, he is my son. Even if i didnt give birth to him. But apperently im the wrong color to do it right.

I jsut hate it when people think that they know what is best for others without even knowing what is going on in their lives. It just made me so angry how furious it made this woman. It isnt any of her business, and im not even sure of K would be alive right now if he was still with bio mom. I usually try to just slough off any comments that i hear but this woman tonite really struck a nerve.

Thank you for listening to me Rant, and if i offended anyone i am truely sorry. I do not mean any disrespect to anyone, i am just ranting about and against K's biological mom and the woman at the store tonite.

Me and MY Baby

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FAERY_FACE 7/24/2012 7:33AM

    You are doing a fantastic job and anyone who says differently are ignorant and stupid. Congrats on giving him the life that he deserves. You are a hero.

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HEATHERHUNTER 3/25/2012 3:56PM

    I wouldn't have handled that quite so calmly.

I was so appalled reading this that I cried and I swear if I had been anywhere near that ignorant woman I would have told her right off.

I have an attitude problem though...

Sorry that you had to deal with THAT. I hope you see her again so that she can see the happiness in those pictures!!

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    Ugh!!! I would have been so mad too!!! What awful, small minded, horrible people. I would have been wishing I spoke Spanish just to tell them off!

I have never heard your story but I am so glad you shared it the happy pictures of you and your son are fantastic! And honestly made me cry. I grew up as a neglected kid and I would have given anything for a super mom like you to come in and rescue me and my siblings. Stay strong and forget the haters...you are a HERO!

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XPHOENIX 3/25/2012 2:24AM

    My love.. dont ever apologize for going off when you want/need to. Racism.. makes me furious!! My son is mixed, but birthed by me. He obviously looks like me and his father both, but still sometimes people give me strange looks (because he is much darker than I am) when he runs up "Mom! I love you!!" But my son loves ME, not my skin, nothing else. I take care of him, raise him, love him.. no matter what I look like or my blood.. he loves ME.

I think you are the best thing that ever happened to K. He is SO lucky to have you in his life and you are 908409238423 times better than the woman that gave birth to him. That's the only good thing she did. The rest, she has to answer to God for. K is a good boy and you are doing a fantastic job with him. Of COURSE you are offended when someone is negative toward you. You call him your son. He IS your son!! GOOD for you for having those emotions and fk anyone that doesn't like it. You never have to bite your tongue. Say your peace. I have your back, ALWAYS!!!!!!

These types of ppl make me sick. You are doing a fantastic job and I'm so proud of you. Keep it up, babe. Love you!!!!!!!! XOXOXO

P.S. Love you, K. Please kiss your beautiful mom for me! She's one of the good ones and deserves some love for it!! :D

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HELLO_KITTY_ 3/24/2012 12:57PM

    Stupid haters for sure. Sorry this happened to you, it is so obvious he should be with you by all the pictures of your son looking so happy and loved, that lady needed to keep her mouth shut.

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BECKYB73 3/16/2012 3:39PM

    This makes my heart hurt...bigotry and racism cuts across all demographics and it makes me sad.

Your son is adorable and has the sweetest smile, you are doing a great job with him and never doubt for a second that he isn't better off WITH YOU. YOU ARE HIS MAMA, nothing changes that, in my mind.

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LODESTONE 3/16/2012 8:23AM

    Damn bigots! Small minded and just nasty. Love the pics and the "war paint"- very distinguishing and classy! Ks smile says it all!

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    Well he sure can smile now!

I think I've told you about my son...if not, just a brief background. I had him 13 yrs ago (next month) and there were complications during labour & delivery that left him with brain damage. He was so sick when he was finally delivered that he was on life support. You would think that his health would have been the biggest concern to the nurses and doctors that were caring for me & my son...but apparently the colour of his skin was more important. My son was half African...and like you, I am super white. I am Irish & Belgian. It is ridiculous what people think is important. I had a friend with me in the hospital who was also white. After my son was delivered one of the nurses went to my friend and quietly told him that she didn't know how to tell him that the baby was black...I friend simply said " I knew that b*tch was cheating on me"...lol. My friend is gay, and a smart a$$.

K is happy, healthy and soooo loved. That is what is important!

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DELHSI 3/15/2012 9:44PM

    He's absolutely adorable with just the best smile ever - thanks to you he can smile and feel loved and safe. It's a shame how people's ignorance dominates them sometimes.

I'm also constantly amazed how people can't grasp the concept of inter-racial families (be it guardianship/adoption/mixed marriage - which is our family) in this day and age. Fortunately, my son is at a very racially diverse school where kids and even parents just don't really see the races - just people. It's nice. But I when I'm out with my family who are Chinese (my husband and his family) I've been mistaken for the nanny so many times because people just don't use their brains to think 'oh, jeez, this could be a happy mixed family'. Some days it gets me but most days it doesn't. But honestly, with the reaction that lady had I would have been quite upset myself. She was really over the top.

Sorry you had that experience. emoticon


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Why Scales are EVIL

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I just dont understand scales, or my body for that matter. I lost 12lbs the week before, i was really excited. I go to weigh in this week, after doing exactly the same thing that i did last week.

I am up 5lbs, but i lost about 2 total inches all over. Since last week. WHAT THE HELL!?!?

I feel amazing, my clothes are alot looser, my inches are down... and i GAINED 5lbs? Even my personal trainer counldnt explain that one to me. ITs not water weight because otherwise the inches wouldve gone up too.


Although i did lose 5lbs of pure fat since i started the Move it to Lose it program at my gym. TOday was my last weighin, and i was down 7lbs from the beginning (darn gain this week)... but 5 of it was fat. So i guess thats a win?

No real point to this blog, other than to rant about not understanding my body and the scale.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LODESTONE 3/16/2012 8:25AM

    You developed pounds of muscle and you lost fat. Muscle takes up a lot less room than fat does, hence the looser clothing and lost inches. Way to go!

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    I agree...the scale is EVIL. I have stopped weighing myself because the scale I used was so inconsistent. I could step on it five times in a row and get five drastically different readings. So, I said no more. I'm DONE!

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MISSB8604 3/14/2012 1:34PM

    The scale is NOT our friend, keep checking those inches and you'll see the measuring tape is much more user friendly.


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ALLICIAC 3/14/2012 1:13PM

    Don't let the scale get you down. Use it as a tool, but it's not the end all be all for measuring your success. Sure, it said you lost 12 pounds, and then gained 5 pounds, but you are still down 7 pounds in two weeks! And you are down in inches! That's awesome!

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MICKEYD4 3/14/2012 1:08PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Gotta Remember the Small Victories!

Friday, March 09, 2012

I have remember the small victories. I get caught up in what is going on the right now of my journey (exactly what the scale says at this moment in time) and the finish line (a fitter, healthier, lighter me) and i tend to forget all the small things that i have accomplished along the way. To enjoy the view along the journey.

Today i have been spring cleaning my apartment. And i got my clothes out from 3 years ago when i was at my lowest weight. I had tried them on last summer, towards the end and i was able to wear a couple of the pants, but not all of them. I tried them on, and they all fit! I have a whole new wardrobe for summer now (ok so its been around for a few years but i havent been able to wear them.)

I also found my before jeans, and tried them on.. They fell off!! I'm definitely not a size 30 anymore, I'm more of a 24! IT just really brought it home to me that even though i had a rough few months, i am still down 66lbs from where i was last May. That is a Victory.

I remember when i was to scared to walk to the park a couple blocks away, because i wasn't sure i would have the energy to get home. And now i go for 2 - 3 mile walks anywhere i want to. I remember when i couldnt find clothes that fit me in my town, i had to drive 3 hours to go to the big girl specialty stores to find things that fit me, now I'm buying stuff off the rack locally.

I am no where near done, and i know that i still might have times where i take step backwards, But now i know that i can recover from those times. ITs not the end of the world that i ate fast food everyday for a week. IT doesnt mean that my journey is over. I have the skills now to pick myself back up and keep pushing forward.

"Progress .. Not Perfection... Is what is REALLY Important!"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XPHOENIX 3/12/2012 10:27AM

    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LOVE this blog! And YOU!!! WooHoo!!!

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MAPLECANDY3 3/10/2012 9:44AM

    Keeping off 66lbs isnt a small victory its a HUGE victory!!!!!!!! Congrats on your determination!!!!!!!

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    I'm glad you are remembering your successes.
Remember that the only way you can fail is to give up...and I know you won't give up!

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