LLTS01   107,546
100,000-149,999 SparkPoints
LLTS01's Recent Blog Entries

Feeling Fat, Hitting a Brick Wall and Other Tidbits

Sunday, October 04, 2009

What the heck is wrong with me? I am suddenly finding all sorts of flaws with my body that I did not notice or acknowledge 50+ pounds ago. I have no idea why I have selected today to be so self critical. I hated walking by any mirror and today of all days I went shopping for much needed clothes. It was an absolute ordeal. Trying on clothes after clothes is not fun; there were way too many choices and it was exhausting. On top of that, I noticed every single bulge in the dressing room mirrors. I read somewhere that the mirrors in dressing rooms are meant to make you look slimmer to get you to buy more clothes. Well if this was a slimmer version of me, then I have bigger issues than I thought. You know, when you have lost 56 pounds, you should look fabulous in anything. At least that was my thought. After all, donít we all think that losing weight will solve all of our problems and flaws. We will look beautiful and younger- donít even get me started on all the wrinkles that are no longer camouflaged by little globs of fat; our careers will be fulfilling; everyone will love us and the world will be a better place. All this as a result of losing weight??? Well, that was the dream. Now itís back to reality. My boobs did not shrink, I have no hips and my butt is flat. Same problems in finding clothes as before- sigh!!!

But let me take a step back. I started my day with a much awaited run. But I felt sluggish. I struggled through the first 2 miles, walked a minute, started running again, and just had to throw in the towel after another half mile. My lungs were burning, my legs were dragging and my heart rate was off the charts. I walked home feeling dejected and frustrated. I had been running 3.5 miles the last few weeks. The 2 week hiatus between illness and work has set me back. I am struggling with my endurance. And I have a 5k coming up next weekend- double sigh! Could this have been the cause of my negative self-image today?

On a happier note, I did break the 170 pound barrier- 169.6 to be exact. This should have me jumping for joy. And it did.

And I did end up buying a bunch of new clothes today- 2 suits. 2 twin sets, 2 jackets, 2 pair of jeans and 3 pairs of shoes. At least Iíll look good at work- I thinkÖ

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRICIALICI 10/7/2009 10:38AM

    I think your weight loss is incredible! Treat yourself in the same kind, sensitive, and supportive way that you treat your friends on sparkpeople. You lift us up when we are down, you encourage us, and share hope and advice! I can tell by your photos that you were a beautiful woman before you started sparking, and your most recent pictures are fabulous! If you have a hard time accepting a few imperfections, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and think about how far you have come. It really is a huge accomplishment and I hope it brings you a sense of satisfaction. Serenity is a state of mind and most definitely worth seeking!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTYK08 10/5/2009 9:59PM

    Sorry about your long and painful shopping trip. We see too many images on TV, I think, and they are seared into our brains. Especially weight loss success stories--nobody tells you what's really underneath their clothes that have at least 5% Spandex in them. I'm sure on the BL that's why they put on shirts for the weigh ins later in the season, who wants to see all the stretch marks and hanging belly skin. I had 2 friends that lost weight & exercised during the whole process. One gal told me they removed over 10 lbs of skin from her middle: front (tummy tuck) & back (whatever it's called back there).

It's hard to accept ourselves as we are, to love the skin that we're in, even if it's a new and improved version from 50+ lbs weight loss. You are a wonderful, encouraging person and I appreciate you.


Comment edited on: 10/6/2009 3:17:08 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEAKMAN 10/5/2009 3:20PM

    Okay, next shopping trip I'm coming with you. I will tell you how gorgeous you are, what great curves you have, and how jealous I am of you! Seriously, sounds like it was jsut one of those "everything sucks" kind of days. Hope you got over it. I think you are fantastic!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUZY6281 10/5/2009 2:51PM

    For me, a bad run can pretty much ruin my day. Try not to let it mess with you too much. I've found that oftentimes a particularly bad run will be followed with an excellent one. And that one will make up for the first one entirely...

As of for clothes, I'm betting you look beautiful in your new outfits. We are always most hard on ourselves. Enjoy the fact that you have been so successful on your weight loss. Congratulations on all the new clothes!


Report Inappropriate Comment
-ICANDOIT- 10/5/2009 1:31PM

    I am sure you look beautiful...and I know you ARE beautiful on the inside!
YoYou have been on an amazing journey thu s far! You are learning all sorts of new habits...can you believe YOU ARE A RUNNER???!!! One of those new habits is learning to love what you see in the mirror! I don't know anyone who looks in the mirror...except my 13 YO (HA!) who looks in the mirror and sees perfection. It's one of our crazy, human, loveable qualities!!

I am always inspired and in awe of what you've accomplished! Wear those new clothes...and your new flatter butt...with pride!

PS- My boobs are always the first to go...followed by my cheek fat- so I start out looking drawn and boobless! See- you are one of the lucky ones!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHISHYCAT 10/5/2009 12:34PM

    I love how clearly you were able to articulate what you were thinking about shopping!

Hey - sometimes we're up, sometimes we're down. Even when you were heavy you probably had good shopping days and bad. Clearly, something is a little off with you if you also had trouble running. Just not at your best - but that means you need to accept that and nurture yourself. It won't last forever. You had a very tough week and just because the week is over doesn't mean you've processed it completely. Work with your current state, not against it.

And, I agree with everyone else who has posted - you are doing awesome! What you wouldn't have given a year ago to be where you are now, physically! And not only that but you're such a support to so many people - I don't know how you manage it. We all love you! Take care of yourself. You'll bounce back and be badder than ever!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATHY_G 10/5/2009 11:38AM

    I think that could have been me writing that blog entry, except that I haven't lost that much weight, and I'm not a runner. You have really come such a long way. You're really quite amazing. I will be starting a new job later this week. My first job out of the home since 1992, so you can imagine what my wardrobe looks like. I didn't have much work appropriate clothing. I took my teenage daughter with me shopping on Saturday. When I only saw fat on my body, my daughter saw how flattering the clothes that I tried on were. I was so glad that I had her with me, because she sees the real look, not my distorted image. Next time you go, bring a buddy with that can give you the real story. I'll bet you look great in your new clothes.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHUBERASER 10/5/2009 11:25AM

    This, too, shall pass. We all have those days when nothing seems to be going right...nothing feels right, nothing fits right, you feel off kilter, you are too critical of everything about yourself....but, then you wake up the next day and feel a tad bit better.

You have come such a long, long way these past months! Losing 56 pounds, down how many dress sizes? Running 3.5 miles (how many miles were you running back in January...huh?), feeling better, looking better, eating better...the list goes on and on. You rock in my book!! Shout to the Heavens...I AM AWESOME!! Because...YOU ARE!!!


Report Inappropriate Comment
NANA2THREEGIRLS 10/4/2009 3:17PM

    I completely understand where you are coming from! I was at 49 lbs lost and was so disgusted with my body that I lost my motivation and had a 9 lb backslide. Now,2 days away from the date I am supposed to wear the infamous little black dress I am depressed and wishing I had been strong enough to keep it up. I am trying to get back on track and realize too late that it's easier to keep going than to have to start over. Best of luck to you,you inspire many! xoxo

Report Inappropriate Comment
MORTICIAADDAMS 10/4/2009 11:41AM

    I have gone through something similar. When I was fat my body was solid fat, no hanging blubber, but after I started losing weight and exercising I had hoped my skin would tone up. Old skin doesn't do that like young skin does. I had stretched it too far. I have had friends who say you end up needing cosmetic surgery which I can't afford and would not bother with anyway as I am far from my goal. Maybe in time things will improve because I lost most of my weight in a short period of time and I'm not done. And I need to fine tune my exercise more.

I hate trying on clothes too. My body is similar to yours. Big at the top, no hips, no butt. I have to buy separates.

Re the exercise - some days I fly through mine like a gazelle and have Olympic potential - lol. Other days I drag doing every step.

At any rate congrats on the new clothes and on the weight loss!!!!! Both big deals to me.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLMOMX2 10/4/2009 11:08AM

    You are awesome. You have done great.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRAIRIEDAWNPAM 10/4/2009 10:12AM

    "My boobs did not shrink, I have no hips and my butt is flat."

Louisa, what are you doing in my body?! LOL You know, its taken a year for my body to tighten up a bit after loosing 50lbs. There's nothing like loose skin around the middle and hanging off of your bum to make you feel less beautiful than you are. Be patient. Its worth it.




Report Inappropriate Comment
MELRAE2 10/4/2009 9:59AM

    I heard the oppisite about dressing room mirrors. I have always heard they make you look bigger then you are. They are like fun house mirrors and distort your image.
You have had an amazing weight loss!!! Keep up the great work.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTH4LYFE 10/4/2009 9:31AM

A mutual friend of our on SP wrote a blog recently about a book which emphasized using the word and instead of the word but (not butt).

"The Principal number 5 is pretty self explanatory, "Shoot for Progress, Not Perfection.
Instead of saying "I aim for perfection," say" I aim for progress"
Instead of saying "I wasn't perfect" say "I did the best I could, given the constraints and restrictions in my life." AND

Every time you feel the urge to say but, say "and" instead. Consider the difference:
I removed 20 pounds and I'm more fit, but I have another 15 pounds to go and I still run too slow.

Yes, I removed 20 pounds and I'm more fit, and I 'm progressing well with my self-care!

So you have a bad day. Pamela suggests you shoot to do your best 80% of the time and not to beat yourself up when life gets crazy."

You have a 56 pound weight loss. THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME!!! You are down to the 160s! THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME AS WELL!!!
Months ago, you were probably wearing a size 20 or more and now, you are wearing a 10 or maybe a 12. Another AWESOME FEAT!!

Congrats on the weight loss. Congrats on reaching a goal!

And congrats on the new wardrobe.
Next week, when the 5K rolls around, the adrenaline rush is going to supersede other physical feelings and you'll be able to do anything. You have another week to prepare. You can do it. emoticon


Comment edited on: 10/4/2009 9:33:10 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHYI2011 10/4/2009 9:06AM

    Hi Louisa, We are all hard on ourselves, it seems, a lot. We are our worst critic. That's when we need to take a step back and look at the other side - the things we HAVE accomplished (like losing 56 pounds!!!!!!!) and the journey along the way and the lifestyle change and how healthier you are, etc, etc, etc. The last couple weeks have been crazy for you and it's catching up. On your run, your body was telling you to take it easy. Sometimes we can work through it and sometimes we just can't. We have to give ourselves permission to say to ourselves "I can't do it today" and not feel guilty.

Also, you go girl on the new wardrobe! WooHoo!!! Think of how fun it will be to go to work in your new outfits and the positive comments you will receive! Be prepared to say 'thank you'... A LOT!


Report Inappropriate Comment
GHW1968 10/4/2009 8:24AM

    As you would tell me....you look fabulous so stop with the "Negative Nancy" stuff! I am so excited for you and your 56 pound weight loss! That is the focus!

I, too, find myself looking in the mirror at times and being overly critical despite my 52 pound loss, but we've got to keep plugging along! Take a gander at some picutres of yourself before you began your journey! I'm sure that will offer some perspective!

Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEPHANIE0904 10/4/2009 7:09AM

    emoticon Louisa, we all have days like this. I know how much you read and I know that you have read hundreds if not thousands of blogs here so, you know that you are not alone. I HATE dressing rooms. I'm really not a shopper to begin with but it is neccesary. I sometimes bring things home to try on a second time because I hate dressing rooms - the lighting, the mirrors, etc. I don't think it matters what size you are, whether you have gained or lost weight trying to find things that fit is a struggle. I find that I can wear three different sizes. I can shop in two different departments. That really makes things easy for me - NOT emoticon I found a pair of pants that I did like and went on line and ordered 2 more just so I wouldn't have to go back to the store not I'm thinking I should get a different size - grrrr. Anyway, sounds like you did do well in the end - glad you are keeping the economy going emoticon

Your running will come back to you. You had a crazy two weeks there. You have come so far.

Congrats on getting in the 160's that is awesome. I'm soooo happy for you!!!!!

Have a great Sunday.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Keep going! Focus on the work you did do, not what you didn't do. I wish I could at least walk 3.5 miles without feeling sluggish. Oh, and I'll bet you'll look great in your new clothes.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSFATAL 10/4/2009 12:40AM

    I hate those days!! Unfortunately we all have them :( It sounds like you have done great so far though! Keep up the good work - don't let these emotional rut days get in your way of great success :) emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITGIRL15 10/4/2009 12:38AM

    Cardio changes your SIZE... emoticon emoticon
Strength Training changes you SHAPE! emoticon emoticon

I too have found that some days I still see myself in mirrors (now at a size 4), just as I did in a size 12! It's really quite frustrating, actually! Like you said, "I thought all the problems were supposed to go away once I lost the weight?! What the heck?"

I don't think those "fat days" will ever leave my world... I still have them now, during contest prep!!! emoticon
I think we need to work on our mental state just as much as we do our physical state! (Yoga seems to help me a tonne!!!)

I am sure you'll do WAY better during your race then you think! Adrenaline does AMAZING things! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I keep telling myself that I won't let work take over my life and then I slip into the abyss. It is just so frustrating and so hard to control. Leaving home at 6 and returning after 8 is awful- and my sweet hubby is still at work.

I need my cardio in order to manage the stress. I just have nothing left to give after such a long day. We are going through a major reorg- again- and I am stepping into a new position. I need face time with our CEO and SVP which means I have to travel 70 plus miles one way for that privilege. I have done that commute 8 times in the last 9 days and I am exhausted. I am grateful that I have a job- a great job- and that I am appreciated and respected at work. I even despise myself for writing this because it feels like whining and what's the point of that?

My tolerance is low today. It's been a tough day. I had to lay off one of my employees and don't ever think that it doesn't affect those of us who are left behind and have to get the rest of our staff to focus and keep morale up when we would rather be locked up behind our office doors from the stress of it all. No morale boosting at our level. It's part of the job.

Ok- I'm done. I'll be back to my positive and happy self again tomorrow. Just not tonight.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZY6281 10/2/2009 2:44PM

    I'm sorry that you feel so overwhelmed right now. But that is what this blog is for. Get it out on paper and maybe you will feel better. We are here to support you on your good days and your bad.

So put your feet up and try to take some time for yourself this weekend. Maybe you and your husband can go on a leisurely hike?


Report Inappropriate Comment
CHUBERASER 10/1/2009 9:43AM

    Congratulations on your promotion...sorry that you had to let someone go...and hope you get the chance to breathe sometime soon. I know you are doing a most excellent job...but, sometimes, we just need to take some time for ourselves. It makes us better all around...better employees, better wives, and better attitudinally (I don't know if that's a word, but you know what I mean!).

Hope you have a better "rest of the week"!

emoticon Deb

Report Inappropriate Comment
KERRYMONIQUE 10/1/2009 12:18AM

    I'm so sorry that you had such a stressful day. It sounds like your schedule is really full! I agree that it's venting and not whining... there is a HUGE difference. Venting is useful and it is ultimately productive to let off steam here and there. Whining, on the other hand, is often over-done and pointless.

Keep pushing yourself to do your workouts and try to play with your schedule till it feels more manageable. If you feel so much better after a good workout than it will ultimately benefit your work as well!

Oh and remember to breath!


Report Inappropriate Comment

    I've been right where you are. I agree - it is very stressful.

I can recall people thinking I was heartless because I had to fire people who could no longer do their job. I could not afford to pay a staff member who could not carry their weight.

I have also done the long commutes for long periods. Up to a year in fact. It's a killer.

You really need an outlet for this stress but you have little time to fit it in.

My thoughts are with you. Hugs.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHISHYCAT 9/30/2009 4:07PM

    It's a very tough time in business these days. Stress, stress and more stress. That drive isn't helping. But sometimes it just helps to remember that this too will pass. Get through these days, squeeze your exercise in where you can, do your Quick Fires. Keep breathing. You'll do the best you can with the time, energy, resources, and limitations that you have - and that will be good enough. There is no perfect.

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITGIRL15 9/30/2009 1:32PM

    Venting is important! I consider my blog like my journal, it's a great place to de-stress!

Is there anyway you could go for a walk at lunch, and then eat lunch at your desk while working??? I agree, getting some cardio in daily will be the key to reducing stress even further!

I'm sorry that you had to lay someone off yesterday, that stinks for everyone involved, no doubt!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEPHANIE0904 9/30/2009 7:42AM

    emoticon I agree - you are not whining - you are venting which you need to do. I hope tomorrow is better.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEEPSAKES66 9/30/2009 5:35AM

    I am sorry you are overwhelmed- and it is venting not whining. When you have a consuming job, sometimes you have to let a little steam escape or you crack. Hope things slow down a little for you soon. I can relate to the schedule have many weeks like that myself. Hang in there! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTYK08 9/29/2009 11:57PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GHW1968 9/29/2009 11:16PM

    While this blog allows me to see you as "human," I do feel your pain. I am so sorry about the stress of work, but...as a working mom...I definitely understand about stress. As a matter of fact, since I have no middle name...I may just adopt the word "stress." :)

I am always here to offer you a cyber-shoulder and a cyber-hug! Until November, that is! :)

Hang in there! I am always thinking of you!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLMOMX2 9/29/2009 10:21PM

    AWW Dear Louise, It sounds like it's been tough. Have to let someone go, especially in this economy must be quite a burden. Top this off with being exhausted from the driving and no time to relieve you stress with exercise, adn you have a recipe for a frustrated woman. I'm praying for you and hope the rest of the week is better.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEAKMAN 9/29/2009 9:42PM

    Aww sweetie, what a tough day you had! I know it's late, but maybe a walk? Yoga? Something to get your blood flowing and help you to relax. I am so sorry that you had to be the one to lay off an employee....not a fun job I imagine. But I am sure that you were as kind and as straight-forward as possible, and while it was tough on you, I bet having you do it made it a bit easier on the other person.

Hope tomorrow goes better for you!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Setbacks, Routines and Shaking Things Up

Sunday, September 27, 2009

My online conversation with Mark just triggered this blog. We both were bemoaning the fact that getting sick had sidelined us and how low our energy levels had become.

I just restarted my exercise routine a couple of days ago after a 2-week hiatus and I have to tell you that I am hurting. I am sore all over from my run on Friday. I am astounded how quickly my body adjusted to not exercising. I have been exercising vigorously all year and a 2 week break really was a setback. It was hard to run. It was more strenuous to walk yesterday. My legs are sore, my body feels stiffer than usual.
But this also triggered another thought in my head. If my body readjusted to not exercising in 2 weeks then the reverse holds true too. My body adjusts to my exercise routines and is no longer challenged after a few weeks. I know that we all read about shaking things up every 4-6 weeks but this experience really drove the point home for me. Every little bit of movement counts and adds up. And the lack of movement adds up too.
It is so easy to get settled into a routine and to do the same thing over day in and day out and check it off the list. But our bodies don't work that way.
I bought heavier weights last week. I keep them in the family room so that I have no excuse not to squeeze in some strength training routines while spending time with my husband. Changing the weight made a huge difference. Finding new routines did too. They don't come easy. They challenge my muscles.
I plan on making more conscious efforts on changing my routines and challenging myself. I know that many days I pat myself on the back for having squeezed in my exercise on a very busy day. I need to be a little smarter about what and how I exercise moving forward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Don't feel bad about taking a break when you are sick. I'm sick. I'm taking it easy.
We need to recover.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHISHYCAT 9/29/2009 2:00PM

    I'm responding to a couple of your blogs here - Don't forget that you didn't just take a two week break from exercising. You were sick. And that takes it out of you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MYTIME2SPARK 9/28/2009 7:59PM

    Great observations! I was doing really well working out this summer, just getting started, really, and I was sidetracked for about a month with illness, work, injury--yuck! But it's a great thing to think that we can jump back in and become even better.

Every little bit does help--thanks for reaffirming that for me!


Report Inappropriate Comment
CHUBERASER 9/28/2009 9:29AM

    In one way, we should be glad our bodies adapt so quickly and perform as we ask it to. It is up to us, our brain with all we have learned, to keep our body guessing and constantly changing and increasing performance.


Report Inappropriate Comment
FLMOMX2 9/28/2009 9:17AM

    Great assessment. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GHW1968 9/28/2009 6:59AM


Report Inappropriate Comment
FITGIRL15 9/27/2009 11:58PM

    "Every little bit of movement counts and adds up. And the lack of movement adds up too."

You have really made me THINK about my current position and how I will be able to shake things up to see MORE results too! For me, it's always been FOOD... I am incorporating FISH into my diet... something I've NEVER eaten before! I'll let you know how my body responds to the minor change :)

Report Inappropriate Comment

    I need to do the same. I tend to get in a rut and my body responds accordingly.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LOVESLIFE48 9/27/2009 6:40PM

    Great advice, shake it up! I think I will have to change my routine at the gym! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEPHANIE0904 9/27/2009 12:11PM

    I get bored with the same things quite easily. I think you know I tend to do a lot of short periods of exercising during the week because it's what works for me. I use the 10-15 minute videos sometimes. I told Kenyon on the way to the store this morning (for flaxseed) that my inner thighs were really feeling my workout from yesterday. I think changing it up helps me not get bored and all my muscles get a workout. I like to do the longer workouts and be done with it but it's really just not an options sometimes. It's great we keep learning things and trying new things or we'd all be bored.

I hope you're getting some relaxing in this weekend. Certainly not a great weekend to be out emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMB2048 9/27/2009 11:21AM

    Someone told me once "Muscles Remember" So I agree with the comment that you will be back to your old stamina much quicker than it took you to get there. But changing a routine isn't only good for your muscles but also more interesting. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DDHEART 9/27/2009 10:45AM

    I really like your thoughts on this and also Kate's imput. I think we all need a reminder of how important it is to keep going and shake it up once in a while. Now, I want you to actually savor your soreness.....I know that's weird but just think what it means to your body........you done good and the soreness is a very obvious expression of that! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARK1963113 9/27/2009 10:45AM

    Thanks for the great blog and for the great conversation this morning. Keep encouraged because you are motivating others.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEAKMAN 9/27/2009 10:23AM

    Great points!

One other thing to add....you will find that you recover from that 2-week break faster than you would have a year ago. Your body will be back to its former ability to do what you ask of it much faster than the time it took you to get it to that level. Our bodies may be happy to slack off, but they remember how great they were recently, and I think they LIKE being faster and stronger!

Here's to a full recovery for you - total health!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Mind Games

Friday, September 25, 2009

The last 2 weeks have been very tough. Itís bad enough to have to come back from vacation and to find out that you have not won the lottery and that you have to head back to work, but my cold last week really sidelined me. And then I had the work week and commute from hell this week. I knew it was going to be a tough week but I did not anticipate the physical toll it would take.
My inability to exercise meant that my stress levels started creeping up and I felt like I was dragging all week. I felt tired and overwhelmed. I was attending a leadership class for 3 days and then catching up on real work at night. And even though I slept like a log every night- sleeping has never been a problem for me- I did not feel refreshed when I got up in the morning.
On the bright side, I did ask for the menu for all three days and had them make some adjustments so that I was covered. I recommend that any of you who think you cannot change what is being served at work functions take a difference stance. These days there are so many dietary constraints out there that companies have no problem changing the menu or ordering something different for you. Try it, you will be surprised.
But I digress. Exercise has become a necessity for me. Not just to lose weight but also in order to stay sane. I just plain feel better after and I am much happier as a result. After 2 weeks of little cardio, I got up to run this morning- working from home today, you see. And it was raining. And I will admit that I am not as progressive as some of you to start running in the rain. Not my idea of fun. So I worked all day with my running clothes on. I did not want to change, lest I thought it would get me off the hook. I headed out at 3 and started my run. The first mile was fine, but I could definitely tell I was struggling. I slowed down but my heart rate was at the upper limit the entire time. I told myself I would just have to run 2 miles but that kind of ticked me off. I was ticking myself off- lol Itís a mind game out there. You psyche yourself up and then you tell yourself you donít have to do it all. And then you tell yourself to go just a little more. And your body just trudges along. Well, I made really good time but it was very, very tough. And I upped my miles. I ran 3.5 miles. 3.5 very tough miles.
And suddenly I feel human again. My sluggishness is gone. My mood is better and I think the week was not so bad. I am sure my mind was just playing a trick on me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLMOMX2 9/27/2009 8:07AM

    Louise you are awesome. I'm so proud of you. Way to go.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMB2048 9/26/2009 9:37PM

    Gosh, so many times I feel like we go through the same stuff. I've been sick for the better part of a week and it has really taken its toll on me. I was off from work only 2 days but should have stayed home all week. Struggled at work. No exercise. I was good with my eating though because I didn't feeling like eating. Glad to hear you are feeling better.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTYK08 9/26/2009 6:57PM

    emoticon Way to push through with your running. Good idea about the food at your class. You're right, It is all about mindset. I am very specific when ordering at restaurants and I send an item back if it's not what I ordered.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Good job on the run. I've been thinking I need a mind game, too, so I can improve. I'm stuck and not progressing with speed or distance like my buddies are. Nice tip on the conference food, too. I'm leaving for my leadership retreat tomorrow but I didn't ask to see the menu; I plan to pack a mini cooler.


Report Inappropriate Comment

    Ah, so you finally admit then that running 10 miles up hill in the rain is a good idea. LOL.

I totally agree. I HAVE to exercise.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEAKMAN 9/25/2009 10:53PM

    You are so right....exercise is now what keeps me sane. (ok, exercise AND a routine!) This morning I got out and did a run/walk, and I felt so much better for it - more energy, more positive spirit. I NEED to do this. And living in Portland I have to run in the rain. (It's more like a drizzle, so I am sure you could do it if you faced 6 months straight of running in the drizzle or else run on a treadmill.)

Glad you feel more like yourself again. (and sorry you didn't win the lottery! I would love to say I know someone who scored big just once!)

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRISH2229 9/25/2009 9:11PM

    Glad you got your run in and could once again feel some sense of normality. Funny how we denied exercise all those years and suddenly have to have it! Go figure. Congrats on 3.5 mile run - in just a minute you'll be running the 5K like a pro!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCKY-13 9/25/2009 8:41PM

    Glad you're back to feeling better! I love to walk/jog/run in the rain. The rain feels better than sweat and I feel cooler in the rain (versus hot and humid here in Florida!). Your blog makes me want to go for a jog now!

Hope you have a great weekend!


Report Inappropriate Comment
STEPHANIE0904 9/25/2009 5:54PM

    I know how you miss your exercising - I'm glad you got it in. Quite scary - I'm starting to miss and enjoy my exercising emoticon My body doesn't feel stretched out or something like that????

Good for you making them change the menu for you. I would never have thought to ask that but then again I'm not in those situations. The guys go out for lunch to some 'manly' club and ask if they can bring lunch back but it's fried stuff so I just pass on that - yuck.

So, I'm glad you're feeling human again and you're back with us here at SP. Hope you are done work now and can enjoy the weekend.


Report Inappropriate Comment
HAPPYPATTY1 9/25/2009 5:43PM

    Loved this post! I got blisters from some new walking shoes the other day, and thought, oh, woe is me... can't walk now. So I took a day off, and then remembered that we have moleskin in the medicine cabinet. I walked this morning, and feel SO much better for it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GHW1968 9/25/2009 5:38PM

    Woo Hoo! What a wonderful feeling of empowerment and accomplishment! You go, girl!

Report Inappropriate Comment

The Lessons I have Learned This Week And Other Thoughts

Sunday, September 20, 2009

As many of my Spark friends know, I have had a terrible cold all week and have been dragging through the days. The toughest part for me has been the lack of energy to exercise. It has made me anxious and nervous. I had done so well while on vacation, running 4 days and going to the gym 3 other days, that I thought I would be invincible. But being cooped up in germ-filled planes and ferries finally caught up with me. My irrational fear this week has been multifaceted:

Will I ever be able to run again? Maybe I will unlearn it?
I am sure I'll gain weight this week.
I am falling behind on my goal to run to prep for a 5k in October?
Will I lose traction?

Well all of you were right in telling me to rest. Obviously my body needed it and I slept in yesterday and today. My husband has been adamant that I take it easy and I have complied. This morning as I was talking to my husband a light bulb went off. It is ok to take a break. This is a life long mission and a week is just a small blip in my life. I suddenly don't feel so bad giving my body a break . I am sure I will be up and running in no time.

On the other front, my work schedule is really becoming hectic. I typically scan my schedule on Sundays to see when and where I am going to exercise so that I have a plan laid out. Well this coming week represents a real challenge. I will be leaving home by 6 every morning and won't be home until very late. Monday and Thursday are a total loss. Tuesday and Wednesday are iffy. What this means is that short of getting up at 4AM and exercising, I will barely get anything in next week. It also means that I have to do most of my cooking today. If I don't plan out every meal, this week could be a disaster. I can't stress the importance of planning and projecting out enough. It has kept me sane with my all consuming job.

On a positive note, I did get some shopping time in yesterday and won't have to go to work naked this fall. There are even a few size 10 items in my closet now. Oh, and I lost 3 pounds.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHUBERASER 9/25/2009 11:39AM

    Rest is what the body needs, sometimes, to rejuvenate and recharge. And, yes, this is a life change...so you deserve rest. Even super athletes go to the sidelines for a little bit to catch their breath. So, don't feel guilty when you hit the sidelines.

I don't know why I haven't been getting your Blogs! I'm going to hit the Subscribe box again.

Feel better!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEEPSAKES66 9/24/2009 7:06PM

    I am feeling your pain! Last week was like that for me- you are right though. It's a blip- Hang in there!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DIGISCRAPPY 9/23/2009 10:05AM

    Congrats on the 3 pounds! Hope you're taking good care of yourself this week with that hectic schedule! Funny how sometimes we feel like we have to give ourselves permission to just take a break and let our bodies catch up - but it's so important to do that.

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEPHANIE0904 9/21/2009 2:12PM

    I'm so happy that you are feeling better, have learned that it's ok to take it easy and you've lost three pounds - emoticon

We both have some clothes that fit now (I still need more) and yes I'm quite sure they will be happy I'm have clothing on at work.

Have a good week - don't overdue it just because you are starting to feel better.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRICIALICI 9/21/2009 10:48AM

    First of all, it's good to know that you are on the mend! Secondly, hurray for the 3 pound weight loss! You are smart to take the long view and focus on the fact that we are embarked on a lifestyle change - for good! Of course you will run again! I have to constantly remind myself that faith is the opposite of fear. Fears can help reinforce the need to stick to my commitment - if I look at them realistically and with an eye to work through them, but if I dwell on them, they can sabotage my efforts for success by causing me to question my ability to succeed - NOT GOOD! What fun to be into a size 10! That's FABULOUS - you continue to be an inspiration! Have a great week!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GHW1968 9/21/2009 9:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTYK08 9/20/2009 11:44PM

    emoticon emoticon Those light bulbs moments are truly amazing. Your DH sounds like he is very supportive of you as a total person and he is strong enough to be honest even when it didn't get him applause.

So cool that you're wearing a size 10. emoticon

Getting up at 4 AM to exercise is not fun, I used to do that when I worked in So Cal. Until I got extremely run down, that is. The consistent lack of sleep (5-6 hrs per night) was not good. Take care of yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRISH2229 9/20/2009 10:48PM

    So glad you Blogged and by the number of responses you've had thus far it appears others have missed reading them as well. Thanks! I'm glad you had a light bulb moment - you're so right it is okay - even necessary especially when fighting illness. Perhaps its a blessing that you're busy this coming week so you won't overdo the exercise while you're still recovering. Rebound illness is the worst and when your immune system is already compromised you are at risk for other germs. If you can't find time to run or work out at the gym you can always do spot exercises throughout the day. Remember squats while brushing your teeth and my wall push ups in the bathroom? You are the queen of inventive ideas! You're doing so great - OMG a size 10? You ARE a "10" my dear! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTH4LYFE 9/20/2009 9:49PM

    Sometimes we don't listen to what our body is telling us, and then it screams very loudly in the form of illness emoticon

You know you need to take care of yourself. You have a stressful week approaching, so easing back into exercise, may not be a bad idea.

But hey, congrats on the weight loss and the change in the clothes you bought!! That is such a rewarding feeling when all of your hard work and choices for a healthy lifestyle pay off. Way to go!
emoticon emoticon


Report Inappropriate Comment
FLMOMX2 9/20/2009 9:29PM

    Awesome to see the size 10's showing up!! You are doing great. You'll do fine this week and will achieve what you need to achieve.

Report Inappropriate Comment

    It sounds like you are right on track, despite the cold. Way to go! My work life is getting crazy now, too, and you are so right that planning goes a long way to keeping us on the program.



Report Inappropriate Comment

    Congrats on the weight loss and the size 10's!!

I'm certain that you must be burning some calories working those long hours. And I think it would be counterproductive to get up that early to exercise while losing sleep. It would also add stress which is counterproductive. Some times we just have to admit that we can't do it all. Something has to give. You can still try to get little bits of exercise in here and there and can eat as well as time allows.

Comment edited on: 9/20/2009 3:02:28 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRILLIUM22 9/20/2009 12:51PM

    Rest is as important as exercise. The two need to go together.

Take care of yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RESULTS361AP09 9/20/2009 12:28PM

    emoticon You go girl! I think I may need to take your advice & rest also. I have been having problems with my sciatic nerve. But I hate missing my exercise-it is the only thing that keeps me sane somedays!!!! I'm glad to hear you are feeling a little better-hope your week goes well. Take care & rest while you can! emoticon


Report Inappropriate Comment
FITGIRL15 9/20/2009 12:20PM

    People are so QUICK to forget that our bodies need rest too to function at their peak! Not to mention that rest is requuired after strength training to allow the muscles to do their thing and grow!

I think getting sick is the perfect time to give your body the rest that it needs without guilt... don't forget how much harder your body is working right now to fight off those invaders and make you well again! You should have no problem losing even a few MORE pounds once this bug is gone. Colds actually rev UP your metabolism... USE IT to your advantage!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LORI815 9/20/2009 12:15PM

    Way to go on the pounds lost! emoticon I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better too. Nothing worse that colds. Isn't it strange how we don't give ourselves breaks even when our bodies are screaming that we need them? LOL! We tell everyone else that it's ok but when it comes to ourselves...no such luck!

Congrats on those 10's in your closet..I'm sure that they will soon be joined by others. You're doing so well! Keep up the good work and try not to come down too hard on yourself once you're back in the swing of things. Again, you're doing great!


Report Inappropriate Comment
AINTSKEERD 9/20/2009 11:39AM

    Oh, and I lost 3 pounds.' You're funny.
There is nothing at all wrong with taking a break and getting some rest. I think in our rush (no matter how slow it may seem) to get to a goal, we overlook that rest is a critical part of the equation. This is when your muscles repair themselves and grow, our immune systems charge up and our mental clarity is refined.
When you start back to your workout routine you will have more energy and be more efficient. Enjoy the rewards you are about to reap from your 'down' time. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 Last Page