Thursday, February 03, 2011
If you have not heard about the snowpocalypse in DFW right now, you are missing out on some sucky news. It has been one of the worst storms we've had in 15+ years and the entire metroplex has been iced in since Tuesday morning!! The worst part is the Super Bowl is here at the new Cowboys Stadium on Sunday, so superbowl events have been going on all week. And most people haven't even been able to leave their homes! One of our friends from California is here working at the superbowl this week and it's been hell for him to try to get around to all the places he needs to go when most people are able to drive 30mph on the highways!
Schools have been cancelled since Tuesday. A lot of businesses have been closed since Tuesday as well. Yesterday the state of Texas issued rolling power outages to all power customers in Texas because the grids have been overloaded. Yesterday I was without power from 6am-8am and again for about 15 minutes at 9am. This means no heat, so my house was FREEZING yesterday. It was 57 degrees at one point, though it was hovering around 61 degrees most of the time until matt came home from work, built a fire and set up a new space heater he bought! Yesterday I spent most of the day wearing two layers of each type of clothing, huddled under two blankets on the couch and didn't move for hours because I was shaking even under the blankets! Being cold natured definitely didn't help that.
The natural gas providers have shut off all gas service to industrial customers in DFW. That's how serious this weather is!
Today it is supposed to dip into the single digits and we have a chance of snow again tomorrow morning. If you have never been to DFW or are not familiar with the weather here - we get snow maybe twice a year - though once is more like it. And it never sticks. We've had snow on the ground for three days straight now with 1/2" to 1" of ice underneath!
I haven't driven since Monday. The only times I've left the house in the past three days was when Matt drove me to the gym Tuesday night, then he drove me to the post office and the gym yesterday. I've missed all group exercise classes I had planned for this week, plus yoga. The gym is open during the day but closes early each night and my yoga studio has been closed. Tuesday I spent 45 minutes on the elliptical to make up for a spin class missed. Last night we went to Matt's companies gym and he led me though an hour + strength training session since I missed body works yesterday.
Today I'm supposed to be running 5 miles for my 10K re-training, but there is no way that's happening. I can't run outside. I doubt I have the sanity at this point to run 5 miles on a treadmill - but I'm going to the gym later and I'll do my best! The good news is I ran 4.5 miles last week and 5.5 is on the docket for next week - so missing this week's 5 mile won't set me back that much. I'm only going up a mile compared to the 2 miles than many training plans call for.
As far as food goes, I've done surprisingly well. I have been short on my fruit consumption the past two days but I'm working on that today. I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies on Tuesday and I've been munching away on a few of those instead of eating all the chips, nuts and pretzels in my pantry that I really want to eat. Last night I had two beers after working out. I'm trying to give myself a little lee-way to enjoy some treats while being trapped, because otherwise I'll go nuts and eat everything in the house. I put the cookies in the freezer yesterday, so at least they are out of sight (out of mind!)
That's what is going on here. I haven't done anything for school the past three days which sucks, so I"m going to try to work on some things today. I have stuff due for my online class tomorrow that I must finish!
Overall I'd say I'm doing 150X better during this situation than I have in the past. At least I've gotten in a workout the past 4 days despite the weather and I've still been tracking everything I eat over at the food blog ( ieatirun.wordpress.com ) And hopefully by Saturday the ice will be gone so I can RUN outside again. Boy, that would be nice.
Anyone else iced in? How are YOU handling it?
Monday, January 31, 2011
January is over and I logged 1500 fitness minutes!! I cannot believe it. I don't think that I have ever accumulated that many in one month. Also I "burned" over 13,000 calories - but I don't wear my HRM anymore because it's broken, so that is all according to spark. Still - I'll take it.
Keeping up with working out definitely got harder as the month grew longer. As soon as school started in the third week, it started getting more difficult to fit in workouts. However, it's totally manageable - it just requires a little extra motivation and not being lazy on my part. Working out first thing in the morning definitely helps with this. While I can't do that every day - the days that I can it definitely helps! Also I fell in love with strength training. They are my favorite workouts of the week and they make me feel strong and awesome. I started the month using 2.5/5 lb weights in body works (we use both a heavy and a light) and I ended the month using 5lb/7.5 lb weights - though I mostly use 7.5 lb and push myself to not go back down to 5 lbs.
I'll weigh in again tomorrow, but as of today I had only lost 2 pounds this month. Disappointing? Yes. Hard to keep going when the scale wasn't moving? At times, yes. But I kept going, as best I could and I know that I'm going to lose weight in February. I know it was my body getting used to the new workout schedule and strength training.
I also blogged everything I ate on my food blog. Even when there were the rough times, I still wrote about it. I opened this blog up so you guys can all see it if you like. the link is IeatIrun.wordpress.com
I have already noticed that my clothes are feeling better, I'm feeling tighter and lighter. Last week I bought a cardigan from Old Navy in a size medium for the first time in my life! I also wore a pair of jeans I haven't worn in close to a year. I was feeling great! I can't wait to actually see the scale move because I know it will be very soon!
So in February I am going to keep up with my 10K re-training. I'm running the cowtown 10K on 2-26. I feel SO much more prepared for this race than my last 10K in October. And my hip is doing fantastic now, so I'm very relieved about that. It's been a difficult journey healing my hip, but I've found that the more active I am and work it out, the better it feels (after icing!). I'm also going to keep working on strength training, work on cutting out nighttime snacking and keep focusing on getting as many fruits and veggies into my days as I can. I just bought a juicer and have been enjoying green juices the past few days!
Since the scale hasn't really started moving yet I'm not going to set a weight loss goal for February. Though between you and me, getting to 218 would be fantastic! That would be roughly 1.5 pounds a week.
I'm going to keep blogging my weekly goals on my other blog becomingtheoddduck.wordpress.com so if you want to keep up with what I"m working on, I post each week's goals on Mondays.
How did your January turn out? What are you going to work on in February?
Monday, January 24, 2011
What if every time that you judged someone negatively in your head they turned to you and said, ďDonít judge me.Ē
First Ė that would be terrifying. But second, I bet you would figure out pretty quickly how to reverse your immediate judgments about people. Wouldnít you?
Now imagine that every time you think something bad about yourself, the same thing would happen.
Hearing yourself say, ďDonít judge meĒ isnít as powerful as hearing someone else say it, is it?
I had a particularly difficult therapy session today. In the 1.5 + years Iíve been seeing my doctor we have worked through a majority of the superficial problems (and some deep issues too) and now we mostly talk about school, the future and the difficult stuff than I have been putting off dealing with. Specifically family issues and the self esteem/weight loss issues I still have.
I will spare yíall the details, but today came down to the conclusion that I lack compassion. I will never be a successful clinical RD unless I learn to develop compassion. For the record, I feel like I have more compassion for people that it felt like today in my session Ė but I guess thatís just my outward projection. On the inside, I donít have as much compassion as I try to show.
Ultimately I will never learn to have compassion until I finish my weight loss journey. Why? Until I actually achieve my goal and am a successful example of how to live a healthy life, how can I teach others to do the same? And how can I inspire others when I havenít done the same for myself?
While those statements are true, the more important reason why I wonít learn compassion until I finish losing weight is because I am SO hard on myself. The harder I am on myself, the harder I am on others. How can I have compassion for others until I learn compassion for myself? And how will I learn to stop judging others negatively, thus detracting from any compassion I could have for them, until I stop judging myself negatively?
Oh my god, it sucked to hear all of these things today. On some level it wasnít a new realization. Iím sure each one of my close spark friends has told me at some point to stop being so hard on myself. And Iíve made SUCH progress with this problem in all the other areas of my life. But when it comes to losing weight, Iím still struggle Ė beating myself up some days. Thankfully now, I have more good days than in the past. Iíve made progress. But I still have progress to make.
The worst part of the session was when my doctor said that when she sees a patient who is 300-400+ pounds, she doesnít think ďHow did they get there?Ē Rather she thinks, ďWhat can I do to help them get better?Ē
That felt like a punch in the gut to hear because that is completely NOT my mindset. With myself or with anyone else really. I felt like such a mean, negative person. I have completely given up everything in my life to pursue this new career so I can HELP others be healthy, but yet I judge that 95% of them will never achieve it in my head. AND I think the same thing about myself.
We talked about why I havenít finished losing weight. We talked about how I sabotage myself because I donít really think it will happen. We talked about how I feel self conscious every single day Iím at school because I am considered obese by the BMI calculator, yet I am studying to become a RD. I feel like some people think Iím a joke because Iím studying nutrition, yet Iím overweight. And Iím terrified to graduate, become an actual RD and lose credibility from someone the second they see me because I am overweight. In a lot of ways, Iím racing against the clock to finish this journey. I need to be able to ďlook the partĒ and that is a lot of pressure to be facing in a new career and new life.
One thing that was positive from the session was the reminder that even if I am overweight, I am fit. I am more fit than a lot of the people who are skinny in my classes. This is something I forget a lot of the time. Iím also smarter than a lot of people in my classes Ė but that doesnít always have the *immediate* positive benefits that being thin or ďlooking healthyĒ would potentially give me in my new field.
The only real conclusions I came to today, other than feeling like a horrible person, was that I need to really work on my own judgments of myself. I need to stop the negative self talk to myself. I need to believe in myself and know that my hard work is going to pay off. And I need to think that Iím going to be a kick ass RD because Iíve lived through the emotional and physical torture that losing weight can be Ė and that is something I can pass along to my patients.
Even though I have made SO much progress and feel like a completely different person now, I still have some underlying thought processes and thought patterns that I need to change. It is not my fault that I think this way. It was the environment I was raised in and never questioned until 1.5 years ago when I started therapy. But I cannot blame my childhood any longer and I have to make serious changes to this area of my life.
I have to stop judging myself negatively. I have to stop telling myself Iím not capable of losing weight. I have to stop sabotaging myself, thinking Iím not worth it and blaming myself for being in this situation. Instead I have to think of how I can help myself get out of it and how I can help others to do the same.
Change your attitude and your outlook will follow.
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