Tuesday, March 09, 2010
I have so much going through my head right now, so forgive me if I begin to ramble...
First, I am tired! I am tried of being tired. I have so many good intentions of doing this and doing that when I get up in the morning but then after sitting behind this desk for 8-9 hours a day, pick up the kids from school and then get home I barely do a thing! I have had a hard time trying to figure out what my problem is. I have been sleeping more than I ever have in my life, which really is probably what most people NEED to sleep 7-8 hours a night. I have never slept that many hours on a regular basis, ever! My body does really well on 6-7 hours. So if I am getting at least an extra hour a night, why am I so tired?? I used to get up between 4:30 - 5 am to get my walk in on my treadmill before going to work (I have to be there at 6:30). I stopped that MONTHS ago. Thinking I would do it after work. I just rarely happens. I do good for a week or two at a time but then nothing. So I need help, maybe you all have some insight that I just don't have.
My gut is telling me that my lack of motivation...really the lack of not caring stems from something going on mentally. I know what I should be eating. I know what works for me to get in shape, I don't do it. Period. No excuses, I just don't do it. I am fully aware when I put something in my mouth if I should or shouldn't be eating it. I am very conscious about what I eat. I have been for well over a year now.
Here it is...On SP I have a few very good supporters, actually just like 2. I love these people for that! I feel like I need to branch out and find more people. I try to give a lot of support to other people but I am not feeling like I get a lot back. When I first started on SP I got a lot of support. I made a lot of SP Friends. Now most of those people are no longer active on SP. I still will stop by some of their pages and jot a message for them and let them know I am thinking of them. I spend a lot of time reading other people's blogs and commenting on almost all of them that I read, but I haven't tried to friend many of them so maybe that is my fault.
Personally, my husband has been laid off for the past six months without so much as an interview. He held the same job for the last 17 years. He is a professional, with a degree. He can't find a job. His unemployment benefits are about to end in just a couple of weeks, with no sign of any extensions in benefits. Which means we will have to soon be living off of what I make and our savings. The nearest I can tell, if we stop sending our son to a tutor, cancel our kids life insurance and pay the minimum on loans, that money will last us maybe another 5 months. It seems like a lot right? Well if I would be talking to you six months ago I would have said, yea plenty but now...It scares me to death. He made over 40 a year and now he is looking for anything that will bring in a pay check, and I do mean anything. Even seasonal work that will buy him sometime. Let me tell you, I am very greatful that we have been very wise with our money in the past. We didn't live beyond our means. Even when he lost almost $300 a week from being laid off and get unemployment we had to cut very little. The only thing we cut was putting money in savings and our one day a week dinner at a restaurant. Our local heating company has been very kind to us as well. Instead of our highest bill being over $200 a month it didn't even hit $100 this year. I think we are very thankful about that. All that being said, I am still very scared. I thought I had given it to God and I try to thank Him for all he has done for us (Philippians 4:6) but with this total lack of caring about myself I am beginning to wonder...
I am tired of feeling tired, grumpy and moody. I am so trying to look for the best in things but even some of the best get over shadowed by the bad.
Please feel free to leave whatever comments you'd like. I am not looking for pity, I am looking for help.
Thanks for reading...
Monday, March 08, 2010
I think I had a good and bad weekend. Both. Not one more than another.
On Saturday I had Bible Study from 9:30 -11 then a church committee meeting from 11 til 1. After that I went home, ate lunch and then went to the bowling ally. I am not really a bowler, my kids love it. They sometimes get a better score than me (they are 7 & 10). LOL My daughters bday was last Tuesday and she said she wanted to go bowling for her birthday, so off we went. Well it was the first day in 2010 that it got over 50 degrees. I would have much rather have been doing something outside but it wasn't about me (darn it! ) so off we went. Well it was PACKED! There was actually a waiting list! They have something like 40 lanes and we were 15th on the list. I asked my daughter if she wanted to wait and she said yes. So we waited. For about 45 minutes before she decided she was done waiting. She wanted to go home and play a game. So that is what we did. We played Uno for like two hours, it was a lot of fun because we play with all the rules except keeping score. Then had pizza and cake. Over all it was an OK day. Not especially good (but defiantly had good parts) and not bad.
On Sunday, I woke with a headache. It was my Sunday to help serve communion at church so I asked my husband to fill in for me and I stayed home while they went to church. I got to feeling better after about an hour so I decided to do some cleaning. We had decided to try a different bowling ally on Sunday afternoon so I wanted 1) get rid of my headache and 2) get some of my chores done before leaving. Well the family got home and they were back for not even an hour before the headache came back! We went anyway! We get there and they have some tournament going on so we had to wait for a few minutes before they assigned us a lane, no big deal. We paid for two games and the first game my 10 year old beat me and the 7 year old tied me! LOL It was pretty fun though. We got to the 8th frame of the second game and someone came up and said we had to be off the lane in 3 minutes because their were Leagues coming in at 4! Are you Kidding me??? Really? I was HOT. Oh sure they gave us coupons for free games but it was the whole thought of letting us pay for 2 games and not telling us we had to be done by a certain time. The kids weren't very upset about it so I tried to let it go pretty quickly. Not that it worked very well... Anyway, I never did get rid of that headache and I felt like I had this hormonal, emotional cloud over my head all day!
So here I am reflecting back and trying to come up with a list of things to be thankful for:
1) my precious daughter
2) I got some exercise by bowling
3) I had OTC meds to take for my headache
4) My husband for helping me out with church
5) my bible study and committee and the people who love me
there are so many more that I just can't list all of them!
Thanks for reading...
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