Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Ok so the first time in 10 months I can honestly say that I have so fallen of the wagon that I am not even being dragged by it, I am just sitting in the dust watching it roll away!!!
I have no desire to workout. I have no desire to care what I am putting in my mouth! I can honestly say that "my give a damn is busted" as the country music song goes. I haven't been on my tread mill since a week ago last Sunday. I went to a nature preserve here in town this past Sunday and walked around with family for almost an hour and a half but if it hadn't been suggested I would have spent the day in the house probably sitting on my butt.
I have to figure out what happened! I know I have been stressing lately but nothing really new that I haven't been dealing with for at LEAST a month and a half. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe dealing with all the same old crap is just weighing on me.
Right now what is weighing on me the most, I think is that I am feeling used and discarded from a person who I thought was a really good friend. All summer long we did this weightloss thing together. I hooked my friend up to SP. We work together and we would walk and talk during for 20 minutes or so everyday during lunch. We would chat online outside of work and just talk about all kinds of stuff. No Topic Off Limits kind of thing. I really felt close to this person. It all changed when I realized that I was spending way to much time with this friend instead of my own family. Then about the same time my husband started to voice his jealousy of this friendship. I told my friend I needed to step back and I said I would always be their friend. Well my friend, I feel has totally dumped me. We don't walk anymore (my choice), this person barely talks to me at all and only about work related things. I have emailed, sent instant messages and texts over the last month all of them have been ignored. I miss this person as my friend. They say they do/are my friend but is that how friends treat eachother? I feel like this person used me and now that they are no longer getting what they need/want from me they are turning around and walking away. It makes me mad and sad all at the same.
Maybe because this whole relationship with my friend was started with the same goal (to lose weight), maybe this whole I have no desire to exercise is a reflection on that. I don't know. To put it into words make it sound stupid and immature....but then at the same time it makes perfect sense.
Thanks for reading