Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Just got this from a dear friend and thought I would share. hope it moves you as much as it moved me!
It is really hard to read...this is what it says:
Yes, you. Stop being unhappy with yourself. You are perfect.
Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people
Like you as much as they like someone else. Stop trying to get
Attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating your body, your
Face, your personality, your quirks. Love them. Without hose
Things you wouldn’t be you, and why would you want to be
Anyone else? Be confident with who you are. Smile. It’ll draw
People in. if anyone hates on you because you are happy with
Yourself then you stick your middle finger in the air and say
Screw it. My happiness will not depend on others anymore.
I’m happy because I love who I am. I love my flaws. I love my
Imperfections. They make me me. And “me” is pretty amazing.
Monday, January 02, 2012
I have been thinking of my goals for the new year for a little over a week now and decided that I am just not prepared to make the whole year so I decided to with one month at a time.
My Goals for January 2012:
1. 3-4 days a week on the treadmill/bike
2. Start a new winter menu
3. Coffeehouses - spending way to much time and money, cut back to 3 times a week
4. Water - it is hard for me in the winter to not drink hot drinks and NO I refuse to drink hot water even with lemon so I need to get at least 6 glasses along with my 2 teas a day.
5. Sleep in bed Sunday - Thursday no later than 10:30 and Friday & Saturday by 11:30.
OK Starting small, I can do this! :-)
Hope you all have a great 2012!
Monday, December 12, 2011
“The test of a people is what they can do when they’re tired.”
― Winston Churchill
In my quest of acceptance I have been reading lots of quotes and spark blogs, inspirational websites.
I get an email everyday from Real Simple. The above quote and picture was in the email from last Friday. Almost all of the quotes that I get 5 times a week from this email are very good. A Lot of them I have used here on SP.
This one hit me very differently. You see, "I am tired" is one of my all time great excuses for NOT eating right and/or exercising.
It has occurred to me I do all sorts of things when I am tired, laundry, make dinner, help the kids with homework. I would get up out of my bed and go to any number of my friends and family if they needed me in the middle of the night. BUT when it comes to doing things for ME, taking car of myself. "I'm tired" stops me.
I think I am going to write this quote out on post it notes and put it up all over my house. My bedroom, the bathroom mirror, on my treadmill, on my computer screen...wherever I end up and when I use this excuse for NOT doing something.
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
I am going to be thinking and probably blogging my thoughts and feelings a lot more than I ever have.
I know that my slump has to do with something that is going on in my head. I am fully capable of eating right and exercising. My goal this week is to come as close as I can to get myself in the right mental place.
In my last blog I mentioned that I was resentful of the new lifestyle changes I had made. At the time, I didn’t realize I was resentful. I think at the time I was in full scale denial. I honestly thought that once I reached my goal weight I would NOT have to track my food anymore. I thought that I could “eyeball” it. While I did know that exercise would have to be a part of my everyday life, I thought I could cut back from 6 days a week to 3. Because, let’s face it, all the magazine articles and TV shows and even articles on SP say…see results in for just 3 days a week. Right?!
It wasn’t until after I started gaining the weight back that I got really resentful. That is what the true meaning of “lifestyle change” really meant. That is when my inner 5 year old started to surface, that is when the “I don’t wanna” started. That is when the excuses started. That is when the negotiations started.
You know the negotiations right?
I will start tracking when I reach this number above my goal weight.
I’ll step up my exercise routine when I start feeling like I get winded going up stairs again.
For awhile that worked. But then I didn’t want to even do that. I WANTED that candy, I wanted those big bowel of chips at the Mexican Restaurant! I didn’t want to have to think about food so much. So I just started eating whatever and however much I wanted.
The problem is that it no longer matter if I want to think about food; I do anyway. Then I get mad. Mad at myself for thinking about. Mad at myself for having the knowledge and not using. Somehow, it doesn’t usually stop me from eating too much or eating it at all. It is more the opposite. Like I think, well I am going to eat it anyway! Like I am some rebel protester! Occupy Liz’s Stomach! YEAH!! Stick to “the man”!! I’ll just eat because I have something to prove! Of course I proved something alright. Not what I wanted though.
I’ve proven to myself that I am just like everyone else. I gain weight back. I have proven by not taking care of myself I am NOT just hurting myself. Everything in my life suffers.
I know I probably sound a little crazy, as I read it, it doesn’t make much sense to me. As in, duh, everyone knows if you eat too much you will gain weight. If you have been on SP for longer than a few months everyone knows that if you don’t take care of yourself how can you take care of anyone else.
This is the first time I have ever put my thoughts down to paper about this. My intentions for writing it are to be able to come back to it and read it out loud and see how crazy it sounds.
Thanks for reading my ramblings!
Thursday, November 03, 2011
I have a secret. Well, kind of a secret. There are plenty of people I have told and if you know me in "real" life, I am sure you know too. I think the major secret is that I haven't been fully honest with myself.
Most all of my blogs I tell you want I am going through but I always try to be positive. I think I do that to try to add an "excuse" for my behavior and attitude. As in "I haven't been eating well or exercising" but I still feel really good, I have more energy than I did before". EXCUSES!
Here it is, no positive spin. It is what it is.
When I joined Spark People in August 2008 I weighed 129. This may not seem like a lot to most of you but please remember I am a shorty. I am 5 foot tall. I carry almost all of my weight in my middle. I wasn't overweight but my BMI and weight was right at the top of my range.
I didn't seriously start and exercise and eating program until Feb 2009. I reached my goal weight of 113 at the end of June 2009. Honestly I didn't know HOW to maintain it. I had cut out almost all sugar. I ate well, except for one day a week I allowed myself a desert and pizza. I tracked food and stayed with-in my calories EVERYDAY. I have always had problems with getting enough protein in but everything else...I ate like a champ. I exercised. Walked mostly, biked in the warmer weather. Little to no strength training, even though I knew I should. I walked on the treadmill at an incline, not really fast but the incline gave me the extra ST I needed. Next to no upper body ST though. As far as I could see, that is the only thing I did "wrong" in 2009. When I reached my goal weight, I got this mental attitude that said, well I am here, I can have extra desserts and treats, I don't have to exercise a much. So slowly I added more sugar in my diet. Slowly that 6 days a week exercise schedule turned into 5 then 3 then 1 then 1 every other week.
Looking back, I think I resented the fact that I was beginning to realize that this life style was a real lifestyle. Something that I would have to do everyday of my life. I didn't wanna track my food for the rest of my life. I hate it. I didn't want to have to get up at 4:45 am 5 days a week and by 7 am on Saturdays in order to get my exercise in. Before the rest of the family, work, friends (life) intruded on my exercise time. My entire childhood I was naturally thin, but as age and children came, I see that is slowly going away. I didn't want that to go away.
Let me re-phrase all that:
I don't wanna track food for the rest of my life
I don't wanna get up at the butt crack of dawn to exercise everyday
I don't wanna stop being naturally thin
I don't wanna except that as I age this is going to get harder NOT easier.
Since July 2009 I have slowly gained weight. It isn't all my don't wanna's, I have had some major issues happen to me and my family since then (layoffs, aging parent, marriage problems, faith questioning, foot injuries, problems with son in school etc). All these things adding up, End of 2009, 2010 and beginning 2011 have not been my best years all the way around. Most of the life problems are either done or are being dealt with. NOW it is time I deal with what is going on with ME internally.
As one of my biggest inspirations and motivators (when I let her) said on my page just yesterday "Let's face it, our emotional and mental states do not improve with fat, they get WORSE" boy did that hit me like a ton of bricks! (thanks BEMORESTUBBORN, I LOVE YOU!) I have GOT to get back in this. I have got to find what is blocking me mentally that I have allowed myself to fall back to square one.
That is right. On Sunday, I weighed in at 131. MORE than I weighed back in 2008. I need to get over this mental block so I can get back to being healthy and fit and energetic person I was...
I need help people, I need a kick in the butt with pointy boots.
I don't need to be told not to be so hard on myself, only because that only brings me back to making excuses.
I need support and accountability.
I need a plan
I need to stick to that plan!
so the first step is writing this. reading it over and over. the next step is a plan. small steps, i dont' have to jump in with both feet, a toe or two is enough for now. but not too slowly, or else i'll talk myself into it "not being worth it". sigh.
Thanks for reading all of this
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