Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Well, I am now not sure if I am going to London tomorrow or not.
No-one spoke to my mother today about me and my wanting to come visit.
So I am going to call the hospital in the morning and get a nurse to ask her out right if she wants a visit from her eldest daughter.
Then I will get the real answer with no interference from other family members!
They say it is not about ME, not about them, it is about my mother....well how will anyone know if they do not ask!!!!
Geeez, I am so frustrated!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
After speaking to my sister...who is still not sure if it is a good thing or not, and my hubby who says I should do what I want, I have decided to go to London on Thursday to see my mother.
Whether she will know I am there or not, I have no idea, she might even tell me where to go (she has always been stubborn) ...who knows, but at least I will be able to say I went and said my goodbyes.
Fingers crossed she will at least recognise the fact that I am the first born/eldest and will again see me as a daughter.
Hopefully there will be no bad news before Thursday or any bad feedback from her sisters or brother....I do not even remember a brother/my uncle or one of the sisters/aunts so it may be an interesting visit to say the least.
It is a strange thing that we are not close seeing as she got pregnant with me 3 months before she turned 16, which was a big thing back in the 60s.
She is still young, only turned 63 in February, and my 47th birthday is in July.
Would have been nice to have been closer, but things happen that can not be changed, so no point dwelling on the past.
I will do what I think is right for me and then carry on with the rest of my life as I have always done.
So one more day to hang on ......for both of us.
Thank you to everyone that left comments on my last blog, it was really appreciated.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Well the day started a 6.30am as hubby had his appointment at the eye hospital this morning at 10am.
Nothing serious or to worry much about, but needs to be kept an eye on...no pun intended.
He is diabetic and his eyes have some very tiny bleeds, but do not need treatment.
Not like the poor guy who went in before hubby and ended up having emergency laser on his eye!
Anyway, got back home 12.30pm, checked the phone and saw a missed call.
I call back and hear that my mother, who I have not seen or spoken to in over 25 years and has been fighting breast cancer for about 10 years will probably not make the end of this week, if not the next few days.
She is in hospital, her lungs are filling with fluid, they are not draining them and the nurses said she will most likely be sedated from this evening or morning.
When she was bad about 9 months ago I had one of my sisters ask if I could go see her, and the response was negative.
It seems to have hit me harder this time, then it did last year.
My hubby says he will take me to London (she is about 2 hours away) to the hospital to go see her, but I do not think it would be right to turn up unannounced and upset her.
She might not even know I am there...I do not know what to do.
So I just have to sit here and wait for THE phone call, if you know what I mean.
So, I was tearful as I hit the gym, but I took it all out on the treadmill and rower.
Then I get home at 2.30pm as the computer guy was coming at 3pm...or he was!!
His car was in the garage, so he can not come until tomorrow now.
I have had another cry, and I expect a few more, it is so weird to feel like this, especially after not seeing her for so long...but at the end of the day she is my mother and the only one I will have (although she seems to want to forget I exist).
Sorry for such a depressing blog, but have to get it out this way or poor hubby will suffer.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
WOW, its not even been a full week and today was my second day of rest from the gym and boy did I miss it!!
I did do some exercise, just a little, 10 minute bootcamp cardio workout, and a 30 minute walk, so it was not as if I sat on my butt all day...did have an afternoon nap though!
I am not sure what time I will get to the gym tomorrow either, as hubby has an appointment at 10am at the eye hospital, and I have a computer guy coming at 3pm to look at my non-working laptop!
Hopefully we will not be kept at the hospital for hours, they say 10am, and mean you might get seen before noon! So fingers crossed we can get back, I can get to the gym and showered and home before 3...if not have to go later, but not too late I hope.
Also keeping fingers crossed the laptop is easily fixed...for a tech guy anyway, and does not cost too much!
Hope you all had a great weekend, I am looking forward to a full week at the gym!
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