Friday, December 05, 2014
It's been a busy and in some cases rough, couple of weeks. I worked all day on Thanksgiving (my sister made me a plate but I didn't eat hardly any because to be honest her new boyfriend could use some cooking skills-I didn't even get pie!) by choice and had too many hours last week that I had to loose a shift because of it. Which is all fine and dandy because this week I've been on re-coop from having my tonsils taken out Monday morning. (WHOO!) (Insert feigned excitement here).
I wish I could say this was going easier and from other accounts of what people have been though, it honestly is. I'm on the "my ears feel like needles are being pushed though them every second" stage, where my throat hurts SO much less than but my ears are totally making up for it. I'm also getting a first hand experience at what being unable to eat my normal diet is feeling like. It's been a business week of lots of water, jello, the occasional sorbet (when I can stand it) and part of a ginger ale I've been nursing since Wednesday, when I thought I'd be okay for a 3 hour meeting (I was SO very wrong). Today I managed to eat more than I have since they came out though-so far a grand total of 2 jellos, and 2 Danimals (that drinkable yogurt stuff they make for kids, but to be honest the bottles are so tiny that they almost count as one). So I'm impressed with myself that I managed that.
I do not like feeling this hungry and I know I'm missing stuff. I've slept a lot- (sleep has been my best friend and worst enemy at this point) and eating this little does things to you. I'm dizzy all the time (although this could be a side effect of my ears) and yesterday my dad cooked a turkey..yeah a turkey and 2 pies and I can't have any of it. The smell alone was soooo yummy and it was incredibly evil at the same time. (He had too though-he bought an extra one during Thanksgiving and it needed to be cooked). He's having a hard time understanding however, that I can't really talk and trying to make me just hurts more. That's been difficult to get him to understand.
I also haven't been able to have my vitamin D since Saturday pm and between everything else, I'm not really noticing a huge difference. I think there is just too much going on in my system to notice that right now. And I hope it stays that way.
On a positive note: School is winding down-its finals week (seems like a lot always happens at once), I've got my classes for Spring all set, a new class starts next weekend and plans for a move in May are in the works and I have found myself on the positive end of attention of the most wonderful man. It was totally unexpected (like most good things) and he compliments me in ways I guess I never though was possible to see in another person (not like verbal compliments, although those are there too, but we compliment etch other I suppose. I don't really know how to phrase it). It's funny how things work out, especially when you're able to look back on everything else and find a reason why some things had to happen the way they did. :)
So aside from being crazy busy and in a moderate amount of discomfort, life is going well. I don't believe I'll regret having my tonsils out- I can already see the benefits like being able to breathe better and I didn't realize how badly I wasn't able to smell but I sure can now so heres to hoping it stays as something good.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Things are looking a bit more on the sunny side since the last time I wrote. I gained weight (which on its own isn't necessarily a good thing), however the rate I was gaining it has slowed down dramatically. I'm about 435 and it's leveled off again (thankfully!!) and I'm feeling less out of place and a bit more settled. (I still HATE the place I'm living but the only other "affordable" options won't allow me to have my cats and they are my comfort pets).
One of the biggest changes I had to make was the water-and that's working so much better than the soda. I need to get more and stay with it. It's still very easy to loose track of what I was doing and grab a soda from the fridge rather than the water, but its all willpower and making myself do it.
I'm almost done this semester-we are a little more than half way finished and I've managed to turn that around a lot. I struggled with it a lot between not having the motivation and also the issue adjusting to Vermont life again. A lot of things were out of balance because of this move and I think much of that had to do with the fact that I didn't have a time line in place of how long I'd really have to be here. Thankfully (and irritating as well) I found out that technically I never had to move back in the first place-that I could have finished my degree while living in Louisiana. I'll admit that really did make me mad, but it's also lightened my load a little bit knowing that if I choose to, I have the option to leave now. (I'm currently in the research/planning phase. I'm feeling drawn to the South again, but maybe not New Orleans or Louisiana again-I need time to think about where).
After more than a month on my super charged dose of Vit. D I'm feeling a lot better and my doc (my primary and therapist) have both noticed a change as well. I still have my down days when the sun hides and everything looks dead, but the reactions to stress hasn't been nearly as severe as it was before. I have to have my levels retested in December, but for now it seems to be working out fine.
I got my shoulder taken care of (cortisone shot helped) and just today I saw another doc about removing my tonsils (FINALLY!!) I know that's not going to be a walk in the park by any means, however I'd take a month of having a sore throat than having to deal with the constant annoyance of not being able to breathe properly or strep every year. I don't want to say I'm looking forward to this surgery, (because what fool would) but I am looking forward to the relief it will bring later on.
Over all things are better, I should try and get some sleep (I'm at work and I get done at 8 and unless I want to sleep the bestest holiday away ever sleep is needed).
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Against my better judgement I moved back to Vermont to pursue my degree in psychology. I got my AS in Human Services in June and due to a long, drawn out idiotic process with the colleges in Louisiana it was easier and I was accepted to a school back here in Vermont. I drove back July 4th weekend. Did the whole two day drive thing (totally nuts, I don't recommend it) and now I'm living at what could be described as the worst place I could end up, my parents house. (lots of bad ju-ju/karma related stuff with that).
And of course I've fallen back into a bit of a depression and my weight has gone up. I think I'm like back to pushing 430 again. I haven't had the guts to step on a scale in a month or so. But I know its gone back up. Its hard to be depressed and want to loose weight at the same time. It doesn't work very well.
I miss the south, i miss the flat, i miss the warmth. I miss my joints not hurting from the cold and weight gain. I miss my allergies not being a giant pain in my...nose (having to re-adjust to different pollen than where I got used to isn't very fun.) I miss it all and I'm already planning my escape.
I take most of my classes online through this degree program. I'm trying to figure out if there is a way to take the required on site classes that I need and then jump ship and move some place else. I'm not kidding when I say my parents place isn't the best place for me. My mother and I don't get along and as a child she was very abusive so living with her 24/7 and her pulling similar stuff as she did when I was a child is rough. I can't afford my own place currently and my I only get 24 hours a week. (One very long shift-I'm actually at work right now) so money is non-existent.
But I'm trying. I just had my Vit-d revamped. Even after 10 months of living in New Orleans my D levels were extremely low (17 when they should have been closer to 30 I'm told), and that's helped my depressive state a little bit. I need to find it in me to start moving again. I also need to find some sort of winter exercise that doesn't involve skiing. I'm half tempted to make snow castles or snow angels for 1/2 hour. That would count right? As long as I'm sweating? (I'm really not kidding. I'm not sure what else I can do when it snows). I'm not to keen on sledding either.
I did make one really good change. My folks are regular soda drinkers and they have hard water so when I first came back I stopped my water intake (NOT GOOD!) but after a bit of noticing my weight in creasing again, I started buying bottled water for now until I can get a decent filtration system. It's a bit on the pricey side but at least I'm getting my water and not drinking soda.
So all in all, it could be worse. I miss New Orleans like mad but I'll survive.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Its been four years since the weight started to come off. Four very long years with lots of ups and downs that sometimes didn't feel like it was worth it. But it was because this morning I officially hit 100 pounds gone. That's huge. Almost like I just lost a whole person. I tried to take a picture of the scale but its digital and wouldn't accept a picture. I might not sound proud enough of this accomplishment, but I am.
I have to move back to Vermont in July (to attend school) and I am a little worried that this won't last. Living in New Orleans has at least afforded me the ability to walk for lengthy distances with very little problems because everything is flat. Yesterday i went to Audubon park and walk for so long that I honestly have no idea how far it was that I walked, but it was worth it. I hadn't been sleeping and last night I was finally able to get some sort of rested sleep. Plus all the vit d was really good for my mental health. So maintaining this is going to be a bit of a stretch and pretty hard since I hate going out there. Its ironic in a way. I can go out in New Orleans by myself and be alright, but doing that in Vermont and I feel a whole different way-I get to scared to do it. It's pretty pathetic honestly.
Yesterday I pushed myself to get the heck out of the house. the entire time I've lived here, its been pretty much been in the house. I lost my "other half" this winter (his choice-not mine) and also my adventure partner so I've waited to do stuff with everyone, but there isn't anyone. I missed Mardi Gras, seeing so many of the little things I've been craving seeing but since I waited on someone else, they just didn't happen. So finally yesterday despite one very massive panic attack I made myself get out of the house for a few hours. I took the bus, went to the park and had a really nice time. It was really warm which as nice, I should have brought my sunblock-by the time I got home I should have applied it a few more times. (which is why I am staying in today-i got pretty sunburnt). I"m going to miss it here, so figured its time to get done what I can in the time I have left here. (and before it gets too hot).
It's nice that some things are falling into place-good timing too. My birthday is in a week.
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