Sunday, January 13, 2013
I am a slob. I wish I weren't but somehow the neat gene passed me by. I leave cupboard doors open. Milk on the counter, I drop my coat where I take it off. I carry bags of stuff into the house and there it stays by the door for weeks...months. I will do nothing, stare at the walls, watch paint dry before I will do something resembling housework. BUT as I write I have a load of laundry going, the kitchen sink is empty and clean, and nary an open cupboard door to be seen. Have I been replaced by an alien? Suffered some personality change. Nope! I have started back up with FLYLADY. Perhaps you have heard of her. She is a wonder of the internet whose mission it is to help folks like me get control over our lives by first getting control over the kitchen sink. YUP That's where is all starts for me. I am not sure that it doesn't start with shoes for her but I am a barefoot gal and nobody's ever going to change that. So for me it starts with keeping my kitchen sink empty and clean and spreads out from there.
House clutter and body clutter are linked in my life and in my psyche. So it is works for me to link them in action too. Not to overwhelm me but to provide me with more arenas for success. On a bad food day I can always put something away and voila I have a success. What I have discovered about myself is that like many others I believe criticism and minimize praise. So I am finding ways to reward myself especially through the bad times. So when I feel like I am failing GO BUY FLOWERS!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
I am NOT I say NOT dieting this time. When you have tried something again and again and it doesn't lead to the result you want it is time to try something else. Therefore I am not dieting.
What am I doing then? Because it does look a lot like the same old thing. And yes I am weighing myself. But only once a week- no scale in the house. I am writing down what I eat. I am not figuring out intake. Just keeping track of the kind of food I am eating so I can pay attention to the circumstances of poor eating.
I am eating whole grains, vegetables and fruits. Very little to no meat- that's a long time preference and limited dairy and eggs. SO not quite vegan but trending that way.
I have just joined a gym so that I can begin swimming again. I will be keeping my dates with myself to exercise.
I am finding ways to demonstrate to myself that I am a worthy lovable person. So when I fail at something I will give myself a gift because I tried and will keep trying.
There are lots of things that I have loved to do but can no longer do because of my size. The older I get the less I am able to compensate and the more restricted my life has become. Being close to 400 lbs is not healthy and my goal is to lose weight for I am afraid that I am killing myself if I don't. And therein lies the dilemma- to lose weight but not fall into the old pattern of dieting that leads me to depression and self loathing.