LITTLEBIGGIRL2   5,966
SparkPoints
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints
 
 
LITTLEBIGGIRL2's Recent Blog Entries

Today's measerments made me cry (in a good way)

Sunday, May 27, 2012

So today was my weigh in day and I hit 200.4 lbs (from 337). Seeing that nice round number, that heralded entering the 100's soon, inspired me to take my measurements, which I hadn't done in 6 months. Here they are:
4/26/11 6/30/11 11/7/11 5/27/12
Waist: 51" 49.5" 46" 40.5
Hip: ? 57.75 54 46.75
Thigh: 32 31.25 29 25.5
Bust: 55.5 55.5 50 43.5
Neck: ? 16 15.5 14
Upper Arm: 16.5 ? 15.25 13.25

I looked at these numbers and I started to cry. I remember that miserable woman who was in so much pain, so sick, so depressed, so lonely and ashamed... I am so glad I had the surgery, I truly had given up hope that I would ever get here. Sure I would fantasies about being at my goal weight but it never seemed like it could be a reality.

It's so easy to get caught up in negative things (it's almost a year and I'm still 30-40 lbs from my goal, all my loose skin seems to be going to my belly, my boobs are really saggy...). But this gave me a much needed reality check, I am SO much better off then a year ago. I don't hurt all the time, I can run!, I breath and sleep and feel so much better. I don't get as many migraines, I went form a size 26/28 pant to a 16/18, I don't worry about getting stuck in small spaces or braking a chair by sitting in it... the list goes on and on.

I'm still working on reaching my goal but I realized that if I staid at this weight forever a could be happy and feel so very blessed. I still dream of fitting a size 14 or 12 pant and maybe getting a tummy tuck but I could really, truly *LIVE* with myself as I am now, were as before I was really just existing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNUZSUZ 5/29/2012 2:26PM

    Congratulations!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SETAGOAL1 5/28/2012 8:36PM

    emoticon
You have not given up on yourself. You now know you are the only one that can make it happen for you.

You have the power to succeed or fail.

You have chosen to succeed.

Few baby steps complete a long journey

Writing is progress!!!

Janet- emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATTYR81 5/28/2012 2:10PM

    Congrats on your successes!!!

Your journey inspires me to keep on keepin on. I had a VERY RUDE awakening when they measured my waist at my surgeon consultation 2 wks ago: 51 inches. I'm used to hearing that number of inches in terms of height and never even considered that my waist could be that big!

Your story gives me hope and encouragement: THANKS for sharing!

Patty
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EAGLES_WINGS 5/28/2012 12:44AM

    I am so impressed by your food and weight recovery. You are such a great example. You have achieved remarkable results! Entirely terrific. I hope you relish the moment and take a minute to enjoy your achievement as you transition into your final weight loss goals. You inspire me to go on with my efforts realizing that there is hope if you persevere. I guess it isn't supposed to be easy or we would all be thin. Making changes exemplifies commitment. Congratulations on your steadfast commitment to making a better you! I can relate to the health issues as I truly find myself desiring to improve my health as my weight impedes my holistic recovery from the many damaging consequences of being morbidly obese. I have faith that if I follow in the paths of those that have gone before me, I will surely achieve the goals that I desire. So, CONGRATULATIONS! Job well done!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CORTNEY-LEE 5/27/2012 8:27PM

    that is so wonderful to hear! I am so happy for you!!

Keep up the awesome work!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHERMOR13 5/27/2012 4:14PM

    Congratulations - how VERY exciting. I know you have to feel SO much better AND I'm sure that seeing those measurements of today made you so glad you have remained on the journey.

Keep up the good work & keep sharing. It's always SO encouraging to see how others are doing!

Sherli

Report Inappropriate Comment
THOMS1 5/27/2012 2:44PM

    emoticonYou are doing a great job!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Why do I need plenty of food in the house to feel secure?

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

So things are pretty tight for me this month. The 2 short term/extra income jobs I thought I had lined up this month and was counting on never materialized. Needless to say the larder is pretty bare since this is about the fourth month in a row that I haven't been able to buy more then the basics and replenish the emergency stores. Don't get my wrong, I wont starve before the end of the month, I really don't eat that much now as I did in the passed, but I have recently noticed that when my "emergency" food (canned beans, tuna, condensed soup, frozen veg, etc) start to really disappear I get very anxious/ uncomfortable. I have trouble relaxing and I notice I often tend to have anxiety dreams when it gets this empty.

I don't remember ever going hungry as a child, it's not like I lived through a famine. Sure meals where pretty inconsistent and my parents almost never cooked but I don't remember going hungry. Although I do seem to have repressed a significant amount of the time around when my mom and dad where braking up....

So where exactly is this anxiety coming from? Is it just about the fact that it means I'm broke? Lack of money causes it's own worry. Is it that I've run out of my favorite things? Is it something deeper? A loss of control of my habitat? I'm very protective of my personal space I get nervous when people I don't really trust come into my little home (needless to say I don't entertain much. emoticon). Is that it? Is it just that I feel unprepared?

Even though I *know* I'm not going to go hungry and that there is enough food to last even if my check comes late next month, I can still feel the tension rising in my body when I think about the state of the cupboards, I feel my heartbeat increase and the muscles of my neck and shoulders tense, I feel like a turtle trying to pull it's head back into it's shell. And I'm restless, I can't really get out as much when I'm broke (there are free entertainment things going on in the summer so it's not as bad now). I find myself pacing around feeling trapped. Part of it is the lack of financial security I know, but part of it is definitely the food situation for sure.

Does anyone else fell like this or am I just that screwed up?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BYEFATNANNY 5/30/2012 3:52PM

    YES I feel this way! You would think I feed a family of 8! (there is only 2 of us) My cupboards are always full and my biggy is the freezer. Makes me sound like a hoarder, far from it, I'm a neat freak. I think mine stems from my college days when my frig WAS empty a lot. Once I "grew up" and started working, I would fill the freezer up. I sometimes feel I do this in preperation in case the day comes that I can not afford it for some reason. I like to think I can "whip" something up a moments notice because I'll have what I need in stock. But I never "whip" anything up on a moments notice since I'm a planner. I think I need to learn to grocery shop at my house before I go buy more. Hang in there with your money issues, I wish you the best that things turn around real soon.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SNUZSUZ 5/23/2012 7:54PM

    Have you considered gong to a food bank or food closet? there are always quite a few in every town. You just need ID and fill out a little form and your proof or zip code. Some you can to once a month, others more often. But you can go to one a week if you go to different ones. They usually have some staples but they also have fresh veggies in fruit that are in season and tons of bread.Hope this helps:)

Report Inappropriate Comment
EAGLES_WINGS 5/22/2012 9:47PM

    I can so totally relate. I have the same issues with money and making sure that I have enough food in the house. I am trying to change my diet lifestyle and need to eliminate trigger foods which I occasionally still purchase much to my chagrin. However, old habits die hard. Food addiction is a terrible stronghold. I have learned a little bit about hoarding over the years and that is making sure that the food is always there just in case you want to need it primarily for emotional reasons. There are so many aspects to eating disorders. For me, it seems as if the twists and turns are never ending. When the bottom falls out sometimes I have no idea what I am going to do. But, sometimes the best thing to do is the next right thing. Hang in there and keep fighting the good fight. You can do it! emoticon
We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Keep working through the feelings, eventually things will break open in a manner you never expected. I have had a lot of hurdles in my life which have been very difficult but I always find that I have help from the Lord and the great light of the loving tender kind side of the Universe. Hoping that you find your way!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Take care of yourself...
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAPECODLIGHT 5/22/2012 7:50PM

    Your blog struck a chord with me. Financially, I am in decent shape, but I get nervous that I don't have enough food in the house. Now, I make myself look through all the cupboards and fridge to realize that "yes" there are a number of items that I could prepare. So, for me, I guess food is something I've used to calm my anxiety about a variety of things. Hmmm.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DELHSI 5/22/2012 7:24PM

    Well, I'm like you - money is tight and when I see the cupboard getting bare then it certainly reminds me of that. I too, get anxious when the food starts getting a little less and less. I'm glad summer is coming too. The nice thing about California is that their is a lot of free entertainment available. We have movies in the park and I'm looking forward to doing that (seeing the Muppet's with my son!).

BTW - you look great! I'm so inspired by your changes. Your SW is the same as mine so it helps me to see that I can accomplish my weight loss goals.

~Della

Report Inappropriate Comment


Making a blah day a little better

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

So this morning I had a really hard time getting myself up and moving. I've been feeling tired and run down and I have a cold sore which usually means my body is trying to fight something off (or I've just got another tattoo ) emoticon. So there was my excuse right there, I can skip the gym so I can rest and keep from getting sick... I almost gave in, I probably would have if today wasn't the only day my local YMCA had a Pilates class, I really wish they had at least 2, but no, today was the only day. I love this class and I knew if I missed it I would be kicking myself later. So I told myself "It's OK, just go to the class, do the best you can, and you can skip the weight training you usually do after. Just go to the class." So I did. I even walked the 7 blocks to the Y because I couldn't face having to juggle all my riding gear when I got there. Somehow I did one of my best classes so far, the instructor even complemented me. Then I was feeling so good that I went to the weight room. Admittedly it was a much briefer visit then I usually make but I got some good upper body work in as well as some squats. Then I walked the 7 blocks back home emoticon. I was really tired once I got back and I decided to take it easy for the rest of the day because, hey, my body's genuinely trying to fight something off.
However, I was so inspired by the fact that I made myself get going, that I spent the rest of my 'down day' browsing through the SparkPeople Recipes and putting together a menu/shopping list for next week. Believe me I am not one to plan meals in advance, I usually like to leave myself open to whatever I crave at the time. But today I realized that as long as I picked a few healthy appetizing meals and got the required groceries in for them, I didn't have to set a specific day, I could just pick from the list as I wanted. I think this Idea of choosing a selection of meals and not assigning a date will really help me to eat healthier without getting board of feeling like I'm trapped in an elementary school cafeteria (look it's mystery meat and soggy salad day!), especially since most of the recipes I saved will do well if I freeze the leftovers in single portions and save them for when things get really hectic again. emoticon

See you next time. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSTIRES 5/22/2012 11:38AM

    Super job getting going! Good idea about having healthy choices.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BJPENNY70 5/22/2012 1:51AM

    Great going! That's the right direction.

Report Inappropriate Comment


The Ah-ha Moment

Sunday, May 20, 2012

First off I did my weigh in today and I'm down 2.2 lbs. since last Sunday emoticon Now on to what I really want to talk about.

In my weight loss surgery support group people are always talking about their "ah-ha" moment when they really realize just how much weight they have lost and the difference it is making in their life. I have had sort of ah-ha moments like when I realized I could feel my pelvic bones and ribs but I hadn't had a real ah-ha moment until yesterday. I have an old claw footed tub with shower curtains all the way around it, and yesterday during my shower I was wondering about how much quicker my showers had become. Then I realized it was because I wasn't constantly having to battle the curtains that where always sticking to me and getting in the way. There are now several inches of space between me and the curtains on both sides! That realization was kind of awesome. emoticon

After that I started to really think about all the changes that have happened:

- I can now walk 5 miles easily, I can run 2 blocks in a row with only 3 blocks of recovery (when I started I could barely run half a block and needed 5 or 6 blocks to recover)
- I can see my collar bone emoticon
- I can squat almost as much weight as I've lost (which really brought home just how hard my body was working just to do basic things before)
- I can beat the dog at tug-o-war (he's built like a tank)
- I can fit into a 16/18 pants which I haven't been able to do since high school (I was a 28 at my highest)
- I don't have to buy nearly as much fabric when I'm making cloths
- I can paint my own toenails
- I can tie my shoes without running out of breath
- my feet and knees don't contently hurt anymore
- I can ware my mothers cloths and some of my grandmothers vintage pieces
- my boob are smaller but they look bigger in comparison to my torso (went from 52DD to 38DDD/E) emoticon
- I don't mind being in pictures anymore
- I'm not so constantly self-conscious and I can sit in a chair without worrying it will collapse under me or the arms will get stuck on my hips when I try to stand
- I'm not worried about getting stuck in small spaces backstage at work or completely blocking the isle on the bus or in the clothing racks at the store
- I can use my Wii Fit balance board now without it telling me I'm too heavy to register
- Stretching and Pilates are so much easier without my fat getting on the way of bending
- I can fit more cloths in the washer at the laundromat (yay saving money!)
- I actually got really cold this winter, I haven't really felt cold in a decade (I never really understood why people needed to layer until this year)
- my balance is better
- I can use a cross-body purse without it ending up in my armpit
- I don't look ridiculous on my cute pink Vespa
- things I used to squeeze myself into (look it fits! no really!) are baggy, sometimes ridiculously baggy
- I actually have a before pic now! emoticon
- get tipsy off of 1 drink now instead 4 (cheap date now!)
- I notice attractive men now instead of protecting myself by being oblivious
- I speak up and meet peoples eyes more now
- I sleep much better, I haven't had a serious case of insomnia since just after the surgery
- I only got mildly sick this year instead of deathly sick
- I can pick up my 63 lbs dog when necessary (remember he's a tank)
- I don't have to pull seat-belts out all the way to the very end then have them dig in anyway

OK I can't think of anymore now but I'm sure I will later. Wow looking at this list really helps me appreciate things. Lately I've been getting really fixated on the frustration of having loose skin and rolls that force me to wear compression garments like spanks (not just for looking better in cloths, that skin flapping around can be really uncomfortable). It really helps to make a list of the things I should be happy and appreciative about. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNUZSUZ 5/23/2012 7:46PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SETAGOAL1 5/21/2012 9:45PM

    You have not given up on yourself. You now know you are the only one that can make it happen for you.

You have the power to succeed or fail.

You have chosen to succeed.

Few baby steps complete a long journey

Writing is progress!!!

Janet- emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EAGLES_WINGS 5/20/2012 11:04PM

    Wow! I can so relate to you! I have been making small progress though huge for me since the last few years I have really struggled with my weight. But, I am hoping to get back on track. I had plateaued before that. I really admire your stamina and stick to it ness. I hope that you continue to achieve your goals and get where you need to go! You are a fantastic example for me! Thank you very much!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MELINDAKAYE2 5/20/2012 3:44PM

    Keep up the good work

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENKAY76 5/20/2012 3:40PM

    Good for you! That is an amazing accomplishment.

Report Inappropriate Comment


So it's been almost 2 years and everything has changed

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Yeah so I haven't made a blog post in almost two years, but in that time my whole life and weight loss journey has changed. At the end of June 2011 I had the RNY gastric by-pass surgery and it was the best decision of my life. As of last Sunday I am 207 lbs. meaning I have lost 130 lbs. exactly and I feel wonderful. I have already passed the surgeon goal for me, which was 220 lbs., and I am on my way to my own goal of between 175 and 165 lbs. I'm 6 ft. tall and that is in the upper middle part of my weight range.

Yesterday was a good day, walked 4 miles with the dog, consumed just shy of 1200 cals (remember I have a tiny stomach now), and 84 grms. of protein close to my daily goal of 90 grms. Unfortunately my fat and cholesterol count was higher then preferred so I'll try for a little more fruit and veg and a little less cheese today.

So here is a set of before and after pic's, the before is from New Years Eve 2010 @ 337 lbs my highest weight. The after is from New Years Eve 2011 so I've lost another 40 lbs. since then, I'll try to get an updated one soon.



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOODIE59 5/20/2012 8:28AM

    Oh boy -- do you look GREAT! Congratulations:)
You must feel fantastic.
Deirdre

Report Inappropriate Comment
ROSGETSSERIOUS 5/20/2012 2:35AM

    Woohoo - you must be so proud of your transformation and good health - congratulations - you are doing the hard work and the results are so obvious - you looks so happy and you are GORGEOUS!!!!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JANTWO 5/20/2012 12:29AM

    You look beautiful!!!! I am so happy for you!!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEEP_GOING247 5/19/2012 10:01PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SETAGOAL1 5/19/2012 9:12PM

    You have not given up on yourself. You now know you are the only one that can make it happen for you.

You have the power to succeed or fail.

You have chosen to succeed.

Few baby steps complete a long journey
You look emoticon

Thank you for checking In this is so encouraging for me

janet emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SCRAPPINPOLLY 5/19/2012 8:58PM

    You look fabulous!! Congrats on the loss!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOOSIEMOON 5/19/2012 8:55PM

    Wow! You look fantastic! So lovely and healthy!

Keep up the good work!

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 Last Page