Tuesday, July 03, 2012
I found out my dog has cancer this week. She is a St. Bernard and already 8 yrs old so she only has a couple of years left. I have decided to make the time she has left good time rather than torture her with surgery and chemotherapy. She isn't uncomfortable now and since she only has 1-2 more years of natural life anyway, I don't feel too bad. If/when she gets uncomfortable I will have her put to sleep.
I feel a little guilty though.
The dog is actually my ex husband's. When we split he was supposed to get her at some point but has never had a stable enough life to take her. I don't dislike her but I never felt that strong pet owner bond. Truthfully I have been counting down her time for the last year or so because she is such a burden. She breaks the fence regularly, she attacks other dogs, she has hysterics over fireworks, and she eats a ton of very expensive food. So now I feel guilty for wishing her time to be at an end because it almost is at the end.
Monday, June 18, 2012
This weekend I am going to a Pirate Festival by the Oregon Coast and I am camping! I couldn't afford a hotel because of the festival/summer hike in rates and the rest of my friends are camping. I detest camping but it is the cheap alternative.
I hate the hard ground, the dirt, the noise, the extra effort to make simple things...like coffee, the chilly nights, etc.
I am trying to be positive. I am taking a memory foam mattress to avoid the hard ground. I am bringing my coffee press for coffee, I am refusing all other meals that will require dishes, I am buying some junk jackets from Good Will to keep warm. It is at a state campground so I can shower in the morning and not feel all icky.
On the plus side it is a pirate festival which I plan to totally dress up for. Anne Bonnie eat your heart out.
Monday, May 21, 2012
At work, I feel very unfulfilled in my job. I want more but I feel trapped. Something bad happened last August and I was thrown under the bus, effectively cutting off my ability to move into the department I want to move to.
My only hope is a change of management. Should that happen, I might be able to move into a role that would be more fulfilling.
It isn't just me that is unhappy, or I would re-examine my own attitude. Everyone in our department is unhappy but we all feel trapped in a bad situation. My current job has a lot of benefits. For one it is 10 minutes from home, I get to be mostly self directed, the insurance/vacation benefits are good, and the co-workers are great. I only have a problem with the leadership.
I thought about leaving but my external job search hasn't been very fruitful. So it is another ho-hum Monday in a job that while not completely miserable is depressing.
Monday, May 14, 2012
I won the contest with my friends and thus won the $260 prize. I lost a total of 14 lbs to reach my Short Term Goal. One friend's goal was 18lbs and she lost 8, the other friend is up 5 lbs.
After universally declaring me the winner, they both declared themselves to be broke and unable to pay their bet at this time. I being the nice person that I am, forgave the debt.
I feel a little cheated because I either deserve the money or more hail Heather's (my real name is not literarychick, in case you thought that). However, regardless of praise, bragging rights and invisible monetary wins, what I really won was a better me. Not the best me I can be but I am on the way there.
I went shopping Friday and bought new work clothes because mine were quite literally falling off me. I didn't buy a lot because I plan to keep shrinking but I now can at least be presentable at work.
For the first time in 10 years, I bought regular sized clothes instead of plus sizes. I don't want to get ahead of myself but I may need to cut up my Lane Bryant credit card.
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