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LITERARY_CHICK's Recent Blog Entries

Guilt the gift that keeps on giving

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

I found out my dog has cancer this week. She is a St. Bernard and already 8 yrs old so she only has a couple of years left. I have decided to make the time she has left good time rather than torture her with surgery and chemotherapy. She isn't uncomfortable now and since she only has 1-2 more years of natural life anyway, I don't feel too bad. If/when she gets uncomfortable I will have her put to sleep.

I feel a little guilty though.

The dog is actually my ex husband's. When we split he was supposed to get her at some point but has never had a stable enough life to take her. I don't dislike her but I never felt that strong pet owner bond. Truthfully I have been counting down her time for the last year or so because she is such a burden. She breaks the fence regularly, she attacks other dogs, she has hysterics over fireworks, and she eats a ton of very expensive food. So now I feel guilty for wishing her time to be at an end because it almost is at the end.


On the Road Again!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

I have started the diet cycle again. I am doing the curves plan which is 1 wk at 1200 calories, 90 days at 1500 calories and then 2000 calories until your metabolism resets.

Last time I lost 14 lbs and won a friendly competition. This time my goal is another 16 lbs. I want to see 170 by fall.

It is so much work to lose so very little weight. When I hear numbers like 170, I sigh with a wistful desire followed quickly by a huff of disgust. 170 is a lot! Yet for me, it is a weight I have not seen since 1999.

I try not to get discouraged when my petite 4'8" friend talks about wanting to get to 135 and my skinnier friend whines about being 160. Envy is my biggest deadly sin. I envy my friends their happy relationships and their much slimmer bodies.

I know that until I can find my own happiness, there will not be any way for me to be fulfilled in a relationship. I know weight loss is an important part of that happiness but not all of it.

But right now I mainly feel hungry! Only 4 more days at 1200 calories. 1500 is so blissfully easy after this torturous week.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COCHAMAMA 8/2/2012 12:49PM

  I just had to post....just to give you a big boost! I was searching for Potatoes not Prozac entries and started browsing through some of your blog posts. You have lost a TON of weight....CONGRATS!

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Not the Dreaded Camping

Monday, June 18, 2012

This weekend I am going to a Pirate Festival by the Oregon Coast and I am camping! I couldn't afford a hotel because of the festival/summer hike in rates and the rest of my friends are camping. I detest camping but it is the cheap alternative.

I hate the hard ground, the dirt, the noise, the extra effort to make simple coffee, the chilly nights, etc.

I am trying to be positive. I am taking a memory foam mattress to avoid the hard ground. I am bringing my coffee press for coffee, I am refusing all other meals that will require dishes, I am buying some junk jackets from Good Will to keep warm. It is at a state campground so I can shower in the morning and not feel all icky.

On the plus side it is a pirate festival which I plan to totally dress up for. Anne Bonnie eat your heart out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITERARY_CHICK 6/28/2012 9:58PM

    UPDATE: ** It rained all weekend and my air mattress didn't fit in the tent.....I HATE CAMPING!!

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DEBBIE_J 6/19/2012 8:42AM

    An air mattress might really help your back from feeling out of sorts in the morning and help keep you warm. I am from Oregon and miss it so much. Have fun at the festival!

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PJBONARRIGO 6/18/2012 5:31PM

    Arrrrrrrggg, enjoy yourself :-)

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Ho Hum

Monday, May 21, 2012

At work, I feel very unfulfilled in my job. I want more but I feel trapped. Something bad happened last August and I was thrown under the bus, effectively cutting off my ability to move into the department I want to move to.

My only hope is a change of management. Should that happen, I might be able to move into a role that would be more fulfilling.

It isn't just me that is unhappy, or I would re-examine my own attitude. Everyone in our department is unhappy but we all feel trapped in a bad situation. My current job has a lot of benefits. For one it is 10 minutes from home, I get to be mostly self directed, the insurance/vacation benefits are good, and the co-workers are great. I only have a problem with the leadership.

I thought about leaving but my external job search hasn't been very fruitful. So it is another ho-hum Monday in a job that while not completely miserable is depressing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKFEREBEE 5/21/2012 4:36PM

    Pray that the universe will be good to you and bring that change you need, either be it management or a job opening you want. Until then, hang in there.

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I am the Winner

Monday, May 14, 2012

I won the contest with my friends and thus won the $260 prize. I lost a total of 14 lbs to reach my Short Term Goal. One friend's goal was 18lbs and she lost 8, the other friend is up 5 lbs.

After universally declaring me the winner, they both declared themselves to be broke and unable to pay their bet at this time. I being the nice person that I am, forgave the debt.

I feel a little cheated because I either deserve the money or more hail Heather's (my real name is not literarychick, in case you thought that). However, regardless of praise, bragging rights and invisible monetary wins, what I really won was a better me. Not the best me I can be but I am on the way there.

I went shopping Friday and bought new work clothes because mine were quite literally falling off me. I didn't buy a lot because I plan to keep shrinking but I now can at least be presentable at work.

For the first time in 10 years, I bought regular sized clothes instead of plus sizes. I don't want to get ahead of myself but I may need to cut up my Lane Bryant credit card.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKFEREBEE 5/14/2012 5:26PM

    That's awesome Heather! Keep up the great work! The weight loss would be priceless for me, too.

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1DERLANDBOUND 5/14/2012 12:26PM

    Congrats on winning your challenge. I finally stopped shopping at Lane Bryant (though I still wear the sizes they sell) and moved onto Kohl's so I could motivate myself by saying I want to be able to shop on this side of the store up front instead of all the way over here in the back by maternity and baby clothes. I will get to the front of the store only 2/3 more sizes to go.

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LUVYA798 5/14/2012 11:57AM

  good job

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