Monday, July 16, 2012
Life has been... stressful. Joe is home, which is wonderful, but we're constantly looking over our shoulders for state troopers to nail him on any little thing. The state wants to press charges, which could land him in jail. The best way for us to avoid that is for me to recant my statement, which would mean a misdemeanor for me. I've already contacted the trooper I spoke to on Wednesday and left a message with him saying I wanted to go down to the barracks and file a new report, but haven't heard back (I called on Friday evening) so I'm going to phone again today. I would rather have a misdemeanor on my otherwise clean record than have Joe in jail for 3-12 months.
We have also agreed that Joe is going to seek help for his drinking; he is going on Wednesday to a substance abuse evaluation and they will point him in the right direction as far as help goes. And we are going to go to marriage counseling to try to learn more efficient and healthy ways to deal with our problems and with each other.
The weekend was pretty good. On Saturday I had a yard sale with friends...made $40 bucks and donated everything I didn't sell to the Salvation Army (they got a ton of kids' clothes!). My friend Diana came over to babysit for us and Joe and I went out to dinner, a relaxing drive through one of the neighboring towns, and played mini-golf. It was our first time being out without Spencer since he was born aside from one time when my parents watched him for a few hours so we could do some shopping over our Christmas stay with them. It was nice to reconnect with each other without the kids.
Yesterday morning we took the kids to the lake for about 40 minutes, they love the water, but Spencer is fearless...he needs a float or something because he will just walk way out into deep water and go under. Luckily Joe stayed near him. Then they napped and I got some cleaning done. Chloe and I went to the store and bought some storage bins (decorative ones) for our bathroom towels- they have lids so now the cat can't lay on the towels and get them all covered in fur or cat puke. I bought the only two they had, I'll have to check back in a week or so, I would like one more.
Today I'm getting back on a diet and exercise plan since that basically has gone downhill since Wednesday night. I'm going to try low-carb for a week and see what happens, then my parents visit this coming weekend so I'll just have to try for healthy choices when we eat out with them. Today I hope to resume my C25K training, my ankle has been hurting but I should be fine once I'm in sneakers.
I appreciate all the positive and thoughtful comments left on my previous blog(s). I'm sorry I haven't been around much to thank people personally, but, thank you!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
went to the grocery store yesterday to use some WIC vouchers that expire this week and realized we have an enormous amount of bread. 6 loaves!!! my kids barely eat bread and Joe's doing low-carb, and I'm doing the Simple Diet...
yesterday I sacrificed my diet a bit and had a turkey sandwich on wheat for dinner. Tried to make Spencer a grilled cheese but he wasn't impressed. Back to PB&J's for lunch for him, it seems!
I'm trying to think of some creative ideas of how to use up all this wheat bread...any suggestions?
Yesterday I signed up for work's 5K! I got my coworker Emily to sign up with me, she used to be overweight and has slimmed down quite a bit and does run frequently, so it will be good to have her as a training buddy and running partner!
Anyway, that's it for me for now, gotta get ready for work!
Monday, July 09, 2012
SOOOOO...today was pretty good. Stuck to my diet quite well with the exception of a few nibbles of hamburger from the kids' hamburger helper dinner and some yogurt covered raisins. I need to stop snacking but I get such evening munchies. Oh well. Definitely was better than the last 9 days! hah!
I went to the gym -twice- which is quite the accomplishment for me since laziness has set in. Did the bike on my lunch break and the treadmill after work. I started Couch to 5K today on the treadmill; jogged 60 seconds, walked 90 seconds for 25 minutes, plus 5 minute warm-up and cool-down. It was actually okay, I felt less winded then when I jog for a minute and walk for a minute, the extra 30 seconds of walking really seemed to help. I'm going to stick with it and sign up for work's October 5K, I have decided... will try to sign up tomorrow if hubby is okay with me spending the money! (it's only $15 so he should not mind lol). The program recommends time between training days so I will make M/W/F my C25K days and still do the bike during lunch to get my Simple Diet miles in every day.
I'm feeling accomplished, proud of myself, and also sort of in disbelief that I'm actually WANTING to run a 5K! who am i?!?
Anyway, I need to log my fitness minutes and take a bath and make lunch for tomorrow, so off I go!
Sunday, July 08, 2012
I would say that since the few days leading up to my birthday last Saturday and this entire week since then, I have done terribly. I have just given up on my diet, barely gone to the gym, and watched the numbers on the scale increase. I am losing control, and I really don't know how to get it back. I know it's as simple as not letting myself stray from my diet, moving my body more, and making better choices, but... it's really not that simple at all, is it?
I've gone from 189 to 192.8, and I'm incredibly surprised it's not more. In fact, after yesterday, where I just pigged out all day long and even made brownies in the evening, I am surprised that the scale today didn't read somewhere close to 200 again. I DO NOT want to see that number on the scale EVER again, unless for some reason I'm on the scale holding Charlie, our 85 pounds dog, and I know if I don't get myself back on track soon that seeing the number could be a reality.
I really don't think the Simple Diet is the plan for me. It is just too restrictive. HOWEVER, as I have a ton of entrees and shakes right now, I'm going to stick with it, because it would be stupid to waste everything. I'm also going to re-read the book and get myself re-motivated about the plan. I truly think one of the reasons it's not working for me is because I'm full of doubt about it, and letting myself slip because I don't think sticking to the plan is working anyway, so why not cheat here and there? I still haven't committed to a solid week of sticking to the plan, even though that was one of my goals for last week (all of which were ignored. I stink.). So, I really believe I need to commit to the plan whole-heartedly before I decide if it's not going to work for me. And I will just have to IGNORE the temptations that other foods provide. It is okay to tell myself "No, you cannot have that piece of cheese or that handful of crackers."
I need to be both my own cheerleader and also not be afraid to beat myself up over my faults. No one else can make my choices for me nor can they really affect me with their words if I choose not to listen.
I do not want to be fat. I do not want to be unhappy. I do not want to be filled with guilt about the woman I have become and am doing nothing to stop being. So I need to just suck it up, and realize that the path I've chosen; to lose weight; is not an easy one, but it is one I really need to be on.
Today, I am recommitting myself to this journey, this process, this LIFE. MY life. I can't promise I'll make it to the gym today, because we have plans to go to Chloe's cousin's birthday party an hour away, and I have homework and stuff to do, BUT I am promising I will do at least 10 minutes of exercise- even if it's just jogging around the living room. I WILL get moving. I'm going to eat on plan, even at the birthday party. I can say no to cake, especially since yesterday I ate brownies. Luckily, I've never met much of Chloe's family so they'll all be strangers to me, and I'm actually not very comfortable eating in front of strangers, so, that might work to my advantage. I'll eat a nice big lunch before we go; entree, salad, veggies, etc. and maybe make a fruit salad or something to take with us. I bet if I go to the dollar store I can find a veggie platter or something and I could cut up some veggies and make a plate. We'll see how the morning goes and if I have time for an errand- if not, the fruit salad sounds good.
I can do this. I AM in control, as much as it seems like I'm not... and as long as I keep telling myself that, then I think I'll be okay.
Friday, July 06, 2012
Well, I was -trying- to put off getting my hair cut until I'd lost 30 pounds, but, that's a long way off and I couldn't deal with my outrageously long, thick hair anymore. So, I got it cut this afternoon and had it thinned out quite a great deal- it feels like I had no hair left! I love it. It's got some layers, but still goes into a ponytail nicely (and is quite bouncy and cute when up!)...
anyway, here are a few pics, they aren't that great but I wasn't really in the mood to keep snapping away until I got a perfect shot!
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