Sunday, June 24, 2012
Well, this week wasn't perfect by far, but, I didn't gain any weight. Didn't lose any either but... I'll take a zero lb loss over a gain any day. I started out the week great. Started to taper off a bit on Thursday evening and definitely Friday. Friday was a lousy day... ended up having Burger King for dinner. Yesterday I just kind of ate what I wanted, but I don't think I went too far over my caloric limit, if even at all. Today was better. I had a few bites of things that weren't on plan but mostly stuck to it. I picked up more shakes and a few bars to help me through the next couple of days. We're getting low on groceries but will have money in the bank in a few days to go shopping.
I'm going to start going to the gym after work this week as well as on my lunch breaks. I realized I really need to up my exercise, 20 minutes a day is just not cutting it. Today I finally located my T-Tapp dvd, which I had found last weekend and then misplaced again and attempted to do the workout. Spencer woke from his nap after the first short segment and was screaming so I paused to go get him and realized that my knee was killing me. So, instead of pushing through I simply stopped. This was at about 2:30 pm, it's now almost 8 pm and my knee still hurts. I've got ice on it, hope it will be better by tomorrow. T-Tapp is tricky in terms of getting form just right to avoid hurting yourself...and I haven't done it in months. So I'll just take it slow and do a bit more each day until I can do the entire workout without pain.
Anyway, I'm going to plan my menu for the next few days. I realized that about mid-week I didn't stick as well to my plan due to running out of certain freggies and not being in the mood for the meals I'd selected at the beginning of the week, SO I'm only going to plan until Wednesday. Then on Wednesday I'll finish up the week. Hopefully that keeps me from straying so much at the end of the week.
I should get started on my menu. Night night, all!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
my good friend John just let me know that he's going to try to visit NH in August. He lives in Arkansas and I haven't seen him in about 4 years, so, I'm looking forward to his visit if he makes it up here. He's planning to do some camping in the area.
He and I were very close for a few years, I love him like a brother. Joe will not take the news of his prospective visit well, he's always been under the assumption that John was in love with me. I know that's not the case but my jealous husband cannot be convinced otherwise. However, I'm not going to pass up the chance to visit with John if I can, since it's been so long since I've seen him.
He's a good kid. 2 years younger than me, and he could use a bit more direction in his life, but, he's a sweet, intelligent guy. We actually met on a poetry forum and about a year later he surprised me completely by showing up at the restaurant I worked at (in PA, he drove from Arkansas) to give me a tattoo design we'd been talking about him drawing up for me. I was stunned but it was a wonderful visit, he brought a friend with him whom I'm also still in touch with. This grand gesture is the reason Joe insists that he had more intimate feelings for me, but I just know that's John's way. He's a traveler and he doesn't do anything by the rules. A few months after his visit I spent a week at his house in Arkansas and he visited again the following summer. But we both had to grow up sometime- I got together with Joe and life has a habit of getting away from us, doesn't it.
Anyway, we've been in and out of touch the past couple of years, but to me, he's still a constant part of my life. I know I can always count on him for advice or to listen when I need to vent. he is extremely even-tempered, and never judgmental. I wish my own brothers were more like him, to be honest. So, I'm very excited to see him, and I was really in need of some good today, so it is helping me get through this rough time.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
but am doing my best to stick to the diet. This blog contains a lot of personal details about my life, so read at your own risk and please don't judge too much.
Joe and I had a huge fight last night, again. I found out several things that really upset me and I really just... am on the verge of ending things. He has one more chance to make things right, and then I'm just leaving. I cannot keep babysitting him and being lied to at every turn. If it's not spending money we don't have, it's alcohol he shouldn't be drinking and now even pot he shouldn't be smoking. I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs and I really cannot tolerate it. The pot is a new development that I just can't accept. He lies constantly to me... how am I supposed to trust my husband when he never gives me reason to? He claimed this morning to not be smoking and then I found a bag of weed in his pants pocket which he claimed was "old." I'm at my wits end.
sigh. anyway...yesterday I did okay on the diet aside from having BK for dinner. Joe really wanted it and he was going to check himself into the hospital for rehab so I drove him there to get dinner first. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and gave Spencer most of my fries. I just had no appetite for something on-plan. The rest of the night I snacked on fruit.
I'm just feeling so dejected and heartbroken and alone. I have no one I can talk to about this, aside from maybe my sister.... who would probably tell me that leaving him is the best option because she's gone through it before with her first husband, who seems to be made from a similar mold as Joe... and I love my husband and I just wish he would realize he needs to change. He only ever talks about not drinking when he's drunk though...and then he gets into a rage when I try to get him to understand why his behavior is not okay for a married, thirty-three year old man with two children.
I'm trying to focus on myself and not let my emotions cause me to stray too far from my plan, but it's very difficult. I just want to drown in ice cream and doughnuts... but I will settle for strawberries and oranges.
I probably will not blog again for a while. I just need some time to focus on what's going on at home and to spend a little less time online. Spencer is being a brat so time for me to go.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
This site that ANGELWENDYMAMA mentioned in a status update is pretty neat. Upload a full-body shot, adjust the height and weight to your current stats, and slide the scale to how much weight you'd like to gain/lose. It alters the picture to give you an idea of what you'll look like at the new weight. Here's me after losing 41 lbs (for some reason, that's as high as it goes):
Simple Diet is going well today... been just about perfect, but didn't work out- TOO HOT! almost 100 degrees. I don't do well in the heat, so I took today off.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I've been having bathroom issues all afternoon- needing to GO constantly. I think my body is revolting against all the fruit and veggies I consumed in such a short time- I had a big garden salad for lunch, followed by 1 orange, a cup of grapes, and some celery. No protein mixed in. So, tonight I'm deviating, because I just can't handle another shake (I had one when I got home from work and it made me run to the bathroom) or an entree. I ate a plain hotdog (not the best choice, one on its own is 180 calories, but I've been craving them for days) and Joe is grilling me a chicken breast (no marinade, just a little seasoning). Then I'll probably be done for the evening. I just need to regulate my stomach a little. Has anyone else on the diet had this problem? I am used to peeing constantly because I drink a ton of water, but never usually go number 2 this much.
In other, less TMI related news, I wore jeans to work today and brought a gym outfit with me. My jeans have been falling down all day. I don't know if it's because they haven't gone through the washer in two wears, or they're just getting too big. I hardly ever wear them because I like to be able to go right to the gym without changing, so I wear yoga pants to work. However, I'm down to one pair of yoga pants that fit comfortably, so today I opted for jeans. It was also nice to have an outfit change because I jogged in the gym and got rather sweaty. The pants I wore during my workout kept falling down! It's tough to keep pants up and jog at the same time, lol.
Anyway, I'm going to the bathroom -again-.... hopefully tomorrow will be easier on my stomach!
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