Saturday, June 23, 2012
but am doing my best to stick to the diet. This blog contains a lot of personal details about my life, so read at your own risk and please don't judge too much.
Joe and I had a huge fight last night, again. I found out several things that really upset me and I really just... am on the verge of ending things. He has one more chance to make things right, and then I'm just leaving. I cannot keep babysitting him and being lied to at every turn. If it's not spending money we don't have, it's alcohol he shouldn't be drinking and now even pot he shouldn't be smoking. I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs and I really cannot tolerate it. The pot is a new development that I just can't accept. He lies constantly to me... how am I supposed to trust my husband when he never gives me reason to? He claimed this morning to not be smoking and then I found a bag of weed in his pants pocket which he claimed was "old." I'm at my wits end.
sigh. anyway...yesterday I did okay on the diet aside from having BK for dinner. Joe really wanted it and he was going to check himself into the hospital for rehab so I drove him there to get dinner first. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and gave Spencer most of my fries. I just had no appetite for something on-plan. The rest of the night I snacked on fruit.
I'm just feeling so dejected and heartbroken and alone. I have no one I can talk to about this, aside from maybe my sister.... who would probably tell me that leaving him is the best option because she's gone through it before with her first husband, who seems to be made from a similar mold as Joe... and I love my husband and I just wish he would realize he needs to change. He only ever talks about not drinking when he's drunk though...and then he gets into a rage when I try to get him to understand why his behavior is not okay for a married, thirty-three year old man with two children.
I'm trying to focus on myself and not let my emotions cause me to stray too far from my plan, but it's very difficult. I just want to drown in ice cream and doughnuts... but I will settle for strawberries and oranges.
I probably will not blog again for a while. I just need some time to focus on what's going on at home and to spend a little less time online. Spencer is being a brat so time for me to go.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
This site that ANGELWENDYMAMA mentioned in a status update is pretty neat. Upload a full-body shot, adjust the height and weight to your current stats, and slide the scale to how much weight you'd like to gain/lose. It alters the picture to give you an idea of what you'll look like at the new weight. Here's me after losing 41 lbs (for some reason, that's as high as it goes):
Simple Diet is going well today... been just about perfect, but didn't work out- TOO HOT! almost 100 degrees. I don't do well in the heat, so I took today off.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I've been having bathroom issues all afternoon- needing to GO constantly. I think my body is revolting against all the fruit and veggies I consumed in such a short time- I had a big garden salad for lunch, followed by 1 orange, a cup of grapes, and some celery. No protein mixed in. So, tonight I'm deviating, because I just can't handle another shake (I had one when I got home from work and it made me run to the bathroom) or an entree. I ate a plain hotdog (not the best choice, one on its own is 180 calories, but I've been craving them for days) and Joe is grilling me a chicken breast (no marinade, just a little seasoning). Then I'll probably be done for the evening. I just need to regulate my stomach a little. Has anyone else on the diet had this problem? I am used to peeing constantly because I drink a ton of water, but never usually go number 2 this much.
In other, less TMI related news, I wore jeans to work today and brought a gym outfit with me. My jeans have been falling down all day. I don't know if it's because they haven't gone through the washer in two wears, or they're just getting too big. I hardly ever wear them because I like to be able to go right to the gym without changing, so I wear yoga pants to work. However, I'm down to one pair of yoga pants that fit comfortably, so today I opted for jeans. It was also nice to have an outfit change because I jogged in the gym and got rather sweaty. The pants I wore during my workout kept falling down! It's tough to keep pants up and jog at the same time, lol.
Anyway, I'm going to the bathroom -again-.... hopefully tomorrow will be easier on my stomach!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
I'm tired. Spencer has roseola according to the doctor- we went yesterday. So, fevers and a light rash... he was up a lot last night again.
Instead of a shake I'm having a SmartOnes breakfast quesadilla topped with salsa. Yummy. Didn't pack my lunch last night, I was too tired, so I made it this morning, putting me behind schedule. I really don't care, either. Not in the mood for doing my hair and makeup today, and since I work with 2 year olds, it really doesn't matter.
I went for our 1 mile walk with my class (very slow going) yesterday and burnt around 140 calories according to the calculator in my LoseIt! app. Also did 4.67 miles on the bike at lunch (130 calories). So, pretty good. I didn't T-Tapp last night because I smashed my toes against the bookshelf and it was hurting to stand for quite some time after, so I'll start that routine today. Toes are much better now, lol.
Yesterday was not quite perfect; I had 5 cheez-its and licked some mac n' cheese off the spoon after I made it for the kids. I really need to stop with these mindless tastes of things! I mean, it's not like I don't know what mac n' cheese or crackers taste like! And I know that once I have that first nibble I'm so much more likely to keep eating. But, yesterday was much better than the weekend and Friday, so, if I can keep it up (which I can) I'm sure I'll see a loss next time I weigh in!
anyway, must get ready to hit the salt mines. happy Tuesday, all.
Monday, June 18, 2012
So, because I am recommitting to my plan today, I of course had to check the scale for my new starting weight. I thought that with all my unhealthy eating I'd surely be somewhere up near 195 or even higher. Well, I checked three or four times, moving the scale slightly each time (depending on where you place it on our floor, it weighs differently, so, I always try to get an average... it's that ghetto lol). And it said 190-191 each time.
This was before my shower, before having anything to eat, drink, etc. I'm going to check again after my hair is dry just to... compare. My hair is so thick and long that it probably weighs 10 lbs wet, lol.
So, I've logged my weight and am now using 190 as my beginning weight on the three progress charts I made last night: Weekly Summary Chart, Daily Progress Chart, and Daily Food Log. Basically, I copied the first two out of the book but used Word to make them, and made the third on my own. I have them all stashed in a clear folder right on the desk.
Spencer didn't sleep well last night, which means I didn't either. I'm so happy I made my lunch last night! Time to force myself to get ready for work... with happy thoughts in my head about losing the first 10 pounds, finally!
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