been out of sorts for a few days...

Saturday, June 23, 2012

but am doing my best to stick to the diet. This blog contains a lot of personal details about my life, so read at your own risk and please don't judge too much.

Joe and I had a huge fight last night, again. I found out several things that really upset me and I really just... am on the verge of ending things. He has one more chance to make things right, and then I'm just leaving. I cannot keep babysitting him and being lied to at every turn. If it's not spending money we don't have, it's alcohol he shouldn't be drinking and now even pot he shouldn't be smoking. I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs and I really cannot tolerate it. The pot is a new development that I just can't accept. He lies constantly to me... how am I supposed to trust my husband when he never gives me reason to? He claimed this morning to not be smoking and then I found a bag of weed in his pants pocket which he claimed was "old." I'm at my wits end.

sigh. anyway...yesterday I did okay on the diet aside from having BK for dinner. Joe really wanted it and he was going to check himself into the hospital for rehab so I drove him there to get dinner first. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and gave Spencer most of my fries. I just had no appetite for something on-plan. The rest of the night I snacked on fruit.

I'm just feeling so dejected and heartbroken and alone. I have no one I can talk to about this, aside from maybe my sister.... who would probably tell me that leaving him is the best option because she's gone through it before with her first husband, who seems to be made from a similar mold as Joe... and I love my husband and I just wish he would realize he needs to change. He only ever talks about not drinking when he's drunk though...and then he gets into a rage when I try to get him to understand why his behavior is not okay for a married, thirty-three year old man with two children.

I'm trying to focus on myself and not let my emotions cause me to stray too far from my plan, but it's very difficult. I just want to drown in ice cream and doughnuts... but I will settle for strawberries and oranges.

I probably will not blog again for a while. I just need some time to focus on what's going on at home and to spend a little less time online. Spencer is being a brat so time for me to go.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

23KAIYA 6/24/2012 7:00PM

Wishing you strength in your challenges. Report Inappropriate Comment

BAYBERRYBEAR 6/23/2012 4:57PM

Good luck, sweetie. If you need us, we're here for you!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

LOVE_IS_LOUDER 6/23/2012 1:09PM

While your husband might not be quite up to the challenge, your children are lucky to have such an amazing mother who wants to take care of them properly and protect them. If he can't or won't get the help he needs and change, you need to take care of your family first, which it sounds like you're prepared to do. Just take it one day at a time and remember that we're here for you. Report Inappropriate Comment

RAGAZZA_ 6/23/2012 11:02AM

I'm here if you ever just need a ear to listen and stuff. My brother is in a toxic relationship as well (although it's very different from yours because they both partake in bad situations while they have children, but toxic is toxic) so I'm here to listen and give as much of a virtual hug as I can! handle your personal life and do what you have to do, make yourself, your family, and your life better; we will be here when you get back :) Report Inappropriate Comment

weightmirror.com- really neat!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

This site that ANGELWENDYMAMA mentioned in a status update is pretty neat. Upload a full-body shot, adjust the height and weight to your current stats, and slide the scale to how much weight you'd like to gain/lose. It alters the picture to give you an idea of what you'll look like at the new weight. Here's me after losing 41 lbs (for some reason, that's as high as it goes):



Simple Diet is going well today... been just about perfect, but didn't work out- TOO HOT! almost 100 degrees. I don't do well in the heat, so I took today off.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

A_NEW_JAN 6/21/2012 3:31PM

Looks like fun! I don't have any pictures but I might have to get someone to snap one of me. Report Inappropriate Comment

ANGELWENDYMAMA 6/21/2012 3:41AM

Thanks for spreading the word and the credit, too. :) I think it's pretty awesome. You are going to look super hot! ;) Did you find a way to get ONE image of the before/after together or did you have to edit them together in a photo program after? Report Inappropriate Comment

BAYBERRYBEAR 6/21/2012 12:01AM

Thanks for the link! That'll be fun to try out! Great to hear that you're having a good day on TSD! I hear ya about not exercising outdoors today. It's hotter than Hades here, too! This entire week we've got a warning to not be outside for long periods of time. I can't handle the heat well, either! Have you checked out any of the videos on here for exercising indoors? I've looked through a few of them. If you find a couple you like, you at least could get some exercise in while indoors! How's your baby doing? Either of you getting any sleep yet? Report Inappropriate Comment

BLKLILY 6/20/2012 10:37PM

Thanks for the link :) Report Inappropriate Comment

FLKAIN 6/20/2012 10:14PM

I can't wait to try this out! Report Inappropriate Comment

LOVE_IS_LOUDER 6/20/2012 9:48PM

I feel your pain! It's 10pm and still 85 degrees in my house... I'm about to go workout. Thinking I'll keep it low-key with some pilates, even though what I really need is some major cardio to burn off all the ice cream I ate today. Report Inappropriate Comment

CAREN_BLUEJEANS 6/20/2012 9:47PM

That's great motivation! Thanks for the link Report Inappropriate Comment

TRIANGLE-WOMAN 6/20/2012 9:06PM

I've heard about this. Looks like a great source of motivation. Need to try it! Thanks! Report Inappropriate Comment

SWANATOPIA 6/20/2012 9:00PM

I'm going to check that site out! Report Inappropriate Comment

more meh. tummy issues, and meat cravings.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I've been having bathroom issues all afternoon- needing to GO constantly. I think my body is revolting against all the fruit and veggies I consumed in such a short time- I had a big garden salad for lunch, followed by 1 orange, a cup of grapes, and some celery. No protein mixed in. So, tonight I'm deviating, because I just can't handle another shake (I had one when I got home from work and it made me run to the bathroom) or an entree. I ate a plain hotdog (not the best choice, one on its own is 180 calories, but I've been craving them for days) and Joe is grilling me a chicken breast (no marinade, just a little seasoning). Then I'll probably be done for the evening. I just need to regulate my stomach a little. Has anyone else on the diet had this problem? I am used to peeing constantly because I drink a ton of water, but never usually go number 2 this much.

In other, less TMI related news, I wore jeans to work today and brought a gym outfit with me. My jeans have been falling down all day. I don't know if it's because they haven't gone through the washer in two wears, or they're just getting too big. I hardly ever wear them because I like to be able to go right to the gym without changing, so I wear yoga pants to work. However, I'm down to one pair of yoga pants that fit comfortably, so today I opted for jeans. It was also nice to have an outfit change because I jogged in the gym and got rather sweaty. The pants I wore during my workout kept falling down! It's tough to keep pants up and jog at the same time, lol.

Anyway, I'm going to the bathroom -again-.... hopefully tomorrow will be easier on my stomach!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NDHUNTRESS 6/20/2012 10:30PM

It is quite normal to have intestinal issues when changing your eating. It should ease up after a week or so. As for the jeans falling off....great job Report Inappropriate Comment

FLKAIN 6/20/2012 12:48PM

My digestive complaint is GAS!!! Anytime, anywhere ..... Report Inappropriate Comment

BLKLILY 6/20/2012 9:23AM

Hey, I'll take that bowel movement from you and ASAP. Funny, your flowing and I'm constipated. I've added more fruits but slowly and have not been releasing nearly as much as you have. I know it sounds gross but I'm actually jealous of your bowels right now...lol Give yourself a laugh and oh, congrats on loose jeans. The way your bowels are going, I bet you've lost another 2 or so pounds. Report Inappropriate Comment

BAYBERRYBEAR 6/19/2012 11:34PM

I haven't had the bathroom issue you're having. I think it might be too much fruit. Just my opinion, though. I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv. lol Congrats on your pants being so loose! Start saving up for that new wardrobe you'll be needing soon!! Report Inappropriate Comment

MRSVK11 6/19/2012 6:47PM

I quite often a lean cut of meat (chicken or lamb usually) and a salad or veggies and dip for my dinner. It doesn't seem to have any ill effects on my weight loss and it's a socially acceptable meal to have with other people. Watch out for grapes they'll send ya running...lol hope your tummy settles soon and way to go on the lose pants. Report Inappropriate Comment

NFSISTER 6/19/2012 5:51PM

Yes, adding too many fruits and veggies too fast will mess with your system. Add slowly. I remember eating like 5 oranges in one day when I was younger - not a good idea. Also, make sure the fruits and veggies are washed. I work with 2 year-olds too. Report Inappropriate Comment

Tuesday.... meh.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I'm tired. Spencer has roseola according to the doctor- we went yesterday. So, fevers and a light rash... he was up a lot last night again.

Instead of a shake I'm having a SmartOnes breakfast quesadilla topped with salsa. Yummy. Didn't pack my lunch last night, I was too tired, so I made it this morning, putting me behind schedule. I really don't care, either. Not in the mood for doing my hair and makeup today, and since I work with 2 year olds, it really doesn't matter.

I went for our 1 mile walk with my class (very slow going) yesterday and burnt around 140 calories according to the calculator in my LoseIt! app. Also did 4.67 miles on the bike at lunch (130 calories). So, pretty good. I didn't T-Tapp last night because I smashed my toes against the bookshelf and it was hurting to stand for quite some time after, so I'll start that routine today. Toes are much better now, lol.

Yesterday was not quite perfect; I had 5 cheez-its and licked some mac n' cheese off the spoon after I made it for the kids. I really need to stop with these mindless tastes of things! I mean, it's not like I don't know what mac n' cheese or crackers taste like! And I know that once I have that first nibble I'm so much more likely to keep eating. But, yesterday was much better than the weekend and Friday, so, if I can keep it up (which I can) I'm sure I'll see a loss next time I weigh in!

anyway, must get ready to hit the salt mines. happy Tuesday, all.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NDHUNTRESS 6/20/2012 10:19PM

Realizing what you are doing is half the battle. You are doing great. Report Inappropriate Comment

50POUNDST0LOSE 6/19/2012 10:02AM

my problem is the mindless tastings too! Which, like you say leads to more snacking and before I know it....I have eating 300-400 calories that I never even planned or thought of...Good for you that you are noticing it...I think that's half the battle. Good luck with the baby....I hope he gets well very, very soon! Report Inappropriate Comment

BIGDOG18 6/19/2012 6:19AM

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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 6/19/2012 6:15AM

Happy Tuesday to you also. Cheers for making time to pack your own lunch! Little things like that help create a healthy lifestyle.... -M Report Inappropriate Comment

Oh hey, 190. Where'd you come from?

Monday, June 18, 2012

So, because I am recommitting to my plan today, I of course had to check the scale for my new starting weight. I thought that with all my unhealthy eating I'd surely be somewhere up near 195 or even higher. Well, I checked three or four times, moving the scale slightly each time (depending on where you place it on our floor, it weighs differently, so, I always try to get an average... it's that ghetto lol). And it said 190-191 each time.

This was before my shower, before having anything to eat, drink, etc. I'm going to check again after my hair is dry just to... compare. My hair is so thick and long that it probably weighs 10 lbs wet, lol.

So, I've logged my weight and am now using 190 as my beginning weight on the three progress charts I made last night: Weekly Summary Chart, Daily Progress Chart, and Daily Food Log. Basically, I copied the first two out of the book but used Word to make them, and made the third on my own. I have them all stashed in a clear folder right on the desk.

Spencer didn't sleep well last night, which means I didn't either. I'm so happy I made my lunch last night! Time to force myself to get ready for work... with happy thoughts in my head about losing the first 10 pounds, finally!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

50POUNDST0LOSE 6/18/2012 11:00PM

congrats! I always dry my hair too before weighing myself! every little bit counts! Report Inappropriate Comment

FLKAIN 6/18/2012 10:20PM

Congrats on the weigth loss. Report Inappropriate Comment

BAYBERRYBEAR 6/18/2012 9:04PM

What a great Monday morning surprise!! Especially after not getting enough sleep! Report Inappropriate Comment

BLKLILY 6/18/2012 5:05PM

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23KAIYA 6/18/2012 3:09PM

Way to go on the surprise weight loss, that's great! Report Inappropriate Comment

MRSVK11 6/18/2012 12:09PM

Don't you just love those surprise weight losses? Report Inappropriate Comment

STRONGWILDFREE 6/18/2012 9:16AM

My scale does that too! And I was too cheap to buy the electronic ones (they were about $20 more, why why?) so it has the dial that wavers around depending on which way I lean lol. Congrats on your loss, it's always exciting to weigh less than we thought! Report Inappropriate Comment

PIZZAHOLIC33 6/18/2012 9:13AM

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CLHENDY1 6/18/2012 7:50AM

Congrats on the loss! That's awesome! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSUSRIVERRAT 6/18/2012 7:49AM

Great job! Well, apparently you don't have to be perfect on the SD. I have heard that from others on the plan! Have a wonderful week...best of luck with your challenges. We are rooting for you! Report Inappropriate Comment

TRIANGLE-WOMAN 6/18/2012 5:52AM

Cheers to new commitments. I'm on a 14 day quest to gain some momentum with some tweaks to my plan also. .·*¨) ✫ ¸.·*¨) Thanks for sharing! (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.✫ ¸.·*¨) ✫ ¸.·*¨)✫ Spread the Spark.... (¸.·´ .·´ (¸.·´¸¸.·¨¯`·.✫ Report Inappropriate Comment