Monday, November 07, 2011
Money kept me from the gym. It was so frustrating, but when you don't have enough money to drive TO the gym, chances are it's not cost effective to have a gym membership.
I also discovered Roller Derby. For the past 8 months it has been my obsession. I went to my first bout for a friend's birthday, fell in love. I started volunteering, I started NSOing, and in September I joined my team's fresh meat.
I've also been insanely frustrated because I was skating 3 times a week and eating fairly well, but I had no weight loss. In two months! I definitely need to schedule an appointment with a doctor, there's no way around that. Something in my body is preventing 5.5+ hours of sweating and skating and endurance work (per week) from reducing fat from my body. I could use the line, "But you're building muscle," as a reason, but I don't buy it. Yes, I am building muscle, but I have so much weight on me that there's no reason for it to not show ANY loss.
That said, I've been on an injury for the past 4 weeks (doctor this week!!) with a stress fracture in my foot. I have been frustrated. I mean, I'm perfectly capable of sitting on my butt and being lazy if it's MY choice... I just hate that it's mandated. I can't seem to sit still. It's not healed, I know this from the pain I felt after my team's WFTDA bout this past weekend. (It was a helluva battle and I was jumping and screaming all night!) I can't afford another four weeks off my feet so I'll be going back to practice (I hope) on Sunday.
And then comes the fact that I was behind when I got hurt. I am really worried about the muscle building and memory that's going to have to take place from now until I am back to where I was. Time to start wearing my skates in the house again and getting my ankles used to the weight again.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
So, I guess of all the advice I got, I'm going with my BFF's! I made a list of some goals I am going to work on (these are 1 month goals):
1. Lose 10 pounds over the next month. That's 2.5 pounds a week and I think very reasonable.
2. Clean and remodel (it's a rental, so it means reorganize) the basement. My hubby's taking a couple of days off to help me with this.
3. Track my calories closely again.
4. Walk 1 mile on the track (or road) with no pain and without stopping.
5. Finish all my backed up laundry, folded, and put away.
6. Clean and organize my living room, bedroom, and kitchen (again).
7. A more strict workout schedule that includes strength training EVERY DAY. Working on Core: Mon, Wed, Fri. Upper Body: Tue and Sat. Lower Body: Sun and Thurs.
I'm hoping that doing these things will help me find my motivation. The only reward I've allotted is a beer and some pizza with my husband at one of our favorite joints after finishing the basement.
Monday, July 19, 2010
You might have noticed my absence. Or you might not... whatever... but I've not really been around in a while. Mostly that's because I've lost my spark.
It all started like this: I thought I had a really good weight loss streak going and then I discovered that my scale was WAY. WRONG. My bestest BFF bought me a new scale and THANK GOD she did. But I've only lost between 7 and 11 pounds depending on the day.
I also started swimming. A. LOT. I mean, like laps, back and forth... completing anywhere from 24 to 40 laps (3/4 mile to 2K) 4-5 times a week. I've lost NOTHING by doing this. I have gained muscle and I know I should be excited by that, but honestly, I'm not. At. All. Because, frankly, while I love being able to feel all the sinewy texture in my muscles on my arm and shoulders... I hate the waving glob of fat that still hangs there.
So, when I realized that I was not losing weight, I decided, "Hey, I'll start walking and running again and doing a few videos." Except that I don't really have time to do all that, and when I make time to do all that, I realize that my body isn't really capable of doing some of the stuff that I think it should do and want it to do. So again, I'm frustrated!
All this frustration has started to seep into my eating. I still eat really healthy food and I still track (sometimes), but I go over, and I allow myself to eat more than I normally would (or need to), and I've been allowing treats more often than are really necessary... and eating them just to eat them (thoughtless eating) and not just eating minute portions of them to satiate cravings.
So, here's what I don't want to know. I don't want to know how to get back on track, because I KNOW what I need to do. I don't want to hear how I should track more diligently or which exercises I need to do to burn more calories....
What I WANT to know is: How do I get that Spark back? How do I feel motivated again? How do I gain the desire to do what I need to do?
Thursday, July 08, 2010
****This is taken DIRECTLY from my personal blog at http://unfilteredinsanity.com****
I’ve been saying for a little while that I am going to write a post about children and eating disorders. This is something that I have a real passion about. As someone who was told from the age of 6 or 7 as long as I can remember that I was fat and that I needed to lose weight and put on diets by my mom and grandmother… As someone who has suffered the eating disorder of being an over eater… I really have a passion for it.
I hate to go out to eat alone. I feel self conscious if I buy something even remotely “bad for you” in the checkout line. I often feel like “normal” people are looking at me saying “Man! Can’t she wait to eat?” Or “Ew, she just has NO. SELF. CONTROL.” Ummm… I do have self-control. Quite a bit of it actually. I can honestly go all day (or sometimes more) without eating at all. I only crave really unhealthy things when TOM comes to visit. I do have a problem with portion control, but it is under much better control now. I did live a very sedentary lifestyle up until a couple of months ago, but seems to be resolving itself quite well. I know exactly how I got to where I am today.
I hid food. Mostly candy, things that were easily stored and small that I could keep in my nightstand. Even as an adult. I didn’t binge on these things, exactly, and TRUST ME! I NEVER. THREW THEM UP! I remember, about six or eight months ago. Before Mom got sick, before the YEAR OF SUCKAGE began, I made cookies. I was on my way up to my bedroom for a nap and I took some with me. In a napkin. In my pocket. I told myself at the time that I was hiding them from the kids. I didn’t want them to see me with them because then they would want some and I didn’t want them to eat that kind of food right then, they’d already had enough. That’s what I told myself. Except, I wasn’t only hiding them from the kids. I hid them from Seth too. What? Why? I’m a grown-ass woman and if I feel like eating some damn cookies then I’m going to eat some damn cookies and NO ONE should have anything to say about it, right?
Well, that thought process works great in theory! Take responsibility for your food choices! How simple!
How SO. NOT. SIMPLE. for me.
So, in January I decided to change how I look at food. I decided that I was going to eat natural items. Whole grains, loads of fruits and veggies, get rid of refined flours in my house, no more processed sh1t.
THEN. The SUCKAGE began! Mom got sick. I spent all my time dividing my attention between taking care of Mom and taking care of Seth and the kids. I was the first person I neglected. I ate fast food probably daily. I rarely cooked at home. Frozen pizzas, chicken nuggets, fries, burgers: processed sh1t! Really, it was all I could do to make it out of bed in the morning. I honestly remember very little about those 6(ish) weeks. Then for a month and a half after Mom died, I really didn’t change anything. We ate out less, but still more than we should have.
All that’s changed now. As you can see from other posts these past few weeks, I really care about my body and about eating healthy, and I’ve made myself SO. AWARE. of the food language I use in my household with my children and the image I choose to portray to them.
So tonight, I was in the grocery store getting some essentials. Bread, milk, cereal, bananas, plums…. ya know… real food. I’m kinda lackadaisically perusing the aisles (I almost spelled it: isles… Freudian slip much???). And I hear this kid behind me going, “But MOM! I really like this kind of chocolate!” To which she replied, “No, you know you’re on a diet.” To which he replied, “Nope, I’m off it.” To which her reply sounded a lot like, “The Hell you are.” It took. EVERY. FIBER. of my being not to turn around and say: “Do you want your kid to be obese for the rest of his life? No? Then stop telling him he needs to change and just make the damn changes! He’s eight (or nine, or ten or however old he is) for crying out loud!” And let me just point out, this kid was husky, not fat. All he probably needs is a sport to get into and a few basic food changes in the house.
Our children depend on US for their nutrition. From the day they are born until the day they cook for themselves, we are 100% responsible for what goes into our child’s bodies. They learn how to eat by watching us. They learn about food choices by what we tell them. When they go off to school, whatever you taught them in the house is what they take with them. It’s how they make their choices.
You teach them the difference of right and wrong. You teach them to respect other people and their things. You teach them that drugs are bad for them. So if you teach them all that, why not this? This is just ONE. MORE. THING. you have to teach them! It takes planning and concentration and sacrifices (time, energy, not keeping junk food in the house) on your part. You can’t give them french fries and pizza and chicken nuggets and hope for the best!
Here’s my point: telling a young child that they need to be on a diet and emphasizing his/her weight problem will only cause that child to feel they are not acceptable in their parents’ eyes. And I get it. Any parent who has a child at an unhealthy weight just wants their kids to be healthy. They don’t realize the damage they are causing. They don’t understand what the “diet language” does to kids.
If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you’ll know that a few weeks ago we had an incident where my daughter was convinced that she’s fat! The kid is NOT. FAT. We basically figured out that she lied when she said her grandma said it, but, obviously, Sophie and I had to have a little (basic, five year old language) chat about body image, healthy eating habits, and healthy exercise habits.
Do I worry about her becoming overweight? OH YEAH I DO! I have always been overweight. Her dad is overweight. Her grandmothers are overweight. My sister is overweight. My mom was overweight before she got sick. My maternal grandmother was overweight. Obesity runs in our family like cancer!
If weight ever becomes an issue for our kids, we would explain that we had failed them somewhere along the way and we’re going to focus on getting them to a healthier place in their lives and we’re going to start eating better as a family and that we’re all going to exercise more as a family. And then we’d DO it.
Honestly, though, (and I don’t mean to sound arrogant or bitchy or anything) I don’t think I will have to deal with it. We talk a lot about the nutrition of foods. We keep very little junk in the house. Do I let them eat candy and cookies and ice cream? Heck yeah! Do they COMPLETELY understand that they are treats and not something that she should eat very often? Sophie does and we’re trying to teach it to Annabelle in a 2 year old understanding. We also go out and play as often as weather allows (which reminds me…. it’s time to fill up the pool!). We’re on the right path and I can only thank God that I came to be more aware of my own body in time for me to pass this on to our kids at an early age for their sakes!
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