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LISAMARIEMARY's Recent Blog Entries

Gorilla, Don't Take Me Down Now

Sunday, July 10, 2011

[Scene: I am bipolar, leaning very heavily on the depressed side. I have struggled with depression all my life, even as a little girl. Though my meds are regulated, I know that this thing (depression) is a part of my life and always will be. And I like to call the thing GORILLA. It's 'out there' waiting, hovering, checking for weaknesses....

Though this paints a rather grim picture, I am so grateful for the treatments available nowadays, as just a generation or so ago, I would have been living in some kind of hospital environment for probably my whole life. That is, if I were lucky enough not to walk downtown streets talking to myself in plate glass windows, because the hospital released me with nowhere to go and not enough help getting there, yet again. Oh sorry, tangent.

Anyway, I just try to remember what my grandmother always told me. Years ago, I used to complain that I had to take medicine every day for the rest of my life. And my grandmother would tell me, "Lisa, you need to be grateful that there *is* medicine you can take that lets you lead a normal life." She was so smart. And a million other wonderful, awesome adjectives, too. Man, I loved her. So now you get the picture. /Scene]

Being back at SparkPeople these last few weeks has helped to pull me out of a month-long depression that was pretty danged intense. Worse than I have had in a long time. And I just realized Friday when talking to my mom - that SP is the reason I came out of it.

Silly me - I thought it had just ended....or that I'd conquered the gorilla myself ....or whatever.

And then I realized it fading coincided with my getting back active here. Duh. Hello - duh. Lisa - you're so daft, sometimes, I swear! emoticon

And so, anyway, I had quite the argument with someone close to me yesterday. *shiver* was it ever bad.

And I feel myself falling back in the hole with the gorilla. Or I feel like the gorilla body-slammed me and I'm just having trouble getting up. Like, a *lot* of trouble.

But there is this part of me that is screaming, no! No! No! Things were just picking up! We just got OUT of that hole! Not again!!!!!

So I've been on SP, a lot last night and now again today - holding onto it like an anti-gorilla life preserver!

I know I'm still upset and I'm not going to just shove it down and ignore it or whatever. So that's that - I gotta feel it.

But I also know there are things I can do to stay out of that blankety-blank hole and keep the gorilla outside the windows! And one of them is being here!!!!!

So here I am.

I'm bummed. Things are kinda rotten. But I'm here - hangin' on and lettin' ya'll know what's up.

I'm fully aware that the gorilla will continue to win in my life - that is just the deck of cards I'm dealing with. But that sonofagun is not gettin' me again this soon!

And that's that!

emoticon's comin', just hang on! emoticon and so can I!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Thank you so much, Kristin! Big {{{{HUGS}}}} to you! emoticon

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    Rock on and bring in the sun! I have depression and wow do I know how it feels to be knocked down and feel like you can't get up. You are beating this and slowly but surely you will do this and I hope this sun continues, but even when it doesn't girl search for the sun because living in the light is wonderful and we deserve wonderful don't we?

Take good care of you!

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Takin' It Easy With The July Jubilee

Friday, July 01, 2011

I've learned a lesson or two this week in my 'getting healthy' adventure. I suppose you could call it ONE lesson - KEEP IT SIMPLE.

Stick to the plan. Don't overcomplicate things. Don't take on too many different ways of doing things.

Ok, so here's the deal. I had started walking - as I could. And only about a mile. See, I've got this bad foot that I have to be careful with. It broke and never properly healed and if I push it ---well, it pushes me right back! When I went walking on Wed., I decided to try to pick up a couple geocaches along the way. Then, on the way home, I realized I'd probably gone OVER my mile. So I thought, well, let's push it some MORE over the mile and take a roundabout way home. I couldn't wait to get home and map it out. It turned out to be almost two miles.

And I've been in pain ever since. Dumb move.

The other thing is that I live in a very hilly town - we are at the foot of the Appalachians. I call it my "Little San Fran". So my 'one mile' walk is carefully choreographed to avoid hills as much as possible.

So the way to go is - minimal hills, one mile. Every couple or few days. That is the plan. Pushing myself to walk more and farther and better and faster and do backflips while I'm at it - is just not a good idea.


The other goof up was that I tried to incorporate another person's eating plan into my own. She is doing low carb. And I had actually noticed my craving meat since getting back 'in the game' here at SP. That does happen when I get back into it and it always surprises me, because, I'm really not much of a meat eater. So I notice these cravings and I keep hearing what she's doing and I think I'll try some of her way for myself.

So my lunch yesterday was all meat and cheese. WAY too much sodium and um, hello? I know better! I know all that high sodium (crap) meat is horrible for my migraines! And yep, it made me feel awful. We haven't gone shopping yet, so I didn't have a lot of meats from which to choose. So it was a hot dog and canned ham. Uck! I mean, it was good but the salt went through the danged roof!

More importantly, is the keepin' it simple. When I used to do Marilu Henner's program, I really loved the food combining. And I had thought, pretty soon I'll start trying to do that, too. Geez Lisa - how complicated can you make this? LOL!


So then last night, I felt off track, out of kilter ...and even kinda felt Off-SP again...weird... So quickly I can feel 'off the plan', 'out of the loop', etc I don't think I even tracked my dinner. And I know I went over in calories and gosh knows what else.

Then yesterday my paperback version of The Spark arrives, and the new "Strong Start Guide" I just read this morning just reinforced all this.

Relax, take it easy, don't take everything on all at once, slow down - and most importantly....


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNEBUG1944 7/1/2011 1:41PM

    Yup, you're right...Keep it simple, Sweetheart! We get so tempted to overdo and then we do suffer. Do what you know is right for you! Glad to see you in the JULY JUBILEE CHALLENGE! You can do this! Louise

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Love, love, love the fruit/veggie quick tracker!

Friday, January 07, 2011

I'm such a goofball, but, that little thing just made my day! I love it!!! Got six servings in! Woohoo!

Thank you so much, SparkPeople! You guys ROCK!!!!


Mama Got Fat Again

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Oh lordy lordy - I turned 40 - and I got fat!

Ok, ok, I never really got skinny, but, my weight went back up. I've been working on it for about three weeks, but not logging anything here at Sparkpeople. I've been doing some of Marilu's Ten Steps and a few other healthy habits.

I might be ready to start logging my food here, though it could get tricky since I am on a month long 'vacation' at my mom's house. Things can get kinda crazy with all the goings on with the extended family, you know?

I am working hard to make healthier choices, no matter what we do, though.

Like my brother and I took all the kids to 7-11 for slurpees and he wanted ice cream....which sounded pretty good to me, too. So I opted for a Push-Up which was only 70 calories. Little things like that, where I am making better choices, but, still allowing myself some fun and treats, you know?

I do miss logging in here every day! Will try to do more of that, for sure!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISAMARIEMARY 6/23/2010 9:42PM

    Thank you, June Bug!! emoticon

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JUNEBUG1944 6/14/2010 9:45PM

    Oh did we miss your birthday? Well, Happy belated! I've missed you and am glad you're back. Better choices do help a lot.

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LISAMARIEMARY 6/14/2010 3:47PM

    Thank you very much! And good luck to you, too!! emoticon

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TWOSTERMN 6/11/2010 5:25PM

    Happy Birthday and good luck on the way to your goal. I'm just starting the Waist Management program and am feeling very motivated.

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LISAMARIEMARY 6/11/2010 11:14AM

    Thank you!! emoticon

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KEAUXALLA 6/10/2010 9:41PM

    Good choice! The small ones add up! emoticon

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My kids

Thursday, January 28, 2010

"Oh Sparkpeople? Is that the fat people site?" emoticon


Crazy kids!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LISAMARIEMARY 1/29/2010 11:52AM

    There ya go! emoticon

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MCMPOOH43 1/29/2010 11:40AM

    Nah, it's the healthy living with some former fat people site! emoticon

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LISAMARIEMARY 1/29/2010 7:09AM

    I was laughing my butt off and then I said, "Oh ya'll - that's gettin' blogged!"

They've gotten tired of my blogging things they say and do - been doing it so long - but, I KNEW there was NO way they were getting out of this one being blogged!!! the little creeps!!

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ACHRISTIANGIRL 1/28/2010 11:24PM

    laugh and keep moving

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JUNEBUG1944 1/28/2010 6:32PM

    Oh my...did you tell them it's for healthy living?

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