LINDAK25   80,437
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Learning to Trust Myself

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Over the years I've been on many diets. What did I learn? All the things everyone else knows about diets, too. I also learned not to trust myself. I learned to tell myself that I can't. It didn't matter what it was, my answer was always the same. I can't. I can't lose weight. I can't exercise. I don't have to tell myself this, I just know I can't.

Ten weeks ago today I decided I can't. No, I mean I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I don't want to be the person who can't lose weight. I don't want to be the person who can't exercise. I don't want to be the person who seldom leaves the house. I don't want to be the person who can't believe in herself anymore, who can't trust herself.

Every week I worry that no matter how hard I work at eating right and exercising that it won't work. I tell myself if I can't trust myself, then I can trust SparkPeople. It works for other people, it can work for me.

Now I need to work at something else. Set a new goal: learning to trust myself.

I think that somehow, I need to get it through my thick skull that every step I take, every mindful choice I make is part of rebuilding that trust in myself. I'm strong. I know I am. In my life I've done things I never thought I could. I've faced those things and handled them well. Of course, I felt, at the time, that I had to face those things because it was the only way forward. This is the same thing, isn't it? I'm committing to a healthy lifestyle. That's not a frightening prospect, that's a joyous, momentous decision!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HANAHSCLOUDY 8/1/2012 10:51AM

    Aww, what a wonderful read for me this morning. emoticon To just keep going in spite of myself.

You are a constant joy, and a wonderful giving person. Thank you sooooooo much for taking the time thinking about my blogs. And all the heart felt sentiments and encouragement you have given me!!

I feel like your sitting here enjoying a cup of coffee when I read your responses!


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DESERTJULZ 7/20/2012 11:23PM

    Linda, I trust you. You will make the right choices. I know this. You will succeed. I know this too!


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MIDORI_SPARK 7/20/2012 4:57PM

    This is a great new goal, and I hope that you will achieve it soon! We all trust that you can do this :)

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MIDNIGHTER1 7/19/2012 9:45AM

    I just woke up one day and decided I was tired of being fat. I decided I did not want to do like other I saw,lose weight and then go back to bad habits and put it back on and more. I heard two voices ,one that said I could do it ,the other said I could not.
I decided to listen to the first one. Your mind will tell you many things like,it's too hard,I'll start tomorrow or you can't do it. Meanwhile your desire will tell you that you can. You have to fight and believe.Good for you.

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SUNSHINE192DAY 7/18/2012 8:50PM

    Very proud of you! I'm in the same boat right now and I'm so glad to have someone else voice what I've been feeling! Thank you sooo much for that!

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SNOOPY-ACE 7/18/2012 8:49PM

    The right mine will help do your I CANS! You can do it .

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Much harder to use Spark when my internet

Monday, July 16, 2012

connection keeps going down! And then a couple of hours ago I tried to open my SparkPage and was told it wasn't available, to try again later! Arrrgh! I'm hoping the cable company is updating their equipment and it's not some kind of problem on my line. I do need to call, this has been going on for almost a week now. They have one of those phone system menus that's so annoying that by the time you speak to an actual person you're either really agitated or you've forgotten why you called! Maybe they do that on purpose?

I'm not sure it would be as annoying if I had slept more than 4 hours last night. I was doing so well. My sleeping 7 hours or more a night streak was at 7 days in a row! I can't believe that I used to sleep 4 or 5 hours a night at least five nights a week. Now I know why I couldn't function well. It took me over an hour to fix breakfast this morning. Well, really it was more like lunch by the time I was done. It would have been even later if my husband hadn't helped me. Yikes! It's really good that this is a rest day.

Other than the above, I'm doing really well. Especially now that the temperature has dropped 10 degrees. Now I can exercise more. In fact, I need to start using heavier weights for my ST. Yeah!

Since I started SparkPeople I've been walking on the treadmill five to seven times a week. I have never included the 5 minute warm up and the 5 minute cool down in my walking time. I think I should but I don't know how. Do I say that I walked 3 mph for 30 minutes and then estimate the average mph for those 10 minutes or do I say I walked 40 minutes at 3mph? I put in the time, so shouldn't it count?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HONEYPOT319 7/17/2012 7:24AM

    You should count it all! Way to go lady! :)

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MIDORI_SPARK 7/17/2012 5:15AM

    That sounds so frustrating! I hate when I have problems with my internet connection. And not sleeping, that's a tough one too. I hope it gets better for you soon.

I'm glad to hear there is good news, too though! Maybe cooler temperature = more exercise = easier sleep? I'm hoping so, anyway :)

Sorry, I'm not sure about the treadmill logging question.

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Have You Tried Socca--It's a crepe made with chickpea flour

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I had intended to write a blog about tweaking my calories/exercise. I now know that if I eat the mid-range calorie value that SP suggests and walk 30 minutes at 3 mph with 35 minutes of ST six times a week I will gain a pound. Good to know.

But then my back started to hurt. It's been bothering me a little on and off and I could write about that. I have a chronic back problem. I'm mindful of the type of exercise I do. For the last five days it's been progressive more painful. So today I took a rest day. My planned rest day is Monday. I didn't plan on two rest days this week. The thing is, if I don't watch I'll be in constant pain. So I'm sitting here with my TENS and a heating pad. My husband does a pretty nice massage, too.

Who cares about that stuff anyway?

Have you ever tried Socca (su-chi-a)? It's a crepe made with gram flour (chickpea flour, besan), water, olive oil and salt.

There are 17-18 recipes right here at SP.

or you can try:

I like this one because the author, fingerstix, suggests that you make the batter and set it aside for an hour before using it. Some recipes suggest 30 minutes. It does help to eliminate any lumps.

David Lebovitz has a great description of socca. He calls it street food. This article makes me want to go to Provence! Plus, I know someone with a wood burning brick oven. Of course, they live in New Jersey and I live in North Carolina.

I think my favorite recipe is at:

Nicoise Socca (nee-swazh or nee-suaz su-chi-a)

They describe socca as ". . . something between a sturdy crepe and a soft flatbread. The chickpea flour gives it a tender, almost custardlike texture." Oh, yum. Their recipe adds nicoise olives, roasted red peppers, and anchovy fillets. What's not to like? I saw this recipe a while ago. My husband had gotten some tapenade for his book club meeting and had some left over. I'm thinking that I could either put the tapenade in or on the socca. Now don't get me wrong, you can make socca without any other additions except for salt and pepper, but adding anything salty tastes pretty good. I have to watch my sodium intake, so I can add my favorite spices and herbs instead of the salty stuff. And don't forget to grind some fresh pepper over it when you serve it hot from the oven!

While this is considered low carb, it certainly has enough fat and sodium. Especially when you serve it with additional oil and salt for dipping!

If you've never used gram flour you can find it at many grocery stores now. I buy it at my Asian market because I can get a bigger bag that costs less. Besides, my Asian market has a great selection of whole spices, including my favorite cumin seeds, which I'm planning on putting in my socca!

I like to use gram flour to dredge vegetables, fish and chicken. Instead of using seasoned wheat flour I use seasoned gram flour, although I have found that if I add 1 tablespoon of bread crumbs it sticks to the food better. You must add some salt to the seasoned gram flour, otherwise it's too bland. I wonder if you grind up gluten free bread really fine, would it work just as well as the bread crumbs? So, I dredge my food of choice, spray some oil on it and bake it or dredge the food and sautť it in a nonstick pan with a little olive oil until golden. The seasoned gram flour tastes so much better than seasoned flour to me.

Seasoned flour: For every 1 to 1 1/2 cups of gram flour add:

2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried oregano or basil
salt and pepper (enough so you can taste the salt and see the pepper)
1 tablespoon bread crumbs (I use Progresso Italian Bread Crumbs)
for some recipes I add Hungarian paprika for color
occasionally I'll reduce the salt and add grated Parmesan cheese

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FARRAH511 7/12/2012 4:47PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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Funny Thing Happened Yesterday

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Well, I never saw myself as some head-turning babe but, . . .

My husband and I went out to Panera Bread for lunch yesterday. (I do get out of the house, sometimes.) As we were finishing up, the restaurant really emptied out and I was sitting at our table while my husband was across the restaurant getting milk and sweetener in his iced coffee. There was just one other couple there.

I look up and thereís this little old dude, (my age) with long hair in a ponytail, glancing over at me. Heís waiting for his wife to refill her soft drink. She turns around at the same time I look up. The wife looks at her husband then looks at me. If looks could kill, I would have been fried on the spot. It was all I could do to keep a straight face as they walked out of the restaurant. Me. She saw me as a threat.

Me. At 56 years old, 5í3Ē and 218 pounds, Iím no cute young thing. She was jealous of me. Now I've never seen the point of jealousy and I donít really get it. Obviously, she has trust issues with her husband. But I have to say, that cardio and strength training are really making a difference. My body is more toned and in better shape. Somehow, miraculously, my hair wasn't frizzy, I say miraculously, because with the dew point over 70 degrees it really is a miracle. (Thank you Avon!)

Itís her reaction that really made my day! When my husband came back to the table I told him what had happened. He said: ďWell, you really do look good. He was checking you out!Ē Ah, isn't he a keeper?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMSOOZEEQ 7/9/2012 3:02PM


That is a great story. I am also glad to hear that you were out for some fun.


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LAURALITE 7/8/2012 5:10PM

    Great story! And what's best is that you're owning it! Woo hoo!

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HONEYPOT319 7/8/2012 12:45PM

    lol. Good for you, you sexy thing! :)

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KATYDID412 7/8/2012 11:23AM

    Good for you

! emoticon

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DESERTJULZ 7/8/2012 10:16AM

    I *love* that story, Linda! That is fantastic!

And yes, your hubby definitely sounds like a keeper. :D

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OTEN36 7/8/2012 9:28AM

    Wow....that's great your at the spot of "getting noticed"
I'm really happy for you.
I'm just finishing that spot after lossing 50 lbs and have been holding for one month.
Now it's time to charge forward.
I wish you the best of luck

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The Heat is Getting to Me

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Itís Saturday morning. I've been awake since 4:25 am. Five hours of sleep last night, thus breaking my streak of eight days in a row of sleeping for at least seven hours each night. Granted, Wednesday and Thursday nights were not as restful, what with waking up four or five times during the night. No, this morning I was awake because my husband was snoring. I tried to wait it out but after an hour my neck and shoulder started to cramp. Time to get up. So Iím fixing the coffee and my husband gets up because I got out of bed! I told him to go back to sleep, but he couldn't.

I have been grouchy and somewhat depressed since Wednesday. I had thought that I was just exercising too much. So for the last two days I've only walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes each day. Really, itís 40 minutes if you count the warm up and cool down cycles. I did strength training, too. I do ST six days a week.

I've decided that some of my problem is the lovely 100 degrees plus temperature with the 70 degrees dew point and the high humidity. Not that I've gone out in it. Which means that I didn't reach another goal I had set for myself. I wanted to get out of the house more than twice a week. I set the goal at four times a week. Maybe that was too ambitious. Then again, weíre talking about going grocery shopping and doing other chores. Nothing I couldn't cope with. Itís not like I've had any panic attacks recently. Of course, I havenít really pushed myself either. And I do okay as long as itís not too crowded or noisy.

A friend of mine wants me to go to her church with her, but I've been pushing her off. I know sheís hurt with me, but she tells me the normal service has 300 to 500 people attending and as long as youíre not directly under a speaker, itís not too loud! Itís hard enough to go to the church I've been sporadically attending and they usually have between 80 and 120 people in the congregation. How do I begin to explain? I tried to tell her, but she just looked at me funny. I mean, really. Do I say look, Iím afraid to go out in my own backyard by myself? Okay, this isn't helping. I need a positive way to deal with this. Is it better just to go ahead and do it? Can I pretend it better? I donít know. Yet.

Until this last week, I've been wonderfully happy since I started here at SparkPeople. Other than time management issues, I've been doing well tracking what I eat and how much I exercise. So the last three or four days are frustrating me. Looks like the weather is going to improve here by Tuesday and the temperature will be in the low 80ís. I canít wait. Yesterday, I had to really push myself to walk. I wasn't going to do the strength training at all, but I did. Normally, I do it way too late in the day (something I've been working on), but I didn't mind doing it at all. Yesterday, exercising was an uphill battle. I just did it, anyway. I was really glad I did. But then I wasn't hungry at all. Itís too hot to eat. Dinner was later than usual. That might be part of the reason why I didn't sleep as well last night, too. I think I'll just take it easy until this weather breaks. Just stay cool.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DESERTJULZ 7/8/2012 1:04AM

    Linda, remember that you can take things at your own pace. What's right for someone else may not be right for you. May I suggest you simply tell your friend, "thank you so much for the invitation. at this time, I'm just not interested in attending with you. I will be sure to let you know if that changes."

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IMSOOZEEQ 7/7/2012 11:41PM

    Linda, I know what it is like to try to explain to someone that you can't go somewhere because it would cause anxiety/panic attacks. I couldn't leave my house for over a year. I also couldn't talk on the phone not even to family. Some people just don't understand. I will tell you that being here on SP has helped me immensely! I have started getting out of the house and I am more actively involved in SP and my family is so glad that I call them even if it is sporadic. You are doing great! One day at a time. I understand completely. Let me know if you need to talk!


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MIDORI_SPARK 7/7/2012 10:56AM

    You've made a lot of changes in a relatively short amount of time, which may be a bit overwhelming, and that's totally understandable. You're doing a great job though. Be proud of yourself, and be kind to yourself if your body or mind is pushing back. Take things step by step, you will do great :)

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FCARMICH 7/7/2012 7:16AM

  Good luck - I am hating this hot weather too!

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