Sunday, January 01, 2012
Nutrition, exercise, health. Over the past 2.5 years on Spark People I have learned quite a bit about those three topics. What I have also learned is that after 2.5 years, I have netted a 20 lb loss instead of the roughly 100 lb loss I initially wanted to see. The only thing that's been holding me back? Me! I started around 240, and now I yo-yo between 200 and 220 because every time I start to lose weight I freak out at how vulnerable and exposed I feel. No more!
Despite how afraid I was that seeking help would make me weak or label me "the crazy girl," I have decided to enlist the help of a therapist. Clearly I need to build up some skills to learn how to silence that little b*tch in my head that keeps telling me that I don't deserve good things. I DO deserve to be healthy and happy, and so I am proud to admit to the Spark world that I did it. I asked for help. Now the real work begins and I have to start facing down all of the things I tried to bury with food. Yikes! Exciting, but scary.
So anyway, in the spirit of New Years I made some resolutions for 2012.
Eating within my nutritional ranges. Log, log, LOG!
Getting in at least 180 cardio minutes and 3 ST sessions/week.
Working with my therapist to develop healthier ways to manage my emotions.
Spending more time doing creative things like writing, playing music, doing art projects, etc.
Hopefully, this will get me closer to my goal of 121. I'm not going to pressure myself with a weight goal because I can only control my actions, not how my body responds to those actions.
Oh! On a side note, one of my girlfriends got engaged over Christmas. She's asked me to be her Maid of Honor (isn't that sweet?) and I'm super excited! The wedding is this fall, so that's a little added push to keep myself consistent- I want to look good in my bridesmaid dress for her pictures! I get to pick my own black dress for the occasion which is awesome because it means I can find something that really flatters me. (Yay for the lack of pink bows!)
Wishing you all a very healthy and happy 2012!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Recently I was asked a question: What would you wish for if you were granted 3 wishes?
The first thought that popped into my head was "A rockin' body! Wait.. nah, I can do that myself without wasting a wish. I should wish for something impossible."
Did that thought really just come from my brain?! Am I actually starting to believe it?!
I wish I could say that I've been 100% on track, but that would be a lie. Still, I felt a huge surge of inspiration when I had the realization that I'm finally in a place where I believe in myself and my ability to change for the better.
Last weekend I vowed that I would be more present, more in the moment and try to engage people during this week. It's really made a huge difference! I've been a lot happier, I've been more consistent with my nutritional and fitness choices, and people have responded to me differently. All in positive ways. The progress is slow, but it's there.. and it feels pretty darn good.
I have dubbed this weekend the Weekend of Workout. Tonight I'm doing spin and ST, Sundays are always spin and yoga, but my Saturdays are usually a day of rest. Not this weekend! I haven't decided what I'm going to do tomorrow yet, but I will pick something fun and do it for at least 60 minutes.
I hope you're all having a great week, too!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
My whole life I have been in love with music. As a kid I took dancing lessons, singing lessons, piano lessons, and flute lessons. If it involved music, I wanted to be a part of it. As a teenager I discovered song lyrics as a source of practical wisdom, inspiration, humor, and a means of expressing so many feelings I could not yet put words to myself.
So I guess it should be no surprise that my iPod flashes words of wisdom at me every time I download more music (legally, of course) in an attempt to learn/feel/express something. What does it tell me? "Do not disconnect."
Such a simple statement, meant literally of course, but still a message that applies on a grander scale. How much of my time do I spend disconnected from the world around me? From my inner self? More than I'd care to admit. How much of my anguish could be taken away by simply being more present, more aware, more alive? Probably quite a bit.
My goal for this upcoming week is to be more mindful throughout each day. I don't want to get caught up in a snowball of "what if's" or focus on the way things used to be. I want to be more present in my interactions with people- actually make eye contact, listen, and try to see things from their perspective. Connect. Why feel the sting of hurts over things that may never happen when instead I could be experiencing what is actually going on around me?
So, my plan is to follow the orders of my favorite Starship Captain: "Engage."
(See? I'm embracing my inner geek already.)
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