Don't be so hard on yourself!

Friday, March 18, 2011

I went to spin tonight-- I've been attending class regularly a few times a week for about 2.5 months now. While I've noticed some improvement, in classic Amy style I've been a little hard on myself expecting that I'll be a pro after 2 weeks. Naturally, it doesn't really work that way.

So anyway, while on my bike tonight I was feeling a little discouraged during some of the songs. I've gotten pretty good at the fast stuff when seated, but when we're up out of the saddle going really fast is still a challenge. I felt like I should be keeping up with the pace of class more. I didn't stop, mind you, but sometimes my pace is a little slower than the instructor. I did notice that I certainly wasn't the only one. I told myself to just keep going.

After class, the lady on the bike behind me came up to me and told me that I'm full of energy. She said that she likes to sit behind me because when she's tempted to give up, she sees me and gets motivated to keep going. I was so touched! Here I was feeling like a big ol' slacker, and then someone else goes and pays me such a nice compliment. Felt pretty darn good.

It also served as a great reminder that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. We all progress in our own time, and just showing up is a big part of the battle.

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Strength and joy

Friday, March 11, 2011

Someone important to me said some things to me last night that had me questioning my feelings and reflecting on my personal interactions. The conclusion I have come to is that..

My strength is in my vulnerability; my joy, in my integrity.

The fact that I am willing to put myself out there and attempt to establish an emotional and intellectual connection with someone is a very scary thing, but it shows inner strength. I may be afraid, but I'm not letting that fear stop me. I am taking risks, real risks, and that is a remarkable thing considering all I have been through.

Sure, there are times that I would like to kick and scream profanities, or play the passive-aggressive role. Would it solve anything? No. Would I feel badly about it later? Yes. The things I am most proud of are the situations in which someone treated me badly and I stopped it without stooping to their level. As much as I hate Dr. Laura, I agree with her quote that 'Integrity is its own reward.' Taking the high road feels pretty good.

Is there a chance I'm going to get hurt? Absolutely. That doesn't mean I shouldn't try, and that doesn't mean I should be any less than a woman of integrity when things aren't going perfectly.

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Inspiration and Action

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.
- Frank Tibolt

I wasn't sure how I felt about this quote when I first read it, but upon consideration I think there is a lot of truth to it. Sitting around, hoping to feel motivated before taking action is really just another excuse to NOT do something. Once you start, that sense of accomplishment that comes even from small amounts of progress can be so rewarding and addicting.

Anyway.. just thought I'd share!

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A new endeavor

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Despite my attempts at being positive about my job, the truth is that I really do hate it and need to get the hell out of there. Yes, I'm grateful to be working and self-sufficient. Yes, I love that my job is close to my home and right by the gym. Yes, I have benefits and that's fantastic. All of that being said, I'm still wasting my potential and unhappy underneath it all. Did I mention that my boss is a nightmare? The position I'm in is a dead end? So if that's the case, it's time to move on to something new. To finally figure out what it is I WANT to do instead of floating around aimlessly and accepting whatever scraps are offered to me.

I've always been a little lost in terms of my career, and I think this is part of the reason I've been unable to move past the 200-lb mark in my weight loss. Sounds weird, I know, but I think the combination of stress and feeling like a fraud is holding me back. Oh, why do I feel like a fraud? I dunno. People seem to think I have it all together, but *I* know that I could be doing so much more with myself, and it's driving down my self esteem. I'm not proud of my work because it isn't worthy of me. So it's time to find something that is.

I called my aunt yesterday to chat with her about HER new job since she just finished week 1. After filling me in on the details, she turned the conversation to me and about what MY career plans are. I got quiet. So, after brainstorming with me and asking me about the aspects of my job that I like, it turns out that what I like doing is actually what she does for a living. Kinda funny. She had me send her my resume and is going to spend some time going over it, making changes and such. She's going to help me post it on job boards related to her industry, and recommend some courses that I could take to further boost my chances.

Oh, the work itself. It's called various things: organizational design, business process management, change management. Essentially, reviewing business processes and making them better, then helping the employees through the change. Right up my alley as that's the part of my job I have always loved the most. I actually won an award at my last bank for doing some process re-engineering. I have an analytical mind but I'm also good with people, and that makes me very well-suited for this line of work. I'm excited about where this could take me, and it's a great feeling.

I know that this is going to be a lot of work. In addition to taking some classes, I want to hit the bookstore to read up on the industry and get the jargon down and such. It's just such a great feeling to finally have a goal in mind and something to strive for! Maybe this will help me with my confidence and give me the strength to really push myself in terms of weight loss as well. Perhaps it seems unrelated, but there is something about having one aspect of one's life so dramatically out of balance that it affects everything else.

What a change SP has brought about in me. Instead of feeling unworthy of good things, I'm seeing that mediocre things are unworthy of me.

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Progress Report, January 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

This blog is pretty much for my own benefit, so feel free to stop reading at any point. It's mainly for me to track my progress throughout the year. Just a warning.

Welp, January has been a good month. I discovered spinning and yoga, and a lot of new delicious recipes on SP! I feel like I have more energy, less stress, and like I'm in a happier place in general.

In terms of results, I lost 5 pounds this month. Not a huge loss, but I'm happy with it. I lost .5 inch on my waist, .5 inch on my thigh, no change on my hips, but my arm measurement went down 1.5 inches! Thank you, yoga!

I'm slightly disappointed that my weight loss wasn't higher for the month, but I gained a lot of muscle from spinoga so I'm not really upset about it. I can't control the number on the scale, so as long as I'm eating well, exercising often and feeling good... that's what matters. The numbers will work themselves out in time.

Time to hit the gym!

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