Monday, October 06, 2014
The last year has been sort of a whirlwind for me: leaving a job of 12 years, moving from Sacramento to the Bay Area and, of course, the loss of my father. Saturday (the 4th) marked a year since his passing, so of course it's been a time of reflection.
I'm starting to embrace the reality that pretty much anything worth striving for will require me to fight for it indefinitely, so there are a limited number of things that I (or any person for that matter) can realistically pursue and really thrive at. (It's hard for me to think this way, I'm a very short-term thinker.) What matters is that I take the initiative to carefully select those things, work my butt off for them, and recognize that I will need to continue to work my butt off for them forever. And ever. (Amen) Not to say these things can't ever be re-evaluated, but self care is never done.
I also spent some time cleaning out closets and organizing this weekend, and it occurred to me that I would like to do that mentally and physically too. Time to stop wishing for more/ bigger/ better/ other, because ultimately it leads to piles of stuff for me to clean out later. Instead, I want to make the most of what IS. Let go of the junk and really take care of the important stuff. Which, again, is an ongoing process.
It feels like starting over AGAIN, but in a way the goal is for it to feel like that every day. So I guess I'm on track.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
I've been really distracted about Sparking and weight loss over the past week, so I've been trying to figure out what's going on. I haven't been exercising nearly as much (so much for my emphasis on ST this month!), and while my eating hasn't been totally out of control, I haven't been planning ahead and paying as much attention to the details. I'm acting the way I do when I'm in numbing out mode, separating myself from the world and getting distracted by TV, Pinterest, and things that don't require me to think or do too much. This really needs to stop!
The problem is that I'm really lonely.
I've been in my new home for several months now, and while I feel settled into my apartment and my job, I still don't have a social life here. It's sort of a Catch-22: I feel awkward doing things alone, but if I never get out and do anything then I won't meet people! I've met some nice people through a book club, my gym, my church and my work, but so far nobody that wants to hang out outside of those activities. It's really hard being single and friendless in your 30's! Most people are married & have kids at this stage in life, so they want to do family-oriented things with couples who have kids, too. I'll keep trying, but it's a little discouraging.
It's like I'm in this awkward in-between phase. I no longer have my old Sacramento life, but I don't fully have a life here in the Bay Area yet either. Also, I lost 20 pounds and so my clothes are fitting differently, which is awesome- but it means that right now my clothes all feel too big. I'm not yet small enough to wear the clothes I had bought when I lost the weight last time around, though, so nothing fits quite right and I catch myself being really critical of how I look. Areas of my body that I noticed progress in are starting to look bad to me again. That is also discouraging, but I'm trying to be mindful of my self-talk.
I've also noticed a lot of daydreaming going on: moving to Paris and having an amazing life there, or staying here but buying an awesome house and decorating it, stuff like that. I'm separating from the life I actually have and trying to live in some alternate universe. The thing is that moving to Paris won't fix anything because if I'm not willing to leave my apartment here, I certainly won't feel comfortable doing it someplace where I barely speak the language. Buying a house isn't really something I want to do right now, but I think what I DO want is a creative outlet. So perhaps I'll pick up some art supplies or something, too. Ooh, or maybe take art classes- it's another way to meet people!
I'm rambling now. So yeah, I've been off track a bit and hiding from the world in a dazed pity-party. I'm not giving up, though. I just need to dust myself off and find a new party to join instead.
Thanks for "listening!"
Saturday, March 01, 2014
I'm down a little more than 5 pounds for the month of February!
I lost an inch around my waist!
My progress this time around isn't as fast as it was last time, but I'm actually fine with that. These changes I'm making are for a lifetime, so there's no rush. I'm savoring the journey and celebrating every ounce that I lose along the way!
That being said, I've noticed that my strength training efforts have really slipped over the last month. I love me some cardio, but I'm not quite as fond of ST for some reason. I know that ST is really important, though, and I'm not just talking about weight loss. It's important to keep our muscles healthy so that we don't lose muscle mass as we age. It's also beneficial for our bones! Plus it boosts metabolism, and seriously- the list goes on. And I know it. So it's time to give my own booty a lil kick and get back to it!
In that spirit, my goal for March is to not only make sure I get a minimum of 180 cardio minutes in each week, but also a minimum of 90 minutes of ST.
Lastly, I just want to thank you, my Spark friends, for all of your encouragement and positive energy. You teach me so much, you make me laugh, and you keep me moving forward. I am so grateful for SP and my wonderful Spark family!
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Well, I went to the doctor but there isn't much to report. I'm having blood work done next week so hopefully that will shed some light and either confirm or deny the pressence of a clotting disorder. I was a little frustrated- even given all of the indications that there's a problem, Kaiser won't let my doctor test for it without first testing for like a zillion other things. So I get to be a pin cushion for a while I guess. That's ok, I'm just grateful they're doing something and that I have insurance. Oh- and the scale at the doctor showed a 9-lb loss since my annual checkup last month and she was quite pleased. That felt great!
Hrm, what else? It's finally raining here! We need the rain so badly. They say it will storm all weekend, and I'm hoping that "they" are right. We shall see! Of course, this also means that I'd love to just go home, get my sweats on and read all night. Not gonna happen, though! Gotta get my sweat on first, THEN I can curl up and read.
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