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Am i being sexually harassed, Should i talk to my Management

Saturday, November 19, 2011

OK my current job(that I am speaking of) i have been working there 2 years. Side note the fact that I am being sexually harassed here instead of my full-time job is strange because there is a pretty even amount of men and women so is strange. Anyway i have been there two years and about as long as I have been there the guy lets call him Billy, had been bothering me. Though it was in the range of strange and annoying I ignored it one because he didn't touch me and two it wasn't very often and he is a virgin. Also i wasn't the only one who he bothered it was pretty much ANY I mean ANY women at the job who was mildly friendly two him so I let it go. Now i am realizing that the way he treats others may not be the same as the things he does to me.

Now here is what happens WHENEVER we work together. i work in a small area about the size of a office 3 walls with an open space(you may can get an idea if you look at my profile pic it shows 2 walls). Anyway In my work I can't always face the front though I try and keep it on my peripheral but i can't always. He will come up behind me and be behind me in my personal space in such a close way that I can feel his erection is not super close like a hug but too close. Is only for a second but is happening more and more often. At other times he walks up to me and is just invading my space and giving me those gross looks you know how men do. He is always saying gross thinks to me. i work with clothing all types of clothing lingerie included. If i am putting away skimpy dress or lingerie he makes lewd remarks.
He often ask me for sex, I do tell him to leave me alone, He basically says and acts as if I said leave me alone right now. He never stops. Another thing I don't know how to handle is the racial things he says to me. He has told me (unsolicited) that he only thought black people should date black people, that black people men and women were both only wanted for sex and shouldn't marry other races. He told me black women were nasty( like freaky) and called me all kinds of stuff that I don't need to repeat.

I will be honest and hopes no one thinks less of me for what I am going to say. This has been going on for a while, like i said. I mostly wrote it off as annoying also as I said. But what really makes me upset is that the management and other employees know and make jokes about it. I want to be certain, but I just can't be sure I feel that they kind of let it happen. He knows they don't care some things he says in front of them and I say with other employees and/or management around that is not funny and that it was rude and they laugh or say nothing about it. Now he is getting more aggressive and bolder. When we are in the store after hours, or alone he grabs me touches me inappropriately and the things has already been doing he does more and worse.

I am afraid to go to my management because first of all they know and they joke about it so I am not sure what they will do . On a day (not anytime recently) that I needed a ride he solicited sex from me for a ride I said no of course and I told my management what happened and they joked about it actually laughed. As though they were kind of setting me up for it so I thought. On a separate occasion sometime later, like a month or so my manager told me to stay passed my scheduled time and ride home with Billy after I told her what happened with him. I had a ride but staying an hour after i was scheduled to get off made it impossible for my planned ride to give me a ride home. I was finished with my work and was scheduled to get off. I opted to take a taxi instead which was about 50$. The next day at work they were kind of upset and my manager gave me a kind of written warning about "insubordination" "not being a team player" and how "being difficult would impair my chances of moving up or getting hours" those are exact quotes because i chose to take a taxi. I have never actually sat down with my mangers and told them what he does at work. Telling them about what happened when he gave me a ride home happened when I first started, and I just said it not like a complaint or anything just like I was telling about a bad weekend or something.

I looked on the internet and from what I read there isn't much I can do cause he isn't my manager and nothing is wrong with comments says the things i read. I get the idea from things that it would go badly for me to complain and they would think that his touches might be accident, If you are thinking that it is an accident there is never that many people or that little space between us , Or any reason that he should be in the area that I work in. It makes me wonder what would happen if i said anything. Another reason that I have apprehension about telling the management is that other employees bother me and the management know about that also and nothing is done so I can't expect much that makes since right. A manager actually told me after I stated that I will only answer to my name not any nicknames or variation of my name, she said and I am quoting "Ok I am the manager, You know I am talking to you so just answer to what we call you" Not sure if i handled that professionally. but I ignored anyone who didn't call me by my name only responding with my name. I don't know how to handle any of these issues. I mean is a smaller company, and i have been there so long not saying anything. I wish this were my full-time job where there is many ways to formally complain and an actual HR manager and her assistant who you can just talk to about work issues. But it is escalating I just don't know what to do? emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIKINGSD 11/20/2011 7:15PM

    I would talk with my manager and if it doesn't stop take it higher.

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LILMAHOGANY 11/20/2011 12:35AM

    One thing I have to say is I do have a written record color coded and everything with all the things management and coworkers have said out of line. The things that I considered sexual harassment, and all the times I worked more than 8hrs without a 15 min break or lunch(it was only a big deal because others worked shorter hours and got breaks and lunches and I was told no.)
LIV you are right in Texas is against the law to use audio and visual recordings against people without telling them but all you have to do is tell them. and I love your idea of "being startled" Being legally blind I am not often startled but i can pretend
LISA. harassed by my bosses? I don't understand. I will take your advice and make a formal complaint to my store manager and assistant manager(who also acts as hr manager. i guess I will keep writing down things in my journal give it a couple of weeks see if things get better or worse.
ANGEL. Something kind of ironic the area that I work in is one of only 2 in the building that is not covered by cameras.
NORMAL. I have a police friend I will talk to him about what is going on and see what he thinks about it. is an unoffical way of telling the cops because he is a friend who happens to be a cop I knew him before.
RED. your idea was the only one I tried and it went awful, Terrible, Horrible, and every other adjective along with those. The only male manager that works there isn't the head manager but I did approach him about what was going on. He laughed and said why not do it and he isn't dangerous and I quote " you fine even though you dress S***y, stop being sensitive, he aint going to hurt you" But i will let them no I am willing to take it further,
ANDY. my full time job actually has an hr manager and an assistant one of which is always available. I asked her what I should do. and thank you for the advice I would have not thought to ask for some reason
Thanks everyone for your advice and wishes of good luck. I can't quit because they bully me, no way. I want this to get fixed. there is no dignity in running away with your tail between your legs when you haven't even put up a fight. I will take step one on Tuesday and make a formal complaint with my Assistant Manager and Store manager and hope it ends there

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HDHAWK 11/19/2011 10:43PM

    You've gotten good advice above. None of this behavior is acceptable; not from the guy or from your employers. I'd start looking for another part time job. He's getting pushier and pushier. That's scary to me. Good luck to you.

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LIV2RIDE 11/19/2011 11:02AM

    Everyone here has pretty much covered the legal aspect. Yes, you have to tell your boss and potentially the police. I don't know what the laws are where you live but you usually can't record a conversation without the other person's permission unless you have a warrant or something. But the laws might be different where you live. Even if you leave and want to take legal action you don't have any record of what has been happening. So start telling management and keeping a written record so you have proof that you told someone. If they choose not to do anything about it then you have something to back you up. But I take more of a personal approach. You can always "pretend" he startles you and turn around very quickly with your elbow or fist in direct alignment with his groin. The quicker you turn with more force the better. If he's a smart man is shouldn't take him too many times to stop that kind of behavior.

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LISADHARPER1 11/19/2011 9:47AM

    Not only are you being sexually harassed by the jerk, your being harassed by your bosses as well. No one can write you up for not riding home with the guy. My dad owned his own company for years and one thing he always told me was everyone has a boss higher up, even if you go to the owners, they are not above the law. I agree with others, get a tape recorder and record everything you can. I would make your formal complaint first, then once you have documentation of it, go to the police and get an attorney. So many people say they don't want to take it that far, because they don't want to start a big ordeal, but you have to protect yourself and any other people that might come in contact with these people after you.
I wouldn't go to your supervisor either, I would go above them to make any complaints, and then I would file a complaint against the supervisor that wrote you up. Good Luck to you.

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SHIRLANGEL 11/19/2011 8:22AM

    Yes you are being sexually harassed and it seems are in a very unsafe situation. I agree with the suggestions. Talk to the police, an attorney, human resources, whoever you can to find out what to do to change this situation. The management should not be laughing, they should be taking action to ensure that you are able to work in a safe environment.

Since sexual harassment can be hard to prove, do you have a way to secretly document what is going on? Like a miniature digital tape recorder in your pocket or work area. A mini camera in your work area or on you. Of course there are the spy devices you can buy online that look like a pen or a watch but is a audio/video recorder - depending on how much you want to invest. Surprisingly I found some online for less than a couple hundred dollars.

It sounds like spy stuff you see on television but I figure there's no "your word against his word" kind of deal if there is audio or video showing exactly what is being said and done.

I hope you are able to get into a more comfortable safer working environment soon - whether it be by reporting this situation and getting action at work or moving on to another job.

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PICKIE98 11/19/2011 6:18AM

    IMHO I agree with all of he above! Always take a non-worker witness with you to talk to boss(neighbor, sister, friend), always document and make copies of EVERYTHING, ACLU and Whistleblower Act can protect you. If you blow the whistle on this employer, , they are proved in the wrong, they could go to jail lose their business, fines,etc. Police need to know, but all should be documented.
Racial slurs, sexual harassment, SEXUAL ASSAULT (body grabbing and body part touching) are FELONIES! What employer wants this known?

IMHO: Nobody can step on me unless I get down on the ground.
RUN, do not walk, to the police station and tell them what is happening and ask what you should do.. Detectives can help you too, in the police station,, attorneys too.. Free consults usually for the first consult.

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    Good luck with whatever you choose.

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KAKIPOPUP 11/19/2011 5:42AM

    Yes - this is sexual harassment (not because of what he is doing, which is gross and unacceptable) but because it feels like sexual harassment to you. Report it to your supervisor as soon as you can and call it sexual harassment (don't beat around the bush or try to be "polite" about it), and follow your verbal report up with a written memo.


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SBNORMAL 11/19/2011 5:00AM

  You must tell your boss and give him written documentation that you are being harassed and let him know that you are officially reporting it. Tell Billy and tell the POLICE also, file a compliant and send a letter to the head office. YOu must not take a ride with BILLY at all. BILLY IS NOT SAFE. DO NOT RIDE HOME WITH HIM OR WI THIN ONE LAUGHIN ABOUT BILLY BOTHERING YOU!! YOU ARE IN A UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT. TELL SOMEONE FRIEND OR PARENT. DO NOT WORK LATE WITH BILLY !!!

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REDSHOES2011 11/19/2011 4:02AM

    Walk quietly into your head bosses office and ask him to talk to this guy man to man.. Tell your boss you realise everyone else knows about him, but this guy is not giving up or getting the message your not interested anymore and is increasing his advances which is highly unprofessional during the work day.. Tell your boss, you have stress working around this person and would like a little moral support.. If he shrugged it off with me, I would ask the boss would you prefer he takes it further and the scandale ends in the newspaper of worse I get hurt? In the least tell your boss, so he is warned.. Take someone with you you trust so you have your back covered.. I understand you feel stressed, just keep keep the convo quiet and calm.. Don't give the boss attitude- act terrified and if you cry don't worry.. At some stage someone will get tired of this man and do damage to him if he is not stopped and soon... If no head way with your boss perhaps ask the police what to do, they may not give any ideas but on the other hand they can tell you your rights and when to get ticked of and just phone them inside..

Comment edited on: 11/19/2011 4:05:12 AM

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ANDYLIN90 11/19/2011 2:54AM

    Run, don't walk to your immediate supervisor and then on up the management chain until you reach the top. You have been sexually harassed and it needs to stop now. Check with your HR resource at your full time job to determine exactly how you should handle this even though it is not happening at your full time job.

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Madame is Back,

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I am happy to say that my dog has returned. Not without help. Apparently when she got off the leash she ran away. A guy was getting home and saw her and thought she was lost and cold so he took her I guess that makes since because it was cold and wet outside. He was looking for her owner he was going to take her to the shelter but didn't get around to it because of the strange hours. They didn't want a reward and I got my dog back I have not been able to find her dog tags so I will get new ones. Everything is back to normal. She came back and was in her pet bed and went to sleep after eating. The people who had her said she cried and seemed sad I guess she missed me emoticon. She was happy to get back in her bed and she just slept and slept.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWANDIMPROVED 11/18/2011 12:13PM

    emoticon That is great news! Glad she made it home safe & sound.

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LIV2RIDE 11/18/2011 6:14AM

    I'm so glad it worked out in a good way. You can also check with your local shelter about getting the chip implanted so that if that ever happens again and she is turned in to a vet or shelter they can find you.

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ADKISTLER 11/18/2011 12:01AM

    I am so happy for you! emoticon emoticon

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SAVANNAHZMOMMA1 11/17/2011 11:08PM

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Now you can peacefully...

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Saying someone stole my dog may seem a bit presumptuous but not with my dog. My beautiful madame. First let me tell you why I know that she was stole (or that someone has her) I have had her and her since she was a puppy in 1999 13 years come next August 12. i also owned her mother. i trained her without the help of trainers ( i used the internet of course). I have had her for ten years and for most of that time been her sole owner and care giver. Leash laws are really enforced here in my area of texas so I always have her on a leash but I could walk or jog and she would be right on my heels. Even if she went away for a minute to sniff she was never out of my view( I am leagally blind so my view is small. I have two children and my fiance living with me and them and all my close family and friends say the dog is mine she barely responds to other people. No one else especially a stranger can even call her away from me even if they have food. On two occasions she has saved my life.

Many dog owners know that most smart dogs can find their way home. Madame hasn't not answered my call since she was probably 1 or 2 years old. Even then she came back home. the next morning barking and scratching at the door so this is so far from her character. I know many dogs run away but those are backyard dogs who don't really bond with people. But my dog was a house dog and on top of that a rather lazy dog even at the dog park she chilled out at my feet so or walked slowly beside me never really the active type of dog. Madame is border collie highly regarded as one of the if not the smartest dog breed. She could let herself out on the patio to do her business and back in, she could lock the doors ( it took her a while) When we went on walks she knew not to get in the street. She was not aggressive but not friendly either. She wasn't the type of dog to run up to strangers jumping and sniffing even if they had food. That is one thing that makes me thing someone took her.

Now let me explain what happened. Now as smart as Madame is and as well behaved as she is 99% of the time she wasn't totally flawless. As she is a dog. She had a thing for cats as most dogs( that I have seen). I work from 5am to 1pm she is strictly trained to our walk schedule and to deviate would undoubtedly cause and accident in my house if I ignored her instance to go outside. So rain or shine, snowy or sunny I take her for a walk at about 330-4am before I go to work. At 345 like clockwork madame started whining to go outside for her morning walk. I obliged. It must have rained through the night because it was wet and puddles were on the ground, At 4am you can probably imagine that no one else is out walking their dog so is pretty quite a relaxing walk. So (my mistake) I am holding on to the leash but not wrapped around my hand or very tightly just leisurly looped on my arm hands in pockets because is cold. Out of no where, seemingly to me cause is dark and I can't really see well she starts chasing this cat. I trip the leash falls out off my arm and she is gone. My house key and ID which I carry with me at all times fell in to the same puddle i did so I dig around and find them I get up asses my injuries and no more than two minutes later I am chasing after her calling her name but she is no where to be found I walk around the apartment complex calling and calling for about 30 mins but i had to go to work. I paid the dog sitter to come to my house and await her return because I was paying the dog sitter i left work got home around 1130am nd as a great shock she still wasn't there. I spent the afternoon calling all the local shelters and making a lost dog sign. I went to work at my second job and got home around 7 unable to work with my dog missing. As soon as I got home I posted more lost dog signs and looked further out of my apartment complex calling and calling is about 9pm now still no response. I am so worried. I can hardly stop crying Shaka and Jada and my friends are saying she will come back she always does but I don't know.
I am remembering now as I write(another good reason to blog) that she was acting very strangely the last two days and nights. I mean usually when i get home at 1pm I am unwind a little then just chill and read cook that sort of think until 7 (when the kids come home) is just madame and me. And usually she lays on her dog bed and sleeps snoring and dreaming her little dog dreams. Really hardly moving and only bothering to follow me if I am in another room more than five minutes. The last two days she hardly slept at all and was curled around me kind of like she does when is raining but she wasn't shaking. Hiding at my feet under the computer desk. Even though she knows better she came into the kitchen!!!!!! she jumped on the furniture. Both things are something she dose not do even if invited. I don't really know the words if I could describe a dog as restless or nervous or something it was so weird I was nervous. She had no other symptoms of being sick. nothing else had changed the way she was acting stands out. It very slightly very very slightly puts doubt to my original idea that someone took her. I am very hopeful for the lost dog signs they work really well around here especailly for a reward. I will up the reward if no one answers in about a week or two. May be

. emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAVANNAHZMOMMA1 11/17/2011 10:13PM

    I hope your beautiful dog gets home! Please post the good news if she gets home.

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LIV2RIDE 11/17/2011 6:34AM

    I'm so sorry to hear your precious dog is missing. I'll say prayers that she returns to you safe and sound.

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TXGRANDMA 11/17/2011 12:34AM

    So sorry about your dog, Madame! My favorite dog of all time was our border collie, Slater. Like you said, they are the smartest dogs to be around. Maybe she will be home soon! emoticon

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HOWLERMOM 11/16/2011 11:47PM

    I'm so sorry to hear that - I really hope you get her back!

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MARYBETH_OHIO 11/16/2011 10:31PM

    Oh bless your heart I will say a prayer for you and your beloved dog that she comes back to you safe and sound.. I am so sorry..

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ADKISTLER 11/16/2011 10:30PM

    I hope your dog returns soon. My dog hates thunder. She ran off after a severe storm. I searched for her for a week. She came home on her own. I don't know where she was, & she won't tell me!

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LADYJAKE1 11/16/2011 10:25PM

    I hope you get her back.

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MARYHENNIG 11/16/2011 10:12PM

  Awwwww... emoticon

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Something is Terribly Wrong. The conclusion

Friday, November 04, 2011

First off let me say thank you for everyone who gave me advice on this very serious situation(to me). i really appreciate the advice.
This diet and exercise thing is VERY tricky. Here was my thinking eat 2000 calories to maintain and cut no less than 1200 a day to lose. Even the gym dietitian and spark said it was ok to eat 1500 calories. The meals at Jenny Craig ( I am almost certain) are 1500 calories if not less. So you get the point I thought eating 1500 calories was doing good. What i didn't know was that, that only applied to minimal exercise. According to my doctor eating 1500 calories while doing HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) twice daily on the treadmill, spark people strength training, walk away the lbs on exercise TV. Plus apparently my job is active. So I was working out to much to eat 1500 calories. Which resulted in temporary hair loss. My doctor said just do spark and walk away the pounds 3x a week nothing more. i cut out the HIIT on the treadmill emoticon I do walk away the pounds but only the 1 mile each day and a different section on weight training. My hair stopped falling out. I don't do much to my in the way of coming or styling, I am natural(rocking a fro) so I am glad I noticed before I had bald spots(on my head). I don't feel that I am losing weight as quickly and I don't weigh every week so I can't be sure. Before I noticed from week to week (so did everyone else also) From August to September I lost 30lbs My doctor noticed right away and was very....Concerned. I haven't gained weight, I hope. So I guess i am just thankful for that. I liked losing 6-8lbs a week but I guess that is extravagant now I guess I am losing 2-3lbs a week that's ok. Well again thanks to everyone for your advice "findingdee" thanks for the article it made me less stressed.

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    WOW you were an exercise BEAST! No wonder you hair was falling out. I'm so glad it wasn't too serious. 2-3 pounds a week is still awesome you should really be proud. emoticon

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SAVANNAHZMOMMA1 11/5/2011 11:37PM

    Two-three pounds a week is actually really fast, so stick with the new plan and ask no more of your dear body.


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LIV2RIDE 11/5/2011 8:12AM

    I'm so glad you figured it out. I know hair loss for women is a very touchy subject. It sounds like you found a great plan.

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GETTING2GOOD 11/4/2011 9:30PM

    I am so glad you are taking your doctor's advice. Stick with it. Slow and steady wins the race!

~ Mona emoticon

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Something is Terribly Wrong. (may contain tmi.)

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I have been working out and dieting, I have lost lots of weight dropped 4 or 5 dress/pants sizes and shirt sizes.I have not missed working out in like months. So you ask what is terribly wrong. I have been kind of losing my hair. My body hair has always been sparse like I guess most dark skinned people are I never had to shave to wear shorts. But other places that normally have hair don't anymore. My underarms and lower(hope you get the picture) the hair in those places is really thin nearly none at all emoticon.
My hair, which is thick and long is the envy of like everyone I know. Thank God I have no bald spots but each day my hair not really falls out but when i run my fingers through it small clumps like the size of a pinky nail come out. and is fairly recent like the last month or so. I went to the doctor in July and nothing was wrong so I know is not a form of alpecia one because I have hair however short and thin it is. I can't figure out what's wrong I made a doctors appointment but I can't go for a week. I thought it could be stress but really I have not been stressed my life couldn't be more stress free. I have the kids but they are well behaved and have not been with me is not like I have stress keeping them I have a nanny who is basically a live in. I don't have to many stresses my job I love it. I mean my life isn't perfect, I have the normal amount of stress , but nothing that keeps me awake at night.
Like all modern people (again assuming) I looked online in places like webmd but found nothing. just having this happen is causing me more stress than I had normally. So i had to write a blog I know a few ppl will read and will suggest something that will maybe cause me less stress for a week. When your sick but is not an emergency going having to wait is itself is stressful.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISTRESS_NICCI 10/28/2011 9:56AM

    I would say to heed the advice of the PP's (previous posters). Check with your doctor - there could be something wrong that you don't know about that he can prescribe you something for, or he can at least advise you on what to change as far as your diet!

Keep us posted. :-)

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NEWANDIMPROVED 10/21/2011 10:39AM

    Yeah for you on your healthy transformation!! My hair started falling out and at first I ignored it until I could put my hair in a ponytail using a barrette. I went to the doctor and found out it was thyroid condition, really cheap prescription and two weeks later my hair loss slowed down and now my hair is back and I feel much better. When you go to the doctor ask him to check your thyroid.

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LIV2RIDE 10/21/2011 9:39AM

    Congrats on your successes! I'm so glad you are making progress toward your goals.

I had a problem a while ago with bald spots. My hair stylist told me it was stress. At that time I was under a tremendous amount of stress at my job. Since that doesn't seem to be the case you might want to look at your nutrition. At that time I was depending heavily on processed foods and didn't eat very well. When I paid attention to getting the proper nutrition (protein is a big one for hair loss) I was much better. I guess on the bright side at least you don't have to go through waxing appointments. LOL Just trying to bring in a bit of humor to the situation. But seriously, don't stress about it too much. Hopefully your doctor can help.

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FINDINGDEE 10/20/2011 11:20PM

    First off, Congratulations on you success thus far! Fantastic job!

About the hair loss, It could just be a lack of certain vitamins, protein, etc. Have you drastically cut calories? How hard are you exercising? stress can definitely be a factor. But I also found this article, may it will help a bit,

Good luck at the Dr.

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