LILAC_LANE   17,442
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LILAC_LANE's Recent Blog Entries

My First Binge Free Christmas

Thursday, December 27, 2012

This year marks a huge accomplishment for me.
I made it through Christmas without bingeing
for the first time in more than 10 years?
It's been so long I really can't remember.
It probably has been even longer, but the important part
is this year was different.

Yes, I did overeat. Yes, I did enjoy a large variety
of holiday treats, but No, I didn't binge myself
into the numbness of a food coma.

I have been recovering from bulimia for almost 6 months now.
I had one small relapse on December 1st. I was able to get back
on track quickly and I learned something very important.

1. Stay away from the scales. Weighing myself everyday puts
the focus on weight instead of recovery.

2. I don't have to be "perfect" I just need to do the best I can.
Recovery does not mean perfection, and an occasional relapse
is part of the process.

3. It's ok to enjoy my food, but I also need to enjoy my life.

The holidays weren't perfect, my eating wasn't perfect, even my attitude
wasn't perfect, because perfect isn't realistic. Knowing that was key
to getting through my first Christmas "binge-free."
I have ditched "Perfect" from my vocabulary and replaced it
with "Realistic" and it is making a difference in my recovery.

My SP friends have also made a HUGE difference.
I was ready to leave SP because I was finding some things very triggering,
but the encouragement I have found here outweighs the few snags
I encountered.

Wishing all my SP friends Peace and Love!
You are a blessing to me in my journey!
AKA Lilac

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDOSUE52 1/1/2013 12:13AM


Good job! You keep loving my friend!!

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CHANGING-TURTLE 12/30/2012 2:07PM


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A-NEW-TARA 12/30/2012 2:01PM

    I am so happy for you, Joy!! Thank you for this blog, as you know I've had a difficult couple weeks resulting in a binge on Christmas eve and I've had difficulty coming to terms with the relapse. I'm going to incorporate your strategies, especially the "perfect" stuff; I have to stop expecting myself to be perfect. Thank you for your courage, your strength and your honesty; you are more than inspirational, you are life affirming.

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DEDICATED2HIM 12/29/2012 7:25PM

    MERRY Christmas JOY!!!! This is wonderful news. No one is perfect and God does not ask any of us to be perfect. We can only do what we can do but if we do it with our whole heart and with a heart that longs to please him, He is satisfied. We need to learn to be satisiied tool

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IGOSSELS 12/29/2012 3:08PM

    You are a strong and powerful woman who inspires more people than you know. So pleased your strategies are working for you. emoticon

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MYLOVELYCURVES 12/28/2012 6:42PM

    Congratulations! That's a huge accomplishment! :)


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KPETSCHE 12/27/2012 11:55AM

Perfect isn't possible but realistic is! Great job!

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CHANGINGSAM 12/27/2012 11:55AM

    I am SO VERY proud of you! You are doing GREAT! emoticon

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OOLALA53 12/27/2012 11:40AM

    What a great place to be in the middle of the madness. emoticon

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1EMMA2011 12/27/2012 11:33AM

    So proud of you!! Yes to ditching that word perfect! Together we will overcome!


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_LINDA 12/27/2012 11:22AM

    Joy, that is great news! You have a winning attitude. No extremes, no worries just do the best you can! You are not a slave to the scale! Wonderful progress!
Keep up the great work!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BOBBIENORTHERN1 12/27/2012 11:14AM

  I know exactly what you are talking about. This is the first year of Thanksgiving and Christmas where I did not eat food like a drunken sailor.

I ate more then I usually do but not to the point of getting drunk on it.

I have also figured out what you did. This is not about being perfect. This is about getting to know ones self and what works best for our own self since each of us is so different and unique and special we have special and different ways of getting to our goals.

Taking this just one day at a time and if and when I do goof up I don't throw in the towel or throw out the baby with the bath water, I pick up again immediately and get right back on track and it is working for me.

Perfect we will never be, but doing as good as we can with each new day is very doable and a good way to live and experience life to the fullest.

Also when I use the food tracker it leads me to obsession over food and we are not meant to obsess over food.

I am learning to eat only when hungry which I am finding out is not too often and then eat till the hunger is gone which is showing me how little I need to eat and to eat to live and to fuel my body with nutrition dense food.

I feel much better in my physical body and am even losing weight doing this like this.

You are gaining much insight into how to life for yourself and to be healthy and balanced while doing it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBY4576 12/27/2012 11:07AM

    Was so happy to read your blog. You are doing so good. Enjoying life is a good thing to strive for. emoticon

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KELLIEBEAN 12/27/2012 11:04AM

    I have tears in my eyes. That is great progress!


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REFFIE1 12/27/2012 11:02AM

    Joy, I am so happy for you. It must be so freeing to be able to say you didn't binge over the Christmas holidays. I told you about my brush with candy cane ice cream - I could feel it triggering me to go on eating. I was surprised. I thought I was past all that. But then I wasn't surprised because you had bravely told us how you have to struggle with these eating issues on and off. That is the beauty of Sparkpeople. It not only gives us knowledge but we also know that we are not alone in our struggles, and daily ups and downs. I am proud of you for not bingeing, for replacing perfectionism with realism and for having the courage to disclose to us. You have let us help you, but you have helped us with your story and life experience. emoticon

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MELTEAGUE 12/27/2012 10:46AM

    Wonderful! way to go!

SO happy for you!

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CHRISTINASP 12/27/2012 10:44AM

    That is great! Thank you for sharing!

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IZZYBEBOP 12/27/2012 10:37AM

    I'm so proud of you! Awesome!

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SEATTLE58 12/27/2012 10:25AM

    emoticon emoticon You're doing it! I'm so proud of you!! You're doing so good at stopping and smelling the roses. with enjoying life!! emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/27/2012 9:44AM

    emoticon emoticon

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RISINGBLUESTAR 12/27/2012 9:00AM

    So proud of you. High five. Woohoo! :) emoticon

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PROUD-GRANDMA 12/27/2012 8:22AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Recovery During the Holidays

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Hi to all my Spark Friends,
A lot has happened since the last time I updated my blog.
Something very life changing occurred while I was recovering from my
hernia surgery. I finally was able to come to terms with the fact that
I have bulimia.

When ever I say the word "Bulimia" my knee jerk response is to make
sure that it is known that I don't throw up. Like it makes me better than
someone who not at all. That thinking goes right up there
with "My sin isn't as bad as your sin" And it all stinks just the same.

I finally went to my doctor a week ago and told them about my condition.
It was so hard, but I feel like a great weight was lifted off my shoulders
and much of the shame and secrecy I felt has started to evaporate.
They did some blood work to see if there has been any long term damage
from the ED, but thankfully the few problems they found
can be treated with some prescription vitamins and minerals.

This is my first Christmas abstaining from bingeing and purging.
Food and laxatives have been my way of holiday self medicating and
weight loss for many years now. I'm very thankful that this year is different.

I want to make a strong statement here.


If anything it will cause you to gain weight because the human body is smart.
It catches on that the food won't be there long, so it quickly absorbs as
many calories as it can while it has the chance.
So anyone who has purged or has considered it, please don't do that to
your body. It's not physically or mentally healthy.

I haven't been on SP as much as I use to be. Some days I find it to be very
triggering as far as the weight loss aspect. Dieting and eating disorders
are incompatible. Other days when I need support I always get it from my
Peppy Party Team. Even though they may not be walking in my shoes they
have compassion and are always there to help me keep moving forward.

As Christmas approaches my "rules" for staying on track with
my recovery are simple.

1. Don't get overly tired (Think beauty sleep) :)
2. Don't get overly committed. If my gut is "say no" then just say No
(politely of course)
3. Stay on my structured eating plan (every 3-4 hours,) allow myself my
1-2 small treats daily and write down what I'm eating
4. Ask for help when I need it.
5. Make sure I take a little "Me time" everyday. i can spare 15-30 minutes to
take care of myself in "non-food" ways.

I'm wishing all my SP friends a wonderful holiday season, and I hope to be back
more regularly after the first of the New Year.



emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDOSUE52 12/23/2012 1:16PM


Well done, Joy. The truth really does set us free, and if we can be a gentle voice for someone going through the same thing, if we can be a voice of reason during a rough season, then maybe it's worth it. We are all on a journey and I am happy to be walking mine, with you. Hang in there.

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KELLIEBEAN 12/23/2012 8:47AM

    My daughter has been struggling with bulimia and anxiety issues for several years. I remember how did difficult it was for her to start telling us and her recovery was difficult but she has made significant progress.

I'm so glad you have come to terms with your issue and that you are talking about it. That is so important. Please keep talking and asking for help!


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WENDYSPARKS 12/23/2012 7:18AM

    Glad you are getting the help you need....Blessings to you!

Wendy emoticon m emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 12/23/2012 12:20AM

    Joy, so very, very glad you are getting professional help with your ED. You are very brave and courageous to admit you have a problem and also to share it with us. Wishing you all the very best conquering this illness. I hope this is a new life for you. I have missed you on here, and will look forward to any time you feel like telling us how its going.
Wishing you and your family a special Christmas.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LILAC_LANE 12/22/2012 8:03PM

OCD and perfectionism is very common
In bulimia and eating disoders in general.
No you didn't offend me.
You spoke the trurh in love, and that is what
I admire about you!

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CHANGINGSAM 12/22/2012 8:01PM

    I'm so proud of you for choosing to seek help. I hope that the doctors are able to put you on a healthy track! I'm here if you need me! emoticon

Great plan for the holidays! Hope you have a merry Christmas! emoticon

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DEBBY4576 12/22/2012 6:39PM

    You have done so well in all aspects of your disorder. Definitely on the path to recovery. I don't know why but I got the feeling that many bulimics or at least you, have a minor OCD. I say this not to be unkind, because I have it too. It is the "trying to make the mind chatter of everything that needs done" and pushing myself that lead me to alcoholism. Well, at least that was one of the things. I've been sober going on 15 years. Somehow, the struggle you are going thru reminded me of that. Hope I've not insulted you with the comparison. I just felt a connection.

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DEDICATED2HIM 12/22/2012 3:27PM

    hi Joy,
I have really missed you --your blogs and seeing you in the RA team. I understand your reasons for your distance. I suffered with Anorexia for many many years and although my body does not look thin any longer, my brain still thinks like a person with ED and I know what you mean about the struggle when you are "dieting" and the difficulty that exists to keep oneself from going off the deep end. My daughter has bulemia and I know of those struggles also. You are brave to confess it --especially to yourself and to your doctor. Please come by as often as you can tolerate....if only to say Hi.
Love you girl!

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ANGRITTER 12/22/2012 2:04PM

    Baby steps, Joy. I am so very proud of you for bringing the ED into the light. It seems much less a secret once you have shared it in a SAFE place. You know that there is no judgement here, and that you are safe to share and that is the first of many steps.

You have talked to professionals, and that is the best thing for you. They are the ones who know it isn't a "just fix it" problem and will be able to steer you in the right direction. And by sharing, you are showing that you really do want to get better.

I am here to support you and to hold your hand if it needs holding and to listen and be that "wall" you can share all your issues with. (I talk to walls all the time because they don't tell on me!).

I wish you a happy holiday season, and please remember that when a ball is thrown to you, you can choose whether to catch it or let it fall. That is something someone told me 3 years ago and I have remembered it ever since.

Hugs, love and tremendous support for you,

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CINDYAST 12/22/2012 1:28PM

    It took guts for you to write this blog. emoticon Have a blessed Christmas.

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REFFIE1 12/22/2012 10:20AM

    I don't know if this will help you or not, but I do some pretty selective reading on Sparkpeople at times. I try not to judge, but I read a lot of blogs that strike me that the person is overexercising or doing restrictive eating. I choose to look at or befriend the inspirational people that are either humorous or just healthy in their approach to selecting foods and their exercise. I don't usually try to emulate someone on some sort of diet plan. I know as do you, diets don't work and in fact they actually make me crave whatever food the diet is restricting. I am glad you had the courage to tell about your bulimia and that you seem to have some really great strategies for not being overwhelmed during the holidays. Joy, I know that you will get through this. Just think about the New Year and spring and the feeling of renewed spirit that will be there waiting for you. I wish you love and comfort during your holidays. emoticon

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SEATTLE58 12/22/2012 10:14AM

    You did so awesome at writing this and I know it wasn't easy, but you did it and that's a good part of the recovery. Good for you! I'm so glad that you're on your way to good health. May 2013 be Merry and Bright for you and Happy Holidays to you too! emoticon
Hugs, Karen

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1EMMA2011 12/22/2012 9:44AM

    Thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful holiday season.

God Bless!


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CHRISTINASP 12/22/2012 8:31AM

    Thank you so much for sharing and being so courageous.
"Dieting and eating disorders are incompatible." This is my feeling, too.
Have a very merry christmas, Joy!

Comment edited on: 12/22/2012 8:32:03 AM

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TCANNO 12/22/2012 6:54AM

    You are on the right track, good luck as I hope you can keep with it.

Help is always on SP

Have a happy holiday


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Sunday, November 18, 2012

It's been over 3 weeks since I've updated my blog.
I am slowly recovering from my surgery, and I am
doing better physically. I can't say the same for my emotional health.
The holidays are the most stressful time of the year for me.
I have been fighting the urge to diet (and even purge at times)
for about 2-3 weeks now. Dieting is incompatible with recovering from an
eating disorder. I know that I can not diet if I want to get better and be free
of all my eating issues.

I'm 5'5 and 138 ponds, and I've finally come to realize that I don't need to
lose any more weight, and I don't have to keep trying to get the perfect body,
because there is no such thing as a perfect body. But when I see a magazine
cover or an article on weight loss it seems to trigger the urge to diet and it is
mentally draining. It's the reason why I haven't spent much time on Sparks
lately. I miss all my SP friends, but sometimes when I'm surfing around the
Sparks site I end up struggling even more. I'm hoping my brain and emotions
will calm down once the holidays are over.

I'm journaling and writing down what I eat, but I quit looking at calories and
nutrition info on the packaged food unless I'm looking at protein or iron content.
I'm still struggling with the scale and weighing everyday.
I really need take a vacation from my scale. I know it is making things worse,
but it is a very bad habit that I can't seem to break.

I guess I just wanted to let my SP friends know that I miss all of you
and I'm just working through some stuff right now.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OOLALA53 11/30/2012 12:28AM

    I shouldn't be comparing myself but I would have to weigh 14 lbs. less than I do to be as thin as you are. That stirs something in me, but I know I don't believe I overeat unreasonably and I won't be sucked in. It certainly isn't anything you would recommend.

When you're ready for another book that might help keep the inner eye expectations shaken up, try The Beauty Myth. It's a bit heavy on some feminist interpretation of some issues, but also very thought provoking. Just think what life would be like without mirrors or photography... To think that so much of our lives revolve around an issue that would be hard to sustain without them. I have pretty much weaned myself off magazines, but I still like TV and movies and they give a very narrow vision of what women should look like.

I understand your needing not to be here so much. Thank you for checking in! emoticon

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ANGRITTER 11/20/2012 8:48PM

    I hope you are feeling better soon and everything falls into place for you. it's miserable being down and limited in what you can do. Just imagine that energy bursting from you once you are all healed!

Gentle hugs,

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SERENEART 11/20/2012 6:40PM

    I have missed you too. I have been struggling also. Take it easy. emoticon

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DEDICATED2HIM 11/20/2012 5:28PM

    hi Joy....i've been missing you too. I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. It is good to write about your struggles --both to get support, but also advice and prayers. I will commit to pray for you for the next week. I will lift you up daily. Hang in there. HOlidays are hard on a lot of us for various reasons. TRy to find small pleasures in each day and don't allow yourself to indulge in any "stinkin' thinkin'" stay focused. Journal....and take it moment by moment if you have to.
Here a big emoticon Remember, I've got your back.

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RISINGBLUESTAR 11/20/2012 2:08AM

    I am glad you are recovering from surgery. I am sorry you are struggling a lot.

I definitely understand magazines being a trigger. It's good to keep in mind that those women are airbrushed & the photos are manipulated to make them look "perfect" but you are right, there is no such thing as a perfect body. Throw those magazines out. If you don't buy them and you just see them when you are standing in line at the store, remember that those images weren't created by people who have a healthy mindset or who have our health in mind.

You have put so much work into this & we are all very proud of the work you have done & continue to do. Just deciding to tackle this problem is something to be proud. Remember, recovery is a continuous process & there are definitely going to be periods of struggle. Like Sue stated, we want to be here for you & help you out so I hope you will blog about how you are feeling more often as well. I suggest you stick to browsing just certain parts of the website like the motivation/wellness sections & maybe one-two teams that you find helpful. Do what you can for now.

Try to think of one positive thing you like or love about yourself. It can be physical or it can be a personality trait. It can be that you like to help others, your eye color, etc. Focus on that positive thing & it may help you slowly begin to change that negative tape that is playing in your head. Remember, you deserve to be kind to yourself. You are worth getting well for.

I hope that with time, I will see you posting in the peppy party more because you shine on a light on the team & we miss that light.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Stay strong and keep fighting! emoticon


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A-NEW-TARA 11/19/2012 9:49PM

    It is good to see you blog, but I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. As you know so many of us have struggled and continue to struggle with eating disorders and the holidays sure can add to the stress that often trigger things. I'm glad you have a counselor, sucks she's gone during the holidays; do you belong to any support groups outside of Spark? I have a couple of suggestions that have helped me in the past and perhaps could help. First, I stopped looking at magazines just because they set us up for unrealistic ideas of what is beautiful and healthy. Secondly, do you have a family member or neighbor you can send your scale to, doesn't have to be forever just until you are feeling stronger and less tempted. Another tip is to spend time telling yourself the positive things to counteract the negative thinking that gets you tell yourself "I am beautiful," "I am healthy," "I love my body," etc. I know how difficult that can be especially when in the middle of an episode, but force your mind to say it...put sticky notes on your mirror, fridge, computer monitor etc. with positive words...slowly your mind will trigger those more positive thoughts over the negative.

You know we are always here for you, so don't hesitate to reach out again and often. I hope that you have a peaceful Thanksgiving. You're in my thoughts.

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CHANGINGSAM 11/19/2012 3:28PM

    Miss you too! Hope you are able to find some peace soon. emoticon

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CINDYAST 11/19/2012 2:39PM


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LILAC_LANE 11/19/2012 10:39AM

    Thanks everyone!
I am in counseling but my counselor is off the next 2 weeks. :(
I appreciate your encouragement and I'm just trying to take it day by day.

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_LINDA 11/19/2012 10:18AM

    So very sorry you are having these serious issues :(( Magazine covers drive me crazy -they are just 'air brushed' people designed to look as good as possible, if you saw them in real life without their heavy make up, you probably wouldn't even recognize them :P Try to get it in your head they aren't realistic. Women can't get a ripped physique unless they are taking steroids because we don't have the hormones to build muscle. Think Marylin Monroe. By today's standard's she would be considered overweight, but then she was an incredible beauty with all the womenly curves we all have naturally.
Please do seek professional help if you feel you can't do it alone. Those are too serious problems to be on your own.
So glad to hear from you and that you have recovered from your surgery..
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CANDOSUE52 11/19/2012 9:22AM

I hate that you're struggling. I encourage you to post MORE around here, not less, because the more we struggle, the more we need the support. Please don't isolate, in your pain. We want to be there for you.

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FATBASTICH 11/19/2012 7:36AM

    Hang in there. I hope that you are able to find some joy and peace in these coming weeks.

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FRACKTHATNOISE 11/19/2012 7:15AM

    We miss you too, Miss Lilac.

I hope you know we're all here to support you on your journey to health.

I'm so glad you're back here with us and I'm even more pleased to hear you're focusing on your health.

Much love.

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REFFIE1 11/18/2012 10:47PM

    Thank you for your honesty and it is good to know why we haven't heard from you. It is a relief to know you are alright. Right now, you need to do what you need to do for yourself. They say in an airplane crash even people with children should grab the air mask first so that they will be there to help their family. You obviously need to take some things off your agenda for now but we will always be here and happy for your return. emoticon

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MSMOSTIMPROVED 11/18/2012 9:47PM

    Stay strong Lilac! We love you and want you to just take good care of yourself! We will get through these holidays. Thinking of you and your family.

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RUNNING-LIFE 11/18/2012 9:46PM

    Awww Lilac I've been missing you! I'm glad that you've posted to let us give you some support. Try not to look at the scale-its only a number, concentrate instead on getting better. The rest will come in time.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEATTLE58 11/18/2012 9:22PM

    Awww Sweetie, it's so good to ehar from you again. Sorry about you feeling down. Just take a day at a time and don't worry about the scale so much. It's just a number. Go by how your clothes feel, how you feel. Are you getting your 5 freggies/day? I know that I hardly do and yet I know that I need to to be more healthy, so I keep trying at taking a day at a time. I did today eat over 5 and that makes me feel better mentally and physically. We're all in this same boat in alot of ways. Just concentrate on getting all better too and the rest will fall into line. Happy Thanksgiving to you! emoticonand emoticon too!

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2 Weeks Post-Op and still side-lined

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Thank You! to everyone who has sent me get well wishes and
who are still praying for me. I appreciate it sooo much. I had my surgery
2 weeks ago tomorrow. My incision is healing nicely but I've had some other
complications. I started bleeding badly when I got home and went back
to the hospital that same night. I was very dizzy and tired last week from
the blood loss, but my doc and I are in agreement that we both would like
to avoid a blood transfusion. My last blood draw wasn't great but it was better.
I've been resting a lot, taking iron three times a day, and trying very hard to
not have a pity party. The dizzy spells are less frequent and I have been able
to get out a little. I tried driving today but it was painful and I think I'm going to
wait until after the weekend to try that again.

Most of you know that I have been binge free for over three months now.
I started seeing a female counselor who specializes in eating disorders at
the beginning of October. I'm glad I did because I've had a few close calls with
the food since I've been laid up. I actually look forward to seeing my counselor
each week, and I wish I would have started sooner. She has really helped me
deal with the frustration I've encountered over the past few weeks.

I've had to put some of my Spark's goals on hold, but I have managed to log
in everyday and not break my streak. I even logged in from my phone while
I was in the hospital though I barely remember a whole lot from those two days.
I miss walking and working out but I know I need to wait a little longer and take it slow.

Thanks again for all your encouragement. It has really helped make the past
two weeks a lot more bearable.


emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEDODGEBALL 11/13/2012 8:56AM

    I hope your feelinng better since this blog. I'm glad you found a counselor you like. I also have a female therapist and I really like her. Well hang in there and keep us updated.

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1EMMA2011 11/6/2012 10:23PM

    Hope you feel better soon and wishing you all the best, emoticon

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KELLIEBEAN 11/1/2012 8:27PM

    I hope you are feeling better this week. I'm glad you saw a counselor. My daughter struggles with an eating disorder as well. It's a difficult struggle. I'm thinking about you and hoping for brighter days ahead!

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 10/26/2012 10:37PM

    We do what we can do. It's great you stay connected. SP is a blessing to so many of us.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Lots of (((angel emoticon ))) -Bri

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RISINGBLUESTAR 10/26/2012 12:05AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CINDYAST 10/25/2012 3:45PM

    Miss you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANGRITTER 10/25/2012 1:11PM

    I truly love the counselor idea and am happy you look forward to seeing her! That's new to hear as I have never had anyone tell me they are happy to see their counselor. That means you two have bonded and are working in tune with each other.

Please rest and don't push it too far. More rest can only get you better, but more movement, including driving, can only do more damage. And you can't go back once you've started to overdo it.

Take care and my best wishes are there with you!


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CHANGINGSAM 10/25/2012 10:53AM

    I'm glad the surgery went well and that you are healing nicely. Hope the rest of recovery is quick! emoticon

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FATBASTICH 10/25/2012 9:21AM

    hang in there.

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WINNINGBATTLE 10/25/2012 8:00AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CANDOSUE52 10/25/2012 6:35AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHANGING4ME49 10/25/2012 5:17AM

    Praying things continue to improve for you. Take it easy. You have been through a lot. It will take time for you to be back at your fullest. emoticon my friend! emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 10/25/2012 12:28AM

    It's amazing how much a surgical procedure totally wipes us out. Rest, recuperate, feel better soon!

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_LINDA 10/25/2012 12:11AM

    I hope you see some improvement soon.. That is great you are seeing a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. All too many people won't seek help with it :(
Soothing thoughts, comforting hugs and healing thoughts sending your way.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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A-NEW-TARA 10/24/2012 11:07PM

    Getting your health back to full strength is what is important now, so take the time you need to heal. I am so glad you have a counseler you trust and that is helping through the difficult times. Keeping you in my prayers, rest lots and know that all of us here love you.

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LITTLEBO 10/24/2012 10:12PM

    emoticon slow and steady wins the race...that applies to everything in life...including recovering from surgery..... emoticon

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TORTISE110 10/24/2012 9:02PM

    I am so sorry you are suffering at all. You deserve better! Keep healing, keep hanging. You are a Spark inspiration. Signing in even when you are hurting! It isn't just about points... You are strong; you will get better! It's a privilege to know you! emoticon

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SHRINK_U 10/24/2012 8:20PM

    It is so nice that your counselor has been such a great help to you. I hope things continue to get better. It is great to have a news update from you.


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SEATTLE58 10/24/2012 6:06PM

    Wow, I'm so glad to hear from you again! You'll be getting better and better I know, because it sounds like you really have a doctor who cares. That sure puts us more at ease, doesn't it?! And good for you to talk to a counselor! That's what I should do! Wow, even writing from the hospital! Now that's dedication! That's how you'll get help weight-wise too. Good girl! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REFFIE1 10/24/2012 6:05PM

    It is wonderful to hear from you and that you are at least getting a bit better. Hopefully, you will get better every day. How great that you kept on sparking even though you spark was a little dulled by unfortunate circumstances. Good thing you had a counselor to prevent a binge. Just keep taking it easy and don't take on too much, too soon. Still thinking of you with healing thoughts emoticon

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DEBBY4576 10/24/2012 5:33PM

    Woo Hoo you blogged!!!! We are getting our Joy back!!! So glad your counselor is helping you. I think you were guided to her by God. He knew you had a rough road ahead and didn't want you to struggle more than you could take!!!

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CHANGING-TURTLE 10/24/2012 5:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAMAEL100 10/24/2012 4:59PM

    Hope you begin to feel better soon. It is great that you have managed to stay binge free through it all. Well done!

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FRACKTHATNOISE 10/24/2012 4:56PM

    We're all here for you, wonderful Lilac.

I hope things continue to improve, and I'm sure they will!

Keep your strength up, your goals can wait until you're strong enough!


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Surgery Tomorrow

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Well it's almost here. Tomorrow I will get my
hernia repaired around lunch time.
I'm a wimp, and the thought of a 2 inch incision makes
me cringe. But it could have been worse, and it wasn't.
I have insurance, and I will have extra help for my
2 special-needs kids. For that I am VERY thankful.

I don't have time to thank everyone individually for all the Spark's Goodies,
good wishes, prayers and support I have received. But if you are reading this
then THANK YOU! Thank you for cheering me up and for rooting me on as I
continue to and stay binge free. Thank you for all the cheering when I get a
fitness trophy. Those have been harder to come by the past 2-3 weeks.
Thank you for all the positive comments you leave on my blog and my Spark page.
And thank you to all my SP friends and team members who have been
encouraging me to keep moving forward. You really make a difference.
Sometimes I'm close to tears when I read all my messages and replies you all
leave for me.

I'm not sure how much I will be sparking after I get home tomorrow, but
I plan on spinning the wheel so I don't break my streak. :)
I will try to at least update my status when I get home.

Thanks again to everyone who has been there for me!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARINEMAMA 10/24/2012 7:41PM


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WENDYSPARKS 10/24/2012 2:31PM


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DEELB1 10/23/2012 1:18AM

  emoticon emoticon

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NYKIMMIE 10/13/2012 8:17AM

    Its Saturday,i hope your feeling better and on the road to recovery. emoticon

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SEATTLE58 10/12/2012 11:18AM

    Much love and hugs to you, my dear! You'll be all the healthier because you did it. emoticon

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CALLME3NI 10/11/2012 2:10PM

    much love and support to you! emoticon

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LIFE-FAITH 10/11/2012 12:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Thinking of you - I pray your surgery goes well.
God Bless you!

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IZZYBEBOP 10/11/2012 12:36PM

    Best of luck and emoticon

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DEBBY4576 10/11/2012 10:51AM

    My daughter at five had an inguinal hernia repaire that she was born with. Got her home and she decided to go for her BIG WHEEL to ride. We caught her. I don't think you will feel like a child does, that doesn't know they hurt, but I'm hoping you have it go a lot better than you expected and less pain.

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RISINGBLUESTAR 10/11/2012 10:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Good luck! :)

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08ESCAPE 10/11/2012 9:42AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I will be thinking of you.. Good luck.

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CHRISTINASP 10/11/2012 9:36AM

    ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) I'm thinking good thoughts for you.

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FATBASTICH 10/11/2012 9:01AM

    Good luck!

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CHICA125KML 10/11/2012 6:58AM

    Good luck with your surgery! You'll be in my prayers!! emoticon emoticon

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_LINDA 10/11/2012 2:22AM

    All the best Joy! That two inch zipper will heal in no time and you won't even notice it! You will be in my thoughts..Surgery is always a frightening experience, going into the unknown, its nothing to be ashamed of to admit being scared. As many of them as I have had, I still get nervous before having one..
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHANGING4ME49 10/11/2012 12:22AM

    Wishing you all the best on your surgery tomorrow. God bless and prayers for a speedy recovery. emoticon my friend!

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DJ4HEALTH 10/10/2012 10:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEDICATED2HIM 10/10/2012 10:57PM

    God bless you tomorrow Joy, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. You'll do great and be back Sparking in no time. Love you girl...

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REFFIE1 10/10/2012 8:57PM

    You will be up and at em in no time. Wishing you all the best. - Wendy emoticon

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SERENEART 10/10/2012 8:57PM

    praying and sending positive vibes your way for the surgery. Hope it goes well. Take care.

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A-NEW-TARA 10/10/2012 8:25PM

    You'll continue to be in my prayers with lots of healing energy being sent your way. I'm so glad you will have the help at home you will need after the surgery. You'll be feeling so much better quickly and once you heal up, there will be no stopping you! For now, rest, rest!

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SPARKLISE 10/10/2012 8:04PM

    Praying that everything goes well! emoticon

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HDHAWK 10/10/2012 7:35PM

    Good luck tomorrow!

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PEDODGEBALL 10/10/2012 7:35PM

    My thoughts are with you tomorrow. I hope you have a pain free recovery.

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MELTEAGUE 10/10/2012 7:28PM

    I hope it all goes well and that you have a speedy recovery!~ I am so glad you have the help and support you need at home!

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CANDOSUE52 10/10/2012 7:23PM


Hugs to you, Sweetie Pie. Rest in the knowledge that God has it ALL under control.
I will email you tomorrow night and if you are up to responding, I can update the rest of the group for you. You are a brave little girl.

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CINDYAST 10/10/2012 7:20PM

    emoticon emoticon Prayed for you just now, not just for a successful surgery, but that you'd sleep well tonight and be able to trust the Lord with this. I know it's hard to do.

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KELLIEBEAN 10/10/2012 7:08PM

    Good luck to you tomorrow! Speedy recovery! I look forward to reading a update how yo are doing!

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