Monday, November 01, 2010
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my butt. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
I thought this was really cute!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in propoartion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to recieve from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possiblity for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
10. I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Owed Two A Spell Chequer
Eye halve a spelling chequer,
it came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques, four my revue,
miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid,
it nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite
it's rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
my chequer tolled me sew.
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Monday, October 25, 2010
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish. "Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." said the wife.
The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -abracadabra! - the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: "Fairies are female."
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The links of courage
made a chain
that cannot be broken...
The hands that made
each golden link
left me a priceless token.
My heritage has been the shield
that kept me strong and free...
The woman that I am today
now walks victoriously.
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