Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Yesterday was quite the eventful day. When I picked my daughter up from day care she had fallen from the monkey bars and hurt her wrist. She wasn't crying at first but after we got home it became a different story. I got her an ice pack and started making dinner. We had a busy night planned with my son's t-ball practice starting in an hour. I thought it was just sprained because she's a tough cookie and didn't seem to be in that much pain. As I was rushing around trying to get everything ready she became more uncomfortable and then it started...she wanted daddy. This was when I knew it must really be hurt. I called my mom, (she's always quick to run to my aide and I'm SO thankful for this!). She rushed over to help me assess the situation. We decided to get ex-rays and I'm glad we did. It was fractured!!
My daughter was a brave little girl and didn't cry at all once we got to the hospital. She loves being made over and the center of attention. She soaked up all of the attention from the doctors and nurses, which was pretty cute if I do say so myself. As for mommy, I was stressed. Not only was my daughter in pain but we were also going to the same hospital DH went to when he had his heart attack. I could remember everything with such clarity...and being in the same hospital which held so many painful memories was going to be hard! I did some self talk and reminded myself how strong I was as I pulled up to the entrance. I thought, if they even put us into that same room I'm gonna flip! Luckily they didn't, and when we passed by it I did a quick glance and kept on walking. Yep, there it was...that room, that hall, that door...the place that's the setting of those memories I struggle with blocking out. After a quick glance and a deep breath, we were settled in and things were okay.
I've told my husband that I'd try to leave him alone and not call on him so much so that he can play and enjoy heaven, and that's what I've done. Last night I realized though, he doesn't always listen! Maybe he came in spirit because our daughter called on him, but I know he was there. He gave me so much strength and provided our little girl with the comfort she needed to be strong and brave for those doctors. (I thought his little trick with the motion sensor sink was awfully ingenious too!)
So today is going to be better! My daughter was anxious to go to school and show off her cast which she wears like a badge of honor! I'm a little worried but what mother wouldn't be. It's also going to be a good day because those 2 pounds I had regained were gone again! WOOT! I'm back on track nutrition wise and ready to kick May's butt! May goals include all of Aprils, plus 10 minutes of exercise daily and to hit 160 by the time we leave for vacation at the end of the month. I'm at 165.2 this morning....I can do this, AND I WILL!
Monday, April 26, 2010
So yesterday was the big day and I really enjoyed myself! I admit, I found it pretty difficult to have fun and to be productive when all I wanted to do was lay on my couch and sleep. I procrastinated with the pampering for a bit and finally made myself get up and going. I pretty much forced myself to get in the car and go, reminding myself that I'd have fun once I start shopping.
So I started off by looking for some new clothes. I found a couple of really cute tops and found myself smiling and posing in front of the mirror in no time! Then it was off to the shoe store. I'm not a big shoe gal but I heard this little bird in my head saying, "Grabber's wear heals!" So I went for it. I looked at the heels instead of the flip flops or tennies and found THE PAIR!! They're hot and I tell ya what, I feel hot wearing them! (Thanks TEENY_BIKINI!!) After that I went and got my hair cut. I didn't go for that short do, just my usual trim but I did get some long, sassy bangs which I'm super excited about. The gal didn't have time to do any highlighting so I stopped by Walmart and got a cheap box of dye. I highlighted my bangs and a few wisps in front and it actually turned out pretty good! I was so excited to get all dolled up for y'all and take some pics and then my blow dryer died! ugh! I had to let my hair air dry and straighten it this morning. I'm wearing one of my new tops and my new heels!! I feel great about myself and am so glad that I took the time to focus on ME!
It was quite the challenge to not lay around in my pj pants and gorge on chinese food. It seemed very convenient that my favorite chinese restaurant was just a block away from his grave. I thought about stopping and satisfying my craving quite a few times actually. But instead I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a low cal version of what I was craving, in a healthy choice meal. I was soooo very pleased to see that I lost weight this weekend!!! Given it's only decimal points but it was a loss...on a weekend...a very emotionally tough weekend! I did it! I felt like binging all weekend but did I? NO! And I couldn't be happier w/ this.
So today I'm feeling great and looking good! (If I must say so myself!) It was one of the hardest things I've done to spoil myself while feeling so depressed on the inside but ya know what, it paid off. I want to thank all of you who supported me and encouraged me to go pamper myself. If it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't have done so. I didn't want to let you guys down and be posting a blog today saying how I couldn't get my butt up off the couch and moped around. I'm posting a blog that says..."I DID IT!" And I'm worth it!
p.s. Stay tuned for pics!! I'll try to upload tonight!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Well today is off to a slow and lazy start. The steady rain outside is making it very easy to be a lazy bum. The kids are going strong though and are begging to go see a movie. I'm thinking their idea sounds pretty fun actually. Something to do together without exerting much energy! lol We've already had a heated game of hungry hungry hippos, which was a blast. There was one hippo that didn't have a player so my son quickly suggested that it was Daddy's hippo. We took turns playing for him and I smiled as I imagined him watching and playing from heaven. It's little moments like those that warm my heart.
So tomorrow is the birthday celebration for DH. After much thought I've decided to just make it a day to spoil myself. I've had no motivation whatsoever to do anything for myself, i.e. buy myself anything, get my hair done, nails done, or anything. There's been days I plan to do so, but end up not having the energy or desire so I end up either doing nothing or visiting his grave. I've also made it a point to memorialize him at every holiday or special occasion and have probably put myself through more stress than I needed in doing that. Last year on his birthday I rented a park shelter at the American Legion Lake where DH's favorite fishing spot was. I invited nearly 100 people and we celebrated Chris's life in an awesome way. We grilled burgers, hot dogs, played horse shoes, had a helium balloon kit to set off balloons to heaven, potato sack races, and of course...fishing! (a fav past time of Chris's) The kids LOVED it and even asked if they could do this every year! lol! I'd really like to take them fishing again this year but I know once we get there and start catching fish, I won't know what the heck I'm doing. I can't get a fish off the hook w/o jumping and screaming like a girl?!! I'd probably be like, "Ok put that rod down and I'll get ya a new one." LOL!
So this year my mom is planning on picking up the kids after church and giving me a day to spoil the heck out of myself!! I'm gonna start off by buying a new outfit...something cute, something flattering, and something SAUCY! hehe I think after that I'll buy me some new shoes and then will need a pedicure of course! Then...it's off to the hair salon to get my hair did!!!! I'm so excited. I think I'll go all out and get some highlights, maybe even a darker shade on the bottom. Definitely need a cut and maybe I'll finally get that short hairstyle I've been itchin to try but have always thought I'm too fat to pull off. I think after losing 24 pounds it's about time to spoil myself! I think doing all of that for myself will be a challenge but ya know what?!! I'M FREAKIN WORTH IT!! I've worked so hard to get to where I am right now. I'm not going to make it a day of moping around and crying, I'm going to celebrate the beautiful woman and wonderful mother that I've become!
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