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LESLIES537's Recent Blog Entries

I love my Spark Friends!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I feel like a big weight has been lifted since I blogged yesterday. I can't thank you guys enough for the overwhelming support you've given to me. I don't feel so alone. Finally, I have a place to let out my emotions and not feel like I'm being judged or taken pity upon. A place where I can vent my feelings, a place to ask for prayer. I believe in the power of prayer, and to know that my friends are lifting me up...well it's simply amazing! emoticon

So I feel like I'm back on track eating wise. I've had a few emotional binges and snuck into the Easter candy again, emoticon, but I'm not worried about it. I stepped on the scale today and was down a pound! Woot! The scales moving again and still in the right direction too! The compliments are still flooding in and it feels great to have some confidence back.

In the past I've lost weight and have gotten down to this size 12 before. I've been able to pull out many things in my closet that I haven't worn in years. But one thing I've been thinking about is how I've never been smaller than this. I get satisfied at this weight b/c to me...it's skinny--compared to how I've looked most my life. I'm happy with the way I look so I start slacking on the diet, eventually gaining every pound back. Well not this time! I've evaluated what makes me plateau at this weight and I'm not letting it happen again! One of my big goals is to look good naked...and honey, no one would think these thighs and gut would look sexy! lol

I also got a small reality check from my daughter the other day. She was complimenting me on my outfit, (so cute btw), and saying how she could really tell mommy had lost weight. (she knows I'm trying cuz she sees me suck in my belly and check myself out in the mirror all the time, lol) So I say to her, "You think mommy looks skinny?" To which she replies, "Yea, if you suck in!" The honesty of children cracks me up, lol!

I read a sparkers comment where they were talking about how they weighed 160 and were wearing a size 8. I thought to myself, a SIZE 8?!! (considering my body build it'll probably be more around size 10, but still...I'd be thrilled!) I don't think I've ever worn that...could it be, only 7 more pounds and I'm down to that size?! WOO HOO! New mini-goal set. Lose 7 pounds. That is so doable! emoticon

I hope you all have a wonderful night and a fabulous Friday! God Bless you all!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUN2MYDREAMS 4/23/2010 8:15PM

    And we love you! Keep on shooting for the moon, reaching for the stars my friend. emoticon Your goal is definitely doable. Be sure and get rid of any extra candy-you'll get to your goal even faster emoticon YOU CAN DO THIS LESLIE! emoticon

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RUSSELLORAMA 4/23/2010 2:35PM

    Weights look so different on people, it's amazing. And I'm always impressed by clothing sizes but then I realize that every manufacturer sizes them differently too! And don't ask that skinny question, it's a trap! LOL!

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IUHRYTR 4/23/2010 1:17PM

    Out of the mouths of babes, right? Keep up the good effort. -- Lou

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MOMFAN 4/23/2010 2:14AM

    Cheering you on skinny!

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HEALTHYARTIST1 4/23/2010 1:41AM

    I read your touching comment on my page and thank you so for the comment. God does provides angels throughout our lives and I know God works through us and if my moment of writing to you was a God moment then we both have been blessed.
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MISSDREA3 4/23/2010 1:34AM

    Love you too girl!
Loving that you are setting new goals and you gotta love little kids!
They really do make us laugh!


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MTNHIKER1971 4/22/2010 11:27PM

    You're doing great! Keep up the momentum!

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GSREMUS5 4/22/2010 9:24PM

  Kids are so cute! My nephew asked why my butt is so big. Stinker got me thinking though!

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WINGSONME 4/22/2010 7:48PM

    Hello, I tell you what, one day you are going to suck in, and then realize you have nothing to suck in, it truly is you. Have a sweet nite.wings

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JOURNEYOFHOPE 4/22/2010 7:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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YESITSDEB 4/22/2010 7:17PM

    You go girl! Keep sparking and keep being the strong you that you are. Nice goal and very doable! Rock it! emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 4/22/2010 6:49PM

    emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 4/22/2010 6:24PM

    Hi Leslie... it was great reading your blog tonight and seeing that you're feeling better about things. Hey, I just want you to know that the 160 and size 8 is kind of subjective. You probably know this already, but for instance: I am 176 and wear a size 12. I am 5'8" and have a large bone structure. I think that when I am 160, I will only be in a size 10 because there won't be any room for my bones! (that is still to be found out! lol) It all depends on your height, bone structure, and stuff like that, I think. So just be careful that you don't compare yourself (like I often do!) to someone with a completely different make up than you have.

Hey, we're both at about the same spot on our journey! Let's be accountable to each other and see if that will help us... what do you think? Lori

Talk to you soon! emoticon emoticon

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GRANLUND 4/22/2010 6:23PM

    So funny! I know what you mean about the size 12 thing. The last time I was working on losing weight I was so thrilled that I was wearing a size 12 that I started slacking off. I didn't gain it all back or anything, but the size 12's started getting snug. I started looking at photos of a heavier me and it inspired me to really do it this time. I'm now wearing a size 10, which I do not ever remember doing before. I think I went from a size 14 in girls clothes directly to a size 14 in adults...is that possible???? I tried on a pair of size 8 jeans the other day and I could actually button them. Now, I wasn't going anywhere out in public, but they buttoned..AND I could sit down!!!! It is such a remarkable feeling.

You are going to do this. I know that you can do it! Keep plugging away, exercising, and logging and blogging! YOU can do it, my friend!

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SALINA78 4/22/2010 6:05PM

    WOOHOO!
Love hearing you sound so great!

The things kids say crack me up!
I LOVE it!!!

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Smiling from Heaven

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

So much to blog about...where should I begin?!

First off, I haven't been blogging as much lately and I know one reason is because of my more somber mood. But I was thinking on my lunch break about it and also concluded that I'm also intimidated! You guys have such moving, motivational blogs. Who wants to hear about me and my pity party or my small successes. Then I read a blog and it was like that aha moment...someone might just relate to what I'm going through and it could help them just to know that there's someone else out there like them, with the same struggles, aspirations, victories and losses. New goal--blog more! I definitely thrive on the support I get from my dear spark friends. You guys have been here for me when it seems like no one else really is. One thing I've learned from grieving is that there is a TON of support and help at your fingertips immediately after your loss. Then as the months pass, people slowly stop calling and the cards get fewer and more far between. Now that it's been over a year since my husband passed, I feel people have, in a sense, forgotten about me. Maybe they think I'm "all better" or "over it", or think I should be. Or maybe they've run out of things to say. I do understand that it's hard to talk about death. That's what we have been socialized to "not know" about. No one talks about it. Just ask your yourself, how many classes have you ever taken on grieving or the mourning process? We as a society are ill prepared to deal with death and the situations they bring about. So I understand, I really do. I know there are people who still think of me and pray for me, atleast I hope. But here, at Spark People, I KNOW there are people here that will understand and support me...no matter how long it's been since my husband's death or what minor set-back or obstacle I face. You understand that I'm very much still in my healing process, this is what brings me here in the first place, right? I feel comfortable talking about it here, besides...where else do I have to do that?

So it's days until my DH's birthday. He would've been the big 4 0. What fun we woulda had! He'd have hated it I'm sure, and I'd have loved every minute of rubbing it in his face, lol! What good times to be had. I feel so cheated, for his sake. He deserves to celebrate this birthday. The good really do die young. It's a damn shame too.

Okay, enough pity party. I'm going to make this birthday a great one, FOR ME! I've worked so very hard on getting to where I am now. I'm stronger than I've ever been before. I feel it in my soul that I am blossoming into the person I've always wanted to be, the person God intended on me to be. I'm gonna make this bday not only about him and keeping his memory alive, but also about me and the blessings I have and the bright future I hold.

Please pray for my continued strength and for comfort and happiness for my family. It breaks my heart every time I hear the quiet, almost silent cry coming from my daughter's room at night. I know she's thinking of daddy as I go in there and console her. I'm done with trying to think of the perfect thing to say or do. I just sit there and hold her, hug her and tell her it's ok. I rub her back until she's back to sleep and sometimes even sing. Moments after I leave the room my tears flow. It still breaks my heart that there's nothing I can do as a mother to take the pain away. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to mourn the most wonderful man we've ever met. I'm blessed to have him as my Guardian Angel and strive to make him smile from heaven.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUSSELLORAMA 4/23/2010 2:31PM

    You need what you need when you need it. I know for a fact that there's no timeline for grief. Just when you think you're "over" it or at least, doing better, something pops up, some random memory or even a familiar smell, and those feelings are so fresh and raw again. Not trying to bring you down, just letting you know that you are not alone in these feelings.

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JOURNEYOFHOPE 4/22/2010 5:03PM

    Praying for you that God would continue to give you strength and peace to you and your family! Many blessings to you:) Take care and lean on Jesus! emoticon

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MEGANC1988 4/22/2010 2:59PM

    emoticon

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FIERCE_FABULOUS 4/22/2010 12:51PM

    Hi Leslie, You aren't alone. You are right, there is so much love and support to be found here on SP. Grieving is a tough tough process. I am sorry for your loss. And it broke my heart to read about your daughter. I hope and pray that you and your daughter keep his memory alive and strong in your hearts. He is surely looking down and smiling at you from heaven. I am sending you big hugs during this time of need. You are a strong brave woman. God bless you and your daughter. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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YESITSDEB 4/22/2010 12:16PM

    I can tell you one thing for sure.......You are NOT alone. My heart aches and my tears flow right with you (literally). Go ahead, make a cake and celebrate his big 40. Perfectly normal and healthy. It's going to be one of those moments (days or even weeks) that its really tough and you'll shed a lot of tears. Tears of joy, from the memories, and tears of sadness, from the loss. Again, perfectly normal and healthy.

You are STRONG and you will get through this time. Then the next "occasion" will come up and you'll go through it all again. In time, the tears may be fewer, but the memories will only grow!

I will continue to keep you all in prayers as you remember and celebrate the big 40! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUN2MYDREAMS 4/22/2010 11:59AM

    Sending lots of emoticon emoticon ,support & and prayers your way at this time & always. You are a strong woman, Leslie. NEVER forget that! You are doing awesome and I'm so grateful & blessed to have you in my life & on my journey!

YOU CAN DO THIS! emoticon

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MRYTYLER 4/22/2010 10:21AM

    Your blog puts so much into perspective and I for one am so glad you wrote it. I know your DH is looking down at you and your kids from heaven supporting you in every way he can and probably beaming and hoping you know how proud he is of you. I wish your birthday party to be everything you want it to be, and more.
And please know that anytime you want to have a pity party to please come back.

Mary

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LINDA25427 4/22/2010 12:01AM

    Hi Leslie your blog is beautiful. So sorry for your loss of your husband. My heart aches for you and your 2 children .Praying for you. Hope the BD in your husbands honor is everything you want it to be and you find comfort in it . Take care God .Bless . emoticon emoticon

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MOMFAN 4/21/2010 11:54PM

    emoticonI'll listen any time you want to talk! Or just need someone to hold you up in prayers I can do that too! Sometimes just being there is the right thing to do.

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WINGSONME 4/21/2010 11:26PM

    Hello Leslie,
Your blog was needed, it was beautiful, it was very touching, it is not a pity party, it is you, and your family's pain and we all pray for you, and we understand, so never feel like a pity party thing. You are going through a unbelievable time in your life no young wife or mother, or children should ever have to.
At the SOS meeting I attend, they tell us all the time, that there is just one word, or sentence,or sharing a feeling, that one can say, turns out to mean the world to someone else, at our meeting, so do share, we are all hear for you, and yes make his birthday special, like they tell us,plant a garden, tree, etc. go somewhere, hang a special picture do something special to honor the one we love who is not with us. Peace God Bless you. wings

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ANGIEFAYE818 4/21/2010 11:10PM

    Bless your heart! You are in my prayers! Prayers of comfort that only God can give! You are so strong! I'm here for you, as I know you are there for me! Thinking of you!!!
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KRYANPRINCESS 4/21/2010 10:22PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ILLINITEACHER52 4/21/2010 10:01PM

  You and your daughter will be in my prayers. Just be there for her and hopefully people will be there for you too. It is Ok to ask for support. Because of your blog I will send a card to parents who lost a child 2 years ago. (I'm sure they will never be totally "over" his death.) Also, my sister lost her husband the day before he turned 30. Their son was 13 months old at the time. He just got married last year and it was so nice to see a picture of his Dad at the wedding, and also they played a song that his Dad had made up for my sister that was very appropriate for the wedding. I have said that so thet you might be thinking ahead to a time when your daughter might want to remember her Father in some special way. It might help to think ahead now about how she wants to remember him.
(Have plenty of tissues around. It was a very emotional time but also very special and healing.) May God bless you.

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/21/2010 7:52PM

    I am so glad you came here and shared your story. You are the epitome of strength and courage and an example of the triumph of the human spirit.

I am so touched by your story and I have nothing but admiration and love for the strength you exhibit everyday.

No that there are people who care that don't even know you. Know that when and if you need them - they can be there for you too.

Thank you for blogging and please do it anytime you need support.

You are beautiful.

XOXO

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CULACCINA 4/21/2010 7:50PM

    A friend of mine lost her husband last October. We had not seen each other for years, and I found out what happened when another friend called me about my mom. We still don't see eachother that much, but I text her each time I can, just to remind her she can count on me. That's the most important for me.
People don't realice you miss him every day, several times a day, maybe several times an hour. Keep moving, girl. Miss him, remember, but keep moving. We can totally pull this off :)
Hugs, love and more hugs!


Comment edited on: 4/21/2010 7:54:16 PM

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REDRUNNERMOM713 4/21/2010 7:37PM

    You are amazing girl!! You have come so far in just the few months I've known you. We are all here for you at any time! You are so strong and have a great way of looking at things and you're right...you and your kids ARE blessed to have him keeping watch over you from heaven!!! emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 4/21/2010 7:35PM

    What a brave thing to do. I am so pleased that you decided to continue blogging on a regular basis. You are the best mum ever. You are right, you can't keep the pain away but you can hold her in her pain. There is a fantastic web site called "circle of security", it has some great graphics which will show where you're daughter is at in her circle.

Hope the 40th celebration for you're departed hubby goes well.

It is my sister's 40th on the 1st of May. That is one of the reasons that I am away from my hubby and here in Tasmania, Australia to help her celebrate!

Thinking of you.

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MISSDREA3 4/21/2010 6:02PM

    Wow! I have to go get another box of tissue!You are such a strong woman. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you. Know that I think that you are a fabulous mom, who is doing her best and I know your children appreciate it! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Honey!
I am so happy that you are going to celebrate his birthday!
Big Hugs...Drea

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GRANLUND 4/21/2010 5:52PM

    Thank you so much for sharing with us. Your sharing helps us realize how precious life is. How one minute what we take for granted can all change. My losses have all been our babies (we have 4 babies in heaven) and I know exactly what you mean about no one remembering that you are still grieving. People just don't know what to say, so sometimes they say things that come out all wrong (Like "It's ok, you are young and you can have another child") or they just don't say anything. Even though my most recent loss was on June 1st, 2005 it still feels like it was yesterday in many ways. No one else remembers that day with the clarity that I do and it is difficult when the day approaches. The only one who truly knows is God. I've found that although the pain of my losses is still heavy on my heart I've also learned a new appreciation for the people in my life and how precious life is. It's like I was at a 3-D movie without the crazy glasses on before my first loss and now after my 4th baby went to heaven I have the glasses on and every little thing in life that I used to take for granted is crystal clear. Find ways to appreciate the blessings in your life while you remember the good times and know that we are all here for you!

Praying for you and your dear family. You are a wonderful mother!

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MONIKALW81 4/21/2010 5:36PM

    I always enjoy reading your blogs...no matter what they're about! There are times when I just don't have the words to respond about your husband...I feel so deeply for you. But I think you're right...talking about death is not easy and this causes some people to just avoid the subject altogether.

I'm so glad you feel like you have a good support system here on spark.
My prayers go out to you and your family.

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KARBIE18 4/21/2010 5:07PM

    Saying my prayers here, too. I can't tell you how glad I am that, if you have to be in this situation, you have this supportive community. Don't ever worry about your blog being inspirational enough - I admire you tremendously, and am grateful you have a place to share your feelings.

You are a wonderful mother. All you can do is do your best, and the rest will work itself out.

Enjoy the birthday celebration,
Karen

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TRIGFROST 4/21/2010 5:02PM

    Sorry to hear about Hubby... take your time and do your best on this site...God will heal the boken heart..That's in His Word...
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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 4/21/2010 4:40PM

    Oh, Leslie, what a REAL blog. I am really grateful that the church I attend has a class just for grieving! Your blog and thoughts helped me to realize that I just need to pick up the phone and call my dear friends who's husbands died of ALS and a heart attack before they turned 50. I really love these friends, and maybe life just keeps butting in, but they are WORTH my time to tell them that they are loved and thought of often by me, and maybe we could go do something.

Love you, Leslie. What a precious mother you are! I'm glad we're friends! emoticon

By the way! NEVER stop blogging! I LOVE your blogs!

Comment edited on: 4/21/2010 4:41:06 PM

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HEALTHYARTIST1 4/21/2010 3:46PM

    You are just blossoming and becoming the woman God has planned for you to be. We are all on our own personal journeys, there are hills and valleys that we travel and we learn and grow from all of them, even as we wonder why we had to experience certain things. As you feel your husband being your guardian angel I wish your daughter could feel that also, that her dad is always beside her, loving her, knowing of her pain, and wanting her to grow into the woman she is meant to be. She will always have her daddy in her heart and soul, nothing can take that away. When you hold her and look at her know she is the perfect blend of you and your husband and she is one of the gifts he has left you. May you find the peace you need and know you will always have your husband beside you. emoticon

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SALINA78 4/21/2010 3:42PM

    Oh, goodness!
That last paragraph made me cry! You are a GREAT mother and you are doing the right thing!

I'm so glad that you have decided to enjoy his birthday with great memories and fun! You all deserve it!

*HUGS*

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JUSTDUCKY1405 4/21/2010 3:27PM

    Oh my! I am just balling! I am so sorry you lost your husband! I can't imagine what that would be like... My heart goes out to you! You are strong girl! WoW! I just don't know what to say! I was having an off day... due to fighting with my husband and not being able to handle our blended family! Talk about needing to get my head out of my a**! Talk about needing to be grateful that my husband is still alive and with us. Although I worry about losing him quite often...

Interesting... we've only recently become friends... yet I feel as though I was meant to read this so I could snap out of my pity party and truly appreciate this life... and my family!

I often can and do... but sometimes it all just seems like too much and I crash! I am feeling better today... thanks for responding to my blog by the way... but this has definitely kicked my sense of appreciation into another gear!

Whenever I see the negative thoughts of my present life situation... I will think of you and send you a pray!

BIG BIG HUGZ!

Kendra

Comment edited on: 4/21/2010 3:34:00 PM

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LOOZINITNOW 4/21/2010 3:19PM

    A blog is a place to release our feelings no matter what they are. Do not feel one bit bad about releasing your feelings here. I personally enjoy your blogs and look forward to them. This is the perfect place to share those feelings so they do not eat you up. Your family is definitely in my prayers. emoticon emoticon

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A little frazzled!!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Well today was off to a good start, weighed in even though I was afraid to look at what it was going to say. It actually was the same as last week, even with the tough week I had and with TOM. I'm very pleased to know I've maintained. I've had a lot of cravings but always stuck to my plan and have stayed within my calorie range all week! I did snack a lot more often but since they were healthy snacks I think that's why I came out all right.

I've been feeling a little down and I think something has been workin on me, I've got this rash up and down my arms and also a cold sore on my lip. I think it's from stress. Work has been crazy this week with this new computer program. I felt like throwing the computer out the window quite a few times! I noticed when I was talking to the computer guru at our operations center that I was itching my arm and saw I was breaking out in hives. Great!

Well the big reason I decided to jump on and blog was because my mind is going wild right now. There was a big news story in my area about a murder/suicide and they hadn't been releasing names yet. Well this morning they did and it was someone I knew! I didn't know him well but he was a customer of mine!! I saw him on a weekly basis and am in complete and utter shock right now. I'm kinda scared...I was working with a murderer! And even worse, this man killed his own 13 year old daughter before he took his own life. It's just sick. He didn't look capable of this. He was always very nice and courteous and always had a wink for me. That wink gave me a little bit of a creepy vibe but I just figured he was a nice guy. Little did I know.... My heart goes out to the mother who found her own daughter dead, and to the other autistic child who was found running around the property unattended. God please bring them peace through these terrible times.

I need to let this sink in, like I said...I'm in complete shock. Little did I know I was crossing paths with a murderer. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm pale right now....I'm even a bit shaky. And now I have to continue to work and act like nothings wrong?! This is gonna be a challenge! I can do it though. I've had to work with a lot more than this jumpin around in my head before. I'm just gonna pretend like nothings wrong, I've become really good at this. God please give me focus to make it through this day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SSCHULTZ59 4/21/2010 2:43PM

    the trials and tribulations of life affect us all in different ways. you have the support of all of us here and others that are close to you. dont be afraid to reach out to them when you need them.
thoughts and prayers are with you. emoticon

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KRYANPRINCESS 4/21/2010 2:22PM

    Oh Dear! What a lot to process! That is so sad, and scary! I hope you can let this one not creep you out to much, as sad as it is, it's over now and you won't be crossing paths with him anymore. That probably sounded horrible...I'm not sure if that came out right. Sending lots of hugs your way! emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/21/2010 1:11PM

    emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 4/19/2010 9:57PM

    How sad for that mum! You are allowed to be affected by this. If talking to us is not enough you may need to see a counsellor. It is VERY true that murderers do not have a specific look about them. I was involved with a murderer many years ago through work, he was the father of a new baby, but while his wife was in hospital he murdered a 9 year old boy! Of course at the time no one had any idea. It all came out almost a year later and I had to go to court as the day he murdered the boy was the same day he took his wife and baby home! So I was testifying to the time that he came to take her home. And like you, I knew there was something not quite right about this man! The world has some awful people in it, but we must think how many good people there are. Thinking of you. Libby emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRANLUND 4/19/2010 7:51PM

    So shocking! It just goes to show you that you can never really tell what some people are thinking. I once had a former student who became a teacher and was arrested for sexual misconduct. I'm not sure if he is out of jail or not yet, but I remember being so sad watching his story on the news. This family will be in my prayers.

Take care, and good luck on maintaining this week! Some weeks that is a huge success!

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METAMORPHOSISAB 4/19/2010 3:32PM

    That would be shocking. It's one thing to see the horrific news story but quite another to have a connection to someone involved. May you find peace and calm and my prayers go out to all those affected.
I agree with you that the hives might be stress related but you also might want to see if you are suffering from allergies. I hear that this year is particularly bad and people who have never suffered from allergies are being diagnosed with certain allergies. Just a thought.
In any case, I wish you the best and hope things get better...and soon.
Hugs! emoticon

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MISSDREA3 4/17/2010 11:23AM

    Oh, Honey...how awful. I am so sorry. No wonder you are shaken up! My heart and prayers go out to you Leslie. I know you are a strong lady and you will get through this.
Drea
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FITPRIS 4/16/2010 2:45PM

    You never know how a person gets to that point where they could take another person's life no matter what their age is.

I wish you the best. Take care!

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RUN2MYDREAMS 4/16/2010 2:43PM

    Oh wow! emoticon & prayers coming your way Leslie! I pray today will be a good day for you.

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MEGANC1988 4/16/2010 1:45PM

    emoticon

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MTNHIKER1971 4/16/2010 1:03PM

    Oh, man, that is awful! I would be a little shaken up too

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FIERCE_FABULOUS 4/16/2010 12:30PM

    That is so sad, may they rest in peace.

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REDRUNNERMOM713 4/16/2010 11:35AM

    You knew him??? I saw that story on the news and my heart just broke. You never know about people these days anymore. Just keep saying a little prayer for strength and serenity and you will calm down. You're strong girl and it's times like that where you can prove to yourself how strong you are!! emoticon

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MONIKALW81 4/16/2010 11:28AM

    Oh my gosh! I hadn't heard about that...probably because I avoid the news like the plague. I know I miss out on a lot, but in this case I feel like ignorance is bliss. I pray that you will find peace during this emotional time.

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YESITSDEB 4/16/2010 11:04AM

    I am so sorry to hear about this tragic situation and more so to know if the direct impact on my sparkfriend. You have certainly been through more than your share of loss and have proven how strong you are. You will get through this. My thoughts are prayers are with you as well as the mother of these children. emoticon emoticon

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IUHRYTR 4/16/2010 10:54AM

    Wow, what a situation to deal with. Prayers that you be given peace in your mind and in your heart. Hang in there, even with the computer program. You'll make it through. -- Lou

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LOOZINITNOW 4/16/2010 10:21AM

    What a sad situation. I pray God put peace within your heart today. Try to get some relax time in today. emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 4/16/2010 10:21AM

    Oh, LESLIE! I'd be shaken up, too! That poor family! No telling what sad secrets there were that were hidden from others. I'm so glad that this world is only temporary and we have HOPE for a better eternity! I'll be praying for that mother and child. I hope the child did not witness any of the horror. Ahh, so sad.

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SHERYLD5 4/16/2010 10:08AM

    What a terrible thing! I am so sorry. God is with you this you know already. Please try to destress. I found that a walk with my dog yesterday helped me immensly.....Give it a try! Please! Thinking of You! God Bless!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Goals Set....continue trudging along

Friday, April 09, 2010

Well the weigh in this morning was good. I was down a pound--I'll take it! The scale is still moving in the right direction so I'm happy about that!

Here's some goals that I've been working on.

1. Drink 10-12 glasses of water a day.
2. Drink my water on the weekends!
3. Eat more fruits and veggies!!
4. REMEMBER my true purpose on this journey is happiness.
5. Floor time with my kids each day. (I read about this. I need to get down to their level and just sit there and play.)
6. Start WALKING! I found a park where there is a path that winds around the playground where the kids can play and I can walk while still being able to watch them.
7. Donate blood. This is one of my new year's resolutions. I've done it once so far and the time has come where I'm eligible to do it again. It saves lives and I figure this will help with my depression. What I enjoy most in this world is making other people happy. When I do something for someone else I feel so good. One key to happiness--feeling good!
8. SPARK!! You guys have given me so much motivation, support and inspiration...it's time for me to give back and be there for my Spark Friends. I'm subscribing to blogs in hopes that I can better keep up on y'all!
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I'm thinking maybe #9 should be...No more watching drama TV! lol I balled like a baby at an episode of Private Practice last night. For the last year I've only watched comedies and sit-coms...nothing too serious or tear jerking. I made the mistake of doing that last night and found out I still wasn't emotionally ready. Grief has made it to where I cry on a dime. Something that would normally just bring a tear to your eye makes my water works turn on with full force. I know I must continue trudging on this road to happiness. It winds and turns and sometimes sends me backwards a bit. But I will not fall, I will not break. I will keep on going...that is what he would want me to do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 4/10/2010 3:01PM

    YOU are doing GREAT!

The floor time goal is great. You're children will have wonderful memories of the time mum stopped to BE with them.

When my 24year old daughter and I have a reflecting session a lot of her memories are around family time when we did things together as a family. Getting down to their level.

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MISSDREA3 4/10/2010 11:10AM

    Leslie...congrats on the loss! Whoo Hoo!
I love all of your goals...you inspire me to do the same!
I agree with Momma-Little! You definitely spark others!
I also agree with YESITSDEB...there is nothing wrong with a good cry, sometimes it's good to let it out!
You are doing Awesome...Keep it up!
Drea

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RUN2MYDREAMS 4/10/2010 8:13AM

    emoticon on the loss!
Remember Finding Nemo? Just keep swimming....just keep swimming...
Do what you need to do for you. Baby steps my friend, ok? YOU set the pace!
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Comment edited on: 4/10/2010 8:18:51 AM

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RUSSELLORAMA 4/9/2010 10:49PM

    Congrats on dropping a pound! Your goals sound awesome and completely reasonable. No reason why you shouldn't be able to check them all off the list! I'm right there with you on the water, I'm upping my intake too.

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 4/9/2010 10:01PM

    Love your goals!!! It is great you have placed them in writing and easy to reference if a weak moment should arise!!

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Cheering you on!!!

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WREN67 4/9/2010 9:18PM

    Wow! Great work so far - and great goals too!

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IUHRYTR 4/9/2010 8:41PM

    Keep your chin up and stay positive and things will work out. -- Lou

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/9/2010 8:34PM

    Great goals. You rock!!

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MITURN 4/9/2010 3:49PM

    I like your goals. Especially the floor time one!!!

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MEGANC1988 4/9/2010 1:49PM

    emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 4/9/2010 1:45PM

    About #8... YOU spark up OTHER people! You deserve to be sparked up by EVERYone! emoticon

About #9... I agree with YESITSDEB!!!

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YESITSDEB 4/9/2010 11:42AM

    I love it! don't worry about #9 - nothing wrong with a good cry! Hope the weather is great and the kids get some park time this weekend while mom gets to walk! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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REDRUNNERMOM713 4/9/2010 11:26AM

    YES you WILL keep going!!! And even if you do fall, we will be here to pick you back up, dust you off and send you on your way again! You have some great goals. I too have started almost scheduling time with my son that is time only for him. Everything else waits during that time. I think it's been a really great change!! Keep up the awesome work girlfriend!!! emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 4/9/2010 11:26AM

    What a great list of goals! I like the getting down on the floor with the kids! Keep pressing forward! emoticon

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JOYSONG50 4/9/2010 11:07AM

    Excellent goals. Keep looking up! Your sparkfriends are here for you. Enjoy your day.
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Easter Recap...with pics!

Monday, April 05, 2010

I hope everyone had a great Easter! I sure did! emoticon I even did pretty well at dinner, eating smaller portions yet still eating my favorites. I felt pretty confident until last night when I snuck into the kids candy...oops emoticon I've felt pretty sluggish today and definitely regretting my indulgence. Oh and I almost forgot, (but I'm sure the darn emoticon will remember), I took the kids to a emoticon buffet. This is what has sort of become a tradition when my step-kids visit. I'm not the best cook and when I've got a house full I usually resort to the easy way out and order pizza. The kids also love the arcade there and it was a place where their father and I would take them nearly every time they visited. It's almost a tradition...a very high calorie tradition! Oh well, just means I'm gonna have to work extra hard this week to burn off those couple of pounds again. I'm ready to get back on track though with my eating and maybe even throw in some exercise. That is where my motivation really lacks but gosh darnit, the weather is so gorgeous I need to take advantage of it and take some walks or something. I need to be creative since I'll have my two young kiddos with me. Any ideas on how to incorporate them into my exercise routine? Maybe I should join a gym where they have child care...hmmmmm

Anyways, Easter was great! I went to the most beautiful Easter Sunday church service I've ever been to. It was amazing. Then I took the kids to Kaufman Stadium for a special Easter event with an egg hunt and free attractions, plus an open practice to where we could watch the Royals warm up for their season opener today. It was great fun, here's some pics. My kids are the blondies and the older ones are my step-kiddos. I just love spending time with them, as do my kids.



I got the big kids back to their moms' house around 4:00, (cuz they had another dinner to attend), and was able to get back home and enjoy the beautiful weather outside. The kids rode their bikes and little motorized cars up and down the road and we were also very creative with the sidewalk chalk! emoticon

As with any other holiday, I like to honor my husband's memory in some sort of way. I thought about going by the cemetery and even started to go there and then I remembered something. This "Flying Wish Paper" that I had found at Hallmark. You can write a note, a dream, a prayer, or anything on it and then you light it with a match and POOF! It's up to Heaven! The kids really had fun and I felt my hubby would be proud emoticon






My son wrote on his, "I love you Daddy." And she wrote, "I hope your having fun in Heven."

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I feel so blessed for my family. They give me inspiration, courage and a huge reason to keep on pursuing my journey to happiness. They are SOOO worth it! And so am I!


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUN2MYDREAMS 4/7/2010 7:26PM

    I love the idea of Wish Paper! I will have to look for that at my Hallmark!
What a beautiful family you have. I just love your daughter's Easter dress!

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LIBBYFITZ 4/6/2010 6:52PM

    You are a wonderful person. Glad you had a great time. emoticon emoticon

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JOYSONG50 4/6/2010 6:12PM

    So glad you had a great day. Beautiful kids you have there. I like the Flying Wish Paper idea in memory of your husband. So adorable the things the kids wrote.



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BYEBYEADIPOSE 4/6/2010 4:05PM

    That's just beautiful. I'm so glad you had a good Resurrection Day! I love the flying wish paper.

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FIERCE_FABULOUS 4/6/2010 3:46PM

    Sounds like you had a great Easter, you are blessed in so many ways!

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/6/2010 3:42PM

    Wow. What a sweet holiday filled with happy moments.

That's sounds perfect.

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GRANLUND 4/6/2010 12:50PM

    Such beautiful memories you created with your children. I'm glad that you had such an awesome day.

I highly recommend the gym with child care option. I joined my gym in June of last year after trying to work out at home for the previous 7-8 years. I found that it wasn't that expensive (mine is 34.00 a month, includes all childcare and group fitness classes and I negotiated no sign-up enrollment fees, etc. and $4 lower per month) and it has made all of the difference in the world in my exercise, motivation, and weight loss. Also, the kids have really enjoyed the time playing with other kids and often ask me when we are going...further motivation! Just make sure you shop around and don't accept the price they tell you...bargain with them!

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-ICANDOIT- 4/6/2010 10:16AM

    What an awesome way to spend the day. I did tear up at the fly wish paper- that is just such a great idea! My friend lets her kids send balloons to their Grandma in Heaven- I think it's awesome that you are all so faith filled!
As far as exercise with young kiddos- I share your struggle! My lil guy did not like childcare at our health club, so I quit going- but I am going to look into trying again and seeing if now that he's older he'll like it better. Now that my DD rides a 2 wheeler, she rides next to me while I walk and push the lil guy in a stroller...not perfect, but better than nothing!! I hope you figure something out! It would be nice for you to have some workout time for yourself!!
Have a wonderful day!!

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YESITSDEB 4/6/2010 9:52AM

    What a great day you had. You are blessed in many ways, but I think you already know that emoticon

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KARBIE18 4/6/2010 7:04AM

    Sounds like you had a lovely day. Your children are beautiful. Love the flying wish paper - what a wonderful way to remember your husband.

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MTNHIKER1971 4/6/2010 1:15AM

    Very moving blog and thanks for sharing this with us. The kids look great, more importantly, happy. You should be very proud of yourself!

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KRYANPRINCESS 4/5/2010 11:04PM

    Beautiful Children!! Sounds like you had a lovely weekend Easter! No worries on the Pizza emoticonI love the Flying Wish Paper...what a great idea! I bet that it's a great tool towards healing! emoticon

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CULACCINA 4/5/2010 10:25PM

    I loved to hear you had a great day :)
Your kids are lovely ^___^

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BBIVINGS 4/5/2010 9:52PM

    I agree!! Thanks for sharing. My daughter eloped and moved away and my husband had the flu. I would enjoy the day, the remembrance of the Resurrection and what the day is about, then slip into the pitty party of "no more kids and Easter baskets". So silly. It was a gorgeous day and I am BLESSED. Thanks for you cheery reminder............with pictures, no less.

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KATHYGBENNETT 4/5/2010 9:29PM

    Thanks for sharing, glad to had a nice day

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 4/5/2010 9:22PM

    Oh, Leslie, I'm so glad that I read this blog tonight! It has been such a tough weekend, really. You have helped uplift me and give me the hope I needed that things will improve! I have two sons who are trying so hard to grow up, and their choices have given them both consequences I can't fix or solve, nor should I. But anyway, thanks for giving me the shot in the arm! I needed it! emoticonLori

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DIANET2 4/5/2010 9:19PM

    Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you had a great day!

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