Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged. Partly because when I don't comment on my friend's blogs, why should I expect them to comment on mine? That wouldn't be fair to anyone now would it? Another reason would be because I've found myself so depressed lately. I really don't know why either. It's probably a combination of things. Mostly, I think it's from my "life change" of going from working full time at a job I've been at for six years to totally changing my schedule. In a way, I'm mourning the loss of my co-workers, who were my closest friends for all those years. Plus, I miss all of our customers. That may sound odd but this was a close-knit group of people--we knew everyone by name and instead of talking business, we'd chat like it was a hair salon or something, lol. These people were the ones that were there for me when I was going through the roughest time of my life and really reached out to me. I didn't think I'd miss it like I do but I guess it's just the huge change that I'm still adjusting to. I love being in school but darnit I miss my friends!!!
I could go on to speculate that it's also from learning that my kid has a learning disability and wondering if it's somehow my fault. (I know it's not, but c'mon, that is a normal mother's 1st response.) Maybe it's from knowing that Christmas is just around the corner, which means so is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. Maybe it's my financial situation and the fact that I'm worrying how I'm going to pay for Christmas this year. Maybe it's the guilt I feel from not paying enough attention to what's going on in my sparkfriend's lives. Maybe it's because my bf has moved in and I'm still adjusting to the loss of my freedom, so to speak. Goodness, it could be a lot of things!
All I know is that I'm having a super hard time pulling myself out of it. I've gone to the doctor and have been placed on anti-depressants now. I can't WAIT for them to kick in! I really need a boost in my seratonin!
I'm going to apologize in advance if I don't personally thank you for commenting on this blog to try and save myself the guilt I will feel when I don't thank you. I'm sorry if I'm not being a good friend to you! I just really need to get out of this mental funk.
So, not my most positive blog but I just needed to get this out. I was hoping that brainstorming about the reasons could help me pinpoint something, but nope. I think it's just plain depression caused by a lack of chemicals in my brain. I'm not motivated to eat right, to exercise, and I've gained weight because of it--bringing me down some more.
I almost don't even want any comments on this blog because I don't want you feeling sorry for me. But it does help to know you care, so I guess it's "ok" if you comment. LOL Gawd, how self-absorbed am I?! Wait, don't answer that! lol
Thank you for putting up with me! I will be back to my normal self soon, don't worry. I'm just taking it a day at a time and I know it will pass sooner or later. Let's just hope it's sooner than later!
May I have some with my now, please?!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I received this from a treasured friend. I printed it off over a year ago and saved it. Just yesterday I was feeling like I needed to express to all of my Spark friends how grateful I was for them. Then I found this and thought, "Perfect!" Hope you like it as much as I did!
I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold becomes heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.'
We should consider all of our Spark friends a blessing. Share this with a Spark friend today just to let them know you are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life. I just did!
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Spark Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see,
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me!
Sunday, October 09, 2011
I'm finally figuring out how to balance Spark, my Fabulous Fitness group on Facebook, school and life...I think! ha! I use my phone a lot to make comments when I'm on break at class or waiting at my kid's baseball practice. It really helps with my busy schedule...gotta love technology!
I'm not keeping up with my fitness as I should, but I'm at least being active every day and eating clean most of the time. I've struggled a little with stress eating but think I've pretty much got that under control now. The scale is staying the same with no significant gain or loss, so I'm happy with that. I still can't believe I've been able to maintain my weight loss for about a year now! I'm going to look back at my blogs and see when I actually hit my goal weight...it's gotta be close to a year. Hmmm...a one year sparkversary of maintaining my goal weight (well, within 5 lbs of it)--there's my next blog, I think!
The kids are doing great and are loving baseball right now. My daughter joined my son's team and is actually pretty good! I kinda like having them on the same team because that means I'm running them both to the same place and don't have to juggle schedules. They sure do keep me on the go but I wouldn't have it any other way! I love being a mom!
Which brings me to a little bragging. A mom's gotta brag, right?! :) The kids were doing some drawing the other day and my son made me the cutest picture, EVARR! You've gotta see this! At the bottom of the page is a picture of him and I praying, daddy is an angel in the sky and at the top is a manger scene with baby Jesus! Isn't this the most precious thing you've ever seen?!! I'm just in awe of my little artist! Gosh, I love him!
Sunday, October 02, 2011
So much to say, where do I begin and how do I make it short enough that I don't bore ya?! hehe I made it through my tests and my research paper with flying colors!! I ACED first graduate level exam! Any self-doubt I had went out the door with that grade. I also received an A on my paper and am STILL excited about that one!
My son turned 7 this week and was so stoked about his party this weekend. I ended up sending out almost 25 invitations!! He gave 10 out at school originally, and 2 days before the party I still hadn't gotten a single RSVP. So out of desperation, I handed out more invitations to his baseball team at his practice Thursday. I still didn't get ANY rsvp's and was really worried that he wasn't going to have anyone show up. He ended up having 3 boys come and the neighbor came at the last minute so that made a total of 4. My son had an absolute blast though and I was so relieved that all went well. Thank God those boys showed up! They didn't RSVP, but they showed! Phew! People just don't RSVP anymore and personally I think it's pretty rude, but what can ya do. I'm just so glad my son had a great time and he loved his party. He told me that it was "The best day ever." That made everything worth it.
Here's a few pics from his big day. :)
They just loved bobbing for apples! You can tell by the first picture that they really got into it! My daughter was the first to put her entire head in the water, of course!
I also had my first Spark meet-up!! My friend Kelly and I got to talking and figured out that we both run on the same trail not far from my home! It wasn't a week later that we had a time set to finally meet each other. I was STOKED!!! It was so exciting to meet her! I was all nervous excited like it was a first date or something, LOL, but it went great! My son came along and we just took a stroll, having to go at a slow pace so that he would keep up. He was busy snapping pictures. I had given him my camera so he would have something to keep him occupied and so that Kelly and I could have some chatting time. It worked out perfect b/c I was able to get a picture of us! I saw that some of you demanded pics, haha, and I didn't even read that until after. I'm sooo glad I thought of giving him a camera to play with or else I wouldn't have gotten this pic!
It was soooo awesome meeting you, Kelly! I can't wait to hang out again sometime! It's so cool being friends with you in "real life", too!
Here's a couple more pics my son took on the trail. He actually got some pretty good ones. The last one is priceless....I told you Kelly that this picture would probably turn out really good!! lol ;) He's such a ham!
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