Friday, December 30, 2011
Hi! I'm trying to get back into this sparking thing again. I've got to spend more time working on ME, my goals, my needs...above anything else! The time I do spend on Spark is going to be more centered on reading articles, popular blogs, and tracking my nutrition and exercise. Those are the things that motivated me in the first place and I've got to go back to what I KNOW works.
It's time to be honest...I've gained nearly 1/2 my weight back. Yup, freakin sad but true. I had a break down on Christmas night after feeling fat in my pants all day. They didn't fit right and on top of that, I couldn't wear the sweater I was looking forward to wearing that day. The one I had bought specifically for Christmas. It just didn't look good w/ all the new bulges underneath. :( When I logged onto Spark that night I looked at my ticker and imagined it being at the correct weight. That showed I had nearly gained 1/2 of it back. Thank goodness for that ticker for putting things into perspective for me. I just couldn't believe that I let myself get to this point. I thought I had changed my lifestyle for good but changing routines got me all 'discombobulated' and everything went spiraling out of control. I don't know what to say other than....this weight gain stops here and NOW! I've thrown away all my "fat pants" and I refuse to buy any new ones! (so glad I did that, btw)
Anyways, I'll try to stop by your blogs when I can but for now I'm gonna get back to the basics and start kicking butt again. I didn't do all that hard work to throw it away! I'm going to do what I know works and everything that SP and YOU all have taught me through the years. I KNOW how to do this and I'm not going to let stress get in my way anymore! Time to re-do my page, get honest with myself and all of you, and show 2012 what I'm made of! It's ON!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wow, has it really been 2 months since I've blogged?! I guess I've been away longer than I thought! I just finished up my first semester of grad school, as many of you know, and am so thankful to be on break! Boy was it a lot of work, but I tell ya what...any self-doubt I had went out the door when I received A's in all of my classes! WOOOHOOOO!! Statistically, I fall right into the category of the people who are most likely to drop out, (over 30, female, with children). I'm NOT going to be a statistic though!! Don't you worry! I've got this school thing down!
Thanks for sticking with me as I've been away. My life has been crazy with all the changes that have been goin on lately but I think I'm finally adjusting :) I'm feeling upbeat and back to my normal self so all is good in this neighborhood! :P I've been to the Dr. twice about anti-depressants and getting the dosage right, but now I'm feeling great and ready to tackle this thing called life!
The kids are so excited about Christmas!! I've got my house all decked out and ready for Santa to arrive! I sure wish I could invite you all over for a Christmas party...how fun would that be?! I've missed you all and can't wait to get caught up with you!! Thanks for sticking by me through these last few months! You are the BEST friends a gal could ask for! Truly!!
And in light of my late fiance's "angelversary" tomorrow...I've been making a tribute video to him that I'd like to share. If you want to check it out, here's the link.
Have a VERY Merry Christmas Spark friends!! I love you so much--and don't you forget it!!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Ever since I got all that off my chest I feel like a weight has been lifted. Thank you all SO much for your awesome advice and support. You guys are THE
Thanks to you, I'm giving myself permission to take some time for myself, and for my family, to do what I gotta do--guilt free! Thank you for showing me that that's O.K.!
It always helps boost my spirits to spend some quality time with my family so that's exactly what I've been doing! We went to a football game together, a Halloween parade, and even participated in a fundraising event to help raise money for Down Syndrome. We walked around the football stadium and were a part of the biggest "Step Up for Down Syndrome" event in the nation! The event raised $475,000 and had over 10,000 participants! I'm SO proud to have been a part of it. We were members of "Lorelei's Troops", a team that a friend from high school set up to support her daughter who has Downs. She was so thankful and the kids had a blast. I just love teaching my kids the importance of participating in events such as this.
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I picked up Chris's kids and took everyone to a local amusement park. We rode our first roller coaster together and just had an awesome time. I especially loved the drive home when everyone was reminiscing about their favorite parts of the day. Good times for sure!
Here's a few pics for your viewing pleasure...
At the Step Up walk...
Snuggling with my boy at the football game...
My boyfriend, and the step-kids Montana and AnnaBelle on the train at the park (I can't believe how much they are growing up!!)
AnnaBelle won the jackpot and got 1000 tickets in the arcade!!!
And here's my little grumpy pirate and beautiful Monster High girl, all ready for the Halloween parade! He wasn't in the mood for a picture, lol, but he is still the cutest pirate I've ever seen!
Can't wait to take the kids trick-or-treating tonight! Life is good!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged. Partly because when I don't comment on my friend's blogs, why should I expect them to comment on mine? That wouldn't be fair to anyone now would it? Another reason would be because I've found myself so depressed lately. I really don't know why either. It's probably a combination of things. Mostly, I think it's from my "life change" of going from working full time at a job I've been at for six years to totally changing my schedule. In a way, I'm mourning the loss of my co-workers, who were my closest friends for all those years. Plus, I miss all of our customers. That may sound odd but this was a close-knit group of people--we knew everyone by name and instead of talking business, we'd chat like it was a hair salon or something, lol. These people were the ones that were there for me when I was going through the roughest time of my life and really reached out to me. I didn't think I'd miss it like I do but I guess it's just the huge change that I'm still adjusting to. I love being in school but darnit I miss my friends!!!
I could go on to speculate that it's also from learning that my kid has a learning disability and wondering if it's somehow my fault. (I know it's not, but c'mon, that is a normal mother's 1st response.) Maybe it's from knowing that Christmas is just around the corner, which means so is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. Maybe it's my financial situation and the fact that I'm worrying how I'm going to pay for Christmas this year. Maybe it's the guilt I feel from not paying enough attention to what's going on in my sparkfriend's lives. Maybe it's because my bf has moved in and I'm still adjusting to the loss of my freedom, so to speak. Goodness, it could be a lot of things!
All I know is that I'm having a super hard time pulling myself out of it. I've gone to the doctor and have been placed on anti-depressants now. I can't WAIT for them to kick in! I really need a boost in my seratonin!
I'm going to apologize in advance if I don't personally thank you for commenting on this blog to try and save myself the guilt I will feel when I don't thank you. I'm sorry if I'm not being a good friend to you! I just really need to get out of this mental funk.
So, not my most positive blog but I just needed to get this out. I was hoping that brainstorming about the reasons could help me pinpoint something, but nope. I think it's just plain depression caused by a lack of chemicals in my brain. I'm not motivated to eat right, to exercise, and I've gained weight because of it--bringing me down some more.
I almost don't even want any comments on this blog because I don't want you feeling sorry for me. But it does help to know you care, so I guess it's "ok" if you comment. LOL Gawd, how self-absorbed am I?! Wait, don't answer that! lol
Thank you for putting up with me! I will be back to my normal self soon, don't worry. I'm just taking it a day at a time and I know it will pass sooner or later. Let's just hope it's sooner than later!
May I have some with my now, please?!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
I received this from a treasured friend. I printed it off over a year ago and saved it. Just yesterday I was feeling like I needed to express to all of my Spark friends how grateful I was for them. Then I found this and thought, "Perfect!" Hope you like it as much as I did!
I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold becomes heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.'
We should consider all of our Spark friends a blessing. Share this with a Spark friend today just to let them know you are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life. I just did!
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Spark Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see,
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me!
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