Tuesday, March 23, 2010
For awhile I've kept all of his pictures in a memory box, with only a select few in frames around the house. In the first couple of months after he died I looked at them so much, even carried a photo album in my purse. Soon it became harder to look at them, so I stuffed them away in boxes and closets. There's been a few times I've gotten them out and it just turned into a big sob fest. I knew one day I would enjoy them again and have been looking forward to the day I can look through them and smile without any tears. I'm pleased to announce that I tried pulling them out again and SMILED! I didn't try to push myself by looking through a lot of them, but hey...it's a baby step!
I gather a lot of strength from my children too. I wanted to share something my daughter told me tonight. It was her big night, her 1st grade play! She was super excited and was asking me how many people from her family were going to come and watch. I started naming off myself, her aunt, her brother, grandma, and grandpa. "So that makes five," I said. She was very quick to correct me and say, "Six! Because Daddy will be watching too!" Such a young, wise soul...I shook my head in agreement, smiled and said, "You're right, 6!"
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Well last week started off well, down another 2 lbs, even with TOM, so I was happy about that. Then since all the green beer I drank on Wed., (oops!) I've had trouble getting back on track. I was surprised to see that I had maintained my weight atleast as of yesterday morning, so I think I'll stop beating myself up for all of my oopsies the past few days.
I haven't logged on to Spark people this last week either, been kinda slackin in every way. I think I really need the motivation I get from logging on to here, so from here on out I'm going to add it to my goals of the day. Not that I don't want to log on!! Just that I've found myself so busy at work and at home that I just simply didn't have time. But I'm gonna make the time, and make it a point to log on, get back on track....and to SHOW MARCH WHO'S BOSS!
Thanks to a very motivating Spark friend, I've decided to join her challenge and "Show March Who's Boss." These are my goals for the rest of the month:
1. Water, water, water! atleast 80 oz a day!
2. No fast food for lunch. (Even though I've made healthy choices these are still pretty heavy in calories.) To the salad bar I go...yum!!
3. Sit ups and push ups every night and to open my dvd bought a week ago and DO IT!
4. No eating after 9:00 p.m.
5. No eating over 1200 calories. I need to stay on the low side of the calories this week, since last week I stayed on the high end. My metabolism should be throughly confused!
Feel free to join our challenge!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
"What a difference a year makes"....that's what I said to myself last night after winding down from a big day of celebrating my daughter's 7th birthday. As I reflected back to a year ago on that day, I could hardly remember the details. See, at that time it had only been less than 3 months from the passing of my husband. Grief has a way of protecting you in a way. The details of the first few months are so blurry and the week after his death I can't even remember at all. When the pain is so intense, your mind has a way of protecting you by blocking out the memory of it. I must of been just a walking zombie.
As I started to reflect I found myself in a conversation with my husband. This has been something that has helped me in a way, I just start saying what I would have said to him if he were right here next to me, and in my mind I can hear exactly what he would say to me. I told him, "I wish you could see me now, down 17 pounds and look, I'm happy baby! What a difference a year makes, huh?" To which he responded, "Yeah, look at you...you look great and what I'm most proud of is that you are happy." This made me smile...a SMILE! Then I realized, I'm happy on a day that would normally be just a little bit harder than others. (Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries are the hardest after you have lost a loved one.)
As I reflected I found myself trying to figure out what it was that has brought me to this point, was it time? Was it my antidepressant I just started taking at the 1st of the year? Was it Spark People? I think it's actually a combination of all three. It took time for me to get used to this new life and to accept that this was my fate. It took time for me to not be angry that I had to live without him. And it also took time for me to realize that I deserved to be happy. I know that that's what my husband would want more than anything, was for me to be healthy and happy, and baby I'm well on my way! I've got the happy and I'm getting the healthy!
I know that my husband is still here with me in spirit, this I have no doubt about. Once this became 100% clear to me I decided that I needed to let him go about his business and enjoy his heaven. I've been calling upon him so much that he has not been able to truly enjoy God's amazing heaven and that's not fair to him. I know that he is waiting for me, preparing our second home, and will be here for me at the drop of a dime. So for him, I must move forward and let him play and enjoy the luxuries of heaven...while I enjoy the luxuries of life!
Monday, March 08, 2010
Happy Monday Sparkies!! I had a great weekend and I hope all of you guys did too! The weather was awesome and the kids really enjoyed getting outside to play!
Yesterday was a very productive day, which I feel awesome about! I got my house cleaned, two loads of laundry done, AND my car cleaned! My parents came over and helped with some yardwork and watched the kids while I got some grocery shopping done as well, (which was super nice!) When I checked out at the grocery store I looked down at my cart and I think it was the healthiest basket of groceries I've ever had! It wasn't full of the usual boxed dinners and frozen prepared foods, it was the epitemy of health!
I also had a big baby step....I bought a scale!! This is big because I have been living on my own for what, nearly 15 years and I still hadn't bought one. I've never been interested in seeing how much I weigh, basically I just didn't want to see how fat I had really gotten. But not anymore! I was so anxious to step on that scale this morning...and guess what it said?!?! Down FOUR pounds!! This makes a total of 16 lbs lost, out the door, to da curb!!! Bye bye fat, hello sexy!!!!!
Saturday, March 06, 2010
I just let my mom read my last blog. She told me how proud she was of me! I just had to share! I'm kinda proud of myself too! I even got a compliment from a customer at work today! Yay, go me!
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