LESLIES537   13,975
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LESLIES537's Recent Blog Entries

Learning to dance in the rain!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

For awhile I've kept all of his pictures in a memory box, with only a select few in frames around the house. In the first couple of months after he died I looked at them so much, even carried a photo album in my purse. Soon it became harder to look at them, so I stuffed them away in boxes and closets. There's been a few times I've gotten them out and it just turned into a big sob fest. I knew one day I would enjoy them again and have been looking forward to the day I can look through them and smile without any tears. I'm pleased to announce that I tried pulling them out again and SMILED! I didn't try to push myself by looking through a lot of them, but hey...it's a baby step!

I gather a lot of strength from my children too. I wanted to share something my daughter told me tonight. It was her big night, her 1st grade play! She was super excited and was asking me how many people from her family were going to come and watch. I started naming off myself, her aunt, her brother, grandma, and grandpa. "So that makes five," I said. She was very quick to correct me and say, "Six! Because Daddy will be watching too!" Such a young, wise soul...I shook my head in agreement, smiled and said, "You're right, 6!"

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BYEBYEADIPOSE 3/25/2010 11:39AM

    Beautiful example of healing and God's grace. Children seem to have a special gift for saying wise and profound things! That was truly special. Thanks for sharing!!! emoticon

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GRANLUND 3/24/2010 7:26PM

    Praying for you. You are doing an amazing job. I can't understand the pain that you are dealing with right now, but I know that God is with you.

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KRYANPRINCESS 3/24/2010 5:47PM

    I am so proud of your strength...A very close of friend of mine is going some some serious grief right now. He lost his wife to the swine flu in Aug, prior to her death, while she was in a coma she delivered his daughter at 25 weeks. He lost his little girl a month ago after a sids episode. It's totally heartbreaking, he was holding strong while taken care of the kids but now with the loss of his baby girl on top of it, he just doesn't know what to do. He told me today that he is going nuts in the house with all the memories and all their things around him. He has yet to be able to go through them. I know that as time goes on, he will find his way, just as you have. You will always miss him greatly but you keep him in your heart and know that he is around you in every way, every day! I am so happy that you are finding some peace. It gives me hope that my friend will find his peace too. emoticon

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SALINA78 3/24/2010 5:37PM

    BEAUTIFUL!
I'm so glad you could get a smile from your beautiful memories!

And, your daughters words are PRICELESS!!!

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BUTTERFLYSONGS 3/24/2010 9:37AM

    My heart breaks...as I know the ache of losing someone that you love so very much. Your children are an extension of you and your husband, and you will see his life continue on through them. He will always be with you! emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/24/2010 9:38:14 AM

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REDRUNNERMOM713 3/24/2010 9:35AM

    Your blog gave me goosebumps!! I am so happy for you that you are making baby steps! You are very strong girl!! Doesn't it just amaze you the things that children say sometimes? At times they are wise way beyond their years. How very sweet of her to say that and that's wonderful that she believes he is watching because he is always watching over you!! emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 3/24/2010 8:46AM

    Leslie, THANK YOU for sharing your sweet heart with your SparkFriends! It is incredible what your daughter said! So precious and such great thoughts in that sweet little mind! I'm so touched, I really don't know what else to say! emoticon emoticon emoticonLori

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IPATRICIA 3/24/2010 8:02AM

    Well Leslie, that was THE most moving Blog I have ever read. You are a woman of great Determination and Courage. emoticon emoticonWhat a wonderful daughter, and what an awesome thing to say!!!

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RUN2MYDREAMS 3/23/2010 11:12PM

    emoticonLeslie, you are a strong woman with amazing strength. I'm so blessed to know you! And what a sweet daughter you have. I know your husband is looking down on you and is so proud of where you are now my friend! YOU CAN DO THIS!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Show March Who's Boss!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Well last week started off well, down another 2 lbs, even with TOM, so I was happy about that. Then since all the green beer I drank on Wed., (oops!) I've had trouble getting back on track. I was surprised to see that I had maintained my weight atleast as of yesterday morning, so I think I'll stop beating myself up for all of my oopsies the past few days.

I haven't logged on to Spark people this last week either, been kinda slackin in every way. I think I really need the motivation I get from logging on to here, so from here on out I'm going to add it to my goals of the day. Not that I don't want to log on!! Just that I've found myself so busy at work and at home that I just simply didn't have time. But I'm gonna make the time, and make it a point to log on, get back on track....and to SHOW MARCH WHO'S BOSS!

Thanks to a very motivating Spark friend, I've decided to join her challenge and "Show March Who's Boss." These are my goals for the rest of the month:

1. Water, water, water! atleast 80 oz a day!

2. No fast food for lunch. (Even though I've made healthy choices these are still pretty heavy in calories.) To the salad bar I go...yum!!

3. Sit ups and push ups every night and to open my dvd bought a week ago and DO IT!

4. No eating after 9:00 p.m.

5. No eating over 1200 calories. I need to stay on the low side of the calories this week, since last week I stayed on the high end. My metabolism should be throughly confused!

Feel free to join our challenge!
http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public
_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3025159

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YESITSDEB 3/22/2010 12:19PM

    Glad your back and ready to kick March's butt! You've got a plan and I know you can do it! emoticon

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/22/2010 1:57AM

    Awesome plan! You can definitely make it happen!

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IUHRYTR 3/21/2010 11:31PM

    A sound plan. Love your determination and "will do" attitude. Go get 'em! -- Lou

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FABN50S 3/21/2010 9:59PM

    Great goals I am going to have some goals for next week as well. You can do it!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 3/21/2010 8:09PM

    I know that emoticon!!! Here we GO!!! I'm doing it, too! No more slacking! WE ARE ROCKIN IT!!! Oh... sorry... I got a little excited there! emoticon

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RUN2MYDREAMS 3/21/2010 8:04PM

    Leslie, I know you will rock this challenge! Don't forget you need to fuel that body when you are exercising. Don't sell yourself short my friend. Your body needs those healthy foods to fuel it!
YOU CAN DO THIS emoticon

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MISSDREA3 3/21/2010 7:06PM

    You can do it! It's hard when you splurge to get back on the horse...kudos to you for joining a challenge and not dwelling on the past week! Good Luck!

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LOOZINITNOW 3/21/2010 5:17PM

    I'm with you! I joined the challenge also. We can do this! emoticon

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SALINA78 3/21/2010 4:48PM

    I've been slacking with my eating all week. This week is a NEW week and I will do better too!
YAY!



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KRYANPRINCESS 3/21/2010 4:12PM

    Glad to see that you are back to make it happen! Your goals sound great, My only suggestion, Don't go below 1200 cals a day, a female's body needs at least that many to stay out of starvation mode. emoticon

I think we'll all been there...I've splurged to much and than had it throw my off track a few days, but your aware of it and are getting right back at it! GOOD FOR YOU!! emoticon

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MKROSSMAN78 3/21/2010 4:10PM

    emoticon


Great mini-goals, keep up the good work & last week will be nothing but a memory.

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What a difference!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

"What a difference a year makes"....that's what I said to myself last night after winding down from a big day of celebrating my daughter's 7th birthday. As I reflected back to a year ago on that day, I could hardly remember the details. See, at that time it had only been less than 3 months from the passing of my husband. Grief has a way of protecting you in a way. The details of the first few months are so blurry and the week after his death I can't even remember at all. When the pain is so intense, your mind has a way of protecting you by blocking out the memory of it. I must of been just a walking zombie.

As I started to reflect I found myself in a conversation with my husband. This has been something that has helped me in a way, I just start saying what I would have said to him if he were right here next to me, and in my mind I can hear exactly what he would say to me. I told him, "I wish you could see me now, down 17 pounds and look, I'm happy baby! What a difference a year makes, huh?" To which he responded, "Yeah, look at you...you look great and what I'm most proud of is that you are happy." This made me smile...a SMILE! Then I realized, I'm happy on a day that would normally be just a little bit harder than others. (Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries are the hardest after you have lost a loved one.)

As I reflected I found myself trying to figure out what it was that has brought me to this point, was it time? Was it my antidepressant I just started taking at the 1st of the year? Was it Spark People? I think it's actually a combination of all three. It took time for me to get used to this new life and to accept that this was my fate. It took time for me to not be angry that I had to live without him. And it also took time for me to realize that I deserved to be happy. I know that that's what my husband would want more than anything, was for me to be healthy and happy, and baby I'm well on my way! I've got the happy and I'm getting the healthy!

I know that my husband is still here with me in spirit, this I have no doubt about. Once this became 100% clear to me I decided that I needed to let him go about his business and enjoy his heaven. I've been calling upon him so much that he has not been able to truly enjoy God's amazing heaven and that's not fair to him. I know that he is waiting for me, preparing our second home, and will be here for me at the drop of a dime. So for him, I must move forward and let him play and enjoy the luxuries of heaven...while I enjoy the luxuries of life!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRYANPRINCESS 3/12/2010 4:34PM

    I'm so proud of how far you have come! You are an amazingly strong person and you are doing such a wonderful job! I too am brushing away the tears from my cheeks. I sending you big squeezes! Happy Birthday to your beautiful little girl! And many blessings to you my lady, so glad you are able to smile again! emoticon emoticon

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SALINA78 3/12/2010 1:57PM

    WOW!
That was beautiful and that last paragraph brought tears to my eyes!

I am SO sorry to hear that you lost your husband! I could not even imagine!
You sound so AWESOME right now and it makes me SO happy to hear you this way!

Happy Birthday to your little girl!
And CONGRATS on your HUGE progress in every way!

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PHOENIX2B 3/12/2010 2:31AM

    What an absolutely beautiful blog. It really touched my heart. God bless you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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-ICANDOIT- 3/12/2010 2:10AM

    I am so touched by this beautiful blog. I sense that you have amazing strength- and amazing love inside of you. You are becoming healthier and stronger and happier- and being the best you can be. emoticon

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PEPPERLEAH 3/12/2010 12:25AM

    You have done a wonderful job of surviving your grief. God bless you, and may each year be even better than the one before.

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 3/12/2010 12:09AM

    Leslie, what a joy it was to find that you'd added me as your friend, and THEN, to come here and read your tender, sweet words about your life, your husband, and what you've been through! I am honored. You have indeed inspired me, and I thank you! I am so glad that you have kept the faith through all of this. emoticon emoticonLori

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RUN2MYDREAMS 3/11/2010 5:04PM

    You are growing and becoming stronger. I'm so proud of you my friend. One day at a time, one baby step at a time...YOU WILL DO THIS ALL!
emoticon emoticon

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ROSIE777 3/11/2010 12:22PM

    Dear friend what an amazing story. I just love you more by the time I finished the story. It all was well written from the heart. I am so proud of you & your great attitude of life. emoticon
(`v) ♥`
.`.. ♥ Be Blessed, *`*..♥
..) .*).*. Rosie ♥.
(. (. . ♥.`.♥..`.



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YESITSDEB 3/11/2010 11:26AM

    A blog of complete raw emotion. I had to take a break 1/2 way through as I couldn't see through the tears. I have a whole new respect for you and the journey you are on. Thank you for sharing such a personal side of you. I am even more amazed and inspired by you. You're right - your husband will always be with you and continuing to support you from his heaven. I think he has a big smile on his face right now too! God bless.

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MRYTYLER 3/11/2010 11:21AM

    Thank you so much for sharing. I don't know why I am crying other than you touch my heart today. I wish you many more happy conversations with your husband. I know he is looking after you and your family.

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METAMORPHOSISAB 3/11/2010 10:43AM

    Your blog brought tears to my eyes. I am so proud of you. You are so strong, so courageous. You inspire me. Look what an amazing example you are setting for your children. There is nothing that can hold you down. Let your strong spirit and hope and faith carry you through. Thank you so much for sharing! You will succeed. I just know it! emoticon emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 3/11/2010 10:30AM

    Wonderful blog! I have had the same experience with the death of my infant daughter. They are here with us in spirit and waiting for us to join them when our time comes.

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DMCOONCE 3/11/2010 10:16AM

    You are a very strong woman and yes, you deserve to be happy. Thank you so much for sharing. emoticon

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4 lbs gone!!

Monday, March 08, 2010

Happy Monday Sparkies!! I had a great weekend and I hope all of you guys did too! The weather was awesome and the kids really enjoyed getting outside to play! emoticon

Yesterday was a very productive day, which I feel awesome about! I got my house cleaned, two loads of laundry done, AND my car cleaned! My parents came over and helped with some yardwork and watched the kids while I got some grocery shopping done as well, (which was super nice!) When I checked out at the grocery store I looked down at my cart and I think it was the healthiest basket of groceries I've ever had! It wasn't full of the usual boxed dinners and frozen prepared foods, it was the epitemy of health! emoticon

I also had a big baby step....I bought a scale!! emoticon This is big because I have been living on my own for what, nearly 15 years and I still hadn't bought one. I've never been interested in seeing how much I weigh, basically I just didn't want to see how fat I had really gotten. But not anymore! I was so anxious to step on that scale this morning...and guess what it said?!?! Down FOUR pounds!! emoticon This makes a total of 16 lbs lost, out the door, to da curb!!! Bye bye fat, hello sexy!!!!!

emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YESITSDEB 3/10/2010 4:00PM

    You're rocking it girl! emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 3/8/2010 9:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MITURN 3/8/2010 12:36PM

    Congrats!!!

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DEVRIHUGHAN 3/8/2010 11:45AM

    This was a really cute blog, and I loved reading it!

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REDRUNNERMOM713 3/8/2010 11:35AM

    Congrats on the 4 lb loss and total of 16!! That's so exciting! Sounds like you are really getting in the groove now with the better grocery shopping and everything. All your changes are really paying off. Keep up the great work!! emoticon

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CALAMITYJANE44 3/8/2010 10:10AM

    Awesome! emoticon emoticon

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RUN2MYDREAMS 3/8/2010 9:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUZZYBFIT 3/8/2010 9:59AM

    Congrats on the weight loss! Wishing you all the best in reaching all of your goals.

Hugs and friendship
Suzzy emoticon

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Go me!!

Saturday, March 06, 2010

I just let my mom read my last blog. She told me how proud she was of me! emoticon I just had to share! I'm kinda proud of myself too! I even got a compliment from a customer at work today! Yay, go me! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITPRIS 3/7/2010 12:26PM

    Excellent!!

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SAMGERBINE 3/7/2010 9:19AM

    yeah :)

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PRETTYBLKGYRL 3/7/2010 12:02AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 3/6/2010 11:20PM

    That is so amazing. What a big step and what a big reward. Cheers.

emoticon

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KRYANPRINCESS 3/6/2010 7:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUN2MYDREAMS 3/6/2010 6:12PM

    I'm so happy to read your posts and your upbeat attitude. YOU CAN DO THIS LESLIE!

Our Mom's input and support is always important, isn't it? I shared something I'd written with mine last week and she started crying. I asked her what was wrong. I was totally shocked with her reply "I never knew you could write like that!"

Baby steps! emoticon
emoticon

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