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RIP~I LOVE YOU: PART 2

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

First off, thank you for all of the hugs, prayers, and overall support on part 1 of this blog. It's because of the encouragement of this community that I feel comfortable enough to share my story and in turn, heal from doing so. It truly means a lot to me.

There's going to be no big moral to this story or theme to this blog, it's just me putting it out there because I feel like I didn't finish my story. I'd like to think it's going to be inspiring in some way, but it's just about me getting it out of my head and into writing.

So...it had turned from a totally normal day into the biggest nightmare of my life. I was in shock, understandably so. I won't describe the part about seeing him there in the hospital after they asked if had I wanted to. That is one memory that I cannot rehash and really don't need to. But afterwards, probably within the hour...although time seemed to have stood still then and I really have no clue as to exactly how long, but sooner than I expected....the chaplain said that we needed to start thinking about cremation or burial. That question totally threw me off guard. What threw me more off guard was that his mom turned and looked at ME to answer! We had only been together for THREE years and she was asking me to make a decision like this?? Don't get me wrong, I loved this man more than anything in the world. He was my soul mate and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, but really?!? I thought about it for a minute and said, "Well, I know he wouldn't want us to spend alot of money on him." Everyone seemed to agree but I guess the real decision didn't have to be made right there and then. They just needed to know so that they could embalm him. They ended up taking him to get an autopsy, although it was pretty obvious he had a heart attack...since he didn't have a real doctor they could not state a cause of death without one.

This had been the first of many decisions that I ended up having to make. His mom couldn't handle planning anything so it all ended up on me. I figured this out pretty much when his mom looked to me to make the cremation decision but for sure on the next day, or maybe it was the day after that...but whenever it was that we met with the funeral director for the first time. I figured that Chris would've wanted it this way anyways so I took on that role with pride. I wanted to do everything right, and everything that he would've wanted me to do.

It started with the funeral. And everything that that entails...music, obituary, flowers, pictures to collage and frame...everything. My family was a huge help and ended up doing most of the little things. I ended up doing his hair though. He was a perfectionist when it came to his "do", lol...and I didn't want the mortician messing it up. I prayed for strength before I did it and talked to him the whole time. I could hear what he would say to me in my head. I think I was somewhat out of my body to be able to handle such a thing without even crying. It was just what had become my job...and by God I was going to do it right.

The funeral went smoothly, well as smoothly as can be expected. There were LOTS of people that showed up. Chris was a very outgoing person and had made alot of friends. The friends he made he kept and he'd make more throughout the years. I think they all showed. It was a wonderful outpouring of support.

The one decision that his mother made was to hold off on the burial of the ashes until it was warmer and better weather. Okay fine with me. I had just gone through all of the planning on the funeral and if she wanted to take care of something, then thank goodness. Well...three months later it still hadn't happened. The therapist that I saw one time said that it needed to be done as soon as possible. Until it was, I would not get the closure that I needed. I called and called his mother, and after days of being put off I knew I had to plan this too. So I picked a date and said be there or be square...(well not really, but basically lol) It ended up pouring rain the whole time and we had to stand under umbrellas. I didn't care at all, I just wanted to get the closure and get it out of the way. In a way it was humorous....kinda like Chris saying, you waited all this time for better weather eh?...well you didn't know I could control it now! lol I've always believed that it's like the angels crying when it rains as they bury someone. It was like a sign from Chris that said I'm here for you and I'm going to do what YOU want..cuz obviously you're the boss down there. :) hehe

Then there was the decision to put some in an urn, and what kind of urn, and who would keep it, and what would we do with the ashes. Well, my decision...again....was to bury some of them, (done), wear some around my neck in a necklace, (sooo not creepy by the way. No one can even tell this necklace contains ashes. And, I get to keep him close to my heart this way :), and the rest were going to be spread in the ocean. I had had an epiphany and remembered a conversation with Chris awhile back where he had said just to spread his ashes in the ocean or in a national park. Preferrably the ocean. As soon as I remembered that I booked my flight. I knew a friend in Florida and she unselfishly offered me a place to stay. I took a week off of work and flew there all by myself...well, not really...I had his urn. Which was weird carrying on the plane by the way. I had to get a note from the funeral home that it contained ashes and it had to be in a certain box. They still had to open the box and make sure it was what it was because I guess the exray couldn't see through it. I mean cmon people, I'm not a terrorist here, it's just some ashes, can me move on now? Anyways, off to Florida Chris and I went.

Taking this trip was one of the most healing things I could've done. It was so empowering to be able to do such a thing all by myself. If I could handle this, I could handle living on my own. I said my goodbyes once again as I did what I set out to do. I wrote his name in the sand and I prayed for his presence to make me strong. He sure followed through, because I didn't shed a tear. I even threw away that urn with authority like, I'm done. I'm done with holding you inside, keeping you to myself, and bearing all of this weight upon myself, be free, be free Leslie. Move on to the next chapter in your life and stop worrying about planning. You are done now. You've fulfilled his wishes, it's time to "do you."

So with that, the healing began. That was my final closure, not the funeral, not the burial, but the spreading of his ashes. I started appreciating life to the fullest and carrying a whole new attitude.

I now appreciate that I have to wake up to that annoying, noisy, obnoxious alarm clock because I know that some people didn't get the chance to this morning. I don't mind doing the laundry because I'm thankful we have clothes to wear and bodies to clothe. I don't mind working a crappy paying job because I know there's more to life than money. I don't mind doing dishes because I'm thankful we have food to eat and bodies to nourish. In short, I don't sweat the small stuff. Life is too short to. There's a bigger picture here. I have a whole new perspective on things and I've become a better person because of what I've had to go through. Just think of where I was a year ago and where I am now. The best is yet to come...I have to believe that. I DO believe that....because I will not have it any other way.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 1/12/2011 1:13PM

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. emoticon

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JUSTDUCKY1405 1/4/2011 2:33AM

    And neither will I! Amen!

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SHAN2SHAGG 12/29/2010 12:08PM

    you are so strong and mature! the best is yet to come!!

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LUNADRAGON 12/29/2010 12:08AM

    Precious! Thank you for sharing this story.
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RUN2BEFREE 12/28/2010 5:59PM

    Thank you for sharing this. You really helped to bring perspective to life - let the ones you love know how much you love them.

My God bless you!

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GRAMMACATHY 12/27/2010 12:58PM

    Again, a wonderful and heartfelt blog. Hope you also print and save this one for your children.

Your MIL showed a lot of love and confidence in you. She was gracious to back off and encourage you to make the decisions.

Thank you for sharing.
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BTRTHANEVA 12/26/2010 11:32PM

    Leslie, you are an incredible force of nature, mother, and friend. I am so honored to have made your acquaintance!

.................B - E - L - I - E - V - E................



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WENDYJM4 12/26/2010 5:31AM

    thank you for sharing that. A amazing tribute to the man you loved. emoticon

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MOBEANZ 12/26/2010 12:56AM

    You have to be one of the strongest people I know. God Bless you and your kids.

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DOGMOMMA2THREE 12/25/2010 4:10PM

    Powerful stuff to be reading on Christmas Day but I think your blog is telling us the true meaning of love which is, afterall, what Christmas is all about.

I'm so proud of you that you carry part of Chris with you. When my Dad died he wanted to be cremated and he wasn't too sure what he wanted done with the urn. Mom decided to keep the urn (well actually she bought a beautiful oak box because....get this...she wanted it to match her furniture. Then she decided she didn't want to take "him" when she moved so I have my father's remains and my dog Peaches' remains discreetly displayed in my living room. We get great comfort out of this and often talk to dad....I know people are probably rolling their eyes!

Merry Christmas sunshine!

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LITTLEFLOWER33 12/24/2010 1:40PM

  Dearest Leslie, I have not been on spark for at least a year. I opened it up today and your blog popped up. I just want to send you a big hug and tell you that you are one awesome woman. I was also crying reading your blog and felt so touched by your words and your actions. You have followed up with great goals and all the rewards are yours and you have truly touched my heart and inspired me. God bless you thru the holiday season and during 2011. Have a wonderful day, Kathy emoticon

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KALISWALKER 12/24/2010 11:59AM

    I just read your last 2 blogs and I agree, let those we love know. I hope the sadness is behind you and you can think of Chris with happiness. Merry Christmas and all the best in the new year.

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KAMAPERRY 12/24/2010 11:44AM

    Wow, I am not sure I could have done all that. I was in autopilot mode when my parents passed. We had them cremated right away, according to their wishes. Now I wish I had that necklace, I was creeped out by the thought at the time. You are truly an amazing lady.

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REDRUNNERMOM713 12/24/2010 12:05AM

    You are such a strong woman! I'm sure Chris is so very proud of you!!! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, but look at what it's given you! A new way to live and look at things! emoticon

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TEMPEST272002 12/23/2010 9:45PM

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is both heart-breaking and beautiful, a real testiment to the love you shared with Chris.

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ONEKIDSMOM 12/23/2010 8:17PM

    You are one amazing and strong woman, Leslie... which, no doubt, is a part of what your Chris saw in you. I feel so privileged to read your story. God bless and keep you strong into the future!

Comment edited on: 12/23/2010 8:18:09 PM

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REJ7777 12/23/2010 7:33PM

    Some people allow tragedy to destroy them, because they refuse to accept reality. It really is the kind of event that can make you or break you - by how you react to it. You've choosen to move on with your life and to provide a loving home for your children. I wish you a Christmas that is filled with joy, peace and love! emoticon

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MTLHEAD86 12/23/2010 6:06PM

    What an amazing tribute. Your bravery is epic, your determination is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious ! From doing what heals you to paying it forward in his memory. Your actions are the testament. We have all benefited in some way from your openness, the support and encouragement is its testament. Thank you.


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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/23/2010 4:07PM

    Leslie, you have become such a strong and self-assured woman throughout all of this! I am amazed at your ability to continue to raise your little family, keep the bigger family together, and to move on with your life full of hope and joy! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 12/23/2010 1:53PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Leslie thank you so much for sharing this..Sometimes it really helps to write it out like this.The way you worded yourself was wonderful..The life you two shared was just.."HAPPY".This is all very clear.
Something that helps me is ,"Its not goodbye..Its see you later."
This world will waste away..And we will see our families AGAIN..Then we will be together forever!!
Sometimes I wonder what will I say when we are reunited..GOD is GOOD like that!!
God Bless you~Christina

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RANGERFAN10 12/23/2010 1:05PM

    I read both your blogs, you are such a strong woman I can't imagine what you went through, also I do believe saying "I love you" everyday, I say it everyday a lot of times more then once to my husband, my kids too when I can them on the phone. Hugs to you.

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QUEENJEANINE11 12/23/2010 10:49AM

    There is no doubt that Chris is smiling down at you and is proud . Your strength and love let him continue to live on in your heart and your words we all read about him let anyone who never got the chance to know him just how special and beautiful of a person he was. emoticon

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TASHAFLEA 12/23/2010 10:04AM

    Ah my word my heart is shattered it's amazing that you have come out of it so strong and you are just an incredible person for having the attitude and living your life the way you are. Thank you for sharing!!! Amazing!!!

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AUNTIELES53 12/23/2010 10:00AM

    love how strong you are i'm sure Chris is very happy

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GREENLILY 12/23/2010 9:33AM

    You have such a strong and loving heart... and it only gets stronger when the love of the people we lose are imprinted on it... Live your life to the fullest for the ones you love... couldn't have said it better.

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JENDOOD 12/23/2010 7:37AM

    Amazing, empowering, wow... thank you so much for sharing!

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MRSSIBRAT 12/23/2010 7:16AM

    I think it's a beautiful idea to keep some of him close to your heart..not at all creapy

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CULACCINA 12/23/2010 6:45AM

    I could read this one :)
Closure is really important. Glad you took care of it and made it happen.
More hugs from here.
Love,
Ce.

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WISLNDR 12/23/2010 6:24AM

    What a beautiful tribute to Chris (and to yourself!) Our strength knows no limits when we allow it to grow. Thank you for sharing this and have a peaceful holiday season.

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RAINBOWFALLS 12/23/2010 5:25AM

    I remember when my son died and I had to make the decision about burial and cremation. I said it out loud and my son's girlfriend and other son were there and they seemed horrified with cremation - and so I buried my son.

I do know people with the cremation necklaces and I love the idea. I do wish I had a piece of my son with me, other than the piece in my heart.

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GETFIT2LIVE 12/23/2010 2:16AM

    Thank you so much for sharing this part of your story. I have no doubt that Chris would be quite proud of you for the way you took care of things for him and for his mother, hard as it was. I've seen the necklaces that hold ashes; a friend of mine has some of the ashes from her daughter who died of SIDS in one, and no one can tell what it is. I'm so glad you were able to spread his ashes on the ocean the way he wanted and the closure that brought for you.

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KRYANPRINCESS 12/23/2010 1:33AM

    U are one of the strongest bravest women I know! It's a true honor to call you my friend. May your Angel always keep his arm around you and keep you and your children safe. emoticon emoticon

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ABB698 12/23/2010 1:11AM

    And I thought Part I gave me the chills! Wow, you heart speaks so clearly when you talk about Chris. Your love for each other is amazing, and he will always be with you!
How are the kids handling it?
Many blessings and prayers to you!!

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JHADZHIA 12/23/2010 1:08AM

    Wow! I am so honored to have such a brave, strong, caring and compassionate human being as my friend. You are truly amazing coming out of the depths of despair to turn your life around. Chris would be so proud of you!!
You honor and cherish his memory.
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MPALMER15 12/23/2010 12:41AM

    You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. I hope it brought you further healing because it sure makes me appreciate even more the people in my life. Thank you for that.
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BELLALUCIA 12/23/2010 12:25AM

    You are magnificent, a queen! Remember the past but embrace the future with arms wide open!

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ELEXEY 12/22/2010 11:56PM

    You are so very strong! Thank you for sharing such a touching story. God bless you!

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CIVIAV 12/22/2010 11:54PM

    Nor will I. It is an honor to have you share with me. thanks from the bottom of my heart and I hope it brings another level of closure for you.

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RIP ~ I LOVE YOU

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

This date, December 22nd, is when my beloved boyfriend and the only man my children knew as their daddy, passed away two years ago. It started off like any other day, well actually he had gotten up before I had to help prepare a cheeseball I was bringing to work. Usually he would've slept in since he didn't have to work, (Outside concrete labor), but instead he got up early and made sure the dish was ready. (he was awesome like that :) He handed it to me and we kissed goodbye, said I love you, and out the door I went.

My lunch hour rolled around and I called him as soon as I was on break to tell him that his chocolate-chip cheeseball was a hit and that everybody wanted the recipe. He got a good kick out of that and jokingly said he doesn't give out his recipes. I talked it out of him, told him I was gonna grab a bite to eat and that I'd call him in a little bit. We said I love you again and said goodbye. 30 minutes later he called back. He sounded horrible and said that he needed to call an ambulance. I said do it, and I'm on my way. What hurts? "Chest pains." K, on my way.

I drove like a bat out of hell the whole way home. I made a 20 minute drive into a 10 minute one. The ambulance beat me, thank God. When I rushed up the stairs there must've been a dozen paramedics working on him. They had the table pushed back by the Christmas tree and Chris was laying on the couch. I couldn't get to him, but the minute I got to the top of the steps he looked backwards to see if I was there. He looked awful. He was holding his chest and his legs were wreathing in pain. His eyes would look around but the pain was so intense that I think he was only half-way there.

The paramedic got the heart reading and said they needed to get to the hospital now. They weren't being panicky for Chris's sake, but I knew it wasn't good. The paramedics started to clear out and I was finally able to get close to him. I immediately grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a second....but he didn't squeeze back. Quickly I went and brushed his brow...he was clammy and sweaty. This was not good. I told him I loved him. That's all I could say. Then he was quickly moved to a backboard and brought down the steps. I stood there at the top and as he was carried down and our eyes locked. He looked terrified. Half-way down the stairs I was able to blurt out, "I'll be right behind the ambulance. See you at the hospital." As soon as they got him in the ambulance he suffered from what we would find out to be his 3rd heart attack in a row, the massive one that stopped his heart for good.

I had no idea as I followed the ambulance and frantically called his mom to meet us at the hospital. Once we got there, we were escorted to a small room. The first person to join us was a chaplain. About 15 minutes passed and finally a doctor came in to update us. He told us that he didn't know if we knew this or not, but Chris's heart stopped beating in the ambulance. They were doing everything that they could right now to revive it.

The next hour was the longest hour of my life. I paced the room and prayed harder than I'd ever prayed before. I watched that clock and would look at it every minute it seemed. As time kept going by with no word from a doctor, I prayed even harder. An hour later another chaplain came in. Then two doctors followed a few minutes after. They told us that they thought his heart had been pretty weak and that it was not able to be revived. He had died. I immediately dropped to the floor. His mom started yelling, and all I could do was keep saying no. The doctor would look back and repeat yes.

The whole next week is a blurr. My soul felt like it had dropped out of me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and I'd throw up several times a day due to anxiety. I lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks just due to lack of nutrition. I was a complete and utter mess.

But through the help of God, family and friends, I survived. I made it through the next year taking it day by day, hour by hour, and even minute by minute in the beginning. I knew that God wouldn't put me through more than I could handle, and I was right. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does help. I'm encouraged to know that he would want nothing more than for me to be happy and have done my best to move on with my life. It's still hard at times, but I am stronger now than I ever have been before. I'm not the same woman I was before, I'm a better one.

On this day of remembrance, I just want to encourage one thing. Reach out and tell your loved ones how much they mean to you by simply saying, "I love you." Whether it's your mom or dad, husband or wife, son or daughter, friend or colleage, tell them. I know it sounds cliche to say but it's so true---tomorrow it may be too late! I am SO THANKFUL that I was able to tell Chris that I loved him THREE times the day he died. This has turned out to be something that I'm forever grateful for. So don't wait another minute, tell your loved ones how much they mean to you and squeeze them a little tighter tonight. It may be the last time you'll get to.

~RIP Christopher ~

"The Broken Chain"

"We little knew that day, God was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
You did not go alone, for part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide;
Tho' we cannot see you, you're always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, nothing seems the same, but God calls us one by one, the chain will link again."



I love you, Chris.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICKILYN4 1/26/2011 11:57AM

    So sorry for your loss Leslie. I just lost my dad a week before this past christmas. It's good to know that time will help the pain. Also glad you found another man to love. He seems really sweet. Thanks for sharing.

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F8CONE8 1/12/2011 3:51PM

    Bless you.

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LIBBYFITZ 1/12/2011 1:06PM

    Thank you for letting me know about this blog! A very sad day and I am so proud of how much you have grown through this terrible time in your life. Brilliantly written. emoticon emoticon

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JUSTDUCKY1405 1/4/2011 2:26AM

    And I love you... sorry I missed this originally.

Beautifully written Leslie. Brings huge sorrow to my heart to imagine your pain...

Hugs!

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SHAN2SHAGG 12/29/2010 12:03PM

    thank you for sharing your story. It makes you stronger and relives the memory of him. I lost a baby, so I know what it is like to loose someone close to you. It probably seems like yesterday, but you are doing great for 2 years ago. It has been 6 years for me. wow, time is the ultimate healer!! love,Shan emoticon

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LUNADRAGON 12/29/2010 12:04AM

    emoticon That was frightening. I am so sorry you had this experience.

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RUN2BEFREE 12/28/2010 5:52PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. As I read this, I could not help but tear up to think about what you must have gone through for the past couple of years.

You sound like you have so many fond memories of your boyfriend and that you have embraced life!

May God bless you and keep you close!

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PUNZIE73 12/28/2010 12:22PM

    I had no idea. I'm so sorry for your loss. On a positive note, this testimony of your love is something I'm sure you will always cherish. Thank you for being so courageous and sharing your story with us.

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BYEFATNANNY 12/27/2010 3:36PM

    I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you see his love in your children. Keep his memory close. I also saw your Christmas Blog. It looks like the kids had a great Christmas. Thank you for the lesson of saying I love you, as often as possible. All the best to you and yours.

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GRAMMACATHY 12/27/2010 12:49PM

    I am so sorry for your loss and so impressed by this beautiful testimony of your love. I hope that you printed this blog and saved it for your children when they are older.
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GWENAEL 12/27/2010 12:02PM

  I'm sorry for your loss! I wish you the best and I admire your faith and your strenght! Thanks for sharing your story.

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WENDYJM4 12/26/2010 5:33AM

    So sad for you. An amazing thing to share with us. Thank you
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DOGMOMMA2THREE 12/25/2010 4:01PM

    Leslie,

I'm writing this while sitting safe in my living room with my beloved husband asleep on the couch and my two dogs tired froma busy day.

Thank you for sharing this powerful story and for the reminder to all of us not to take our loved ones presence for granted. Life, as you know all too well, can change in a heartbeat. I will certainly tell my love ones how much they mean to me on this most special day!

I'll start with saying it to you, "Leslie, although we have never met and may never meet face to face, your friendship is one of the main reasons I am continuing along with my journey. Chris is watching you from afar and is so pleased with how far you have come! Thank you for your friendship"


Merry Christmas to you and his children!

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CELEST 12/25/2010 6:17AM

    Its very hard to lose loved ones early in life (not that there's ever a good time). I was also privileged to have my grandson in my arms when he took his last breath. I was able to hold him and whisper words of love into his 1 yr old ears before they put him on the life support (didnt help) he passed away a week later after a brave fight.
I agree whole heartedly....love them while you can, life is fragile and the bible says time and unforseen circumstances happens to us all.

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TRUE-NESS 12/23/2010 9:00AM

    The amount of strength and grace that it has taken you to recount this story in such detail is amazing. God truly is better than good and I'm thankful that you knew/know who to lean on and where your help comes from. May God continue to bless you and your family during this difficult season.

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 12/23/2010 8:54AM

    You are so right about reaching out and telling the people you love that you love them. Right NOW is always the right time.

I'm so sorry that you had to lose the one you love. I think we both know that you are very very lucky to have loved this wonderful person and to have shared a life and children with him. Even so, my heart is broken for you.

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ILOVEDOLPHINS73 12/23/2010 8:42AM

    Like many of the others who commented, I'm crying right now. I'm so sorry for your loss, but proud of you for still embracing life. It's wonderful to have happy memories of important people in your life. God bless you and your kids and stay encouraged. Tanya

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HEALTHYASHLEY 12/23/2010 8:38AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing woman and he was lucky to have you there with him until the end. Thank you for sharing your story.

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APATRICIAO521 12/23/2010 8:34AM

    what a heartbreaking story. My thoughts are with you as you remember your love this holiday season...

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WHITTLELEELEE 12/23/2010 7:51AM

    Oh hon, I'm so sorry for your loss. Its wonderful though that in the time you spent with him you shared such a great love.
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MRSSIBRAT 12/23/2010 7:12AM

    this made me cry...you are right and thank you for reminding us of just how fragile life is.

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SWEETNEENI 12/23/2010 6:45AM

    Gosh, I'm a mess after reading that, I can't even imagine living it.

emoticon you friend.

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BECOMESTRONGER 12/23/2010 5:58AM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can relate. My birthday was on the 21st and I shared it with my sister, who passed away in 2006. She was only 26. It's a hard day for me and I miss her more with every birthday that passes.

You are so right that we need to tell our loved ones we love them, because tomorrow can be too late. Life is too short to hold grudges and always cherish the time we have with our loved ones.

Thank you for sharing your story.

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RAINBOWFALLS 12/23/2010 5:15AM

    I too have lost loved ones way too early in thier lives and I know what you mean about telling people how you feel. Many times life is too short.

take care. emoticon

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LZY0108 12/23/2010 1:49AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KRYANPRINCESS 12/23/2010 1:25AM

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JHADZHIA 12/23/2010 12:58AM

    This so brought tears to my eyes reading this. So very sorry you and your children had to suffer this great loss :(( You are a wonderful tribute to his love.
It is always a tragic reminder to make sure you let your loved ones know how much you feel about them because some day you might not get the chance.
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GRANPATTIE 12/23/2010 12:29AM

    Your love for him, and his for you, showed through this so clearly. I know how hard it is, as my husband died 6 years ago. It will get better as you go along. You'll always remember, but you'll remember more of the good times. You and your children are the biggest tribute to his life.

You're in my prayers tonight.


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ABB698 12/22/2010 11:32PM

    You and Chris were very lucky to have each other, and I know you miss him, but each time you look at the beautiful kiddos, you see the piece of Chris you will always have with you. Thank you for the reminder to cherish those we love and COMMUNICATE our feelings to them on a daily basis. My dh and I always end every phone conversation with I LOVE YOU.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
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HHOLMES07 12/22/2010 11:01PM

    It sounds like you two really meant a lot to each other. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. Just remember he is always watching over you.. emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 12/22/2010 10:26PM

    God bless you, what a beautiful tribute. Love you, girl, emoticon

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EACHDAYNCHOICE 12/22/2010 10:19PM

    Thank you for sharing your story and your self. you are a loving reminder of the things that are truly important this season. many blessings to you and yours.
Michele emoticon

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TEACHINMOM 12/22/2010 9:56PM

    What an awesome reminder and beautiful tribute! Sorry for your loss!!
Once again, you are an amazing, strong woman!!
THANK YOU for sharing! My Papa (grandfather), who I grew up with and was very close to, passed away this day in 1999, and I WISH I had had the opportunity to tell him just one more time that I loved him, that he was special to me!! Tomorrow isn't a guarantee.......that's a fact. Cliche sounding or not, we all need that reminder!!! THANKS again.
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ELLFIN3 12/22/2010 9:32PM

    Your are a truly beautiful soul!!! I am sorry for your loss! But you have handled this with grace and dignity!!! You are learning and you are better for having known him!!! God Bless and Keep you!!!
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Susan

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TEDYBEAR2838 12/22/2010 8:19PM

    That was an awesome tribute. Thank you for sharing.

emoticon MERRY CHRISTMAS emoticon

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REJ7777 12/22/2010 7:32PM

    As I was reading the details you lovingly wrote out about your last morning together, I couldn't help but think about how valuable the "ordinary" is. How significant the things we take for granted in our every day lives really are.

Thank you for the reminder not to take those we love for granted. And I'm SO glad that you got to tell and show Chris that you loved him on that last day! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/22/2010 7:32:51 PM

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HDHAWK 12/22/2010 7:23PM

    Sending hugs to you today. What a beautiful love you had. Thank you for the reminder to tell those closest to us how we feel about them.

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 12/22/2010 7:15PM

    emoticonWell I guess I can say that we both have something in common..
On this day in 2001 my fiancée past away..I found him dead.His name was Todd emoticon
Your right..GOD is there..He was there with Chris the whole time..And he his there with you now.
I hope you have found happiness..As for me,I am married with a little boy.I know it is hard..We will never stop loving them that is for sure.
God Bless you my friend~~Christina emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/22/2010 7:17:20 PM

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AMBIEROB 12/22/2010 6:34PM

    Sorry about your lose! emoticon

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SHERLYN-WILL 12/22/2010 6:31PM

    He sounds like a beautiful soul for sure! YOU were so blessed to have loved him and he you!

HUGS

PRAYERS and Love for you!

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SWEETYKINS012 12/22/2010 6:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CIVIAV 12/22/2010 5:59PM

    Leslie,

Thank you so much for sharing your story of love reminding us all of how we want to cherish those we love.

emoticon for all of you and many of them!

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RAVENSONG37 12/22/2010 5:45PM

    What a sad, terrible experience and such a perfect, loving reminder to all of us. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you feel that his love lives on through you, his family and friends who remember him and who pass his love along to others. Hugs.

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SEXYSLIM78 12/22/2010 5:35PM

    emoticonGirl you got me crying right now and im sorry that you had to go through that and the children. Three years ago on Christmas morning my father was rushed to the ER. He had liver disease and needed a transplant although with the waiting list he probably still wouldnt have made it. When he got to the hospital is kidney's completed failed and was put on dialysis. Along with that, he had a host of other problems too. But to make a long story short. My dad knew it was his time to go. When he went to Atlanta to see if he could get put on the National Liver Donor list i believe they probaby told he that his life was soon ending:( But he didnt tell no one. At least not me. Probably to protect me. But as he laid in the hospital bed he was telling us to make funeral arragements and im just like dad please stop talking like that. Well the night b4 he died, as i was leaving for the night, i kissd him and told him i love him. And he looked at me like thank you baby. The next morning he died. So on December 28th, it will be three years. And yes time helps, but it still hurts. Be encouraged. emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/22/2010 5:37:13 PM

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GETFIT2LIVE 12/22/2010 5:27PM

    What a difficult thing to go through! I hope knowing that he knew you loved him and were there for him helps bring some measure of comfort to you. I am forever grateful that I was able to say 'I love you' to people who have passed away before they were gone, and I say it often to my family and friends now. It can never be said too often.

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JODY22002 12/22/2010 5:13PM

    (((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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TEENY_BIKINI 12/22/2010 5:03PM

    I am just constantly amazed by your beauty and strength and courage.

Constantly.

Thank you.

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/22/2010 5:02PM

    Leslie,
I'm so appreciative that you wrote this today. I know today is very hard on you. I know we all have those days where we lost a loved one and feel sad. But your situation is pretty devastating. Maybe sharing your story will help others during this holiday season. We all take so much for granted and get so caught up in the shopping, wrapping, cooking, etc, that sometimes we forget to just enjoy each other. I'm going to forget worrying about if the house is clean enough, or the food is perfect enough, or the presents are right enough, and just be happy that family members will be here. I will just enjoy visiting with them and be forever grateful for right now.
Thank you for the reminder of how important life is.
JoAnne
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MMCCAIG 12/22/2010 4:40PM

    emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/22/2010 4:31PM

    emoticon emoticonLove you, Leslie.

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Lessons From Geese

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Geese flying in a V-formation has always been a welcome sign of spring as well as a sign that heralds the coming of winter. Not only is this a marvelous sight, but there are some remarkable lessons that we can learn from the flight of the geese, because all that they do has significance.

1. As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for others behind it. There is 71 percent more flying range in V-formation that in flying alone.

~Lesson: People who share a common direction and sense of purpose can get there more quickly.

2. Whenever a goose flies out of formation, it feels drag and tries to get back into position.

~Lesson: It's harder to do something alone than together.

3. When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into formation and another goose flies at the head.

~Lesson: Shared leadership and interdependence give us each a chance to lead as well as on opportunity to rest.

4. The geese flying in the rear of the formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

~Lesson: Encouragement is motivating. We need to make sure our "honking" is encouraging - and not discouraging.

5. When a goose gets sick or wounded and falls, two geese fall out and stay with it until it revives or dies. Then they catch up or join another flock.

~Lesson: We should stand by our colleagues in difficult times.

- Angeles Arrien




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUNADRAGON 12/29/2010 12:10AM

    I love this. We used to have Canadian geese rest in the corn field behind our last residence. I loved hearing them and watching them (Connecticut)
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The closest I could get to a goose, lol!

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GRAMMACATHY 12/27/2010 12:41PM

    This was a great lesson.
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TRANSFORMWE 12/22/2010 11:57AM

    Yes! Lots of lessons from our feathered friends. Thinking of you today. Be well.

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CINCYDORA 12/21/2010 9:27PM

    What a wonderful message!! Thank you so much for sharing.

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KAMAPERRY 12/21/2010 5:40PM

    Amazing and awesome lesson emoticon

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THATS_LOVELY101 12/21/2010 5:39PM

    You always find the neatest stuff!

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PRYCELESS1 12/21/2010 5:00PM

    That is so amazing.Thanks.

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REJ7777 12/21/2010 2:30PM

    We have so much to learn from nature. What an amazing illustration of teamwork a flock of geese is!

Like the geese, we take turns supporting one another on SP, because each of us, in turn, needs encouragement and support.
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IUHRYTR 12/21/2010 1:53PM

    No one is an island isolate from everyone else. -- Lou

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JHADZHIA 12/21/2010 1:02PM

    I knew a lot of the facts of geese, except the one about when one is sick and falls, two others join it! Humans could really learn a lot from them!!!
Thank you for your wonderful support!!

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MPALMER15 12/21/2010 12:59PM

    Wow! This is awesome! I didn't know this stuff! Living in Florida, we have tons of geese here right now. I hear them honking as they fly over my house. We knew when we bought this house that it was on a navy base flight path. What we didn't know is that we are also on the Geese Flight Path, lol. Thanks for posting this. It rings totally true.

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ELLFIN3 12/21/2010 12:50PM

    emoticon There are a lot of lessons to be learned from the animals!! Thanks so much for sharing these wonderful lessons with me!!! Enjoy your Tuesday!!! Spark on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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TEACHINMOM 12/21/2010 12:50PM

    Awesome blog!! Thanks for sharing.
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TERRIJWALL224 12/21/2010 12:43PM

    thanks for sharing!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/21/2010 12:41PM

    I LOVE THE WAY YOU ALWAYS HONK!!! Encouraging! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CIVIAV 12/21/2010 12:39PM

    This blog so totally has me crying I can't believe it! I started out saying, oh yes, I know this geese thing but I really didn't think of it in relation to Spark People. Now I can and it Sparked the absolute love I have for everyone I've met in the past few months!

We really are such beautiful geese!



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That's OKAY!

Monday, December 20, 2010

This weekend was...alright. Well, yesterday was great but I was feeling pretty down on Saturday...actually, I've been kinda down for a couple of weeks. The anniversary of his death is approaching and I was trying to keep my spirits up and just let it be ''another day.'' But I realized something...no matter how hard I try, or how much I don't want it to affect me, it is...and it's going to. And THAT'S OK! It is OK to miss him. It's okay not be superwoman and it's okay to feel a little down. It's unfortunate that it has to come the week of Christmas but there's just nothing I can do about it. It is a blessing in disguise in a way, and especially was the year he died. All of the presents and Santa was a great distraction and gave the kids something to be happy about, even in the midst of tragedy. The same rings true this year. The joy Christmas brings to a child is priceless and I'm thankful they have this holiday to focus on instead of the loss they suffered.

Yesterday I brought the children to an assisted living home to pass out Christmas cards. This was my way of honoring their father's memory and paying it forward. It helps make it seem that his life was not in vain and also it makes me feel good. They say there's no better gift than the act of giving and I believe that to be so true.

The residents at the home were so appreciative! We got hugs, I got a kiss on the cheek, and one lady even let us into her secret stash of cookies, lol! A few of them just thanked us, over and over again. It was like they couldn't say it enough. I even saw one ladies eyes well up with tears as she wished us a Merry Christmas. It was an amazing feeling and one that I'm so glad I was able to share with my kids. My daughter was really touched and she did such an awesome job of talking to the residents with me. She stood right by me the whole time and was not shy at all. She's never met a stranger and was very sweet to everybody. Now my boy on the other hand, he's a little ADHD and was more interested in all of the Christmas decorations than handing out cards to people he didn't know. I think he still benefited just as much as my daughter though, because he knew why we were there and observed what we were doing. He knew what was going on and absorbed it in his own way.

My daughter loved this act of paying it forward so much that she not only wants to make it a yearly tradition, but a monthly one! She thought it was so neat that we were doing this and didn't want to leave when we were finished. We agreed to do something like this every couple of months, maybe on every little holiday like Valentines and Easter. I think I've started something great here....and that makes my heart smile! emoticon

So in a couple of days is that dreaded, awful, nasty date of his death. I'm not going to pretend that I'm superwoman and won't feel a thing. It's going to hurt, it's going to sting, and basically, it's going to suck! Writing the date out on my forms here at work, even today, makes my stomach turn every time. It's so close and I know when Wednesday rolls around, I'm going to feel that churning in my stomach even more. I'm even thinking of pre-filling my forms with the date tomorrow, so that I don't have to write it and feel that feeling in my stomach. I'm nervous, I'm a little depressed, and I'm just plain missing him. But remember what I said? That's OKAY! I'm entitled to feel this way! So please, if I haven't seemed like myself I apologize. And if I don't seem like myself the next few days, that'd be why. No need to worry about me though...I have a guardian angel that's going to make sure I make it through this and that EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY! emoticon


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMMACATHY 12/27/2010 12:44PM

    You know too that the Seniors enjoyed being needed by you and your children too. It gives their lives value.
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TRANSFORMWE 12/22/2010 4:42PM

    What a great new tradition to come from this immense grief! And I really love your realization--that of course it's going to hurt, but it will still be okay. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers today and ongoing.
Hugs!

Comment edited on: 12/22/2010 4:49:48 PM

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KAMAPERRY 12/21/2010 11:30AM

    Hugs, and check my blog. I had an awesome talk last nite. emoticon

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RUN2MYDREAMS 12/21/2010 7:29AM

    I sit and read what you've written and I see how far you've come and how much you have grown. You are a beautiful person, Leslie, both inside AND out. I will keep you in my prayers-tomorrow especially!
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CULACCINA 12/21/2010 5:40AM

    Oh, I hear you, girl.
It's going to be hard, but I guess we'll be ok, right?
Hugs from here.
Ce.

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PRYCELESS1 12/21/2010 3:11AM

    Big hugs. You can get through this. Will be thinking of you. emoticon

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/21/2010 1:44AM

    I know the holidays are especially hard when you've lost a loved one. Like you said, you don't have to be superwoman. Just be with family and friends and try and get through the holidays as best you can. You've done a lot to honor his memory. Your also making new memories, and that's what counts. Please take care.
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ABB698 12/21/2010 1:35AM

    emoticon you are amazing!!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

I love what you did with the kids and how touched your daughter was and wants to continue the tradition more often!

You rock!!!

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BELLALUCIA 12/21/2010 1:23AM

    We love u!

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MY_HEALTH_BABY 12/21/2010 1:18AM

    Leslie,
My heart goes out to you at this time..God bless! You are a woman of tremendous strength and courage!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CIVIAV 12/21/2010 12:15AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SHERRY257 12/20/2010 11:50PM

    You really touch my heart. It is so awesome that you have taught your children the joy of giving and sharing. It is fantastic that in the face of grief you spread joy. I will pray for you and your kids on the anniversary of Chris's death . You are an amazing person. emoticon

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ELLFIN3 12/20/2010 9:01PM

    It will be OK and you will survive!! You will be even stronger! You have started a wonderful tradition with the Kids! Hang in there and know we care about you and will be here for you!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KARBIE18 12/20/2010 7:48PM

    What a great realization, that it's okay to be affected by this anniversary. Acceptance is big, and, I'm so glad you got that superwoman thing out of your system. Expecting THAT from yourself would not be okay. What a wonderful person you are, and an amazing mother. Be kind to yourself and know that you are more than enough.

Hugs,
Karen

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MPALMER15 12/20/2010 7:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IUHRYTR 12/20/2010 7:38PM

    We all have deaths to deal with and often it is difficult but we have to go on regardless. What choice do we have but to be strong and try to remember the good times we had together? -- Lou

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REJ7777 12/20/2010 7:05PM

    You're handling this time of grief with so much maturity! You're teaching your daughters that it's OK to grieve. You're also teaching them how to honour a loved-one's memory by paying it forward, in spite of the grief. I'll be asking God to comfort you on that particularly painful day. emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 12/20/2010 6:38PM

    What a great way to look at it. It took me a long time to realize that I could feel like crap because of my son's death. It has been many years, but there are still times I have a heavy heart and you know what It Is OKAY!

Great example you are setting for you children too. Giving back is a great feeling.

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LZY0108 12/20/2010 6:38PM

    I think that you are 100% right. It's very Okay to allow yourself to feel these things. I could not even imagine it... I had a friend who lost a child and she tried to block out the anniversary by working that day and try to ignore it, and she said it was a horrible mistake. She felt so much worse. She wished she just allowed herself to mourn. I think its so important to allow yourself to feel things, even the bad or sad things. That's how we heal...

I think you did an amazing thing bringing your children and those cards... I worked at a retirement home for a long time and just being acknowledged and listened to would make there day.. Youve just inspired me to do something like that too. Thanks! emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/20/2010 6:13PM

    Love you, Leslie! You're going to do fine, and yes! It's OK for you to feel the way you do! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JHADZHIA 12/20/2010 6:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I can't imagine the depths of your pain, so very sorry :((
I love that your precious child wants to keep interacting with the home residents. All too often, some of them never receive any visits and are so lonely. You will be a source of sunshine and happiness into their sad lives..
My thoughts will be with you during this trying time..

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The Voice of Reason wins again! TAKE THAT!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Well, it’s that time of year again where there’s treats and goodies every which way you turn. There’s holiday parties to attend, traditional cookies and candy to make, tins of popcorn to gift, and work-place potlucks galore. How do you handle temptation after temptation? How are we expected to NOT gain weight when we have all of these treats at our disposal?

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I thought I had it all planned out. I would bring my snacks and have my tummy full of the healthy stuff so I’m not even tempted at that plate of cookies this kind customer just brought in for our staff. Then came the box of chocolates. Then the TWO tins of popcorn….the loaf of banana bread, the bag of truffles, the mint chocolate cookies, the oh so tasty cheese ball…Oh crap, homemade fudge!?!?! Make it STOP!!!

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Then I caved. I found myself indulging in a little bit of this and a little bit of that. At the end of the day I might as well have written ‘’FAILURE’’ across my forehead because that’s what I completely felt like. What happened to my plan? What happened to the Sparker who was determined to NOT gain over the holidays? My inner self had a conversation that went a little something like this….

emoticon Self, why did you go straight for that box of chocolates? Don’t you know that that is your weakness and you quickly failed by succumbing to it?

emoticon Hey now! I haven’t had a chocolate from Russell Stover’s since last year at this time! I never get chocolates as a gift and I think that this one time will be okay. PLUS, I only had ½ of the two pieces I took.

emoticon TWO pieces? Where is your control??

emoticon But…but…I only NIBBLED them! AND I threw them out because they weren’t my favorite kind and I wasn’t going to waste the calories on something that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy! Last year I would’ve eaten them all plus I’d have gone back for more until I DID find my favorite kind. So take that!

emoticon So what about the cookie? It had icing on it that you KNOW is loaded with unneeded calories. Why would you have chosen that kind of cookie?

emoticon Because I made the smart decision to look at my choices and see which one would really be WORTH those calories! Last year at this time I would have tried them ALL! There would’ve been no choosing, just plain pigging out!

emoticon Okay, you are obviously forgetting about the cheese ball you oinked out on! Don’t you know how bad that cream cheese is for you? You’re such a fatty and are going to gain all of this weight back!

emoticon *Sniff* NO I’m not!! The fact that I’m aware of EVERYTHING I put into my mouth is a success in itself! The old me would’ve gone to town on this food! I wouldn’t even have packed a breakfast and considered this junk my breakfast! Then, I would’ve gone back for seconds as soon as I got back from lunch, and then maybe more before I left for the day. Heck, who am I kidding, I would’ve grazed over that food like it was my personal buffet! I would not have given second thought to serving sizes or the caloric count, just to which cookie I would’ve eaten first! Now it’s WHICH cookie am I going to eat! PLUS, I ended up throwing away a chocolate I didn’t like. The old me would’ve never done that! Throw away a decadent piece of heaven that the starving kid in Africa is missing out on? No way! YESSS way! I did that! I am NOT going back to being overweight and miserable. AND, I know that even if I do gain a few pounds over the holidays, I have the tools and support of SparkPeople to lose it again! All of this IS a SUCCESS and don’t you think for a second that it’s not!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

And with that, the inner voice of reason won again!




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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDRUNNERMOM713 12/23/2010 11:37PM

    Way to go for being so aware of all of that! Great will power you have had!

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CIVIAV 12/21/2010 12:18AM

    How empowering to have that little voice inside, eh? That's you! emoticon

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CHOESCH 12/20/2010 3:05PM

    MMMMM....Chocolate! LOL! I have that little devil sitting on my shoulder as well. We had a vendor bring in 6 different kinds of Cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory. OH those naughty vendors. It is hard to stay away from all of the goodies during the holiday - I'm proud of you for logging all your food even the bad stuff and recognizing that you can't just eat everything in sight. You've come a long way baby! Keep trying and NEVER give up - WE WILL NEVER GO BACK!!!
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Cathy

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RUN2MYDREAMS 12/20/2010 12:41PM

    Leslie you absolutely ROCK emoticon emoticon I'm so very proud of you! You give that emoticon a emoticon You are mindful of so much and I can see how much you've grown. emoticon emoticon

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AUNTIELES53 12/18/2010 11:29AM

    great job :)

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ELLFIN3 12/17/2010 1:10PM

    Fabulous blog!!!!!!! Love the attitude with which you tackle things and problems! You are a great inspiration!!!! Enjoy your day!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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LZY0108 12/17/2010 12:21PM

    I love your blogs! They give me encouragement and a little bit of knowledge with each read.. Thank you! emoticon

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CULACCINA 12/17/2010 8:21AM

    Oh, I have the same kind of dialogs, but the difference is that my evil guy always denies eating unhealthy stuff, and the good guy feels bad because he does have a consciousness and he remembers all the snacks :P

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MONKEYSNUFFER 12/17/2010 12:06AM

    I love your inner dialogue LOL

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RAINBOWFALLS 12/16/2010 9:07PM

    Great job!

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MCSNYDER1 12/16/2010 8:25PM

    There you go again----being great at what you do!

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ARTHURTOM 12/16/2010 7:24PM

    ...and with this, you have grown.

I attended a party today held by my water aerobics class. There was a gift exchange. Guess what I got? A big box of chocolates! I only have had two pieces and, yup-I'm gonna track 'em with everything else I've had.

Learning from your past instead of beating yourself up about the past or failures helps you to grow beyond those things and truly enjoy all of the things life has to offer. emoticon

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TEACHDIANN78 12/16/2010 5:51PM

    Ohhh...that dang devil tries to win every time...but he won't! GRRRR...You did good!!! WOOO HOOOO! I would like to tell you that I have had a box of Russel Stover's chocolates in my house. I have no more than 2 a day! haha. I do not care...I want chocolate! emoticon Good job friend, good job!!

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MTLHEAD86 12/16/2010 5:39PM

    That's so awesome to read the inner conversation you had. I like how without hesitation you told those demons HA! I'll show you! I went ahead and marked it on the calendar, you THREW AWAY...chocolate! ;) I'm not positive but there may be chocolate police, if so, plead not guilty by reason of self-control!



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IUHRYTR 12/16/2010 5:32PM

    Don't even allow the negative thinking to enter your mind that even if you do gain a few pounds over the holidays. This time of season has the same seven days a week as any other time of year. Don't throw away success simply because it is "the holidays." Stay on track and you will feel so much more empowered and confident when the season is over and you have actually lost a pound or two instead of gaining. emoticon Be strong! -- Lou

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RANGERFAN10 12/16/2010 4:10PM

    You are doing a great job, it is so hard when all these goodies come into work. We got a package of home made fudge emoticon but so far, only had one piece yesterday, I might have one piece today if I feel like (it does have nuts in it those are good for you right?)

Then this mints to DIE for, but I only allow myself one after lunch (52 cals) the old me would have probably eaten half the box by now.

You will do fine, because you are awesome!

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ELLFIN3 12/16/2010 3:40PM

    emoticon for you!! You did not let the evil self win!!!! You can do this!! And you are right it is better to have a bite or two and enjoy than deprive yourself and then binge! Enjoy the rest of the day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/16/2010 3:43:28 PM

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KNITNYAK 12/16/2010 3:11PM

    Leslie, you are the bomb! It is so great to make those changes that stick, and even better to be aware of how far you have come! You inspire me! emoticon

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THATS_LOVELY101 12/16/2010 2:46PM

    emoticon

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JHADZHIA 12/16/2010 2:32PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Well done Leslie!! I would NEVER throw out a perfectly good piece of chocolate, not with all those poor starving children in Africa ;).
But I am very careful to make sure its something I like if I have it, and fortunately I am too fussy to like most of what is out there. Just plain dark 90 % cocoa for me only :)
Don't know how you got past the cheese ball. Cheese has been my biggest weakness. I went from having a 900 g (31 oz) package a week to one slice a night, that was my biggest accomplishment, diet wise..
Keep up the great work! You rock!!


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CASILAYNE 12/16/2010 2:17PM

    I can completely relate. I have had very sweet students giving me all sorts of wonderful treats. I've been doing great with them (shoveling them back down my student's throats. :)). But then today Mrs. LaMaster brought in cookies...homemade....by Mrs. LaMaster.....Every teacher looks forward to her cookies and hope they have a LaMaster just to have the mom's cookies. All right fine, it's not the most teacher-y reason to have a student, but it works.....Anyway, it boils down to I've already eaten 3. So, off to the church they go. :)

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KAMAPERRY 12/16/2010 2:00PM

    This is awesome!! You smack down that little red devil!! emoticon

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LRUPE01 12/16/2010 1:21PM

    I love this blog!!! So appropriate for this time of the year!! The important thing is to not deprive yourself but have it in moderation. Great job!! We can do this!! emoticon

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KANSASROSE67 12/16/2010 1:06PM

    I LOVE this blog...actually, it could be MY little voices talking! Big smile coming your way! :-D

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FLGIRL1234 12/16/2010 1:02PM

    I love this blog! Yep, its all about beating our inner demons. When we are aware that we are changing our thought process, the couple of treats here and there won't matter because we have control this time around. Good for you on changing the way you think and do things around food. You are learning all the right things on changing your life for the better!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 12/16/2010 1:01PM

    Oh, Leslie, you SO make me SMILE! emoticonI love your inner voice of reason! Mine is very quiet, you see, and I wish it were louder! emoticon emoticon!!! Thank you for the wonderful blog! emoticon

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